Monday, February 4, 2013          Edition: #4918

A Bull in Hand Is a Sheetload of Prep!

• Saturday night Ben Affleck became only the 3rd-ever movie director to pick up a “Directors Guild of America Award” without an Academy Award nomination since 1948. He missed out on a ‘Best Director’ Oscar nomination for “Argo” a month back but has since picked up honors at the Critics Choice Awards and the Golden Globes, among other citations, and on Saturday added the “DGA” for ‘Best Feature Film’ to his haul.
• “Girls” creator Lena Dunham, who took home the “DGA” for ‘Best Comedy Series’, is expanding her TV credentials by writing a new show based on “All Dressed Up & Everywhere to Go”, the memoirs of a stylist to the stars. Dunham, who writes, directs, and stars in “Girls”, will re-team with the show’s exec producer on the new project, which will also appear on HBO.
• The co-stars of the movie “Ted” will appear at the February 24th “Academy Awards”, organizers have confirmed. Mark Wahlberg and the film’s foul-mouthed teddy bear will appear at the ceremony hosted by Seth MacFarlane, who voiced the bear and directed the comedy, which hit the bigscreen last June. The two join a lineup that already includes Adele, Norah Jones, and Barbara Streisand.
• Actor/comedian Robin Williams has spoken up to assure fans he is alive and well following online rumors suggesting that he had fallen to his death while filming a movie in Kitzbuhel, Austria. Williams was alerted to the Internet hoax over the weekend and took to to state that the story is totally untrue and that he is busy on his stand-up tour of the US.
– “Jam! Showbiz”
• The niece of Scientology head David Miscavige is about to lift the lid off of Scientology in a way few before her have ever managed. Jenna Miscavige Hill, who left the secretive organization in 2005, has penned a new book, “Beyond Belief: My Secret Life Inside Scientology & My Harrowing Escape”, which hits stores Tuesday. Among her revelations: She was made to work 14 hours a day, 7 days a week as a child, with just 1 hour a day to connect with family.
• And “Bullet To The Head” star Sylvester Stallone has waded into the assault weapons debate, insisting no civilian should have access to the big guns his characters use in action movies. Sly appears to back new laws to prevent people from purchasing semi-automatic weapons because he doesn’t think the guns are necessary for self-defense. Quote: “Who needs an assault weapon? You can’t hunt with it and who’s going to attack your house … a f–ing army?”
– AP

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Vintage Trouble (“The Bomb Shelter Sessions”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Matt Dusk (“My Funny Valentine: The Chet Baker Songbook”).
• “How I Met Your Mother” (CBS/CityTV) – A lost music documentary about Robin’s (Cobie Smulders) past as a Canadian pop star is the excuse for tonight’s guest appearance by a slew of Canuck celebs including Alex Trebek (Jeopardy!”), Geddy Lee (Rush), singer kd lang, Paul Shaffer (“Late Show”), and Steven Page (ex-Barenaked Ladies).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – R&B/jazz singer Anita Baker (“Only Forever”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Katharine McPhee (“Smash”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Elvis tribute artist Cody Ray Slaughter.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Michael Bolton (“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough: A Tribute to Hitsville USA”, out February 26th).

• Beyoncé – Quote from Super Bowl press conference: “I am a perfectionist, and one thing about me, I practice until my feet bleed.”
• Drake – He’s up for 3 trophies at this year’s “Grammy Awards” on February 10th, and will also celebrate the night by releasing a new single entitled “Started From the Bottom”.
• Frank Ocean – In a message on his website Saturday, he revealed that he will not press charges against Chris Brown, whom he claims ‘jumped’ him last week in that well-publicized parking lot fracas. Quote: “I’ll choose sanity. No criminal charges. No civil lawsuit. Forgiveness, albeit difficult, is wisdom. Peace, albeit trite, is what I want in my short life. Peace.”
• Gary Allan – This week “Set You Free” has become the first #1 album of his career on the all-genre ‘Billboard Top 200’.
• Jay-Z – “Entertainment Weekly” reports he’s working on the soundtrack for a modern-day film adaptation of the musical “Annie” that will be produced by Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith.
• Justin Timberlake – Not only will he perform at the “Grammy Awards”, he’ll stage a comeback gig afterward at LA’s Hollywood Palladium. It’ll be his first live solo performances since 2007.
• Lady Gaga – Her former personal assistant, Jennifer O’Neill, is suing for $380,000 over an alleged 7,168 hours of unpaid overtime during the 2010 “Monster Ball” tour. The embittered PA claims she was forced to cater to the star’s whims 24/7, even made to sleep in the same bed … in order to be ‘on-call’.

