Tuesday, February 7, 2012        Edition: #4685


Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Self-absorbed actress Gwyneth Paltrow intends to buck the Hollywood trend and ‘embrace her wrinkles’, according to her latest interview with “Harper’s Bazaar” (let’s see if she’s still saying that when she actually gets some) . . . Animal rights organization PETA is urging film fans to boycott Liam Neeson’s new movie “The Grey” after the actor admitted eating wolf stew in preparation for the role (ick, the guy should go on “Fear Factor”!) . . . Brit actress Lily Collins (“The Blind Side”) has apparently moved on to another Hollywood heartthrob following her split from “Twilight” actor Taylor Lautner; she’s been spotted on a date with Zac Efron (“High School Musical” and, most recently, “High School Musical”) . . . Ratings for Rosie O’Donnell’s talk show on Oprah’s OWN network have flat-lined to a relatively small 200,000 and 30 employees have now been let go as the show has shifted to a smaller studio (look on the wall – there’s writing!) . . . Famous person Kim Kardashian has shot down rumors that she’s dating New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez (apparently that was also an incomplete pass) . . . Meantime, 25-year-old former reality star Kristin Cavallari, who’s engaged to Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler, says they won’t be getting hitched until after she gives birth (oops, somebody scored a touchdown) . . . ABC-TV’s “Pan Am” is most likely going to be canceled, but it wasn’t a complete waste of time for 31-year-old star Christina Ricci as she met her new boyfriend on the set, dolly grip James Heerdegen (‘dolly grip’ – is that a job or a ‘position’?) . . . And actor Hugh Grant is reportedly asking the movie producers behind “Bridget Jones 3” to delay making the film until they can find a script that doesn’t totally suck (will that even be possible?).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Alabama Shakes (“Boys & Girls”, out April 10th).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – 50 Cent (“Before I Self Destruct”).
• Juno Awards – Nominees for all 41 categories at the upcoming 41st Juno Awards are announced in Toronto. The hardware’s handed out April 1st in Ottawa.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Blake Shelton (“Red River Blue”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – The Cranberries (“Roses”, out February 28th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – The Fray (their 3rd album, “Scars & Stories”, is released today).
• “The River” (ABC/CTV) – 2-hour series premiere of a new drama about the crew of a state-of-the-art research vessel on a quest to find a missing TV explorer in the Amazon. Stars Bruce Greenwood, Joe Anderson, Leslie Hope.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Céline Dion – Her manager-hubby Réné Angelil is rumored to be part of a group of investors secretly negotiating to buy what’s arguably the most famous restaurant in Montréal, Schwartz’s Delicatessen, known for its Montréal Smoked Meat. The story is yet to be confirmed.
• Chris Brown – He’s set a new record, with 1 billion streams of his videos through VEVO. His most-viewed is “Look At Me Now” with 146 million streams, while 15 others have passed 20 million streams each.
• Dierks Bentley – Today his 6th studio album, “Home”, is out. “Am I The Only One” was the 1st single from the disc and became his 8th career #1 country hit.
• Foo Fighters – Dave Grohl has signed on as an executive producer for a new sitcom on FX created by comedian Dana Gould, who will also star. According to “Deadline Hollywood”, the as-yet-untitled show is about a rock band on the verge of stardom that hires a therapist to keep them from breaking up.
• Lana Del Rey – The 25-year-old “Born to Die” singer, who previously recorded an album under her real name Lizzy Grant in 2009, tells “Vogue” magazine she may quit music again because she has ‘nothing left to say’.
• Limp Bizkit – Feeling bad you haven’t managed to stick to your New Year detox? Take solace in the fact Fred Durst has struggled too. He started a Tumblr documenting the progress of his 60-day juice diet but hasn’t updated it since January 12th. He’d already cheated twice by then.
• Paul McCartney – His new album “Kisses On the Bottom” is out today, featuring covers of standards originally by Ella Fitzgerald, Fats Waller, and Sam Cooke; as well as 2 original songs. Diana Krall & her band, Eric Clapton, and Stevie Wonder collaborated on the project.
• Sean Kingston – He’s been hit with a lien against his property after failing to pay taxes from 2009. “The Beautiful Girls” hit-maker owes over $130,000 from 3 years ago, according to official documents obtained by TMZ.com.
• Van Halen – Today their new album, “A Different Kind Of Truth”, is released. It’s their first original studio album with singer David Lee Roth since the band’s classic “1984” release. They hit the road for a North American tour beginning February 18th in Louisville, Kentucky.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:

