Friday, January 13, 2006        Edition: #3196
Sheeters Always Prosper!

TODAY in LA the Rev Jesse Jackson officiates at the last rites for singer Lou Rawls, who died of cancer LAST WEEK . . . TODAY & Saturday NASCAR drivers & country stars team up at a new Nashville TN festival with the impossibly long name “Nextel Sound & Speed Presented by SunTrust, a Motorsports & Music Celebration” (participants include drivers Kyle Petty & Dale Earnhardt Jr, and country stars Montgomery Gentry & Trisha Yearwood) . . . SATURDAY the Australian Consul General to Los Angeles is honoring native Aussies Hugh Jackman & Olivia Newton John as part of a week-long “Australia Week” celebration in LA . . . SUNDAY the 5th season of “24″ premieres on FOX-TV with ‘Jack Bauer’ (Kiefer Sutherland) going from being presumed dead to being ‘the most wanted man alive’ . . . Latest rumor out of Tinseltown has Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie getting married on “Valentine’s Day” . . . Martha Stewart is launching the new magazine, “Blueprint: Design Your Life”, to help the ‘modern, multi-tasking woman decorate, dress, entertain & organize their lives’ . . . And you can tell “American Idol” is about to fire up another season NEXT WEEK because Paula Abdul’s in the middle of another fiasco, with a pair of Vegas hotel workers claiming she got them fired after they failed to book her on an airline flight – that was already full (acting rude & getting your name in the tabloids – this is ‘promotion’ in the new millennium).

• Alicia Keys – A TV drama loosely based on her childhood is being developed for UPN. She’ll serve as an exec-producer of the project. TODAY she guests on ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”.
• Death Cab For Cutie – TOMORROW they’re the musical guests on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”, hosted by actress Scarlett Johansson.
• Eminem – “Star” magazine claims he & ex-wife Kim will re-marry TOMORROW. The rag claims to have somehow obtained an invitation which pictures 2 children sitting together and reads, “This day I will marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, love.” Their last marriage lasted 1999-2001.
• Gretchen Wilson – SUNDAY in St Louis MO, she headlines a charity concert for Cardinal manager Tony LaRussa’s Animal Rescue Foundation, which aids abandoned & homeless animals.
• KISS – A reality TV show called “Gene Simmons Family Jewels” is coming to A&E, featuring the former KISS frontman, his long-time partner, St John’s NL-native Shannon Tweed (a former ‘Playmate of the Year’), and their 2 kids who are reportedly far more bright & articulate than the parents.
• Martina McBride – TONIGHT she kicks off her 2006 tour in State College PA and plans to perform more than 2 hours at each show.
• Seether – TONIGHT they play the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• White Stripes – They’ve postponed scheduled tour dates in Japan due to ‘an acute vocal cord problem’ afflicting singer/guitarist Jack White.

• “Glory Road” ( PG Sports Drama ): Josh Lucas plays 1960s Texas Western basketball coach Don Haskins who takes his team to the NCAA tournament, the first all-black starting 5 ever to compete. Ben Affleck was originally set to star but pulled out due to ‘scheduling conflicts’.
• “Hoodwinked” ( PG Animated Family ): Set at the end of the fable of “Little Red Riding Hood” as cops from the animal world investigate a report of a disturbance at ‘Grandma’s’ house. They discover 2 suspects, a weapon, and numerous criminal offenses. Features the voices of Anne Hathaway, Glenn Close & Patrick Warburton.
• “Last Holiday” ( PG-13 Dramedy ): Queen Latifah stars as a woman who decides to take a European vacation after being diagnosed with a terminal illness. Co-stars LL Cool J. A remake of the 1950 film of the same name which starred Alec Guinness as the dying hero.
• “Tristan & Isolde” ( PG-13 Drama ): James Franco & Sophia Myles star in this period drama about the 12th-century romance between an English knight & the daughter of the King of Ireland which threatens the future of Britain. Loosely based on the Wagner opera of the same name.

Musical instrument shops in the UK must pay an annual royalty to cover shoppers who perform a recognizable riff before they buy, thereby making a ‘public performance’. (Geez … do they have a ‘shower-singing tax’ too?)

Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch has announced the winners of its 9th annual “Wacky Warning Label Contest” which tracks absurd warnings that are only placed on consumer products to avoid lawsuits. This year’s dumbest warning labels ….
5. On a baking pan: “Ovenware will get hot when used in oven.”
4. On a bottle of dried bobcat urine made to keep rodents & pests away from garden plants – “Not for human consumption.”
3. On a cocktail napkin with a map of the waterways around Hilton Head SC – “Caution: Not to be used for navigation.”
2. On a kitchen knife – “Never try to catch a falling knife.”
1. On a heat gun/paint remover that produces temperatures up to 1,000 degrees – “Do not use this tool as a hair dryer.”

If acid didn’t fry your brain you might be interested in celebrating the 100th anniversary of the birth of LSD discoverer Albert Hofmann at THIS WEEKEND’s LSD symposium in Basel, Switzerland. Worldwide experts will gather at “LSD: Problem Child or Wonder Drug?” to, quote –  “review all aspects of this unique phenomenon, informing and discussing history, experiences, implications, risks and potentials of this invisible but highly potent substance”. Hofmann, by the way, is still alive. (But he’s ‘seen God’ 8,642 times.)
– “NY Times”

“Ugh, those were awful. If I had the money I would give a refund to everyone who bought my first 2 albums.”
– Pop singer Mandy Moore apologizing to fans who bought her ‘early work’, but insisting her 3rd album, “Nothing But Coverage”, is worthwhile.

“I suppose at the top of every Englishman’s list would be Dick Van Dyke in ‘Mary Poppins’. That would have to be construed as a virtual act of war.”
– “House” star Hugh Laurie (the Brit who plays American doctor ‘Gregory House’ on TV) telling “Playboy” which American actor had the worst-ever British accent.

A new statue in Hamburg, Germany of The Beatles, commemorating their early days when they played 684 concerts there, is causing a protest. The problem? While original bassist Stuart Sutcliffe (who died from a brain hemorrhage in 1962) is included in the sculpture, the band’s original drummer, Pete Best, has been left out in favor of his more famous replacement, Ringo Starr – who hadn’t even joined the band when they were honing their chops in Hamburg. Angry Beatle fans have launched a campaign for Best’s inclusion. (Unlike half The Beatles, Pete Best is still alive at age 64.)


1962 [44] Trace Adkins, Springhill LA, country singer (“Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”, “Don’t Lie”)

1977 [29] Orlando Bloom, Caterbury UK, movie actor (“Pirates of the Caribbean” trilogy, “Lord of the Rings” trilogy)

TV curmudgeon Andy Rooney (“60 Minutes”) is 87; Oscar-winning actress Faye Dunaway (“Network”) is 65; TV actress Holland Taylor (“Two & a Half Men”) is 63; Movie producer/director Steven Soderbergh (Oscar-“Traffic”) is 43; Movie actor/rapper LL Cool J (“Last Holiday”) is 38; Rocker Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) is 37.

Movie actress Andrea Martin (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”) is 59; Estranged Mr Hilary Swank/movie actor Chad Lowe (“Unfaithful”) is 38; TV actor Eddie Cahill (“CSI: New York”) is 28.

• “Friday the 13th”, considered by many a most unlucky day. In a recent poll, about 1 in 10 of us say we get the jitters whenever this happens. A fear of the number 13 is called ‘triskaidekaphobia’ (pronounced ‘triss-ka-deck-a-fobe-ee-uh’). According to “Smithsonian” magazine, fear of the number 13 costs $1 billion per year in absenteeism, travel cancellations, and reduced commerce on the 13th of the month.
• “Make Your Dream Come True Day”, presumably another observance initiated by the Society of Hopeless Optimists.
• “Stephen Foster Memorial Day” in the USA. Altogether now – “Way down upon dah Swaneeee Ribber …”
• “Tyvendedagen” (20th Day of Christmas) in Sweden & Norway, where they just can’t seem to let the holiday season go.

