Wednesday, January 4, 2006        Edition: #3189
Don’t Take Any Sheet … Unless It’s BS!

TONIGHT CTV airs the latest in its series of TV movies based on real-life stories, “One Dead Indian”, about the 1995 Ipperwash crisis near Sarnia ON which culminated in the death of aboriginal protester Dudley George . . . TONIGHT “The Biggest Loser: Special Edition” debuts on NBC-TV (what makes it ‘special’ is that it features fat families & engaged couples) . . . TONIGHT the US college football season finally comes to a close with the “2006 NCAA Championship Series National Title Game” at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena CA (bowl games were better before their names were sold – what the heck is the Meineke Car Care Bowl or the Capital One Bowl?) . . . Movie actor Patrick Cranshaw, who played elderly frat brother ‘Blue’ in the Will Ferrell hit comedy “Old School”, has died in Texas of natural causes at age 86 (and we quote: “Dammit, Blue was old. That’s what old people do. They die.” NET: . . . TV actor Adam Brody (‘Seth’ on “The OC”) is developing a drama for NBC-TV about a rookie cop in a special LAPD unit that tracks – vampires (to be called ‘Buffy PD Blue’?) . . . California guv Arnold Schwarzenegger has introduced a new law to rein in paparazzi which will make photogs who commit assault in an attempt to get a pic liable for triple damages and forced to give up all profits from their shots . . . Tom Cruise has been named ‘Most Irritating Actor of All-Time’ in an “Empire” magazine poll, ahead of Jennifer Lopez, Julia Roberts & Jim Carrey (Angelina Jolie has been voted the person film fans would most like to see naked) . . . And movie actress Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly planning to give birth to her second baby underwater as she & Coldplay husband Chris Martin have had ‘birthing pools’ installed in both their London and NYC homes.

• Big & Rich – TONIGHT they perform during halftime of the Bowl Championship Series’ title game at the Rose Bowl. During this NCAA football season they recorded a special version of their song “Comin’ to Your City” for ESPN’s “College Gameday”.
• Chris Brown – TODAY he guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Jace Everett – TONIGHT the “Bad Things” singer appears on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.

Japanese car manufacturer Nissan is set to unveil a car with a built-in Xbox 360 that allows the driver to use the steering wheel and pedals to play racing video games. Sound dangerous? Don’t worry, the new Nissan Urge Roadster can only be used to play games when in parking mode. Games such as “Gotham Racing 3″ will be loaded up in the car, which goes on show in Detroit NEXT WEEK.
– “GQ”

Screen errors Website has named its top movie continuity goofs of 2005. Here are their choices for the worst 5 …
5. “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory” – In the scene when the glass elevator begins moving horizontally the characters are thrown against the wall from the sudden change, but it’s the wrong wall – the one in the same direction the elevator is moving.
4. “Alone in the Dark” – After a female member of the team is wounded, the others check her pulse and pronounce her dead. Then, as they’re moving out, the ‘dead’ actress lifts her head up off the ground and looks around.
3. “Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire” – After ‘Wormtail’ performs a curse, he places ‘Voldemort’s’ wand inside the left side of his coat. Moments later, he retrieves it from the right side of his coat.
2. “Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith” – When ‘Obi-wan’ faces off with ‘Grievous’, he force-pulls rubble from the ceiling to crush attacking droids. In the ensuing shot, both the ceiling debris and the crushed droids have somehow magically disappeared.
1. “Mr & Mrs Smith” – The movie is supposed to take place in and around NYC but during the car chase where Angelina & Brad are fighting off 3 pursuing BMWs, a wide shot clearly shows a street sign announcing ‘Los Angeles’.

