Monday, February 26, 2018 Edition: #6164

Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

★ Prince Harry has invited his ex-girlfriends to his wedding. He will tie the knot with actress Meghan Markle on May 19 and he has asked his two former longterm loves, Chelsy Davy and Cressida Bonas, to attend the ceremony. Markle’s former husband Trevor Engelson has not been invited. Funnily enough, the film producer is currently working on a TV show about a divorcee who marries into the Royal Family.
(Did a bell just ring?)
★ Carrie Underwood’s husband Mike Fisher is setting the record straight: He and his wife are doing just fine, thank you very much. Fisher posted a Bible quote on his Instagram over the weekend, right after a gossip magazine reported that he and Underwood were headed towards divorce. The passage read: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts” In a follow-up comment, Fisher wrote that the couple “have never been better”.
★ Victoria Beckham is nursing a stress fracture after falling on the slopes while skiing in Canada, according to reports. The former Spice Girl-turned-fashion icon hit the slopes with her family after her recent London Fashion Week show, and it appears she took a tumble and almost suffered a real winter break.
★ Canadian Olympic ski cross racer Dave Duncan is apologizing for “behaviour that demonstrated poor judgement” after being released from jail following an alleged drunken joyride at the Pyeongchang Games. The Canadian Olympic Committee confirmed in a statement Sunday that Duncan, his wife Maja and Canadian technical coach William Raine had been detained by police in South Korea and were now released. An investigator said the two Canadians and an American woman were arrested for allegedly drunk driving and stealing a Hummer. Impaired driving in South Korea can result in imprisonment up to three years or a fine of up to $11,750 Canadian.
-Yahoo, Cosmopolitan
★ A follow-up docuseries to Netflix’s outrageously popular 2015 series “Making a Murder” has begun production. The eight-episode series, called “Convicting a Murderer”, will focus on the State of Wisconsin’s highly controversial case against Steven Avery and his nephew Brendan Dassey for the 2005 murder of Teresa Halbach. Convicting a Murderer is not the sequel to Making a Murderer, but is described as a follow-up. No premiere date has been announced.
★ Kylie Jenner’s good for business … if you’re in the Twitter business. Snapchat’s market value dropped by $1.5 billion after Kylie Jenner tweeted that she doesn’t use the app anymore. As of Friday’s market close, it was still going south.
-TMZ, Uberfacts

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Oprah Winfrey, Timothee Chalamet, Andra Day & Common ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): John Lithgow, Kelly Clarkson, Kacey Musgraves
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jennifer Lawrence, Patton Oswalt, MGMT
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Uma Thurman, Jimmi Simpson, Stephanie Wittels Wachs
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Johnny Galecki, Steve Harvey, Nate Fernald
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Nick Kroll, John Mulaney, Olan Rogers, Debra DiGiovanni
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): James Kennedy, Lauren Wirkus
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Guest co-host Meredith Vieira
• “The Talk” (CBS): Jay R. Ferguson, Johnny Galecki, Lindsey Kraft, the winner and final evictees from “Celebrity Big Brother”
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Laverne Cox, Freddie Highmore
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Heidi Klum, Tonya Harding
• “The Voice” (NBC): Season 14 premiere. Kelly Clarkson will join “The Voice’s” longtime coaches Adam Levine and Blake Shelton.
• “Jonestown: The Women Behind the Massacre” (A&E): A look at the four women behind the 1978 Jonestown Massacre in Guyana.
• “Living Biblically” (CBS): Season premiere. Chip loses his best friend, which spurs him to form a “God Squad” that includes a priest and a rabbi to help translate the Bible’s rules to the modern world.

