Friday, January 23, 2009 Edition: #3944
Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!


Mike Myers’ box office bomb “The Love Guru” leads nominations for the annual “Razzie Awards”, the ‘anti-Oscars’ handed out for the year’s worst films, with a total of 7 citations (‘winners’ announced February 21st) . . . Reports say grieving actor John Travolta is the victim of an extortion attempt, someone demanding millions for a photo of his 16-year-old son Jett as he lay dying in the back of an ambulance in exchange for not selling it to the highest bidder (our first candidates for ‘Scum of the Year’) . . . Millennium Films is suing Tutima USA for allegedly failing to pay a $50,000 fee to show a 3-second close-up of one of their watches in the 2008 Al Pacino-Robert De Niro movie “Righteous Kill” (can we charge for ‘product placement’ on radio?) . . . A month after his brother was found shot outside his Beverly Hills CA home, actor Mark Ruffalo is putting his career back on track by directing & starring in the indie movie “Sympathy for Delicious”, about a paralysed DJ who develops the ability to cure the ill (can we charge for ‘faith healing’ on radio?) . . . New mom Nicole Richie is set to make a return to the small-screen with a family-focused reality TV show that will feature her daughter Harlow, her Good Charlotte BF Joel Madden, and her pop-singer pop Lionel Richie (this might be even more painful than “The Simple Life”!) . . . And “People” magazine reports that, despite a denial from his publicist, movie star George Clooney WILL be involved in the finalé of his former TV show “ER” (NBC) in some way, citing a recent closed set as evidence a surprise appearance is being shot (the only involvement we predict is his name in the 15-seasons-worth of credits).


• “The Hour” (CBC) – Tonight George Stroumboulopoulos features Smashing Pumpkins.
• Jewel – Tonight the country/folk/pop singer returns to the road to headline a North American solo acoustic tour. It kicks off at the Caesars Windsor casino in Windsor, Ontario.
• “The Last Templar” (NBC) – Sunday Mira Sorvino & Scott Foley star in this mini-series based on Raymond Khoury’s best-selling novel about a NYC archaeologist & an FBI agent who team up to uncover lost secrets of the medieval Knights Templar. Sorvino broke 5 teeth while doing her own stunts. Shot on location in Montréal & Morocco. Part 2 airs Monday.
• “Miss America Pageant” (TLC) – Saturday the 2009 poise-a-palooza airs live from Las Vegas with returning host Mario Lopez. This year it’s the culmination of a 4-part reality series entitled “Countdown To the Crown”, which has followed the 52 contestants as they lived together and prepared for the big night.
• “Producers Guild of America Awards” – The 20th annual film honors are handed out at the Hollywood Palladium Saturday as the run-up to the Oscars continues. The ususal suspects are nominated: “Benjamin Button”, “Dark Knight”, “Frost/Nixon”, “Milk”, and “Slumdog Millionaire”.
• “SAG Awards” (TNT/TBS/E!) – Sunday the Screen Actors Guild’s 5th annual honors for movies & TV are handed out. It’s the award show where only actors vote for actors. Forest Whitaker presents a ‘Life Achievement Award’ to James Earl Jones (voice of ‘Darth Vader’).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Actor John Malkovich hosts; TI is the musical guest.
• “The Simpsons” (FOX/Global) – Fall Out Boy has recorded a new version of the show’s theme song that will rock this Sunday’s episode.

• Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band – They’ll play stadiums in Europe in June & July as the first leg of a tour in support of the new album, “Working On a Dream”.
• The Faces – 64-year-old Rod Stewart & 61-year-old Ronnie Wood (Rolling Stones) are reforming their early ‘70s band to perform and possibly record. Late bassist Ronnie Lane will be replaced by none other than Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers), a young pup of only 46.
• Katy Perry – After splitting with Gym Class Heroes frontman Travis McCoy shortly before the New Year, the 24-year-old claims she’s taken a vow of celibacy for this year. No kissing anyone … except her cat, ‘Kitty Purry’.
• No Doubt – They’ve announced Paramore as the opening act for their 1st tour in 5 years, which will begin in May. Bedouin Soundclash will be the 3rd act on the bill at some venues. Dates have yet to be announced for the North American tour.
• Rolling Stones – Ronnie Wood is said to be considering leaving London to take up permanent residence with his 41-years-younger girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova in Los Angeles. (Where creepy old guys hanging with young chicks is nothing out of the ordinary.)
• Taylor Swift – Her album “Fearless” begins a 7th week at #1 on the ‘Billboard 200′, a feat that hasn’t been accomplished since Usher’s “Confessions” spent 9 weeks at the top in 2004.
• U2 – Musician Taylor Deupree is accusing them of copying his album cover for their new CD “No Line On the Horizon”. Both covers are based on a photo by Japanese artist Hiroshi Sugimoto. (Like they’d ever be able to FIND a copy of Deupree’s 2006 effort, “Specification. Fifteen”.)

