Thursday, January 6, 2005                              Edition: #2942
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28 years after his death, a re-release of Elvis Presley’s “Jailhouse Rock” is battling for the #1 spot on UK music charts (just in time for his 70th birth anniversary SUNDAY) . . . Nick Soderblom, fiancé of “Desperate Housewives” actress Nicollette Sheridan, was the ‘Featured Male Talent’ in Playboy’s 2000 production “Wet & Wild: Slippery When Wet” . . . Meantime, Sheridan is whining that she’s the ‘poorest actress’ on TV, earning a paltry $40,000 per episode for her role as the devious ‘Edie Britt’ . . . Yet another celeb couple engaged over the holiday season – actors Jude Law & Sienna Miller . . . Host Jeff Probst confirms that “Survivor Vanuatu” contestant Julie Berry (the one who enjoyed baking her buns) has become the love of his life (something to do with a reward challenge?) . . . 21-year-old actress Kate Bosworth has reportedly dumped her hunky 27-year-old boyfriend, actor Orlando Bloom, apparently because they’re just too damn busy to see each other (girls worldwide rejoice!) . . . 75-year-old TV producer/host Dick Clark will be unable to do his usual backstage star interviews at the “Golden Globe Awards” JANUARY 16th, remaining in hospital recovering from his stroke . . . Her reps are denying it, but actress Cameron Diaz reportedly pelted Deanna Miller repeatedly in the back of the head with ice chips in a NYC restaurant, apparently steamed over stories the 20-year-old underwear model ‘frolicked’ with Justin Timberlake during a Bahamas photo-shoot . . . Rebecca Loos, the celeb PA who claimed to have an affair with UK soccer star David Beckham, is now claiming that his ex-Spice Girl wife, Victoria, has had THREE boob jobs (wow, is she the girl with something extra or what?).

• Britney Spears – What she apparently really wants to do is direct. She directed the video for her upcoming single “Do Something in New York” and says she hopes to write and direct a movie musical.
• LeAnn Rimes – TONIGHT she kicks off auditions for the 3rd season of USA Network’s country talent contest “Nashville Star” at the Wildhorse Saloon in Nashville TN.
• Mario – TONIGHT the chart-topping “Let Me Love You” singer is on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Willie Nelson – SUNDAY he’ll headline an Austin TX benefit concert to help the relief effort for victims of the tsunamis.

The film version of “Miami Vice” is gaining momentum with Colin Farrell in serious discussions to play ‘Detective Sonny Crockett’ (Don Johnson’s role in the ‘80s TV show) opposite Jamie Foxx’s portrayal of ‘Detective Ricardo Tubbs’ (originally played by Philip Michael Thomas) . . . Samaire Armstrong (ex-“OC”) will co-star as Lindsay Lohan’s best bud in an as-yet-untitled bigscreen comedy about a girl whose lucky streak runs out when she meets a new guy . . . Willem Dafoe is set to star in “Widow’s Lover”, a film which he co-wrote with his girlfriend Giada Colagrande, who will also star in the film and direct.

Steve Jobs, billionaire co-founder of Apple computer, is offering a 17,000-sq-ft home for free! The downside is – you have to dismantle the 35-room mansion and remove it from his San Francisco estate. It seems Jobs wants to tear down the red tile & stucco house to make room for a new structure, but conservationists have lobbied to save it. So Jobs has struck a deal with planning officials whereby he can demolish it, but only if he first tries to entice someone to relocate it. So far, more than 100 people have applied!
– “The Scotsman”

Sports columnist Ray Ratto pokes fun at the newly re-named Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim by speculating on what would happen if other teams altered their names in this way. You might end up with, for instance …
• The New York Jets of New Jersey
• The Detroit Pistons of Auburn Hills
• The Tampa Bay Buccaneers of St Petersburg and Halfway to Disney World
• The Pittsburgh Penguins of Bankruptcy Court
• The Los Angeles Lakers of Kobe Bryant
• The Los Angeles Clippers Who Really Would Be Better Off in Anaheim
• The Arizona Cardinals of Hell
• The Montreal Canadiens, Toronto Maple Leafs, Ottawa Senators, Edmonton Oilers, Calgary Flames and Vancouver Canucks of Gary Bettman’s Basement Closet.
• The New York Yankees of Everything That Isn’t Nailed Down.

• Women aren’t kinky enough.
• Women think it’s rude when men nap afterward.
• Women complain about not enough foreplay but won’t say what they want.
• Men always have to make the first move.
• Women get upset when men can’t understand their anatomy.
• More frequency, please!
– Fun Online

• Radical Muslim cleric Abu Hamza al-Masri failed to appear before a British court THIS WEEK. His excuse? His toenails were so long … he couldn’t walk.
•  A Serbian woman has been jailed for marrying … a dead guy. The 32-year-old bride-to-be was angry when her wealthy 68-year-old fiancé died before they could wed, so she bribed a registrar to sign a marriage certificate anyway. The scam was uncovered when she tried to get her hands on the dead man’s fortune and his signature was found to be forged.
• A Granby, Massachusetts woman is seriously considering becoming a vegetarian after she went to stuff her holiday turkey and found … a dead rat inside. The US Department of Agriculture is investigating. (This is taking the whole ‘turduckling’ idea one step too far.)

