Thursday, January 29, 2004        Edition: #2713
Thanks For Being a Bull Market!

“American Idol” judge Paula Abdul, who’s been missing in action on a couple of recent shows, was reportedly ‘slit-eyed and slurring’ during an appearance THIS WEEK on the syndicated TV gabfest “Living It Up With Ali & Jack”, some saying a bout with the flu is to blame, others claiming she ‘recently split with some guy’ . . . “American Idol” alums Clay Aiken (“This Is the Night/Bridge Over Troubled Water”) and Ruben Studdard (“Flying Without Wings/Superstar“) had the top 2 singles of 2003, according to new stats from Nielsen SoundScan . . . Accident-prone actress Halle Berry, who broke an arm filming “Gothika” and damaged an eye on “Die Another Day”, has been wounded in action again – this time banging her head on lights during a late-night shoot on “Catwoman” (pronounced okay after 7 hours of hospital tests) . . . Beyoncé has signed on as spokeswoman for a new fragrance from Tommy Hillfiger Toiletries coming THIS FALL . . . “AARP The Magazine” has selected “Mystic River” for its annual ‘Best Movie for Grownups’ award and “School of Rock” as ‘Best Movie for Grown-ups Who Refuse to Grow Up’ . . . Some idiot is suing Madonna & hubby Guy Ritchie for being cut out of ‘credit and compensation’ for their movie bomb “Swept Away” (what, he wants to pick up some of the tab for the loss on this mega-flop?) . . . “People” magazine is reporting that singer Marc Anthony’s wife, former ‘Miss Universe’ Dayanara Torres, has filed for divorce (they just renewed their wedding vows a little over a year ago) . . . Former boxer and current grill huckster George Foreman will next be launching his own fashion line – for big & tall guys, of course.

Adam Sandler & Chris Rock are teaming up for a remake of the 1974 prison comedy “The Longest Yard”, which starred Burt Reynolds . . . DreamWorks has given the greenlight to “Shrek 3″ even though it’s still 4 months before “Shrek 2″ debuts in theaters . . . Steve Alten’s upcoming novel “The Loch” is already being developed as a horror movie about the ‘Loch Ness Monster’ . . . Hot young acting studs Jake Gyllenhaal & Heath Ledger have been cast as a ranch hand and a rodeo star who form an unorthodox yet life-long bond in director Ang Lee’s adaptation of the Annie Proulx bestseller “Brokeback Mountain” . . . You’d think she’d learn to avoid movies from her pal Madonna but Britney Spears is at it again –  producing and starring in the upcoming “Door To Door”, about an ambitious teenage girl who leaves Michigan to become an actress in LA.

A Caribbean-based online betting site has already published odds for the Academy Awards. “The Return of the King” is predictably the favorite to take ‘Best Picture’ with 2/7 odds, followed by “Lost In Translation” at 9/2, “Mystic River” 6/1, “Seabiscuit” 15/1, and “Master & Commander” is the long-shot at 25/1.

• Two-thirds of all avocados sold in the USA are bought within 3 weeks of Super Bowl Sunday to be used to make guacamole. [False]
• Super Bowl Sunday is the absolute best time to visit Disneyland, because the park is virtually deserted. [False]
• Sewage systems of major cities have broken down due to the tremendous number of toilets being flushed simultaneously during Super Bowl half-time. [False]
• More women are abused by men on Super Bowl Sunday than on any other day of the year. [False]
• According to the so-called ‘Super Bowl Indicator’, when an NFC team wins the Super Bowl there will be an upward trend in the stock market throughout the year. If an AFC team wins, the reverse happens. [True, but only about 80% of the time.]

The new ‘Speedpass’ watch from Timex works like a debit card. You just flash it in front of a sensor to buy gas at selected Exxon/Mobil service stations, groceries at Boston-area Stop & Shop markets or fast-food at Chicago-area McDonald’s outlets. It looks like a normal watch and costs about the same. (Great, but every time someone asks you the time in a bar, you end up buying a round!)

• A Malaysian man in the Kuala Pilah district has been injured when his recharging mobile phone exploded beside him while he was sleeping. He was reportedly ‘scalded in the buttocks‘.
• The Russian Orthodox Church has rejected a recent request by a young follower to have chess declared – the ‘work of the devil’.
• Norwegian Sveinung Hobberstad traveled to Ghana to meet Sylvia, the woman he fell in love with on the Internet. Surprise! Turns out she’s a real princess – and he soon he will become an African king!
•  A 47-year-old beggar has been arrested in Brno, Czech Republic for dressing up in bright green clothes and claiming he was – the ‘Water Fairy’. He was busted for taking money from kids skating on a lake in order to guarantee the ice wouldn’t break.