• Common – is among the newly announced performers for this year’s Academy Awards. Mary J. Blige, Gael García Bernal, Andra Day, Natalia Lafourcade, Miguel, Keala Settle and Sufjan Stevens will also perform this year’s nominated songs at the 2018 Oscars on March 4.
• Camila Cabello – is among the performers scheduled for this year’s iHeartRadio Music Awards March 11. Also on the bill: Ed Sheeran, Cardi B, Maroon 5, Charlie Puth, and Bon Jovi, who will be awarded the first-ever iHeartRadio Icon Award. Hailey Baldwin and DJ Khaled will host.
• Ed Sheeran – despite rumors which were sparked when he was seen wearing a gold ring on his wedding finger, he denies he has secretly married his fiancé, Cherry Seaborn. He did say, however, that when it happens, the world most likely won’t be given any advance notice.
• Jon Legend – fans are finally getting a first look at him in the NBC live concert version of ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’. In a 40-second clip, Legend is seen rehearsing for his role as Jesus with music producer Harvey Mason Jr. on piano. The special, which also stars Alice Cooper, will air live on April 1, Easter Sunday.
• Robin Thicke — he and April Love Geary are parents of a new baby girl. The couple’s daughter arrived on Thursday afternoon. Thicke announced the birth by posting a sweet video Saturday on Instagram.  This is Thicke’s second child — he is father to 7-year-old Julian from his marriage to Paula Patton.
• Bob Seger – still doesn’t know if the emergency back surgery that forced him off the road last year has ended his career. Quote: “I hope this pain goes away, ’cause they can never really guarantee it — and if it doesn’t, then I’m done”. In the meantime, he’s using his recuperation period to prepare himself for writing new material.
• Neil Young – has revealed the artwork and track listing for the archival album ‘Roxy – Tonight’s the Night Live’, which will be released in April. The album includes live performances of most of the songs included on the ‘Tonight’s the Night’ album, which was recorded in 1973 but not released until 1975.
• The Crystals – Barbara Alston, a singer for the ’60s girl group that made its name with hits like ‘Then He Kissed Me’, has died at the age of 74, due to complications from the flu.
• Carrie Underwood – has donated $10,000 to the GoFundMe campaign for Checotah, OK Assistant Police Chief Justin Durrett who is recovering from injuries sustained in a rollover crash. The two have known each other since they were kids.
• Sam Hunt – will headline this year’s Firestone Legends Day concert on Saturday, May 26 at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the day before the 102nd running of Indianapolis 500.

There is nothing more exciting than the day that your vacation countdown reaches zero, and you are headed for the airport. A Japanese company is offering that exact thrill, without the actual trip to the airport. Or the flying part. First Airlines is giving passengers the whole in-flight experience — without taking them anywhere. It is a virtual reality experience in which paying “passengers” are handed a boarding pass and directed to their Airbus seats in re-created business and first-class cabins. With their VR headsets, “travelers” experience a simulated takeoff and landing, including going through all the safety instructions, the in-flight announcements and sounds of aircraft engines, plus they’re served in-flight meals, drinks and snacks by flight attendants during their 111-minute “flight”. How much? $46. $56 for first class. Why would you do this? We’re not sure. But the chances of mid-flight calamities are significantly less than that of a real flight…
(Then it’s over, and you’re are at the same place you started, just like your flight was grounded?)
(I’d still probably get jet-lag!)
(I can’t seem to get on-board with this idea!)

One of the great traditions of Easter has to be the Cadbury Easter Creme Egg. Or is that the Easter ‘Crem’ Egg? Last week, the company sparked outrage over the pronunciation of its beloved Easter product when a sweet-toothed fan tweeted Cadbury, asking the correct way to pronounce ‘Creme Egg’. Cadbury replied that it was “pronounced as crem”. As you can imagine, lives were changed. Online commenters were outraged, even going as far as to say things like, “So it doesn’t taste like a Creme Egg any more and now it doesn’t sound like a Cream Egg.” The company beat a hasty retreat, erasing their earlier tweet, and posting that, “ it looks like we missed out the ‘a’ there! Most definitely pronounced as ‘Cream’ egg!”
(Well, Easter DOES fall on April Fool’s Day this year…)
(Next question: why does my kid bounce off the walls every time he eats one of those things?)
-Twitter, Standard

➢ Keep eye contact: Eye contact conveys competence and trustworthiness. (And keeps you from staring at the broccoli in their teeth!)
➢ Smile: Don’t underestimate the power of smiling, a simple and effective way to convey warmth. (So learn to properly fake one!)
➢ Show enthusiasm: Show enthusiasm and energy, also known as charisma. This not only draws people to you, but it is contagious.
➢ Put your phone away: And keep it there until your conversation or meeting is over. (You can do that?)
➢ Give a firm handshake: Not too hard, certainly not limp and soft, and with no dominance play. People decide whether or not they like you within seconds of meeting you. A firm handshake can contribute largely to that first impression.
➢ Call people by their name: The next time someone greets you by name or uses your name mid-conversation, remember how great that feels. (But for God’s sake, don’t get it wrong!)
➢ Stroke egos: Flattery grabs people directly by their ego and is therefore extremely effective. Just don’t overdo it. (You had me at “awesome”…)
➢ End a conversation right: Your final words can leave a lasting impression on a person, so use them right. Send people off with a genuine remark like, “I enjoyed getting to know you,” or, “I’ll remember our conversation.” (Or “And stay out!!)
(I don’t NEED to be more #%**&@%#! likeable!)
(Nothing here about not picking your toenails in public? Good.)