• “Inkheart” ( PG Family Fantasy ): In this adaptation of Cornelia Funke’s bestseller, Brendan Fraser stars as a bookbinder who can bring characters to life by reading aloud. But his young daughter (Eliza Bennett) is forced to rally her friends – both real and imaginary – to rescue him when he’s when he’s trapped by an evil-doer (Andy Serkis, who played ‘Gollum’ in “Lord Of the Rings”). Co-stars Paul Bettany & Helen Mirren. Shot in Italy & the UK.
• “Killshot” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): Recently resurrected actor Mickey Rourke (“The Wrestler”) plays an old-school hitman; Joseph Gordon-Levitt (“3rd Rock From the Sun”) a young stick-up kid, who together go on a mission to find & kill an innocent couple (Thomas Jane & Diane Lane) who witnessed a botched shakedown. Based on the Elmore Leonard novel. Shot in Detroit, Toronto, Port Perry & Uxbridge ON. The film has undergone a series of re-shoots since its original completion in October 2005. (Geez, blow the dust off the film can!)
• “Underworld: Rise Of the Lycans” ( R-Rated Action Fantasy ): This prequel to the previous films (“Underworld“ 2003, “Underworld: Evolution” 2006) reveals the cause of the centuries-old blood feud between ‘Death Dealers’ and ‘Lycans’. Michael Sheen (“Frost/Nixon”) plays a powerful & influential Lycan who rallies his people in an uprising against the vampire king, played by Bill Nighy (“Pirates of the Caribbean”). Co-stars Rhona Mitra. Shot in New Zealand.
• Also released today: “The Dark Knight” is getting a re-release in both regular theaters and on IMAX screens, just in time for Academy Award voting season. The 2nd go-round should also easily generate enough box office to carry the blockbuster over the billion-dollar mark in worldwide gross (it’s sitting at $997 million).

• ‘Jitterbug’ – This innovative cellphone promises ease-of-use, especially for seniors. It doesn’t play games, take pictures, show videos, or give you the weather … it’s just a phone. It’s pocket-sized but the keypad is in large print and the buttons are bigger so you don’t ‘fat finger’ them. Come to think of it, you don’t need to be a senior to like this idea!
• ‘LightLane’ – Designed to make cycling safer at night, this funky little gadget surrounds your bike with a virtual bicycle lane by projecting a laser beam boundary around it onto the street. The idea is to provide drivers of passing vehicles with a familiar boundary to avoid. Unfortunately, the gizmo is not yet on the market … let’s hope it’s coming soon!


Ever notice? After learning to solve a problem a certain way, we’re often blind to more efficient methods. This phenomenon is called the ‘Einstellung Effect’. Matthew Hutson, News Editor at “Psychology Today”, says the effect has recently been studied in chess players, who often resort to common game strategies rather than looking for something better. The good news is, the tendency to be stuck-in-a-rut seems to decrease with experience. Having a little knowledge gets us into a groove but having a lot seems to get us back out. (With age comes … flexibility?)
– “Globe & Mail”


For the past decade, 39-year-old artist Marizio Savini has been making sculptures from thousands of pieces of … chewed bubble gum. His sculptures include a life-size buffalo, a grizzly bear, and businessmen doing gymnastics. Why chewing gum? Savini says it’s an amazingly versatile material compared to those used by the traditional arts. His sticky sculptures have been exhibited all over the world, including London, Edinburgh, Rome and Berlin, where they have sold for over $50,000 apiece. (Does he hire chewing assistants or what?)
– “Telegraph”


A few fast facts about food …
• Approximately 1 billion snails are served in restaurants annually. (Haute cuisine from your driveway!)
• The tall chef’s hat is called a ‘toque’. (No no no! When it’s 20-below and you need a pull-down knit hat to keep your ears from falling off … now THAT’S a toque!)
• Wine is sold in tinted bottles because wine spoils when exposed to light. (Drink it! Quick! Before it rots!)
• The can opener was invented 48 years after cans were introduced. (Before that cans were used for … decoration?)
• An onion, apple, and potato all have the same taste. The differences in flavor are caused by their smell. (Man [co-host], your apple breath is killing me this morning!)


1953 [56] Robin Zander, Beloit WI, classic rock singer/guitarist (Cheap Trick-“The Flame”)

1957 [52] Princess Caroline Grimaldi of Monaco, Monte Carlo, Monaco, idle rich girl

1964 [45] Mariska Hargitay, Santa Monica CA, TV actress (‘Detective Olivia Benson’ on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” since 1999)

1975 [34] Nick Harmer, Landstuhl, Germany, rock bassist (Death Cab For Cutie-“I Will Possess Your Heart”, “Soul Meets Body”)

Pop singer Neil Diamond (“Home Before Dark”) is 68; Country musician Keech Rainwater (Lonestar) is 46; TV actor Ed Helms (“The Office”) is 35; TV actress Mischa Barton (ex-“The OC”) is 23.

TV actress Ana Ortiz (“Ugly Betty”) is 38; Rock musician Matt Odmark (Jars of Clay) is 35; Pop/R&B singer Alicia Keys (“No One”) is 28; Celebrity spawn Rene Charles Angelil (son of Celine Dion) is 8.