1. Tom Hanks
2. Mel Gibson
3. Julia Roberts
– Newly-released annual Harris Poll

A Romanian woman is set to become the ‘World’s Oldest First-Time Mother’. Adriana Iliescu, an author and retired university lecturer, has announced she’s pregnant with twins after 10 years of fertility treatment. Get this … she’s 67-years-old!

• Herrings break wind to communicate and keep the school together.
• 90% of adults and 76% of children consume caffeine on a daily basis.

• “Bums can never be too big. I’m proud I’ve helped make curvy women sexy again … but I hate the word ‘bootylicious’. Everyone shouts it wherever I go.”
– Beyoncé quoted in “Daily Star”.
• “‘Who’s Your Mommy?’, [in which] 5 barren women are turned loose in a hospital’s nursery to grab an infant, then given a 2-day head start before being hunted down by the babies’ heavily-armed birth mothers.”
–’s suggested follow-up THIS WEEK’s FOX-TV’s reality dud “Who’s Your Daddy”.
• “It’s been so long since I’ve had any sex that I don’t remember.”
– “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher in the FEBRUARY edition of “FHM” magazine.


1953 [52] Malcolm Young, Glasgow, Scotland, classic rock guitarist (AC/DC-“Thunderstruck”, “ “Moneytalks”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1955 [50] Rowan Atkinson, Newcastle-upon-Tyne UK, movie actor (“Love Actually”, “Four Weddings & a Funeral”)/TV fool (“Mr Bean”, “Blackadder”)

1960 [45] Howie Long, Charlestown MA, TV football analyst (“FOX NFL Sunday”)/ad huckster (Radio Shack)/sometime movie actor (“3000 Miles to Graceland”)/former NFL DE (Raiders 1981-1993)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (2000)

1968 [37] John Singleton, LA CA, movie director/screenwriter (“2 Fast 2 Furious”, “Boyz N the Hood”)

• [Armenia] “Christmas”
• [Christian] “Epiphany” (aka “Three Kings Day”)
• [International] “Respect For Living Day”
• [International] “Smith Day”, celebrating the most-common surname in the English-speaking world.
• [Jamaica] “Maroon Festival” (since 1738)
• [Italy] “Epiphany Festival”, when the kindly witch ‘La Befana’ slides down chimneys on her broom to bring toys and goodies for kids.
• [Mexico] “Dia de los Santos Reyes”, when kids put straw out & leave shoes on balconies to be filled with toys by ‘Los Tres Reyes’ (The Three Kings) who bring gifts riding camel-back.

1974 [31] Canada’s new ‘Global Television Network’ debuts

1975 [30] Chuck Woolery hosts & Susan Stafford turns over letters on the new TV game show “Wheel Of Fortune” (most-watched game show of all-time)

1993 [12] Bill Wyman announces his retirement from the Rolling Stones

1936 [69] 1st-ever ‘female mayor’ in Canada (Barbara Hanley-Webbwood ON)

1681 [324] 1st recorded ‘boxing match’ (Duke of Albemarle’s butler vs his butcher)

1952 [53] “Peanuts” by Charles Schulz debuts in newspapers (most successful syndicated comic strip in history)

1980 [25] Philadelphia Flyers set NHL record of 35 consecutive games without a defeat

[Fri] Show & Tell Day at Work
[Fri] Organize Your Home Day
[Sat] Bubble Bath Day
[Sat] Eat Something Raw Day
[Sun] 31st People’s Choice Awards
[Mon] Thank God It’s Monday Day
[Mon] Clean-Off-Your-Desk Day
This Week Is . . . Lose Weight/Feel Great Week
This Month Is . . . Bread Machine Baking Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the ‘zodiac reading of the day’ …
• Aries – No one knows your plan. Sadly, not even you.
• Taurus – You may think you have found a new friend underneath your pillow, but it’s really just a puddle of your own drool.
• Gemini – You finally beat that computer game that’s been monopolizing all your time … with a bat.
• Cancer – This week you will have the opportunity to spend some time alone and reflect upon your life. Who knew getting locked in the trunk of your car could be good?
• Leo – If you can’t beat them, or join them, try drinking lots of beer.
• Virgo – Try not to force your opinion on others. Instead, opt for brainwashing or hypnosis to get your point of view across.
• Libra – This will be a good week to finally tell your parents your girlfriend isn’t real, but an imaginary cross-dressing newt.
• Scorpio – The stars say a 24-hour all-you-can-drink caffeine bar needs more than one bathroom.
• Sagittarius –  It may not be the tastiest way to get protein in your diet, but nightcrawlers sure are cheap.
• Capricorn – The folks at the office will get a laugh this week when you realize after working for 5 hours that you were fired a week ago.
• Aquarius – You will find the need to upgrade you memory after receiving a severe blow to the head.
• Pisces – In this world there are leaders and there are followers … and the rest of us who like to point and laugh.

BS Q & A:
Q: Who was the first ‘anchorman’ on TV?
A: The term was coined to describe Walter Cronkite of the “CBS Evening News”, likening his lead position to that of an anchor on a relay team. For a time in Sweden, TV news anchors were actually called ‘Cronkiters’.
– “Useless Digest”

Stephen Goldbart is a psychologist with the Money, Meaning & Choices Institute, a clinic that helps people cope with … wealth. Wow, there must be some real horror stories out there!
PHONER: 415.267.6107 (Kentfield CA)

Today’s Question: Recent studies show that we perform 30% better on tests if we have THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A cold.

Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.

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