Friday, February 25, 2011          Edition: #4450
Bully For You!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Today in NYC 56-year-old actor Kelsey Grammar is reportedly marrying for the 4th time, and following the nuptials he & 29-year pregnant wife Kayte Walsh will host a reception for 150 guests in the Plaza Hotel’s Grand Ballroom (there goes all the money leftover from alimony payments!) . . . Meanwhile, Kelsey’s most recent ex-wife, Camille, has landed a gig helping to host CNN’s live Oscars coverage from the red carpet on Sunday night (this is called milking a divorce) . . . “Entertainment Weekly” reports “American Idol” (FOX) will soon announce it’s adding online voting for the first time, allowing viewers to use their Facebook accounts to reach a dedicated “Idol” voting page featuring all current contestants . . . Actor Randy Quaid & wife Evi’s bid to stay in Vancouver and avoid the so-called ‘Hollywood whackers’ has been given a boost after she’s been granted citizenship because her father is Canadian and she’s now applied to sponsor her hubby’s residency request (just what they need – more loonies in Lotusland) . . . Actor George Clooney tells “Newsweek” he could never pursue a political career because he’s done ‘too many chicks’ and ‘too many drugs’ (sounds like a platform!) . . . Wildman actor Charlie Sheen has reportedly spent $790,000 on cars in the past month for soon-to-be ex-wife Brooke Mueller, his new girlfriend Natalie Kenly, plus a Bentley and a Porsche Turbo for 2 of his adult film star friends (nice to see he’s investing wisely) . . . Meantime, his estranged wife Brooke Mueller is said to still be living in Sheen’s home with their twin sons while she waits for him to buy her a new home (these kids have no hope of turning out normal) . . . And CBS-TV is reportedly discussing a future for the sitcom “Two-and-a-Half Men” that does NOT include Charlie Sheen (for this show, euthanasia would truly be ‘mercy killing’).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Academy Awards” (ABC/CTV) – Sunday actors Anne Hathaway & James Franco host the 83rd edition of the Hollywood film honors from the Kodak Theatre. “The King’s Speech” leads nominations with 12, followed by “Inception” and “The Social Network” with 8 apiece. Musical performers include AR Rahman w/Florence Welch (Florence & The Machine); Gwyneth Paltrow; Mandy Moore & Zachary Levi (“Chuck”); and Randy Newman.
NET: http://www.oscars.org/awards/academyawards/index.html
• Golden Raspberry Awards (Los Angeles) – Saturday the 31st “Razzie Awards” for the worst of the year from Hollywood are announced at the Barnsdall Gallery Theatre. “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” and “The Last Airbender” each have 9 nominations for the dishonors.
NET: http://www.razzies.com
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Janelle Monae (“The ArchAndroid”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Tonight Matthew Morrison (“Glee”).
• “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV) – Today 66-year-old legendary Motown singer Diana Ross performs her 1980 hit “I’m Coming Out” and is joined by her children and grandson.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Tonight Kem (“Intimacy: Album III”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight 1960s R&B singer Darlene Love.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Dave Matthews Band – They’ll host four 3-day music festivals across the US this Summer, multi-stage events featuring a wide array of diverse musical acts with DMB performing a headlining set each night. Exact locations, lineups, and ticket info will be announced shortly.
• Doobie Bros – Saturday night founding members Pat Simmons & Tom Johnston perform for the first time ever at Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry, alongside their touring band members.
• Tim McGraw – He tells CNN’s “American Morning” he may someday pursue a political career but it will be a long way down the road, after his kids are grown.
• U2 – The Edge has confirmed they’ll headline the Friday night roster at this year’s “Glastonbury Festival” in Britain, a year after they were forced to pull out due to Bono’s back injury. They’re expected to play the track “Glastonbury”, which they had written especially for their performance last year. The festival, which runs June 22-26, is already sold out.
• The White Stripes – After dissolving the band earlier this month, Jack White says he will never form another new one. He tells “Q” magazine he’s quite content playing with The Raconteurs and The Dead Weather, and he may do some work as a solo artist.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Drive Angry 3-D” ( R-Rated Action Comedy ): Nicolas Cage plays a felon who breaks out of hell on a mission to prevent the cult who murdered his daughter from sacrificing her baby. He’s aided by a young waitress (Amber Heard) and her ex-boyfriend’s muscle car. Co-stars William Fichtner.
NET: http://www.driveangry3d.com
• “Hall Pass” ( R-Rated Comedy ): The latest Farrelly Bros film stars Owen Wilson & Jason Sudeikis as a couple of married guys who are given a week off from their marriages to do whatever they want without consequences. But they get a little ticked when their wives start having fun on their own as well. Co-stars Christina Applegate, Jenna Fischer (“The Office”).
NET: http://hallpassmovie.warnerbros.com
• “Never Say Never: Director’s Fan Cut” ( 3-D Biopic/Concert ): A new version of the Justin Bieber movie with added footage begins an exclusive one-week run. It’s said to include more of Justin’s friends and hometown life, new songs and performances, and special footage shot at fan premieres across the country.
NET: http://www.justinbieberneversaynever.com

