Wednesday, January 11, 2006        Edition: #3194
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

TONIGHT the new UPN soap/drama “South Beach” premieres, set in the land of bikinis and nightclubs & starring singer/actress Vanessa Williams as a glamorous hotel owner (exec-produced by Jennifer Lopez) . . . THIS WEEK hip-hop impresario Jermaine Dupri is shopping a book proposal to publishers, tentatively titled “Young, Rich & Dangerous”, that promises to deal the dish on many of the stars he’s work with, ie: Mariah Carey, Usher & Bow Wow, not to mention longtime girlfriend Janet Jackson (who’s really hit the ‘big time’ – in fact, pals are now calling her ‘Goodyear’) . . . Regis Philbin has signed a new contract to remain as co-host of daytime TV gabfest “Live With Regis & Kelly” for another 4 years (locking him in until he’s 78-years-old!) . . . Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie have reportedly become the latest to pay a fee to reserve a seat on billionaire Richard Branson’s ‘Virgin Galactic’ spaceship that will blast off in 2010, joining previous celeb sign-ups Sigourney Weaver, Moby, Robin Williams & William Shatner (we wonder who’ll be first to join the ‘Million-Mile-High Club’ – or do you think that’s already happened?) . . . Just so you know, Billy Crystal has taken the time to inform us that he was offered the 2006 Oscar-hosting gig before Jon Stewart (oh thank gawd he was busy!) . . . British rocker Pete Doherty has been formally charged with possession of cocaine & heroin stemming from a backstage raid of his band Babyshambles by cops (coincidentally the most people who ever showed up to see them) . . .  And “Ethiopian Idols”, a new pirated version of the TV talent show airing in numerous countries, has its own African-style Simon Cowell, an acerbic judge named Feleke Hailu who disses contestants by telling them they ‘sing like donkeys’ (the show has the country’s highest-ever TV ratings even though most of the 77 million residents can’t afford a TV set).

• Anthony Hamilton – TONIGHT he does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Ashley MacIsaac – Seems his “Sleepy Maggie” days are over. He’s dropping his Celtic-inspired fiddle tunes to pursue a career as a singer/songwriter. His new album “Pride” is due MARCH 21st.
• Carrie Underwood – Her debut album, “Some Hearts”, has just been certified Double Platinum by the RIAA, for shipments of 2 million copies.
• Elton John – He & his new missus, David Furnish, are said to be honeymooning in southern Africa. That’s according to their actress-pal Liz Hurley, who claims she’s been invited to join them.
• Mariah Carey – She tells “Good Housekeeping” that her parents’ divorce still affects her, perhaps one reason she’s been less-than-lucky at love. Or could it just be her personality?
• Outkast – TONIGHT Big Boi appears on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Queen Latifah – TONIGHT she guests on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – 43-year-old frontman Anthony Kiedis is reportedly enjoying a getaway with 19-year-old model Jessica Stam on the Caribbean island of St Barts. That’s why you wanna be a rocker … a girlfriend less than half your age.

TODAY NASA is scheduled to set off for the farthest reaches of the galaxy when it launches its first probe to Pluto. The ‘New Horizons’ spacecraft will need at least 9-and-a-half years to complete its 4 billion-mile journey. (Are we there yet?)
– “Science”

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Architourist’ – A traveler who visits other countries mainly to study the architecture. (“She’s such an architourist; she’s going to the Mayan Riviera for the pyramids not the beaches.”)
• ‘MySpace’ – A Website geared to the younger generation that has shot from zero members to over 47 million in just 2 years. MySpace members create their own page with backgrounds, colors & pics, then write about themselves and post their own art, music, etc. It’s so popular that founders 39-year-old Chris DeWolfe & 29-year-old Tom Anderson sold it to Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp LAST SUMMER for – whoa! – $580 million!
• ‘Online Compulsive Disorder’ – The compulsive use of cellphones, computers and other hi-tech gadgets. It’s now been linked to the same part of the brain as other addictions.

