Monday, January 31, 2005        Edition: #2959
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
• TODAY Michael Jackson‘s child-molestation trial is finally scheduled to begin. In last minute rulings, the judge has declared that dozens of adult-oriented books, magazines & DVDs can be used as evidence, that the accuser should testify in open court, and that jurors can watch the British documentary “Living With Michael Jackson”, hosted by journalist Martin Bashir.
– E! Online
NET: http://www.usatoday.com/life/music/2005-01-27-jackson-list-usat_x.htm
• TODAY in Melbourne, Australia, production is scheduled to begin on the movie adaptation of the classic children’s book “Charlotte’s Web”. Julia Roberts will voice ‘Charlotte’ the spider in the film, which will blend live action with CGI animation. Other notables providing  voices – OutKast’s Andre 3000 (‘Elwyn’ the crow), Reba McEntire & Kathy Bates (‘Betsy‘ & ‘Bitsy’ the cows), Cedric The Entertainer & Oprah Winfrey (the geese ‘Golly’ & ‘Gussy’).
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• Oprah Winfrey has told TV execs at a Las Vegas party she plans to retire when her contract is up in 2011. At that point, Oprah would be 57 and her show would have aired for 25 years. However, she’s hinted she was ready to quit twice before … then changed her mind.
– “NY Post”
• Clint Eastwood has been declared ‘Filmmaker of the Year’ by his peers. He won the Directors Guild of America honor SATURDAY for his boxing movie “Million Dollar Baby”. That solidifies his prospects of winning his 2nd ‘Best Director’ award at the Oscars. He previously won the DGA Award and the Academy Award for 1992′s “Unforgiven”.
– AP
• Jennifer Lopez’s contract rider stipulates that her backstage needs include soft chocolate chip cookies, sour cream & onion potato chips, nacho cheese Doritos, M&Ms, Snickers, Hershey bars, white bread, American cheese, and caffeine-free Pepsi.
– “Us Magazine”
• UK super-celebs Victoria & David Beckham are currently in trouble for not securing planning permission to build a $228,000 mini-castle for their kids on the grounds of their manor in Hertfordshire, known as ‘Beckingham Palace’. Alas, the kids’ ‘fort’ may have to be torn down.
– “Sun”
• Wrestler-turned-movie star Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson (“Walking Tall”) admits he has had the fat sucked out of his … chest! He says the liposuction was an ‘aesthetic thing’.
– “Daily Dish”
• Remember Leroy Wells, the energetic but unintelligible “American Idol” contestant whose audition aired last TUESDAY? Sure you do … he’s the guy with the fake teeth (‘crunk’) who kept asking judges – and everybody else – “Can you dig it?”. Well, he’s in the slammer. In fact, he watched his audition with fellow inmates in Mobile AL where he’s been arrested for allegedly shooting a guy after an argument.
– “Reality Blurred”
• Don’t expect to see Brad Pitt in a hot romance with Angelina Jolie. After sacrificing his marriage to Jennifer Aniston, he’s reportedly been rejected by the woman who so captivated him while shooting the movie “Mr & Mrs Smith”. He’s apparently out in the cold after Jolie has made it clear … they’re just friends.
– “National Enquirer”
• Seems things are cooling off between 37-year-old Aussie actress Nicole Kidman and her 39-year-old film producer beau Stephen Bing. Although they’ve been dating since OCTOBER, word has it she’s looking for a husband … and she doesn’t believe he’s the marrying kind.
– “Star Magazine”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashanti – TONIGHT she’s on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Coldplay – “Clocks” is being used as the theme music for Al-Jazeera TV’s sports channel.
• Destiny’s Child – Beyoncé says “Destiny Fulfilled” may be the group’s last album. Quote: “Maybe in 5 years we’ll do another record … maybe not.”
• LeAnn Rimes – She recorded “Some People” for her new album “This Woman” in just 1 take.
• Montgomery Gentry – TONIGHT they perform at “Kick Off to Super Bowl 39: Celebrate  Jacksonville”, the first official event of Super Bowl Week at Jacksonville FL’s Veterans Memorial Arena.
• REM – LAST WEEK they were forced to cancel their first concert in 10 years when their equipment failed to arrive on time at the venue in St Petersburg, Russia.
• Toby Keith – LAST WEEK a parent brought someone claiming to be the country star to a Leavenworth KS elementary school for pictures, autographs and to eat lunch with students. But some became suspicious and it was later confirmed the guy was an impersonator. No reason was discovered for the deception.
• Usher – LAST WEEK he reportedly spent over $20,000 on a big bash in his $6,000-a-night London hotel suite for his entourage … which has grown to 17-strong.