RAPID RUBBER BULLETS:
The US Army is planning to field ‘rubber bullets’ for machine guns, which officials claim will allow them to more effectively quell violent protests without loss of life. Human rights campaigners, however, are alarmed by the possible new weapon. While the final design for the XM-1044 round has not been selected, a leading contender is a hollow plastic cylinder 40 mm across, looking something like a short toilet-paper roll. (As a weapon, we find leftover giftwrap tubes are more effective.)
– NewScientist.com

FAST WAYS TO BURN CALORIES:
Everyday ways to boost your metabolism while at work or at home …
• Walk It Off – Build in more walking to-and-from work, at lunch, around the home or office. Stand up while you’re on the phone or paying bills.
• Waste Steps – Take an indirect path to the copier, the coffee machine, up-and-down the stairs at home. Wear a pedometer, shoot for 10,000 steps every day.
• Workplace Workout – Instead of sitting in a chair at your desk, sit on an exercise ball 30 minutes every hour to burn more calories and stabilize your core muscles.
• Widen Blood Vessels – Twice an hour, draw as much air into your lungs as you can, hold for 5 seconds and breath out. This helps combat fatty sludge in your blood vessels.
• Watch & Move – Don’t watch TV sitting down; every time there’s a commercial, get up and do something. Watch from a treadmill or an exercise bike. Stay upright. Keep moving.
– Condensed from “Best Health”

BOOZE AND WOMEN’S SLEEP:
For the sleep deprived, alcohol is a fickle mistress. A glass of wine may help you go down for the night, but a few too many can send your sleep cycle into a tailspin. But until very recently, what no one knew was that for women, this is particularly true. It’s just one more way in which scientists say alcohol affects women differently than men. (Men drink; pee on a tire; pass out.)
– TheDailyBeast.com

GET OUT OF MY FACE:
According to studies on the subject, you start getting antsy when someone comes within 70 cm (28 inches) of your face. At 50 cm (20 inches) it gets hard to breathe, and at 30 cm (12 inches) you’re liable to punch someone or scream. Researchers say that when your personal space is invaded you automatically get tense and edgy. (This explains why a minute in an elevator seems interminable.)
– UPI.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
Experts researching the origins of the raised middle finger as a physical expression have now traced the gesture as far back as ancient Greek and Roman times. (“Hey toga boy, quit tailgating my chariot!”)
– “The Finger: A Comprehensive Guide to Flipping Off”

BS CHRONOMETER 02.25.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1965 [46] Carrot Top (Scott Thompson), Rockledge FL, clown-haired comedian who relies on wacky props/bad cosmetic surgery victim

1966 [45] Tea Léoni, NYC, movie actress (“Fun With Dick & Jane”, “Jurassic Park III”)/long-suffering wife of actor David Duchovny

1971 [40] Daniel Powter, Vernon BC, one-hit-wonder pop singer (“Bad Day”)

1971 [40] Sean Astin, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (“Lord Of the Rings” trilogy, “50 First Dates”)

1975 [36] Chelsea Handler, Livingston NJ, comedian/TV host (“Chelsea Lately” since 2007)

1976 [35] Rashida Jones, LA CA, TV actress (‘Ann Perkins’ on “Parks & Recreation” since 2009, “The Office” 2006-09)/movie actress (“I Love You, Man”, “Little Black Book”)

SATURDAY –
Oldies keyboardist Jonathan Cain (Journey) is 61; Pop singer Michael Bolton (“How Am I Supposed to Live Without You”) is 58; Rock bassist Tim Commerford (Audioslave/Rage Against the Machine) is 43; R&B/pop singer Erykah Badu (“Bag Lady”) is 40; Pop/rock drummer Chris Culos (OAR) is 32; R&B/pop singer Corinne Bailey Rae (“Put Your Records On”) is 32.

SUNDAY –
Oldies guitarist Neal Schon (Journey) is 57; Country-rock singer Johnny Van Zant (Van Zant/Lynyrd Skynyrd) is 51; Pop singer Chilli Thomas (TLC) is 40; Operatic-pop singer Josh Groban (“You Raise Me Up”) is 30.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Clam Chowder Day”, a day to add a little heat to your Winter with a bit of bacon, onion, and flour; some diced potatoes and a can of clams, simmered in clam juice and milk. Add lots of black pepper. Nummers!
• “Don’t Utter a Word Day”, because the world is made up of talkers and listeners … and the listeners need a rest.
• “Lumberjack Day”, honoring a tough job that’s become a popular sport … logging games.