These days they zip you in and out of the hospital in no time, right? Well, it seems it’s for the good of your health – prolonged bed rest can actually be bad for you. Medical experts say muscles and bones get weak rapidly after patients spend as little as one week in the sack. That’s why hospitals insist patients get up and move around, even after major surgery. (Yeah, but the drive-through delivery room is a bit much, don’t ya think?)
Source: “Boston Globe”

Remember Mike Rowe from Victoria, BC … the guy who got Microsoft’s goat by starting up a Website called Now he’s selling the 15-page threatening letter and other materials he received from Microsoft on eBay – and the current bidding is up to $500. Meantime, his thorn-in-the-side Website is still up and running …

• You’re funnier when you’re not trying to be. A study shows that 4 times more laughter is triggered by bland phrases than by formal jokes.
Source: “American Scientist”
• 40 cm of snow on an average driveway weighs more than 12 tonnes.
Source: “Canadian Weather Facts & Trivia”

“All I know about the ceremony is what I saw on Monty Python.”
– Bill Gates on what he’s expecting when Queen Elizabeth II awards him honorary knighthood.


1945 [59] Tom Selleck, Detroit MI, movie actor (“Three Men & a Baby”)/former TV actor (“Magnum PI” 1980-88)

1954 [50] Oprah Winfrey, Kosciusko MS, 1st woman to own & produce her own TV talk show (“Oprah” since 1986)/movie producer & actress (“Beloved”)/magazine publisher (“O”)  FACTOID: She says she’s throwing herself an on-air 50th birthday bash that will continue through the weekend.

1965 [39] Dominik Hasek, Pardubice CZE, NHL goaltender (Detroit Red Wings) currently sidelined indefinitely with groin injury

1968 [36] Ed Burns, Woodside NY, movie actor (“Life or Something Like It”, “Saving Private Ryan”)/movie producer/director (“Sidewalks of New York”, “She’s the One”)

1970 [34] Heather Graham, Milwaukee WI, movie actress (“Anger Management”, “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”)

TODAY is “Free Thinker’s Day”, celebrating the fact that everyone has the right to agree with what you think.

TODAY is “National Corn Chip Day”. Ask listeners to put 10 of them in their mouths and whistle a tune.

TODAY is “National Puzzle Day”, celebrating one of our favorite pastimes. Here’s a few real puzzlers for you to solve …
• A cabin, locked from the inside, is perched on the side of a mountain. It is forced open, and 30 people are found dead inside. They had plenty of food and water. What happened? [It’s an airplane cabin. The plane crashed into the mountain.]
• Joe wants to go home but can’t, because the man in the mask is waiting for him. What’s Joe doing? [Playing baseball.]
• A man marries 20 women in his village but isn’t charged with polygamy. Why not? [He’s a priest marrying them to other people, not to himself.]
• A man is alone on an island with no food and no water, yet he does not fear for his life. How come? [The island is a traffic island.]
• Jenny wins a race but she doesn’t get to keep the trophy. Why not? [She’s a horse.]

1958 [46] Actors Paul Newman & Joanne Woodward are wed (it’s their plywood anniversary!)

1959 [45] Disney classic “Sleeping Beauty” is released in theaters … to mixed reviews

1796 [208] Toronto’s main drag Yonge Street 1st takes its name from British Minister of War, Sir George Yonge

1900 [104] ‘American League’ 1st organized, with 8 baseball teams (Indianapolis, Buffalo, Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, Kansas City, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis)

1929 [75] 1st ‘Seeing Eye Dog’, a specially trained German shepherd named ‘Buddy’, is given to a Nashville TN man (the name derives from the original guide dog school ‘The Seeing Eye’)

1936 [68] 1st players elected to ‘Baseball Hall of Fame’ (Ty Cobb, Honus Wagner, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, and Walter Johnson)

1963 [41] 1st members of ‘NFL Hall of Fame’ announced in Canton OH (Jim Thorpe, Red Grange, and George Halas)

1988 [16] Largest NBA crowd (61,938 watch Boston at Detroit)

1995 [09] 1st NFL team to win 5 Super Bowls (San Francisco defeats San Diego 49-26)

[Fri] Fun At Work Day
[Sun] Super Bowl XXXVIII (Houston TX)
[Mon] Groundhog Day
[Tues] Men’s Grooming Day
[Feb 8] 46th Grammy Awards
This Week Is . . . Clergy Appreciation Week / International Green Week
This Month Is . . . Soup Month / Volunteer Blood Donor Month


Looking for a pay-out on your contract? Try these …
• Consistently show up late for work … then make sure you leave early.
• Be disrespectful or politically incorrect in the workplace.
• Do the bare minimum … and nothing more.
• Consistently handle personal business at work.
• Use illegal substances or drink alcohol during the workday.
• Use e-mail excessively for personal reasons or commit other fatal e-mail errors such as receiving inappropriate material, putting sensitive company info in messages, gossiping, etc.
• Abuse the Internet. 35% of companies have disciplined or terminated employees for visiting restricted or unauthorized Websites.
• Treat the workplace like it’s your own personal social club by spending more time visiting at other peoples’ desks than you spend at your own.
• Blatantly look for other jobs.

• Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full. [Co-host] says, “Are you going to drink that?”
• A tobacco company is coming out with a breath mint made from tobacco. Who would this be for? The person that doesn’t want to be a smoker but wants to smell like one?
• I’m in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with computers.
• Hear about the terrorist with a drinking problem? He was ordered into ‘Jihab’.

Today’s Question: 40% of men say they would not go out with a woman who did THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Earned more money than they did.

Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s “BS”!


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