• “Anonymous” ( PG-13 Drama ): A political thriller advancing the theory that it was in fact Edward De Vere, the Earl of Oxford who penned Shakespeare’s plays; set against the backdrop of the succession of Queen Elizabeth I and the Essex Rebellion against her. Stars Rhys Ifans, Vanessa Redgrave.
• “A Very Harold & Kumar 3-D Christmas” ( R-Rated Comedy ): The 3rd film in the series takes place 6 years after their Guantanamo Bay adventure as stoner buds ‘Harold Lee’ and ‘Kumar Patel’ inadvertently burn down a prize Christmas tree. Stars Kal Penn, John Cho, Neil Patrick Harris. Shot in Detroit, Michigan.
• Also released today: “Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Love Never Dies” (Musical); “Curious George: Saves the Day” (Animation); “Elmo’s World: Favorite Things” (Family); “Father Dowling Mysteries: The 1st Season” (Vintage TV); “Knuckle” (Documentary); “Last Man Standing” (TV); “The Phantom Of the Opera At the Royal Albert Hall” (Musical); “Police Woman: 2nd Season” (Vintage TV); and “Project Nim” (Documentary).

AMAZING AMMO:

Engineers at Sandia National Laboratories in Albuquerque, New Mexico say new self-guided bullets that direct themselves like tiny guided missiles have the potential to change the modern battlefield. The bullets twist and turn to guide themselves toward a laser-directed point, all the while making up to 30 corrections per second. They’re packed with electronics that steer their tiny fins. These ‘smart bullets’ are said to be capable of hitting a target more than a mile away. (These will make the Olympic biathlon a lot easier!)
– Associated Press

WAYS TO TRAVEL SMARTER, SAFER, AND CHEAPER:

• Get a the best rewards card you can find so future flights are cheaper or even free.
• When deciding how you’re going to travel, be sure to check all of the transportation options.
• Set-up your smartphone or laptop so you have useful apps and tools to help you travel.
• Use refillable containers for liquids, gels, lotions, and tube-based items.
• Find a cheap place to stay by renting an apartment short-term.
• A secure bag or purse can help deter a robber.
• A rubber door stop can provide additional security in your room.
• An RFID-blocking wallet can help shield your passport from identity thieves.
• When you’re abroad, ask retailers if they offer a Tourist Discount Card.
• You can also ask stores to ship your purchases home to avoid taxes and an overweight bag.
– Adapted from LifeHacker.com

FAT GENES:

A preference for fatty foods has a genetic basis, according to Penn State researchers, who have discovered that people with certain forms of the ‘CD36’ gene may like high-fat foods more than those with other forms of the gene. The results help explain why some people struggle when placed on a low-fat diet and may one day assist people in selecting diets that are easier for them to follow. The results may also help food developers create new low-fat foods that taste better. (And for once could they do that without making them premium-priced?)
– ScienceDaily.com

THINGS NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT LIVING ON A FARM:

• Animals are designed by nature to be gross.
• When you live on a farm, you also have to deal with wild animals.
• Disused buildings and broken down equipment become a part of the landscape.
• The maintenance required to keep a farm going never ends.
• There’s no such thing as a vacation.
• In the country, all your neighbors are insane.
– Condensed from Cracked.com

CLEANING WINDOWS:

Microsoft has removed the ‘Start’ button from its upcoming “Windows 8” operating system, according to a consumer preview released last week. The button in the bottom left-hand corner has been a staple of the operating system ever since “Windows 95”. While it may be gone, it’s functionality is retained by using a ‘Hot Corner’, which you activate by touching or mousing over one of the screen’s 4 corners. That activates a start-style menu screen. The ‘Live Bar’, to which you can pin frequently used programs, will be maintained in “Windows 8”. The new version is expected to be launched sometime in mid-to-late 2012. (Windows XP is still the standard to beat, and it’s from 2001 … 3 versions ago.)
– TheVerge.com

BS SOLID GOLD FACTS:

• An ounce of gold can be stretched over 50 miles.
• 75% of all gold in circulation has been extracted since 1910.
• The Olympic gold medals awarded in 1912 were the last made entirely from gold.
• The Greeks thought that gold was a dense combination of water and sunlight.
• Gold has been discovered on every continent on earth.
– TTP

BS CHRONOMETER 02.07.12


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1960 [52] James Spader, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Robert California’ on “The Office” since 2011, “Boston Legal” 2004-08, “The Practice” 2003-04)/movie actor (“Stargate”, “sex, lies & videotape”)