• “Assembly Line Workers Day” observed on the anniversary of the 1st ‘automobile assembly line’, created by Henry Ford 92 years ago (1914).
• “Coldest Day of the Year” in the Northern Hemisphere, at least, by tradition. According to weather lore, the coldest temp of all-time was recorded January 14, 1734 in Siberia. At -120 F, smoke would not rise and birds dropped frozen to the ground.
• “Dress Up Your Pet Day”, a day to assert our dominance over the dumb creatures of the animal kingdom by humiliating them in human attire … then laughing at them.
• “Full Moon”, commonly referred to as the “Wolf Moon”. Is that hair growing on your palms?
• “Orthodox New Year’s Day” in Russia and many Eastern European countries, based on the old Julian Calendar (aka ‘Orthodox Hangover Day’).

• “Fresh Squeezed Juice Day”. So what’s your preference … Orange? Grapefruit? Tomato? Red Man Chaw?
• “Hat Day”, a day to dispel the boredom of mid-winter by wearing the goofiest hat you can find.
• “Hug Your Cat Day”, a day to disclaim the common belief that cats don’t like affection. So ignore the hisses and pet your puss!

1910 [96] In what’s been called the ‘birth of radio broadcasting’, electron tube inventor Lee De Forrest arranges for a handful of people at receiving locations around NYC to hear the voice of Enrico Caruso and other Metropolitan Opera stars through individual earphones

1863 [143] 1st ‘One-Piece Pedestal Flushing Toilet’ (Thomas Crapper & Co-UK)

1957 [49] Wham-O Co introduces the 1st ‘Frisbee’

1985 [21] Likely the ‘Oldest to Score an Ace’, as 99-year-old German golfer Otto Bucher sinks a hole-in-one on a course in Spain

[Mon] Martin Luther King Jr Day (USA)
[Mon] “Golden Globe Awards”
[Mon] Hot & Spicy Food International Day
[Mon] Human Relations Day
[Tues] “American Idol 5″ debuts on FOX-TV
[Tues] Get to Know Your Customer Day
This Week Is … Bowling Week
This Month Is … Mentoring Month


BIRDS: Birds normally feed their young with worms, but a mentally-challenged bird can’t tell the difference between its offspring and that of other species. So it’s not unusual to see one of them dropping a fat, juicy worm into a human baby’s mouth – and then trying to teach it to fly.
FISH: The mentally-challenged fish will ignore the food you sprinkle onto the top of your aquarium and eat the gravel on the bottom instead. If you see your goldfish lying at the bottom, feebly flapping its fins, it’s a sure sign it’s afflicted.
DOGS: A typical, mentally-challenged dog, when asked to bring the leash, will instead yank an extension cord out of the wall socket with his teeth, get shocked – and still attempt the same thing over and over again. The eating habits of the challenged dog are identical to those of a normal canine – except that the normal pooch will stop when the bowl is empty.
– “Weekly World News”

Are the following oft-repeated statements true or just an urban myth?
• Naugahyde is made from the skins of ‘naugas’, native to Sumatra. [Myth]
• When lions and tigers mate, their offspring are called ‘tigons’ and ‘ligers’. [True]
• Soon-to-be-60 singing diva Cher once had 2 ribs surgically removed to reduce her waist size. [Myth]
• The little Dutch boy who saved Holland by placing his finger in a dyke really existed. [Myth]
• Hunters are the #1 killer of North American deer. [Myth]
• Some English beer contains fish guts. [True]
• The Canadian $10 bill had to be recalled because there was a misprint in the poem “Flanders Fields”. [Myth]
• The “Washington Post March” by John Philip Sousa was named after “The Washington Post” newspaper. [True]
• Legendary martial arts actor Bruce Lee was killed by Chinese crime lords for refusing to work in their films. [Myth]
• Honey can be used as a center for golf balls. [True]
• Whales sleep vertically instead of horizontally. [True]
– “Urban Myth”

Here’s an online “Ouija Board” you can use to answer any question (ie: Will it be sunny today?). Have several people place one hand on the mouse. When it comes to a stop, simply click the mouse button and the nearest letter will register.

A naked man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. “Whoa!” says the bartender. “You look
awful, what happened?” The duck looks down and replies, “Don’t get me started … “

Today’s Question: Women carry a lot of unusual things in their purses. In fact, a recent survey shows that 8% of women have put this in their purse.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A pet.      

Success is a journey, not a destination.


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