The American College of Chest Physicians is warning that commonly-used cough syrups may not work. After reviewing dozens of studies of cough syrups it has concluded their long-term effectiveness has never been established. Furthermore, the dosage of drugs in over-the-counter cough syrups is generally too low to be effective. And researchers say some cough syrup products contain medications that have no chance of working whatsoever. Meantime, a report published in the latest issue of “General Dentistry” says the sugar in cough syrups combined with their high acidity is bad for kids’ teeth, dissolving dental enamel and causing erosion. (Holy mackerel, has someone got a mad-on for old man Buckley or what?)
– CTV News / ANI Health & Science

• It takes a gallon of oil to make 3 fake-fur coats.
• It takes 75 kg (165 lbs) of raw materials to make a single cellphone.

Office workers spend a quarter of the workday dealing with interruptions, adding up to hundreds of billions of dollars a year in lost productivity, according to a new study by information technology research firm Basex. Highlights of the study …
• Distractions steal up 2.1 hours from the average day’s work.
• Workers only devote about 11 minutes to a task before being pulled in a different direction by routine distractions.
• The most common distractions are co-worker visits, receiving an e-mail, beginning a new task on the computer, receiving a phone call, and leaving one’s desk.
• Average employees are juggling about 12 tasks at any given time.
Bottom line – we’re all so busy multi-tasking, it’s difficult to stick to any single project for very long. (In fact … hey, I like the color of the new drapes … someone’s still waiting on line 2 … wow, there’s a cloud that looks like Snoopy …)
– “Time” magazine

10. Teri Hatcher (“Desperate Housewives”)
9. Elle McPherson (model)
8. Lindsay Lohan (though rumor has it she & Leo DiCaprio have been dating)
7. Eva Mendes (last seen in the Will Smith movie “Hitch”)
6. Jessica Biel (“Elizabethtown”)
5. Tara Reid (last seen drunk in a club)
4. Rachel McAdams (“Red Eye”)
3. Mischa Barton (“The OC”)
2. Brooke Burke (last seen hosting “Rock Star: INXS”)
1. Jennifer Aniston (but “Rumor Has It… “ Vince Vaughn has first dibs.)

In most cases, sneezing is the body’s way of expelling an irritant from the nose. It can also be a reaction to allergies. But many other things have been shown to cause people to sneeze, including light (called ‘photic sneezing’), combing hair, tweezing eyebrows, rubbing the inner corner of the eye, overeating, and … orgasm. (“Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, bless you!”)
– Knight Ridder News


1934 [72] Jean Chrétien, Shawinigan QC, Canada’s beloved 20th Prime Minister (1993-2003)

1942 [64] Clarence Clemons, Norfolk VA, classic rock musician (Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)

1946 [60] Naomi Judd, Ashland KY, semi-retired country singer (The Judds-“Have Mercy”)/Wynonna’s mommy

1968 [38] Tom Dumont, LA CA, rock guitarist (No Doubt-“It’s My Life”, “Don’t Speak”)

1971 [35] Mary J Blige, Bronx NY, hip-hop singer (“Be Without You”, “Family Affair”)

1972 [34] Amanda Peet, NYC, movie actress (“Syriana”, “The Whole Nine Yards”)

• “International Thank-Yous Days”, a week-long opportunity to thank someone from your past who did something nice for you. Or maybe when you force your kids to write thank-you notes for holiday season gifts?

• “Sir John A Macdonald’s Birthday”, celebrating the anniversary of the birth of Canada’s first Prime Minister in 1815. The US gets “Martin Luther King Day” MONDAY, so why can’t we have this as a holiday?

• “Tattoo Pride Day”. Hey, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!

