Monday, January 5, 2009 Edition: #3930
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS!

• According to a Bahamian official, an autopsy is planned for movie star John Travolta’s teenage son today. 16-year-old Jett Travolta died after apparently hitting his head on a bathtub while the family was vacationing at their resort home in Old Bahama Bay. He had a history of seizures. Officials say they ‘expect a quick resolution’. (Seems they learned from the Anna Nicole Smith mess.)
• Hollywood actress Scarlett Johansson has won a legal battle to shut down an unofficial website bearing her name. Her legal team lodged a complaint against after the site ran a joke competition offering readers the chance to ‘win a smoking-hot threesome’ with the 24-year-old … purportedly a light-hearted reference to her movie “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”. (Damn … so it’s off then?)
– “Daily Express”
• Actress Lindsay Lohan & her DJ partner Samantha Ronson have reportedly been house-hunting in the glitzy United Arab Emirates paradise of Dubai. The pair reportedly fell in love with glamorous Palm Island resort and are looking to snap up a lavish $2-million pad. A source says ‘Lindsay and Sam love the tacky glitziness of Dubai’. (They’ll fit right in.)
– “Daily Mirror”
• Pregnant 40-year-old TV actress Kelly Rutherford has filed for divorce from the father of her unborn baby. The “Gossip Girl” star (‘Lily van der Woodsen‘) has filed legal papers in LA, asking a judge to end her 2-year marriage to Daniel Giersch (her 2nd). The couple already has a 2-year-old son called Hermes. (First the kid gets tagged with a dumb name … now divorce.)
– World Entertainment News Network
• Things are looking up for 47-year-old former TV actress Heather Locklear. She’s had her DUI case from September dismissed after pleading ‘no contest’ to avoid a trial. In return she gets 3-years’ probation, a 12-hour drug education program, and a $700-fine. And there’s more good news … word has it she’s in talks to return to “Melrose Place” for a remake of the primetime TV soap. (They could just base it on her life.)
• Word has it Libyan strongman Moammar Khadafy’s son, Saif, paid singer Mariah Carey a small fortune to perform at his New Year’s Eve party on the Caribbean island of St Bart’s. Continuing to contradict pregnancy rumors, Carey wore a tight dress that didn’t give a hint of a bulge and reportedly downed one glass of Champagne after another. An insider claims her brief gig at the Nikki Beach Club set Saif back about $1 million. (One more reason to hate on her.)
– “NY Daily News”

• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Scottish alt-rock band Glasvegas is onstage.
• “The Nirvana Reader: 1988-1992“ – A book celebrating the iconic alt-rock grunge band is published, highlighted by a collection of rare interviews and long out-of-print articles.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Folk rock singer/songwriter Iron & Wine (Samuel Beam) performs music from “The Shepherd’s Dog” album.

• Britney Spears – She spent New Year’s Eve in New Orleans LA at a family wedding. Big brother Bryan exchanged vows with little sister Jamie-Lynn’s manager, Graciella Sanchez.
• Grateful Dead – They’ll reunite in April to kick off a full 19-date North American tour as ‘The Dead’ in Greensboro NC. It’ll be the group’s first tour in 5 years.
• Katy Perry – She & Gym Class Heroes frontman Travis McCoy have apparently split up after weeks of arguments over her busy touring schedule.
• Led Zeppelin – Robert Plant has been named a ‘Commander Of the Order Of the British Empire’ as part of the traditional New Year Honors list issued by Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II. He’s also just been named the ‘All-Time Greatest Voice in Rock’ in an online radio network poll.
• Prince – He’s set to release 2 albums in ‘09, tentatively titled “MPLSOUND” and “Lotus Flower”, to be sold in digital form on a new website. He’ll also release a 3rd album, “Elixir”, as a collaboration with his protégée Bria Valente.
• Soulja Boy – Reports say he & several friends were robbed at gunpoint after 6 men invaded his Georgia home last week. A rep has now confirmed a ‘serious situation’ did occur … but refuses to blab any details.
• Taylor Swift – New SoundScan stats show she was the best-selling album artist of ‘08 for all popular music formats, moving just over 4 million units of her albums “Fearless” & “Taylor Swift”. Lil Wayne’s “Tha Carter III” was the single best-selling album of the year at 2.9 million units.

• Break a leg in the comfort of your home! The new ‘SKIGYM’ ski simulator is a fully-motorized stand-upon device that you connect to a PC in order to play the included ‘Alpine Ski Racing’ game. But at roughly $2,300, it’s almost cheaper to book yourself a ski trip in the Rockies.
• I spy a lie! The new ‘Agile Lie Detector’ application, which you can install on your iPhone for about $8, uses voice stress analysis to let you know if the person you’re talking to is telling you the truth or not. You say you’re working late again? I think not!
• No more mildewy undies, thanks to the twittering washing machine! Inventor Ryan Rose has developed an ethernet port & limit switch for washing machines that notifies the user a cycle is over by lighting up an LED sign as well as sending Tweets to the user’s Twitter account. But think about it, geeks. Wouldn’t it be easier to just take your laundry upstairs to mommy?