1962 [50] Garth Brooks, Tulsa OK, country singer (“More Than a Memory”, “Friends in Low Places”)/married to country singer Trisha Yearwood since 2005

1962 [50] David Bryan (Rashbaum), Perth Amboy NJ, pop-rock keyboardist (Bon Jovi-“It’s My Life”, “Always”)

1965 [47] Chris Rock, Andrews SC, comedian/movie actor (“Grown Ups”, “Madagascar” films)

1968 [44] Sully (Salvatore) Erna, Lawrence MA, heavy metal singer (Godsmack-“Whiskey Hangover”, “Speak”)

1974 [38] Steve Nash, Johannesburg, South Africa [raised Victoria BC], NBA point guard (Phoenix Suns)/Order of Canada (2007)

1975 [37] Wes Borland, Richmond VA, rock guitarist (Limp Bizkit-“Re-Arranged”, “Nookie”)

1978 [34] Ashton Kutcher, Cedar Rapids IA, TV actor (‘Walden Schmidt’ on “Two-and-a-Half Men” since 2011, “That ‘70s Show” 1998-2005)/movie actor (“New Year’s Eve”, “No Strings Attached”)/wed to actress Demi Moore (2005-11)

1978 [34] Tom Blankenship, Louisville KY, rock bassist (My Morning Jacket-“Friends Again”, “Holdin’ On to Black Metal”)

1990 [22] Steven Stamkos, Markham ON, NHL center (Tampa Bay Lightning)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Ballet Day”, an annual celebration of the artistic dance-form that keeps people on their toes.

• “Charles Dickens Day”, celebrating the legendary British author (“Oliver Twist”, “David Copperfield”, “A Christmas Carol”) on the anniversary of his birth in 1812.

• “Fettuccine Alfredo Day”, an annual food holiday in appreciation of the pasta dish that involves tossing fettuccine noodles with heavy cream & cheese. (Which then sits in your stomach like a bowling ball.)

• “Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbors Day” … instead of just the middle one. (And they’ll be wondering, “What the heck does that idiot want now?”)

• “Snow Moon”, the Full Moon of February that’s variously known as the “Hunger Moon”, since harsh weather conditions traditionally made hunting very difficult.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .

1988 [24] 1st episode of “America’s Most Wanted” on FOX-TV (credited with the capture of some 1,200 fugitives)

2010 [02] Super Bowl 44 (CBS) breaks TV ratings record with 106.5 million viewers, edging out 1983 series finalé of “M*A*S*H” (105.94 million)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1964 [48] The Beatles 1st North American tour begins in NYC, the so-called ‘British Invasion’

TODAY’S FIRST . . .

1875 [137] 1st ‘Tattooing Machine’ (Samuel O’Reilly, NYC)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .

1976 [36] Toronto Maple Leafs’ Darryl Sittler scores an NHL-record 10 points in a single hockey game, including 6 goals (vs Boston Bruins)

COMING UP . . .

[Wed] Boy Scout Anniversary Day
[Wed] Laugh & Get Rich Day
[Wed] Opera Day
[Thurs] Extraterrestrial Visitor Day
[Thurs] Stop Bullying Day
[Thurs] Read In the Bathtub Day
This Week Is … Freelance Writers Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Jobs in Golf Month

BULL’S BITS


BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit the person you hire to invest your money is called a ‘Broker’?
• Whyzit women marry men hoping they will change, but men marry women hoping they won’t?
• Whyzit when you stand on your head your face turns red, but when you stand on your feet your legs don’t?
• Whyzit when a lawyer writes a 10,000-word document, it’s called a ‘brief’?
• Whyzit biker gangs chain their wallets to their pants? Is anyone really stupid enough to try and pickpocket a biker?

BS RANDOM JOKE:

A nudist has no reason to fear a pickpocket.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:

• You’re suffering from a human condition where hormones are causing the contraction of tiny muscles around your hair follicles. What have you got?
a. Rickets.
b. Goose bumps. [CORRECT]
c. The heebie-jeebies.

• According to Hallmark Cards, who receives the most Valentines Day cards?
a. Wives.
b. Girlfriends.
c. Teachers. [CORRECT]

BS PHONE STARTER:

What’s under your bed? The new “Dictionary of American Regional English” shows that what many of us call ‘dust bunnies’ are variously known as ‘dust kitties’, ‘house moss’, and ‘woollies’. So what do you call ‘em?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Question: Women get a better deal than men when shopping for one of THESE.
Answer: A car.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

Talk is cheap because supply far exceeds demand.


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