1953 [65] Michael Bolton, New Haven CT, pop/soul singer (‘When a Man Loves a Woman’, ‘How Am I Supposed to Live Without You’)

1968 [50] Tim Commerford, Irvine CA, rock bassist (Rage Against the Machine-‘Killing in the Name’, Audioslave-‘I Am the Highway’)

1971 [47] Erykah Badu (Wright), Dallas TX, R&B singer (‘Love of My Life’, ‘Bag Lady’)/mother to Puma, Seven, and Mars

1982 [36] Nate Ruess, Iowa City IA, pop singer (fun.-‘Some Nights’, ‘We Are Young’)

• “For Pete’s Sake Day”, which asks the pressing question, ‘Just who the heck is Pete, anyway, and why would we do anything for his sake?’

• “Levi Strauss’ Birthday” (1829-1902), the man who created the first Levi’s blue jeans for California’s gold miners in 1850. Without him, many of us wouldn’t have a wardrobe.

• “Personal Chefs Day”, an annual reminder to consider hiring a private chef for a day, a unique way to entertain friends and business guests in your home. It’s not as costly as you might think.

• “National Cupcake Day”, saluting those fabulous little cakes that don’t count as cheating on your diet ’cause they’re just small … right? In Canada, the day is a fundraiser in which people are asked to ‘bake a difference’ to support animal shelters, SPCAs, and Humane Societies.

• “Tell a Fairytale Day”, Yeah, inflict some of the most violent stories ever written onto your innocent, unsuspecting child. (What’s the scariest of all-time? “Fee, fi, foe, fum …”)

• “World Pistachio Day”, betcha can’t eat just one! BS FACTOID: Once upon a time, pistachios were sold in a bright red color which left your hands a vivid hue of cherry. Dying the shell red covered up imperfections and stains. But today, a more mechanized harvesting process means that the nuts are picked, hulled and dried before the shell has a chance to become stained or marked, so there is no need to dye them.

[Tues] Kahlua Day
[Tues] World Spay Day
[Wed] Chocolate Soufflé Day
[Wed] National Science Day
This Week Is…Telecommuter Appreciation Week
This Month Is…National Embroidery Month

2009 [09] NFL quarterback Tom Brady of the New England Patriots and supermodel Gisele Bundchen tie the knot in a twilight wedding at St Monica’s Church in Santa Monica, California

2017 [01] 89th Academy Awards: A mix-up causes Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway to mistakenly announce ‘La La Land’ as ‘Best Picture’ winner. ‘Moonlight’ is eventually correctly declared the winner, after La La Land producers had begun their speech. Other winners: ‘Best Actor’: Casey Affleck, ‘Best Actress’: Emma Stone

2006 [12] Avril Lavigne and Ricky Martin are among the artists who perform at the closing ceremony of the 20th Winter Olympic Games in Torino, Italy

2012 [06] Rain forces the postponement of the Daytona 500 auto race for the first time in the event’s 53-year history

1983 [35] Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album reaches #1, then spends a total of 37 weeks there


✓ When a bald eagle loses a feather on one wing, it will lose a feather on the other wing just to keep its balance.
✓ The smell of chocolate can be calming and help you relax.
✓ Male pilots and female physical therapists are most likely to get right swipes on the ‘Tinder’ app.
✓ The later in the school day a test is taken, the lower the student’s scores, according to research.
✓ The “navel” on a navel orange is actually a second, conjoined twin orange.
✓ People who eat spicy foods tend to live longer.

• If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor?
• Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
• Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
• How can something be “new” and “improved”? if it’s new, what was it improving on?
• Why aren’t drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
• Is a pessimist’s blood type ‘B-negative’?
• Why is it that when we “skate on thin ice”, we can “get in hot water”?
• Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it?
• If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

Single dad Matthew Carroll has collected real quotes from toddlers in his book “Can I Sit On Your Lap While You’re Pooping?” Here are some of the funniest and most philosophical …
• “Have you ever been to the butt store?”
• “I checked the computer and it said you were dancing wrong.”
• “It’s a good idea to pee in the swimming pool because you can’t see it.”
• “What if you threw up on the whole world?”
• “I want to drink out of an udder.”
• “Is a sandwich a vegetable?”
• “Fairies like to fart, you know.”
• “The wind tastes like candy.”
• “I don’t know how to say goodbye.”
• “It is going to take me a long time to grow up.”
-First published in BS in 2016

• What’s the nicest thing a stranger has ever done for you?

I’ve learned so much from my mistakes that I’m thinking of making a few more.

Question: There are 41 of these in the average household. What are they?
Answer: Light Bulbs

The time that you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

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