• Keep dryer sheets in empty stored suitcases. They’ll smell better when they are opened.
• Use hair conditioner to shave your legs. It’s cheaper than shaving cream and leaves legs really smooth. It’s also a way to use up conditioner you bought but found you don’t like.
• Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill it with hot water. Then dump it out but don’t dry the cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.
• Make glass & mirrors sparkle by mixing 1 part rubbing alcohol to 3 parts water in a spray bottle. Spray lightly and rub dry with a clean, soft, lintless cloth.
• Shoes scuffed? Dab the spot with a small dollop of Vaseline and blend it into the entire shoe top for an instant shine. Or, polish the shoes with a little hand-cream poured onto a paper towel.
– “The Abacus”

Beverly Hills CA plastic surgeon Dr Alan Bittner has reportedly been turning the fat from liposuction procedures into …biodiesel for his cars. Bittner claims on his website many patients have encouraged him to use their excess fat because he’s helping to save the planet by making so-called ‘lipodiesel.’ Unfortunately for Bittner, it’s illegal in California to use human medical waste for automotive purposes and the Public Health Department has stepped in to investigate. In light of the controversy, it seems the good doc has chosen to relocate to South America for the time being. (Will they extradite? Fat chance.)
– Condensed from “Curious Times”

What buzzwords of the past year need to be dumped? We hate the now ubiquitous expression ‘Moving Forward’ (also ‘As We Go Forward’). Seems everybody’s using it to indicate they’re progressive. Hey, if you aren’t ‘moving forward’ when it comes to time … you’re dead. Another phrase that sticks in the craw: ‘Employee Pricing’. Doesn’t it tick you off that the big 3 car makers have apparently been charging us extra all these years just because we didn’t work for them? Here are a few other candidates, these taken from Lake Superior State University’s 2009 ‘List of Banished Words’ …
• ‘Bailout’ – What is it? A loan? A purchase of assets by the government? A gift from taxpayers?
• ‘Carbon Offsetting’ – Why is it now considered fashionable if you pay to pollute?
• ‘Green’ – It’s become a marketing buzzword that no longer has any resonance.
– BS original

The ‘World’s Oldest Woman’ has died. Maria de Jesus was 115 years, 114 days old when she passed away in Portugal Friday. She outlived 3 of her 6 children and leaves behind 5 great-grandchildren. Los Angeles pensioner Gertrude Baines is now the world’s oldest, at a spry 114.

• Consumers use an average of 6 cordless electronic products per day.
• The average cellphone user owns 3 or more cellphones, whether in working condition or not.
• The average life span of a cellphone is only 18 months.
• In 2009, it’s estimated that 148 million cellphones will become obsolete and discarded in the USA alone.
• It’s estimated that up to 75% of obsolete cellphones are stockpiled in drawers by people who don’t know what else to do with them.
• There are more than 40,000 retail locations across the US & Canada where you can recycle used rechargeable batteries and cellphones.
– “National Geographic”


1931 [78] Robert Duvall, San Diego CA, movie actor (“Four Christmases”, 1984 Oscar-“Tender Mercies”)

1942 [67] Charlie Rose, Henderson NC, TV journalist (“Charlie Rose Show” since 1991, “60 Minutes II” 1999-2005)

1946 [63] Diane Keaton (Hall), LA CA, movie actress (“The Family Stone”, 1978 Oscar-“Annie Hall”)

1969 [40] Marilyn Manson (Brian Warner), Canton OH, shock-rock musician (“Personal Jesus”, “The Dope Show”)

1970 [39] Rick Campanelli, Hamilton ON, TV personality (“ET Canada” since 2005, MuchMusic 1996-2005)

1978 [31] January Jones, Sioux Falls SD, TV actress (‘Betty Draper’ on “Mad Men” 2007-08)

• “Bird Day”, a salute to our fine feathered friends, one of the greatest wonders of nature.

• “Secondhand Wardrobe Day”, celebrating the unique finds available in vintage clothing stores and thrift shops. (Love your anti-war T-shirt [co-host] … from the Vietnam war.)

• “Show & Tell Day at Work”, a chance for adults to partake in the kindergarten ritual with co-workers. A good day to have your crew each bring in something that makes a unique sound.

• “Thank God It’s Monday Day”, a celebration of the first Monday back to work in the New Year. No more of that boring loafing around like you did over the holidays!

• “Twelfth Night”, the “Eve of Epiphany”. Tomorrow is the “Twelfth Day Of Christmas” when, according to the carol, your true love should give to you ’12 drummers drumming’.

