Wednesday, January 26, 2005        Edition: #2956
You Really Know Your Sheet!

TONIGHT “Simple Life 3: Interns” debuts on FOX-TV, with dum-dum debutantes Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie working as temps in odd jobs ranging from a daycare center to a funeral parlor (how has this lame concept ever lasted for 3 runs?) . . . Police in Australia are investigating an electronic listening device that was allegedly planted outside Nicole Kidman’s $9.5-million mansion in Sydney, Australia (chill lady, it’s called a phone booth!) . . . 34-year-old ‘80s pop star Debbie Gibson has posed naked for “Playboy” magazine’s MARCH issue to coincide with the release of her new single titled – what else? – “Naked” . . . “American Idol’s” Paula Abdul is attempting a pop comeback with an album of dance tracks produced by – none other than fellow judge Randy Jackson . . . Apparently a deserted island is actually a good place to meet someone – “Lost” co-stars Dominic Mohaghan (who plays ‘Charlie’ and was ‘Merry’ in “Lord of the Rings”) and Evangeline Lilly (nee Fort Saskatchewan AB who plays ‘Kate Ryan’) are being described as ‘inseparable’ (get out the garden hose!) . . . Disney is launching a new 24-hour news network called ‘ABC News Now’ that will be available ‘at any time over any device’ (wow, now you can get headlines on your toaster) . . . Miami Heat star Shaquille O’Neal gave Donald Trump a seemingly outlandish wedding present – a white Phantom Rolls Royce – but O’Neal says he’s keeping it at his own house where it’ll be parked whenever Trump wants to use it (nice gift, ya cheap bastard, you’re offering a loner?) . . . Ashton Kutcher is producing a new series for the WB this summer entitled “Beauty & the Geek”, a reality show that will couple up seemingly mismatched pairs in order to see which work best together (aghh, when will it end?).

• Britney Spears – She’s just gotten another 2 tattoos: a Hebrew symbol representing the ‘power of healing’ on her neck (or is that just a hickey?); and some pink dice on the left wrist, a ‘personal symbol’ of her love for hubby Kevin Federline (‘cause when she gets married, it’s a crap shoot). He, by the way, got blue dice.
• Ciara – TODAY she’s on TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Clay Aiken – He’s set to guest star on an upcoming episode of NBC’s “Scrubs”. (As a sickly pale patient?)
• Mariah Carey – She was reportedly so lonely during a video shoot in LA, she paid $2,850 to have her dog, a Jack Russell terrier named ‘Jack’, flown in from NYC … first class, of course. (Nothing exceeds like excess.)
• Tim McGraw & Nelly – After scoring a hit with “Over and Over”, they’ve teamed up again to shoot a Budweiser ad that will run during the Super Bowl. (Another clever commercial we won’t see in Canada, dammit!)

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Experimental Travel’ – A new trend in which travelers impose odd challenges on themselves to add fun and frivolity to their trip, ie: hitchhiking in wedding outfits. (An offshoot of TV’s “The Amazing Race”, perhaps?)
• ‘Golf Cars’ – Luxury golf carts that are based on full-size vehicles like Lincoln Navigators, Humvees and Lamborghinis. And for the truly status-conscious, there are custom-built models. (Yeah, nothing says ‘class’ like a geezer in yellow pants driving around in a knee-high Navigator.)
• ‘Drunk Shaming’ – Decorating someone who has drunk himself into a stupor with markers, makeup, or food. (Basically, a new name for a time-honored college tradition!)

A new Pew Internet poll finds that just 1 in 6 search engine users can tell the difference between legitimate search results and paid ads. All major search engines return regular search results mixed with links that are actually paid ads. Google marks these as ‘sponsored links’, Yahoo calls them ‘sponsor results,’ and they’re referred to as ‘sponsored sites’ on MSN. The ads are normally on top of the regular search results and often highlighted in a different color, but only 38% of Web searchers even know the engines run paid ads. (Or care when they’re searching for ‘babes, clothing optional’.)
– AP

An Omaha NE Web-page designer who auctioned off his forehead as ad space on eBay has finally found a sponsor. Andrew Fischer will display the logo for the snoring remedy ‘SnoreStop’ on his forehead for 1 month in return for – $37,375. (Gee, with your chrome-dome [co-host], you could make like 70-grand!)
– “NY Daily News”

Many of us hit the snooze bar in the morning for an extra 9 minutes of Z-time simply because – well, it feels good. Now sleep researchers think they’ve found why – it seems snooze-bar users often slip away into one last dream. Studies show these last-minute dreams are easiest to remember, which psychologists say helps us start the day with a clearer sense of what’s really bothering us or what brings us joy. (No kidding? Some of us just need the extra 9 minutes to figure out which way the floor is at.)
– “Baltimore Sun”

• Cops in suburban Vancouver are searching for a thief who was observed stuffing several vibrators into his clothing at a sex-toy store. The man fled after a clerk asked if he’d be needing batteries. (Authorities say you should be on the lookout for any guy who appears really, really, really happy to see you.)
• In California, they’re putting bar-codes on – cadavers! The University of California hopes the body-tracking devices will halt the illegal selling of cadavers for profit. (And also avoid stiff mark-ups.)
• British police say they’ve found another creative use for WD-40 – preventing people from snorting cocaine off toilet lids in bars. (Is anyone who will ingest material off a toilet going to be deterred by a little lubricant smeared on the seat?)
• A 75-year-old Vietnamese grandmother who was hospitalized with stomach pains has been found to be carrying a fetus – that’s at least 50-years-old! She says she remembers feeling movement in her abdomen in her early 20s but then gradually – just forgot about it. (Her new baby is planning to retire in 5 years.)
• Lansing MI company Weyco Inc doesn’t want to pay the higher healthcare costs associated with smoking, so it’s enacted a new policy whereby workers can be fired if they smoke cigarettes anytime, anywhere – including their own homes! So far, 4 employees have been let go just for refusing to take a test to determine if they’re smokers. (What are the odds of these tobacco Nazis being among this year’s ‘Top 50 Companies to Work For’)