Baboons can tell the difference between English and French. Zookeepers at Port Lympne [pronounced ‘Limm’] Wild Animal Park in the UK have had to learn French to communicate with baboons which were transferred in from the Paris Zoo.
– BBC News

Scientists are blasting recently heavily-hyped ‘detox programs’, branding them a waste of time and money. The detox business, which claims to cleanse the body of harmful toxins, is now worth tens of millions of dollars. But the experts say the human body is perfectly capable of cleaning out harmful substances on its own. Water, fresh air and sleep are all that’s needed.
– Reuters

Each JANUARY, linguists at Lake Superior State University in Sault Ste Marie MI release a list of of words and expressions that need to be banned due to overexposure. On this year’s 31st annual list …
• An Accident [Tragedy] That Didn’t Have to Happen – That means, it seems, that some accidents need to happen. Best-laid mayhem!
• Breaking News – The ubiquitous ‘News Update’ spawned by TV’s preoccupation with airing promo after promo has led to fluff stories such as Katie Holmes’ pregnancy being treated as a ‘bulletin’.
• Dawg – When even parents are starting to use it to refer to their ‘homies’, it is so over.
• First-Time Caller – A term often heard on talk radio. Who in any universe gives a care?
• Holiday Tree – A silly supposedly PC name for what most folks call a Christmas tree, no matter their preference of religion.
• Hunker Down – Trotted out in news reports about everything from politics to hurricanes.
• 97% [or any other number] Fat Free – An adventure in delusion. If it was labeled ‘Contains 3% Fat’ … you’d avoid it like the plague!
• Person of Interest – Used to refer to someone connected to a crime. Does this mean the rest of us are just too boring to be bothered with?
• Surreal – Misused to describe any unusual experience. Dreams are surreal, not daily adjectives.
• Talking Points – Topics which will please those you want to impress. A fancy term for ‘hype’.

Kids who live in neighborhoods that their parents believe are unsafe are more likely to be overweight than those in neighborhoods perceived as safe, according to a new study in the JANUARY issue of “Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine”.
– ANI Science & Health

• In DECEMBER, a Chase VISA credit card was accidentally issued to … a tree.
• The models used in the original 1933 “King Kong” movie were only 18-inches-high.
• A cow gives, on average, 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.
• Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as … medicine.
• CD sales for 2005 dropped more than 10% compared with 2004.


1957 [49] Patty Loveless (Patricia Lee Ramey), Pikeville KY, country singer (“Chains”, “Here I Am”)

1958 [48] Matt Frewer, Washington DC [raised Victoria BC & Ottawa ON], TV actor (“PSI Factor”, “The Max Headroom Show “)/movie actor (“Dawn of the Dead”)

1960 [46] Michael Stipe, Decatur GA, rock singer/songwriter (REM-“Imitation Of Life”, “Losing My Religion”)

1962 [44] Dave Foley, Toronto ON, movie actor (“South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut”)/former TV actor (“Newsradio” 1995-99, “Kids in the Hall” 1989-94)

1966 [40] Deana Carter, Nashville TN, country singer (“Did I Shave My Legs For This?”, “Strawberry Wine”)  FACTOID: She’s named after late singer/movie actor Dean Martin.

• “Elizabeth Ann Seton Feast Day” [1174-1821], celebrating the first American-born saint. The legacy she left now includes 6 religious communities with more than 5,000 members, hundreds of schools, social service centers, and hospitals throughout America and around-the-world.

• “Perihelion” [pronounced ‘pair-ih-HEEL-ee-on’], when the Earth reaches the closest point in its orbit to the Sun. The observant will note that the Sun appears 7% brighter than it does in JULY.

• “Trivia Day”, in celebration of those with ‘doctorates in uselessology’. For a switch, try playing ‘Stump the Goof’, where listeners call in questions for YOU to answer.

1999 [07] Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura takes the oath of office as Minnesota’s 37th governor

1991 [15] 1st recording artist to release 7 singles from 1 album (Janet Jackson-“Rhythm Nation 1814″)

1885 [121] 1st ‘Appendectomy’ is performed (Dr William Grant on a 22-year-old woman in Davenport IA)

1910 [96] The ‘Blender’ is invented (next day, the pina colada is invented!)

1966 [40] 17-year-old June Clark of Miami FL begins 155-day sneezing fit (“Alright already, until further notice … bless you!”)