Australia got rid of its penny in 1966; New Zealand stopped issuing both 1- and 2-cent coins in 1989; South Africa in 2002. The economics are clear-cut: It makes no sense to keep circulating a 1-cent coin that costs 1.5 cents to produce. Today Canada becomes the latest to dump the penny as the Royal Canadian Mint ceases distribution. The estimated saving for taxpayers from phasing out the coin is $11 million a year. As of today Canadian cash transactions will have to be rounded to the nearest 5-cent increment, but electronic transactions will still be calculated down to the individual cent. (The price of putting your ‘two-cents-worth’ in just went up!)
– Condensed from

Couples who eat lots of fruit feel friskier in the bedroom. A survey by Cape fruit company finds that both men and women are ‘more ready for sex’ after eating strawberries, bananas, or grapes. Of those polled, 54% say they feel sexier when they eat more fruit than usual, and one-third say they have twice as much sex as a result. (Of course the fruit company had nothing at all to gain from this ‘scientific’ study.)

Actual occupations from olden days that seem a tad far-fetched in today’s world …
• ‘Gong Farmer’ – In Tudor England, a gong farmer’s job was to empty the town toilets, a hideous gig which did have its perks. Typically, a gong farmer would ‘mine’ the waste for any items of value before tossing it into the river.
• ‘Knocker-Up’ – In British towns of yore, these people were responsible for going from house-to-house to wake workers in the mornings. The title, not surprisingly, came from the sound they made rapping on windows.
• ‘Lungs’ – Such cruel irony! These were people employed to fan the fire in an alchemist’s workshop. Because alchemists were constantly trying to make gold out of lead and other base metals, you can only imagine the kinds of dangerous things the ‘lungs’ were inhaling.
• ‘Ratoner’ – A rat catcher who served a vital role in maintaining the health of villagers. He would add to his income by taking the rodents to the town pub, where dogs made a sport of devouring the day’s catch. This was considered great entertainment by saloon regulars.
• ‘Sin-Eater’ – For a fee this specialist would scarf down a meal placed on the chest of one’s deceased loved one. It was thought that letting food lie atop the corpse for a while absorbed the dearly departed’s transgressions. And once the food was gobbled up – so long sins!
– Condensed from

Japanese apparel stores are testing a new way to attract shoppers … digital mannequins that model the piece of clothing you’ve just picked off the rack. The system uses an innovative hanger that signals a computer when it’s picked up by a consumer; the computer then displays the clothing on a model on a nearby screen. The new technology is part of a trend among bricks-and-mortar retailers who are trying to match the personalized shopping experience provided online. (“This outfit looks so much better on my avatar …”)
– “Boston Globe”

Four years ago the University of Regina became the first in Canada to offer its graduates a guarantee: Find a meaningful job within 6 months of graduation or get another full year of classes at no cost. To achieve that end, the university developed a co-op program that matches students with potential employers, plus introduced learning initiatives teaching students how to find employment. Is it working? 97% of the students now get employed in a career of their choice. A student must meet several requirements in order to qualify for the guarantee, including maintaining a 70% average. (And not taking bird courses like ‘Art Appreciation 101’.)
– Adapted from

• Chimpanzees have a secret handshake. (A palm-slide with a double fist-bump?)
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Female crickets eat male virgins. (Bummer, you die AND you’re still a virgin.)
– BBC News


1948 [65] Alice Cooper (Vincent Furnier), Detroit MI, classic rocker (“School’s Out”, “Eighteen”)/syndicated radio personality (“Nights With Alice Cooper”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2011)

1969 [44] Duncan Coutts, St Catharines ON, rock bassist (Our Lady Peace-“Somewhere Out There”, “Clumsy”)

1975 [38] Natalie Imbruglia, Sydney, Australia, pop singer (“Torn”)/former Mrs Daniel Johns (Silverchair) 2003-08

1975 [38] Rick Burch, Mesa AZ, rock bassist (Jimmy Eat World-“Pain”, “The Middle”)

1977 [36] Gavin DeGraw, South Fallsburg NY, pop singer (“In Love With a Girl”, “I Don’t Want to Be”)

• “Halfway Point of Winter” as 45 days of the season have passed and the equivalent remain before the beginning of Spring. (Did we hear a giant sigh?)