SATURDAY –
• “For Pete’s Sake Day”, which asks the pressing question, ‘Just who the hell is Pete, anyway, and why would we do anything for his sake?’
• “International Sword Swallowers Day”, the 4th annual day of recognition for practitioners of the ancient art. Demonstrations are scheduled at Ripley’s Believe It or Not! museums worldwide. There’s actually a Sword Swallowers Association International which, among other things, administers the ‘Injured Sword Swallower’s Relief Fund’.
NET: http://www.swordswallow.org/events.php
• “Levi Strauss’ Birthday” (1829-1902), the man who created the first Levi’s blue jeans for California’s gold miners in 1850. Without him, many of us wouldn’t have a wardrobe.
• “Open That Bottle Night” … you know, the one that’s gathering dust in your wine cellar, or maybe that 20-year-old bottle of Scotch you were given as a gift. What are you saving it for?
• “Tell a Fairytale Day”. Yeah, inflict some of the most violent stories ever written onto your innocent, unsuspecting child. (“Fee, fi, foe, fum …”)

SUNDAY –
• “Polar Bear Day”, declared by non-profit conservation group Polar Bears International to heighten awareness of the declining population of the big white guys of the Far North.
NET: http://www.polarbearsinternational.org
• “Read 5 Pages in the Dictionary Day”. Just think, if you do this each day for a year … you’ll be really, really boring.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [07] Mel Gibson’s controversial film “The Passion Of the Christ” is independently released in about 2,000 theaters (thanks to grassroots promotion the $30-million film goes on to gross over $600 million worldwide)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1995 [16] Madonna’s biggest hit, “Take A Bow”, reaches #1 on pop charts and stays 9 weeks

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1940 [71] 1st ‘Televised Hockey Game’ (NY Rangers vs Montréal Canadiens on W2XBS-TV in NYC)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1896 [115] ‘Largest Chicken Egg’ on record is laid by a Black Minorca hen in England (the 5-yolk egg weighs nearly 12 ounces and measures 12.25 inches around the long axis and 9 inches around the short axis)

COMING UP . . .
[Mon] Floral Design Day
[Mon] Tooth Fairy Day
[Mon] Rare Disease Day
This Week Is … Eating Disorders Awareness Week
This Month Is … Return Shopping Carts To the Supermarket Month

BULL’S BITS

BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – You will feel cleansed this week after a visit to a proctologist ends with sexy results. Or at least, you’ll prefer to think of them as sexy though your nightmares may last until the Autumn.
• Taurus – You’re as transparent as a blast of canned air. Try to be more complex by wearing hats that are clearly too small for your head.
• Gemini – You will find that if you deliberately mispronounce ‘sir’ as ‘sair’, you can answer a lot of questions with either ‘yes air’ or ‘nose hair’.
• Cancer – Pretending to pick fleas off a new staff member may seem appealing, but the gag may be on you when you actually find some.
• Leo – You will find that it is true, everything is better with the addition of either chocolate or garlic. Well, except for running shoes, that is.
• Virgo – Let the golden Sun of happiness burn away your inner fog of disgruntlement. After all, gruntled people are more fun!
• Libra – Try to ensure that you go out tonight wearing the underwear with the really strong elastic.
• Scorpio – It’s time to get a new perspective on your job. Try to think of work as a great big funhouse … just without the fun.
• Sagittarius – Love is such a simple thing, especially when you’re involved. So how about taking a break from getting involved and trying a hands-off experience for a while?
• Capricorn – Fate may try to speak to you today through a kitchen appliance.
• Aquarius – You may find that people laughing at your jokes are actually laughing at the way in which you pronounce the words ‘schlong muckney’.
• Pisces – With all you’ve been through you should be glad that this week will actually come to a close.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
If you don’t have someone tracking you down, you haven’t exhausted your credit options.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
According to ancient Greek physician Hippocrates, you can stop hiccups by forcing yourself to do what?
a. Sneeze. [CORRECT]
b. Burp.
c. Toss your cookies.
– Halife.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the strangest food item you’ve snuck into a movie theater?

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• How will Easy-Bake Ovens work when there are no longer any incandescent bulbs?
• What if there was a war and both sides surrendered?
• Do quarter horses have only one leg?
• If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made of meat?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Doing THIS 3 times a day will actually make you happier.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Giving someone a compliment.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Unwritten laws can not be erased.


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