ODDEST TITLE:
We recently told you about wacky past winners in “BS”. The new winner of the “Diagram Prize” in “Bookseller” magazine’s 26th annual search for the oddest book title is “Bombproof Your Horse”. The book teaches riders how to prevent horses from bucking, balking, bolting or wheeling around when sudden noises or sights frighten them. It’s actually selling about 400 copies a month. This year’s runners-up include: “Detecting Foreign Bodies in Food”, “The Aesthetics of the Japanese Lunchbox”, and – hmm, wonder what this one’s about? – “Sexual Health at Your Fingertips”.
– “The Guardian”

ALUMINUM FOIL HAT WOULD BE CHEAPER:
A former Russian KGB agent has revealed the bizarre news that former Russian president Boris Yeltsin surrounded himself by a special ‘Psychic Security Force’ in order to protect him from evil scientists or extrasensory individuals who might try to control his mind with sinister psychological influence. Yuri Malin claims the Russian Secret Service still maintains the special force to protect top officials, although current president Vladimir Putin has chosen NOT to be protected.
– “MOS News”

GLOBAL DIMMING:
A decade ago, British scientist Gerry Stanhill compared Israeli sunlight records from the 1950s with up-to-date readings and found a staggering 22% drop in sunlight. Now he’s checked records in other countries and found similar drops. Overall, there’s been a 1-to-2% worldwide decline in sunlight in each decade since the 1950s. Australian scientists have confirmed this ‘global dimming’ and suggest that burning fossil fuels not only produces greenhouse gases but also tiny airborne particles of soot, ash, sulphur compounds and other pollutants that are progressively blocking out the Sun.
– BBC News

SPOOKY AFTERMATH
A second wave of tsunami-induced terror has hit the shores of Thailand as tales of foreign ghosts haunting the beaches and coastal towns running rampant in what experts call ‘mass trauma’ as a result of the disaster. Stories about ghost sightings have made many locals afraid to wander near the ocean as the spirits of dead tourists are believed to be roaming. According to some, foreign tourists can be heard laughing and singing on empty beaches. Cab drivers report picking up foreign tourists only to look in the rearview mirror and find an empty seat.  And hotel workers claim they hear foreign women crying ‘Help me!’ throughout the night.
– “Manila Times”

LIGHT-BULB LOCALES:
According to the newly-released 2005 ‘Lemelson-MIT Invention Index’ survey, here’s where we have our most creative ideas …
• In the car … 20.4%
• In the office, workplace or school … 19.9%
• In bed … 15.6%
• Outdoors … 14.4%
• In the bath or shower … 4.9%
• While exercising … 4.9%
• Watching TV … 1.6%
• Listening to music … 1%

BS AMAZING FACT:
Almost every home in North Korea is equipped with a speaker that issues government propaganda from morning to night.
– “Under the Loving Care of the Fatherly Leader” by Bradley Martin.

AND WE QUOTE:
“It doesn’t have anything to do with what we’re trying to do. We’re just trying to be funny.”  – “SpongeBob SquarePants” creator Stephen Hillenburg on allegations from Christian conservative groups that the ‘toon promotes homosexuality.