Percentage of 2005 vehicles sold in each color …
Silver … 24.1%
Black … 16.7%
Blue … 12.7%
White … 11.8%
Grey … 10.5%
Red … 10.3%
Green … 5.7%
Beige … 4.3%
Gold … 2.6%
Brown … 0.7%
– JD Power & Associates

According to Apple, music fans are now buying and downloading 1.25 million tunes per day from the iTunes Music Store, a total of more than 250 million songs so far!


1925 [80] Paul Newman, Cleveland OH, movie legend (Oscar-“Color of Money”, 1986 Honorary Academy Award for Career Achievement)/auto racer/food products mogul (“Newman’s Own”)  FACTOID: It’s been 50 years since his screen debut in 1955’s “The Silver Chalice”.

1955 [50] Eddie Van Halen, Nijmegen, Netherlands, Grammy Award-winning, plastic-hipped classic rock guitarist (Van Halen-“Panama”, “Jump”)

1958 [47] Ellen Degeneres, Metairie LA, TV talk show host (“Ellen DeGeneres Show” since 2003)/former sitcom star (“Ellen” 1994-98)

1961 [44] Wayne Gretzky, Brantford ON, Hockey Hall of Fame former player/’All Time Best NHL Player’ according to “Hockey News”/9-time NHL MVP/currently NHL Phoenix Coyotes co-owner & GM-without-portfolio

1974 [31] Chris Hesse, Agoura Hills CA, rock drummer (Hoobastank-“The Reason”)/nominated for 3 Grammy Awards in 2005 including ‘Song of the Year’

1983 [22] Michael Martin, Clinton MS, country guitarist (Marshall Dyllon-“You”)

TODAY is “Australia Day”, the national day for our mates Down Under that commemorates the 1788 landing of Captain Arthur Phillip at Sydney to establish a penal colony (does that mean they were all men?). Some facts from Oz …
• As part of the celebrations, the 24th annual “Cockroach Races” will crawl TODAY in Brisbane. Oz is home to about 450 species of cockroaches, most of which are bush dwellers.
• The Aussie reputation for imbibing is apparently well deserved. Stats show the average household has an $80 weekly booze budget. Over a year, a family of four spends about $4,135 on alcohol, guzzling 44 cases of beer, 14 bottles of spirits and 77 bottles of wine. (“Herald Sun”)
• A quarter of Australia’s population was born outside the land Down Under.

TODAY is “National Compliment Day”, on which we’re encouraged to pay a compliment to at least 5 individuals. Too often all we hear are complaints. Compliments make the giver and receiver feel better. (So [co-host], your hairdo is hurting less than yesterday …)

THIS WEEK is the 2nd annual “No Name-Calling Week”, aimed at curbing insults of all kinds in middle schools, whether they are based on appearance, background or behavior. The initiative was developed by the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, which is seeking to ensure that schools safely accommodate students of all kinds. (Why not substitute meaningless putdown terms that won’t offend anyone … you wafer!)

3500BC [5505] Ancient Sumerians invent ‘beer’ (next day, the 1st Sumerian is found driving the ‘big white chariot’)

1875 [130] 1st ‘electric dental drill’ (George Green of Kalamazoo MI is to blame)

1905 [100] ‘Largest Uncut Diamond’ is found in South Africa, weighing 3,105 carats (Melania Knauss is now wearing it)

[Thurs] Thomas Crapper Day
[Fri] Fun At Work Day
[Fri] Kazoo Day
[Sat] Corn Chip Day
[Sun] Election Day in Iraq
[Mon] Michael Jackson trial scheduled to begin
[Wed] Groundhog Day
This Week Is . . . International Clergy Appreciation Week
This Month Is . . . High-Tech Month


Here’s a good argument starter, seeing as many of these films are way vintage. What do you think is the best all-time ‘chick-flick’?
1. “Morocco” starring Gary Cooper & Marlene Dietrich (1930)
2. “Camille” with Greta Garbo & Robert Taylor (1936)
3. Alfred Hitchcock’s “Notorious” with Cary Grant & Ingrid Bergman (1946)
4. “The French Lieutenant’s Woman” starring Meryl Streep & Jeremy Irons (1981)
5. “The English Patient” with Ralph Fiennes    & Juliette Binoche (1996)
– “O Magazine”

Stuff you can say that’ll always make marks with your woman …
• “How was your day?”
• “Could you help me?”
• “Do you need anything?”
• “I love how you … [your accolade here]”
• “Only you … [your compliment here]”
– Fun Online Corp

1. Pink
2. Lil’ Kim
3. Nicole Richie
1. Michael Moore
2. Dr Phil
3. Eminem
(Hey, why isn’t the Donald on this list?)
– 11th annual Sally Beauty ‘CelebHead’ survey.

Women distrust guys who use pick-up lines for the same reason everyone distrusts auto mechanics … they’re usually just out to screw you.

Today’s Question: 60% of the time THIS is done alone.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Watching a rented movie.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

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