1999 [07] “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” debuts on Comedy Central

2000 [06] “Baby One More Time” album by Britney Spears certified for sales of 11 million copies

1569 [437] The 1st-ever ‘Lottery’ is staged, in England

1911 [95] Temp plunges to -61.1 C in Fort Vermilion, the coldest ever recorded in Alberta

1984 [22] ‘Highest-Scoring NBA Game’ as Denver Nuggets beat San Antonio Spurs 163-155 (a total of 318 total points!)

[Thurs] Pharmacists Day
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Sat] Full Moon (Wolf Moon)
[Sat] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Mon] Martin Luther King Jr Day
[Mon] “Golden Globe Awards”
[Mon] Elementary School Teachers Day
This Week Is … Home Office Safety & Security Week
This Month Is … Jump Out of Bed Month


• Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19): You are rock-solid, dependable, responsible, highly organized, goal-oriented, logical and clever. You thrive in positions of power or any vocation where math or money is involved. Consider an I-T position because you love software and computers. You are also well-suited for being a doctor, accountant or lawyer.
• Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18): Intelligent, original, progressive, humanitarian and visionary are all qualities that describe Aquarians. Choose a job in astronomy, natural history, aviation, photography, poetry, character acting or music.
• Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20): Pisces are generous, friendly, sensitive, popular, artistic, versatile, compassionate and spiritual. You will do well in any of the arts: drama, literature, painting, music, but your compassion also makes you well-suited for philanthropy and judicial positions.
• Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19): You are enthusiastic, alert, outspoken, ambitious, strong-willed and creative. A career in television or RADIO, advertising or architecture would suit your ambitious and creative nature. Because you are a strong, natural leader, the military or law enforcement would also serve you well.
• Taurus (Apr 20-May 20): A Taurus is practical, methodical, determined, patient, honest, dependable and a good team player. Look to the fields of banking, accounting and scientific research for your perfect job.
• Gemini (May 21-June 21): You are very optimistic, inquisitive, intelligent and full of energy. You need a vocation that keeps your interest piqued and keeps you going, such as a travel guide, nature explorer or a sales position where travel is required.
• Cancer (June 22-Jul 22): Cancers are imaginative, dramatic, philosophical, nurturing and protective. You’re best at dispensing advice, so consider law, psychology, teaching, nursing or social work for your life’s vocation.
• Leo (Jul 23-Aug 22): You are spontaneous, gregarious, independent and born to lead, with a true lust for power. These magnetic qualities make Leos good CEOs, managers, editors and perfect for government positions.
• Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22): Precise, witty, cheerful, perfectionist, detail-oriented, hard-working and neat, with a knack for languages – all describe you. Technician, statistician, medical researcher, investigator or translator are perfect career options for Virgos.
• Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22): Libras are very diplomatic, charming, sociable, easy-going and cooperative. Your sense of cooperation and ability to engineer a compromise mean you would do well in the United Nations or as a lawyer, mediator, negotiator or administrator.
• Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21): You are penetratingly intuitive, intelligent, analytical, hard working, motivated and resourceful. Because you like to solve mysteries, consider espionage, police investigation, law, physics, research and writing.
• Sagittarius (Nov 11-Dec 21): Sagittarians have a positive attitude, boundless energy, love of travel and a strong spiritual side. A sales position would be ideal, as would public relations, social administration or theology.

• Most of us have 2, but 1-in-18 of us has a 3rd one. What is it?
a. TV in the household.
b. True love in our lifetime.
c. Nipple. [CORRECT]

• Colorado is the only state in history to have turned this down.
a. The Olympics. [CORRECT]
b. A billion-dollar offer for its football team.
c. A night with Anna Nicole Smith.

Proving he’ll stoop to just about any level in order to scam a buck, the new “William Shatner DVD Club” offers ‘exceptional movies for the sci-fi fan’. Presumably none of them star the 74-year-old former ‘Captain Kirk’.

Today’s Question: When people were asked what item has been lurking in their freezer longest, THIS was the #1 answer.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A pot pie.

Culture – anything we do that the monkeys don’t.

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