THE BULL SHEET 01.31.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1971 [34] Minnie Driver, London UK, movie actress (“The Phantom of the Opera”, “Good Will Hunting”)/wannabe pop singer (“Everything I’ve Got In My Pocket”)

1973 [32] Portia DeRossi, Melbourne AUS, TV actress (‘Lindsay Bluth Funke’ on “Arrested Development” since 2003, “Ally McBeal” 1998-2002)  FACTOID: She gave partner Ellen DeGeneres a platinum Tiffany wedding band for Ellen’s 47th birthday LAST WEEK and also bought a matching ring for herself.

1981 [24] Justin Timberlake, Memphis TN, pop singer (“Cry Me a River”, ‘N Sync-“Girlfriend”)/wannabe actor (“Edison”, opening AUGUST; “Alpha Dog”, opening OCTOBER)/Cameron Diaz’s boyfriend … or is it fiancé?

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Inspire Your Heart With Art Day”. (If you’re admitted to the ER today, instead of defibrilator paddles, they’ll be strapping a Renoir on your chest.)

TODAY is “Child Labor Day”, highlighting the problem of Third World children forced into the workforce. Canadian Craig Kielburger of Thornhill ON began an organization called ‘Free The Children’, dedicated to the elimination of child labor and exploitation of children, when he was just 12-years-old. Since then he’s become an unofficial roving ambassador for the cause.
NET: http://www.freethechildren.org

TONIGHT is “Play an Old Game You Haven’t Played in Years Night”. Maybe Yahztee, Scrabble, Monopoly, Canasta, … Hungry Hippo … Strip Poker?

WEDNESDAY is “Groundhog Day”, a celebration based on an old Scottish rhyme that says: “If Candlemas Day is bright and clear, there’ll be two winters in the year.” The Teutons (Germans) decided that if the Sun was out on Candlemas Day, an animal would cast a shadow, predicting 6 more weeks of bad weather (the ‘second winter’). The animal used then was either a badger or hedgehog. But when German settlers took the tradition with them to Pennsylvania, they used the groundhog (a type of woodchuck), which was abundant in the area. The woodchuck (as in “How much wood can a …”), is a member of the squirrel family. Canada’s best known prognosticator ‘Wiarton Willie’.
PHONERS: 877.844.9884/519.534.5492 (Francesca Dobbyn-Nadjiwon, Wiarton Willie Festival Co-ordinator
NET: http://www.brucepeninsula.org/willie.htm
•  ‘Punxsutawney Phil’ is the original forecaster and most famous hog. Despite what organizers would have you believe, since 1887 this ‘Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators, and Weather Prophet Extraordinary’ has seen his shadow about 90% of the time and only made correct predictions 39% of the time. But organizers don’t really care – this whole deal isn’t about accuracy, it’s about tourism!
• The groundhog is pulled out of its electrically heated burrow at 7:25 am ET, looks for his shadow and utters his prediction to a Groundhog Club representative in ‘groundhogese’. The representative then translates the prediction for the general public.
PHONERS: 814.938.2555 (Punxsutawney Historical Society)/814.938.7700 (Chamber of Commerce)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1997 [08] “Star Wars” is re-released in movie theaters as 20th anniversary “Star Wars Special Edition” and grosses a JANUARY-opening-weekend record $35.9 million

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1976 [29] Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Terry Bradshaw (now FOX-TV NFL analyst) launches a short-lived country career with the release of “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry”

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1928 [77] ‘Scotch Tape’ 1st marketed by 3M (without inventor Richard Drew, we’d still be wrapping up gifts with rope!)

