Thursday, January 26, 2006        Edition: #3205
Wow, You Really Know Your Sheet!

SATURDAY’s “2006 Miss America Pageant” turned out to be CMT’s most-watched program ever, bringing in 3.1 million viewers in its debut on the country music network . . . Merged TV nets UPN & The WB will form a single new network to be called ‘The CW’ (no it doesn’t stand for ‘Circle the Wagons’, it’s a contraction of CBS & Warner Bros) . . . 62-year-old movie actor Joe Pesci (“Goodfellas”) has been accused of assaulting a 24-year-old Boca Raton FL college student who had the audacity to snap his picture (“Are you making fun of me? I said are you f–ing making fun of me?!?”) . . . Michael Jackson has been spotted on a shopping trip to a Bahrain mall, dressed in a black abaya robe with a veil hiding his face, the traditional apparel for – Bahraini women (hopefully he’s been anatomically switched as well) . . . Comedian George Lopez has sent a bouquet of flowers to Jessica Simpson to apologize for wisecracks he made about her & her ex-, Nick Lachey, at the “People’s Choice Awards” (el wusso!) . . . Hair-trigger actor Russell Crowe is getting worked up again, promising to ‘tar & feather’ any photographer who hassles his pregnant wife, Danielle Spencer (for gawdsake, keep him away from phones!) . . . And Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof, the 15-year-old daughter of “Live 8″ founder Bob Geldof, is appealing to celebs & non-celebs alike to stop giving their children weird names, claiming hers has haunted her all her life (note to Gwyneth Paltrow: when you give little ‘Apple’ a sister or brother, consider thinking outside the fruit bowl!).
• Enya – TODAY she guests on “Live With Regis & Kelly”.
• Jamie Foxx – He’s pitching a TV show concept to several networks which would resurrect the careers of has-been recording artists. He says the idea would be to ‘rebuild the rock star’.
• Kanye West – On the cover of the new issue of “Rolling Stone” (out TOMORROW), he poses as Jesus Christ, with a crown of thorns atop his head.
• Kenny Chesney – A snitch at the We Care Spa in Desert Hot Springs CA reveals the country star spent a week there earlier THIS MONTH, with a regimen that included colonics, a liquid diet, yoga & massage therapy.
• Pink – Her new video for “Stupid Girls” lampoons many of her peers, including Paris Hilton’s infamous bedroom video & Jessica Simpson’s horrific “These Boots Are Made For Walking”.
• Rolling Stones – Mick Jagger’s girlfriend L’Wren Scott has been spotted with a ring on her engagement finger. The 6 ft-3 in, 38-year-old model has been dating the 62-year-old wrinkle rocker for nearly 5 years.
• Shakira – She’s put her Miami Beach estate on the market for $5.94 million. The 5-bedroom, 6,500-sq ft waterfront home boasts views over Biscayne Bay and has its own private dock. Why’s she selling? It’s apparently ‘too small’. And, if she gets her price, she’ll make a cool $2.5 million profit!
• Willie Nelson – He’ll share his deepest thoughts about life, love & the environment in his new book “The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your Heart”, written with the help of actor pal Turk Pippin. It’s due to hit bookstores in APRIL.

Film critics at the “Sundance Film Festival” have noticed that a love scene between Katie Holmes & Aaron Eckhart has been deleted from the new movie “Thank You for Smoking”, apparently due to intervention from one Tom Cruise . . . In the upcoming thriller “Rogue”, Jet Li will play a famous assassin who’s being tracked by an FBI agent (Jason Statham) after setting off a war between rival Asian mobs . . . The 1980s TV series “Magnum PI”, which starred Tom Selleck, is now being developed as a movie feature . . . “Spider-Man” director Sam Raimi has snagged the movie rights to the Japanese video game “Siren” to adapt to the bigscreen . . . Jennifer Lopez is unlikely to do any acting but her production company will make the feature film “Reggaeton”, about an aspiring NYC rapper who relocates to Puerto Rico . . . Oscar-winner Hilary Swank has found a new husband, at least on-screen, as Patrick Dempsey will co-star with her in “Freedom Writers”, the story of a teacher who inspires her students to pursue higher education . . . And NBC-TV’s breakout comedy hit “The Office” is ending its season early because Steve Carrell has a commitment to star in “Evan Almighty”, a big-budget sequel to the Jim Carrey movie “Bruce Almighty”.