1986 [20] 1st NHLer with 100 points in 7 consecutive seasons (Wayne Gretzky-Edmonton Oilers)

[Thurs] “Dancing with the Stars 2″ debuts on ABC-TV
[Fri] Epiphany or Three Kings Day (Christian)
[Fri] Show & Tell Day at Work
[Fri-Feb 28] Carnival Season
[Sat] Orthodox Christmas
[Sat] Organize Your Home Day
[Sun] Elvis Presley’s Birthday
[Sun] Eat Something Raw Day
[Sun] Volunteer Fireman’s Day

Celebration of Life Week / Diet Resolution Week / New Year’s Resolutions Week / Silent Record Week / Someday We’ll Laugh About This Week / Women’s Self Empowerment Week


• “Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of cake. If there’s one thing I hate it’s skinny women.”
• “What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.”
• “How about a nice massage and foot rub? I really don’t like sex that much anyway.”
• “This football game’s boring. Let’s watch figure skating!”
• “While you’re up sweetheart, can you get me a glass of water? I think I’ve had enough beer.”
• “My golf clubs are only 30-years-old. Why don’t you use my holiday bonus for new furniture?”
• “You know, we really don’t visit your relatives enough.”
• “Look at that – disgusting! Why would she wear a short skirt like that, and with no underwear?”

• What would you like said at your funeral? Whom would you like to speak?
• If you could have any view in the world visible from your bed, what would it be?

The rumors are flying but there’s still no actress signed to play Bond girl ‘Vesper Lynd’ in the next 007 installment “Casino Royale”. ‘Vesper’ is the latest in a long line of oddly-named Bond women. Run down this list while a contestant or your crew tries to identify which characters actually appeared in Bond films and which are total BS …
GAME #1 –
• ‘Kissy Suzuki’ (“You Only Live Twice”)
• ‘Tiffany Case’ (“Diamonds are Forever”)
• ‘Puffy Spliff’ (FAKE)
• ‘Ima Ballbuster’ (FAKE)
• ‘Mary Goodnight’ (“The Man With the Golden Gun”)
• ‘Bibi Dahl’ (“For Your Eyes Only”)
• ‘Honey Ryder’ (“Dr No”)
• ‘Helen Bach’ (FAKE)

GAME #2 –
• ‘Dot Calm’ (FAKE)
• ‘Xenia Onatopp’ (“Goldeneye”)
• ‘Pussy Galore’ (“Goldfinger”)
• ‘Eileen Dover’ (FAKE)
• ‘Plenty O’Toole’ (“Diamonds are Forever”)
• ‘Holly Goodhead’ (“Moonraker”)
• ‘Iona Loser’ (FAKE)
• ‘Kissy Mibuti’ (FAKE)

After being bombarded with unprecedented hype about satellite radio over the holiday season, one might ask: How bad does broadcast radio have to be for consumers to consider buying special equipment and paying a monthly fee to avoid it? For some reason a lot of broadcasters refuse to eliminate the annoyance factors that are causing listeners to jump on the satellite bandwagon. Among them …
• Yickety-Yak: Quit talking just to hear yourself. Reality check – most people aren’t tuned in to hear you at all. So make sure you have something to say; say it; then get the hell off!
• Endless Promos: To the listener, there’s no difference between a commercial for an advertiser and a commercial for your station (which is what promos actually are). Many stations interrupt music with promos about how they play blocks of music ‘commercial-free’ – it would be funny if it wasn’t so freakin’ annoying!
• Consistency in Sound: All the components of your station need to fit together. For instance, a jarringly loud, hard-sell spot on a soft rock station is a total tune-out. Sometimes you need to turn down a quick buck in order to protect your overall product.
• Broadening the Universe: If ‘JACK’-type radio stations have taught us anything, it’s that tight rotation playlists are a thing of the past. To the listener, playing ‘more music’ now means playing more selections. Redundancy kills!

Today’s Question: 1 in 300 women admits to doing THIS in a car.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Giving birth.  

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.


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