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Feb 1] Freedom Day
[Feb 2] Groundhog Day / Candlemas (Christian)
[Feb 3] Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day / Men’s Grooming Day
[Feb 4] Midpoint of Winter / “Boogeyman” and “The Wedding Date” open in movie theaters
[Feb 5] Weatherman’s Day / Pay a Compliment Day / Dump Your Significant Jerk Day / SAG Awards
[Feb 6] Super Bowl 39 / Bob Marley’s 60th Birthday Celebration / Pay-A-Compliment Day
[Feb 7] Charles Dickens Day / Girls & Women in Sports Day / Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day / Rose Monday / Bun Day
[Feb 8] Mardi Gras / Pancake Day
[Feb 9] Ash Wednesday / Lent begins / Chinese New Year (Year of the Rooster) / Develop Alternative Vices Day / 25th Brit Awards (London UK)
[Feb 9-13] US Comedy Arts Festival (Aspen CO)
[Feb 10] Al Hijra (Islamic New Year)
[Feb 11] Inventors Day / Satisfied Staying Single Day / “Hitch” and “Pooh’s Heffalump Movie” open in movie theaters
[Feb 12] British Academy of Film & Television Arts Awards (London UK)
[Feb 13] 47th Grammy Awards / NFL Pro Bowl (Honolulu HI) / Boy Scout & Girl Scout Day / Get A Different Name Day / Read to Your Child Day
[Feb 14] Valentine’s Day
[Feb 17] “Survivor 10″ debuts on CBS-TV (Palau)
[Feb 18] Second Honeymoon Weekend / Thumb Appreciation Day / “Because of Winn-Dixie” and “Constantine” open in movie theaters
[Feb 20] Hoodie Hoo Day / Student Volunteer Day / East Coast Music Awards (Sydney NS)
[Feb 21] Family Day (Alberta) / Presidents’ Day (USA) / Card Reading Day / “The Contender” debuts on NBC-TV
[Feb 22] Spay Day USA
[Feb 23] Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day / Chinese Lantern Festival / Curling is Cool Day
[Feb 24] Flag Day (Mexico) / Full ‘Snow’ Moon
[Feb 25] “Cursed” and “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” open in movie theaters
[Feb 26] 25th annual Razzie Awards (LA CA)/ For Pete’s Sake Day
[Feb 27] 77th Academy Awards / International Polar Bear Day
[Feb 28] International Floral Design Day / Public Sleeping Day
[Mar 1] “The Amazing Race 7″ debuts on CBS-TV
[Mar 9] Dan Rather retires as “CBS Evening News” anchor
[Mar 20 ] Spring arrives (7:34 am EST)

BULL’S BITS . . .
THE WEEK’S WACKIEST TABLOID HEADLINES:

• “18 Nurses Pregnant After Rest-Home Viagra Party!”
• “UFO Washed Ashore by Tsunami!”
• “Bermuda Toilet Mystery – People Who Sit on It Vanish!”
• “Angel Shot Down by Iraqis!”
• “Muscle Implants Get You Buff Without Exercise!”
• “12 Great Tips For a Sizzling Night of Romance – Alone!”
– “Weekly World News”

BS TRIVIA:
Q: What’s the only other animal besides humans that can stand on its head?
A: The Asian elephant.

Q: If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get ?
A: Nothing, silly. A steer has been castrated.
– “Sudden Facts”

BS WEB GOODIE:
If you haven’t seen the ‘Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie’ Website yet, you just gotta check it out. Otherwise, what will you use to combat mind-control? The ‘Maintenance’ section is especially illuminating.
NET: http://zapatopi.net/afdb.html

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Which celebrity’s body shape is ideal for real women?
• What’s the strangest food item you’ve snuck into a movie theater?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: For some unknown reason, 99% of those who do THIS for a living are female.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Dental hygienist.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

WELCOME SHEETERS!
“BS” salutes new subscriber Brent Glasgow @ KCMQ [The Rocker] Columbia MO; and returning subscriber Daniel Thompson @ DUBAI 92 Dubai UAE; also samplers this week that include David Schmidt @ WJEZ [Lite Rock 98.9] Pontiac IL; William Hollowell @ WALR [Kiss 104.1] Atlanta GA; and Trixie Rios @ WAJI [The New Majic 95.1] Fort Wayne IN. You can subscribe or renew your subscription by following the link at the top of the page.


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