• “Thank a Letter Carrier Day”, your chance to say thanks to the person who delivers your mail.

• “World Cancer Day”, an annual observation to encourage the prevention, detection, and treatment of cancer. It is led by the International Union Against Cancer, a global consortium of more than 280 cancer-fighting organizations in over 90 countries.

1987 [26] Flamboyant Las Vegas entertainer Liberace dies of pneumonia caused by AIDS at his Winter home in Palm Springs, California (the HBO bio-film starring Michael Douglas & Matt Damon, “Behind the Candelabra”, airs this Spring)

2004 [09] Online social networking site Facebook is founded by Mark Zuckerberg (and how many thousands of hours have you wasted since?)

1977 [36] Fleetwood Mac releases the landmark album “Rumours” (the band’s 2013 reunion tour starts April 4th in Columbus OH)

1978 [35] The Bee Gees’ “Staying Alive” hits #1 on pop charts

2008 [05] NASA transmits The Beatles’ “Across the Universe” in the direction of the star Polaris, 431 light years from Earth, to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the song’s recording, the 45th anniversary of the Deep Space Network, and the 50th anniversary of NASA

2008 [05] London, England establishes the ‘Low Emission Zone’ (LEZ), whereby diesel-powered commercial vehicles that do not conform to emission standards are charged a fee to enter the city

1982 [31] ‘Indoor Distance Record for a Paper Airplane’ set at 154 ft or 47 m (Tacoma WA)

[Tues] “Smash” season debut (NBC)
[Tues] Weather Forecasters Day
[Tues] Western Monarch Day
[Tues] World Nutella Day
[Wed] Digital Learning Day
[Wed] Girls & Women in Sports Day

Children’s Authors & Illustrators Week / Dump Your Significant Jerk Week / Freelance Writers Appreciation Week / International Coaching Week / International Friendship Week / International Networking Week / Just Say No to PowerPoint Week / Publicity for Profit Week / School Counseling Week


Highlight bits culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• You’ve recently ordered a ‘Happy Meal’ … to get the toy.
• You own underwear or PJs with cute little cartoon characters on them.
• You know who the “Teletubbies” are … in fact, you can name them all.
• You’ve played the board game “Clue” with adult friends.
• You’ve recently attended a costume party.
• You’re wearing a cute little barrette you bought in the girls’ department, and on weekends your hair is in pigtails.
• You pay extra for the Band-Aids with pretty designs on them.
• You think Jell-O is really cool.
– First published in “BS” 2004.

■ “Absquatulate” . . . to leave or disappear.
■ “Acknowledge the corn” . . . admit shortcomings.
■ “Biggest toad in the puddle” . . . important person.
■ “He has a brick in his hat” . . . he’s drunk.
■ “Cold as a wagon tire” . . . dead.
■ “Seen the elephant” . . . seen it all, got the T-shirt.
■ “Got the mitten” . . . dumped by sweetheart.
■ “Plug ugly” . . . rowdy troublemaker.
– First published in “BS” 1997.

☎ How do you clean your eyeglasses? Puff some moist breath on, then wipe it off with your necktie? Although there are countless products on the market, many optometrists recommend good old dish detergent, says “Wall Street Journal”. It’s said the best way to clean your glasses is to run them under warm water and put a tiny drop of dish-washing liquid on the tip of your fingers to create a lather on the lens. Then rinse with warm water, and dry with a clean, soft cotton cloth. Do NOT use your shirttail! It can scratch lenses.

How many islands make up what are known as the ‘British Isles’?
a. 50
b. 500
c. 5,000 [CORRECT. Actually over 5,500, more than any other country except Canada.]
– “Coffee News”

The days are getting longer now, which gives us more time to look outside and see how rotten the weather is.

Question: 13% of kids admit they’ve hidden THESE from their parents in their socks.
Answer: Vegetables.

The best defense is a good offense.

Fran Curry @ Tipp FM Tipperary, Ireland; Jamie Charles of Wethersfield CT; Christine Hugo @ 99FM Windhoek, Namibia; Kedrick Johnson @ K-Fat 929 [KFAT] Anchorage AK; Adam Mac @ Classic Rock 102-5 Deniliquin, Australia; Christopher Whitey @ CPR Rocks [WCPR] Gulfport MS; and Nathan Carr @ Variety 104 [CKLG] Cornwall ON.

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