• “Fun at Work Day”, because experts say when we enjoy our work, we are more productive.
• “Handwriting Day”, a day set aside to recognize ‘graphology’ (handwriting analysis) and to encourage more legible handwriting.
• “Measure Your Feet Day”, a good excuse to conduct a poll to find the listener with the largest.
• “Pie Day”, celebrating the pie as an ‘art form’. Isn’t it better used as a weapon?
• “School Nurse Day”, an annual observance honoring that wonderful person who supplies painkillers when you have a headache and ‘excuse slips’ when you want to skip classes.
• “Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day”, when snowplow drivers are encouraged to take out as many mailboxes as possible. High score wins! Hey, any excuse to have fewer bills delivered.
• “Spieling Day”, honoring that great pastime … blathering. Celebrants are encouraged to give long-winded speeches about meaningless subjects to family & co-workers. Gee, thanks.

• “Beer Can Appreciation Day”, observed on the anniversary of the 1st canned beer, marketed by Kruegar Brewing of Richmond VA on this day 74 years ago in 1935. Hmm, what should we do to celebrate? Admire the bottom of a can … from the inside?
• “Compliment Day”, a day to bolster someone else’s self-esteem. Go ahead, tell someone they’re not looking as fat and ugly as usual.
• “Direct Deposit Week”, which either has to do with having your pay directly deposited into your bank account … or making babies the ‘old fashioned way’.
• “Peanut Butter Day”, unless someone in the house is at risk of anaphylactic shock from an allergy. Originally called ‘nutmeal’, peanut butter has only been around for about 120 years but it’s a staple in 85% of homes and we eat about 3 lbs per person per year. If you have arachibutyrophobia, you’re afraid of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth!

• “International Internet-Free Day”, the 10th annual recognition of our need for contact with the ‘real world’. The idea is, for one day, to set aside time for a ‘real’ chat, write some ‘real’ mail, look things up in a ‘real’ book, etc. What would you miss most about not going online for a day?
• “Opposite Day”, a day to do everything backwards (ie: eat left-handed) as a fun way to get out of your tedious, day-in, day-out, lackluster, humdrum, milquetoast, run-of-the-mill rut.
• “Punch the Clock Day”, a day to calmly do your job stress-free, then go home and enjoy your real life. (A warm-up for next week’s ‘Punch the Boss Day’.)
• “Robbie Burns Day”, party time for Scots everywhere! It honors Scotland’s national poet who was born January 25, 1759 and whose most famous composition was “Auld Lang Syne”. A traditional ‘Burns Supper’ includes cock-a-leekie soup (fowl, leeks & herbs), haggis (minced sheep’s heart, lungs & liver mixed with oatmeal), neeps & tatties (mashed turnip & potatoes). The meal is then washed down with Scotch whisky toasts.


2004 [05] Long-running NBC-TV sitcom “Friends” films its final episode in front of an invitation-only audience

2005 [04] Former “Tonight Show” host Johnny Carson dies in Malibu CA at age 79

1986 [23] The initial “Rock & Roll Hall of Fame” inductees include Elvis Presley, Chuck Berry & Fats Domino


1942 [67] ‘Tupperware’ is invented (that stuff in your cupboard you can’t find the lids for)

1981 [28] 1st NHLer to score 50 goals in 50 games (Mike Bossy-NY Islanders)

2006 [03] Stephen Harper is elected Canada’s 22nd Prime Minister

1916 [93] Browning, Montana sets record for 24-hour temp variation at 100 degrees (from +44 F to -56 F)

1935 [74] Lowest-ever recorded Ontario temperature (-58.3 C at Iroquois Falls)

1971 [38] Lowest US temperature ever recorded (-80 F at Prospect Creek Camp, Alaska)

[Mon] Chinese New Year
[Mon] Australia Day
[Tues] Thomas Crapper Day
[Tues] Family Literacy Day
[Wed] International Make Your Point Day
[Thurs] Kazoo Day
[Thurs] Corn Chip Day
This Week Is … Creative Frugality Week
This Month Is … Mail-Order Gardening Month


Some of the surprising things you can do with toothpaste …
• Remove Crayon Marks – Squirt a small dab on non-gel toothpaste on the wall where the mark is. Rub gently with a soft cloth, then rinse with warm water. Voila!
• Deodorize Hands – Can’t get garlic or onion odor off your hands? Wash them with a blob of toothpaste.
• Whiten Sneakers – Clean rubber soles by rubbing scuff marks with an old toothbrush and non-gel toothpaste.
• Buff a DVD – Get rid of light scratches by squeezing a little non-gel toothpaste onto a cotton ball. Wipe over the DVD from the center out to the edge. Rinse with water and dry with a non-abrasive, lint-free cloth … all gone.
• Defog Goggles – Coat the inside of swimming goggles with toothpaste, then wipe off – they’ll be crystal clear.
– “Woman’s Day”


Well, the chickens have come home to roast …


Today’s Question: 28% of high school students do THIS at least once a week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Fall asleep in class.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

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