The city in northern Italy that’s hosting the “Winter Olympics” FEBRUARY 10-26 is ‘Torino’ to the locals even though for most non-Italians it’s always been known as ‘Turin’, the English translation of the word. The bottom line – the official name of the games is “Torino 2006″, so that’s what both CBC-TV and NBC-TV will be using during coverage. (And while we’re at it, it’s Roma not Rome, Firenze not Florence, and Milano not Milan.)
– AP

“Why do they have to mess with things that were perfect the first time around?”
– Movie star Robert Redford, lamenting the planned Ben Affleck-Matt Damon remake of his 1969 film classic “Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid”.
– “Independent on Sunday”

Eat 4-to-6 tablespoons of peanut butter every day and you’ll lose weight, plus you won’t be hungry. Yeah, peanut butter is loaded with calories, but it’s also packed with mono-unsaturated fats, which proponents call the ‘original death-defying potion’. That’s why the ‘Skippy Diet’ is now being recommended as a way to reduce the risk of heart disease and lose weight. (Here we go again … another fad diet. At least, until someone decides that ‘brown fat’ is killing us.)
– “Men’s Health”

LAST YEAR was the warmest recorded on Earth’s surface and it was unusually warm in the Arctic, according to new stats. NASA’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies has determined that all 5 of the hottest years since modern record-keeping began in the 1890s have occurred within the last decade. In descending order, the years with the highest global average annual temps are 2005, 1998, 2002, 2003 and 2004. (Beware the end is near!)
– Reuters

A new insurance industry poll reveals that a third of British couples have broken something while making love and 10% have made insurance claims after trashing lamps, vases and beds – even pulling down curtains. Then there are personal injuries – 41% have suffered carpet burns, 33% have put their backs out, and 12% have twisted ankles or wrists during lovemaking. All of this adds up to over $600-million-worth of damages per year. (Not including busted marriage vows and resulting divorce settlements.)
– “The Sun”

Newborn dolphins and killer whales don’t sleep for a month, according to University of California research.

A team of Danish scientists with the National Institute of Public Research in Copenhagen has studied some 3.5 million supermarket transactions and found that wine buyers purchase more fruits and vegetables. Beer drinkers, on the other hand, chose fattier, meatier options, according to the study. The researchers suggest one reason that wine may appear to have such a beneficial impact on health is due to this food factor. (What’s the proper wine to serve with Doritos?)
– “British Medical Journal”

While it’s been warmer than usual in much of North America, Russia has been suffering through one of the most brutal winters in years. It’s truly cold when Russian men sacrifice their sense of style by lowering the earflaps on their fur hats. And this winter it’s been flaps down all the way!
– “Baltimore Sun”

An Australian couple who picked up an odd-looking fatty lump from a quiet beach are in line for a cash windfall. Leon Wright and his wife took home a 14.75-kg (32.5-lb) lump of ambergris (pronounced ‘am-BUR-grease‘), which is found in the innards of sperm whales and used in perfumes after it has been vomited up. Sought after because of its rarity, ambergris can float on the ocean for years before washing ashore. As it is worth up to $20 a gram, the Wrights’ find on a South Australian beach could net them – whoa! –  $295,000! (And it’s inspired the new scent ‘Vomit Down Under’.)
– BBC News


1925 [81] Paul Newman, Cleveland OH, movie legend (Oscar-“Color of Money”, 1986 Honorary Academy Award for Career Achievement)/auto racer/food products mogul (“Newman’s Own”)