1970 [39] Daytime soap opera “All My Children” debuts (ABC)

1998 [11] 1960s pop star-turned-politician Sonny Bono (Sonny & Cher) is killed at age 62 when he skis into a tree at South Lake Tahoe, California

2004 [05] Britney Spears’ marriage to childhood friend Jason Alexander is annulled after just 55 hours of wedded bliss

1835 [174] ‘Worcestershire Sauce’ (pronounced ‘WUSS-ta-sure’) is introduced by Lea & Perrins

1889 [120] According to the “Oxford English Dictionary”, the word ‘Hamburger’ first appears on a restaurant menu, quoted in the “Walla Walla Union” newspaper (Walla Walla WA)

1910 [99] Montréal Canadiens play their 1st game as ‘Le club athlétique Canadien’, 7 years before the founding of the NHL

1940 [69] Edwin Armstrong demonstrates his new invention … ‘FM Radio’

1958 [51] 424 coins & 5 lbs of wire are removed from a man’s stomach (Sedgefield UK)

1987 [22] Tony Ferko sets world record by juggling 7 ping pong balls … with his mouth

[Jan 6] Epiphany or Three Kings Day (Christian) / International Respect For Living Day / National Smith Day
[Jan 7] Orthodox Christmas / Old Rock Day / I’m Not Going to Take It Anymore Day / Organize Your Home Day / 35th People’s Choice Awards (CBS)
[Jan 8] NCAA BCS National Title Football Game / 14th Critics Choice Awards / Elvis Presley’s Birthday / Bubble Bath Day / Eat Something Raw Day / Volunteer Firefighters Day / Pharmacists Day
[Jan 9] Play God Day / “Bride Wars”; “Not Easily Broken”; “The Unborn” open in movie theaters
[Jan 10] Full ‘Wolf’ Moon / BS Egg Balancing Day / Peculiar People Day
[Jan 11] 66th Golden Globe Awards (NBC) / “24“ season premiere (FOX) / Tattoo Pride Day / International Thank-Yous Days
[Jan 13] “American Idol 8” season premiere (FOX) / Make Your Dream Come True Day
[Jan 14] Assembly Line Workers Day / Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Jan 15] 2009 Sundance Film Festival opens / Fresh Squeezed Juice Day / Hat Day / World Religion Day
[Jan 16] Hot & Spicy Food International Day / Human Relations Day / Elementary School Teachers Day / “Defiance”; “The Class”; “Notorious” open in movie theaters
[Jan 17] Get to Know Your Customer Day
[Jan 18] Winnie the Pooh Day
[Jan 19] Martin Luther King Day / International Sing-Out Day / Penguin Awareness Day
[Jan 20] Obama Inauguration (Washington DC) / Philately Day / Rid the World Of Fad Diets Day
[Jan 21] Hugging Day / Squirrel Appreciation Day
[Jan 22] Academy Award nominations announced / Women’s Healthy Weight Day / Answer Your Cat’s Question Day / Speak Up & Succeed Day
[Jan 23] Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day / Handwriting Day / Measure Your Feet Day / Compliment Day / School Nurse Day / Fun At Work Day / “Inkheart”; “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans” open in movie theaters
[Jan 24] 20th Producers Guild of America Awards (LA) / 2009 Miss America Pageant (TLC)
[Jan 25] 15th SAG Awards (LA) / Opposite Day / 10th International Internet-Free Day / Robbie Burns Day / Punch the Clock Day
[Jan 26] Chinese New Year / Most Depressing Day Of the Year / Australia Day
[Jan 27] Thomas Crapper Day / Family Literacy Day
[Jan 28] Clash Day / International Make Your Point Day
[Jan 29] Kazoo Day / Corn Chip Day
[Jan 30] 36th Annie Awards (LA) / Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day / “New in Town”; “Taken”; “The Uninvited” open in movie theaters
[Jan 31] 61st Directors Guild of America Awards (LA) / Backwards Day
[Feb 1] Super Bowl XLIII (Tampa)
[Feb 2] 50th anniversary of the ‘Day the Music Died’ / Groundhog Day
[Feb 7] 61st Writers Guild Awards (LA/NYC)
[Feb 8] 51st Grammy Awards (LA)


BEST OF BS . . .
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of BS back issues …
We average about an hour per day or 2 weeks per year in the bathroom. A recent poll by the National Association for Continence sums up some of the things we do there …
• 50% of respondents say they read or ‘ponder serious issues’. (“Gawd, what did I eat!?!”)
• 33% daydream, sing in the shower, or … talk on the phone. (Tacky tacky tacky!)
• 33% of women admit they talk to themselves or ‘admire themselves’. (In the Biblical sense?)
• 22% of men claim they’ve made love in the bathroom. (Like any other location you name.)
– PA News

Today’s Question: 50% of us think we can do THIS but only 12% actually manage to.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Keep a New Year’s resolution.

It is better to be brief than boring.

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