1955 [51] Eddie Van Halen, Nijmegen, Netherlands, Grammy Award-winning, plastic-hipped classic rock guitarist (Van Halen-“Jump”)

1958 [48] Ellen Degeneres, Metairie LA, TV talk show host (“Ellen DeGeneres Show” since 2003)/former sitcom star (“Ellen” 1994-98)

1961 [45] Wayne Gretzky, Brantford ON, Hockey Hall of Fame former player/’All Time Best NHL Player’ according to “Hockey News”/9-time NHL MVP/NHL Phoenix Coyotes coach, co-owner & GM-without-portfolio

1974 [32] Chris Hesse, Agoura Hills CA, rock drummer (Hoobastank-“The Reason”)

1983 [23] Michael Martin, Clinton MS, country guitarist (Marshall Dyllon-“You”)

• “Australia Day”, the national day for our mates Down Under that commemorates the 1788 landing of Captain Arthur Phillip at Sydney to establish a penal colony (does that mean they were all men?). Aussies are known for their great sense of humor, which is often expressed in their unique applications of the English language …
See if you can guess what the following Aussie expressions mean …
• ‘Brekkie’ … breakfast.
• ‘Bush Oyster’ … nasal mucus, snot.
• ‘Drop Your Strides’ … take off your pants.
• ‘Pants Man’ … a womanizer.
• ‘Scratchy’ … a lottery ticket that you scratch to win.
• ‘Stickybeak’ … a nosy person.
• ‘Walloper’ … a police officer.
• ‘Waxhead’ … a surfer.
– “Macquarie Dictionary”

• “No Name-Calling Week”, the 3rd annual observance aimed at curbing insults of all kinds in middle schools, whether they’re based on appearance, background or behavior. The initiative was developed by the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, which is seeking to ensure that schools safely accommodate students of all kinds.

• “Republic Day” in India, celebrating the date in 1950 when the country’s constitution came into force, making India a sovereign state. To mark the occasion, a grand parade and other festivities are held each year in the capital, New Delhi.

3500 BC [5506] Ancient Sumerians invent ‘Beer’ (next day, the 1st Sumerian is found driving the ‘big white chariot’)

1875 [131] 1st ‘Electric Dental Drill’ (George Green of Kalamazoo MI is to blame)

1905 [101] ‘Largest Uncut Diamond’ is found in South Africa, weighing 3,105 carats

[Fri] Fun At Work Day
[Fri] Thomas Crapper Day
[Sat] 58th Directors Guild of America Awards
[Sat] Kazoo Day
[Sun] Chinese New Year (Year of the Dog)
[Sun] Corn Chip Day
[Mon] Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
[Tues] Academy Award nominations announced
This Week Is . . . International Clergy Appreciation Week
This Month Is . . . High-Tech Month


Q. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Who are they?
A. King David (spades), Alexander the Great (clubs), Charlemagne (hearts), Julius Caesar (diamonds).

Q. What are the odds of drawing a flush in poker?
A. 1 chance in 500.

Q. What is known as the ‘Dead Man’s Hand’?
A. Wild Bill Hickok was killed while playing poker, holding 2 pairs – aces and 8s.

• ‘Boudoir Booty’ – Winner gets a classed-up bedroom complete with furniture and accessories.
• ‘Chillin’ & Grillin’ – A complete set of state-of-the-art kitchen appliances.
• ‘Couch Potato’ – Winner gets a bigscreen TV … with a couch thrown in.
• ‘Extra Crispy’ – Die in style with a pre-paid cremation & memorial service. Hey, we all gotta go sometime!
• ‘Hoover Job‘ – Winner gets liposuction at a local cosmetic clinic.
• ‘The Intern’ – Get paid to be the morning crew flunky and live the show biz life.
• ‘Park Your Beater’ – A body job on the winner’s vehicle including stylin’ new paint.
• ‘The Rub Down’ – Win a personal massage once-a-week for a year.

Today’s Question: Almost half of men admit that THIS description fits them.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Mama’s boy.

We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.


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