Tuesday, January 20, 2004        Edition: #2706
We Give a Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Word is Nicole Kidman has finally ditched 8-month boyfriend Lenny Kravitz after all those reports of his affairs with Brazilian artist Isis Arruda & actress Michelle Rodriguez behind her back . . . A lot of people are working behind the scenes to avoid any awkward meetings between Nicole Kidman & ex-hubby Tom Cruise – with or without Penelope Cruz – at the “Golden Globe Awards” SUNDAY (she’s nominated for “Cold Mountain”, he for “The Last Samurai”) . . . THIS WEEK Sarah Jessica Parker and the “Sex & the City” crew are reportedly at the Plaza Athenee in Paris filming the final episodes of the final season . . . Cameron Diaz has signed with MTV to star in her own travel series which will follow her and pals on adventures around-the-globe . . . Word is the final episode of “Friends” is set to shoot THIS WEEK, much of it without a studio audience – to eliminate the possibility of loose lips spoiling surprises (’Ross’ & ‘Rachel’ – yes or no?) . . . UPN-TV is developing a reality series that follows Amish teenagers having their first experiences with modern conveniences in a show tentatively titled “Amish in the City” . . . A new play called “The Bathroom Tapes” has opened in LA – based on actual recorded conversations between women in the bathrooms of bars & nightclubs . . . And Sharon Osbourne says she’s upset with the latest “Worst Dressed List” from fashion critic Mr Blackwell – because daughter Kelly didn’t make it this year.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Open Range” (Western – DVD/VHS): Kevin Costner plays a former gunslinger who is forced to take up arms again when he and his cattle crew are threatened by a corrupt lawman. Robert Duvall and Annette Bening co-star.
• “Once Upon a Time in Mexico” (Action Adventure – DVD): In this 3rd instalment of director Robert Rodriguez’s ‘El Mariachi’ trilogy, the guitar-slinging hit-man (Antonio Banderas) gets involved in international espionage with a psychotic CIA agent (Johnny Depp) and an evil cartel kingpin (Willem Dafoe). Singer Enrique Iglesias has a small role as a sidekick. The movie has a slick look thanks to the use of High-Definition Digital Camera.
• “Cabin Fever” (Horror – DVD): In this no-name horror thriller, a group of college friends embark on a vacation deep in the mountains only to become trapped in the woods and methodically killed off by a horrifying flesh-eating virus.
• “Marci X” (Comedy – DVD): “Friends” star Lisa Kudrow plays a Jewish-American princess who’s forced to take over her father’s hip-hop record label and try to rein in one of its most controversial rappers (Damon Wayans).
• “The Simple Life” (Reality TV – DVD): FOX-TV’s entire 7-episode series starring glam-girls Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie is out on DVD just a week after completing its TV run.

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say that … people born in good economic times live longer than those who aren’t. A new Dutch study finds that as little as a 10% improvement in the Gross National Product adds about 3 years to the average person’s life. (This is because people who keep telling stories about how bad things were in the old days are much more likely to be clubbed to death.)
• Scientists say that … when people say ‘uh’ they are signalling a shorter pause than when they say ‘um’. Stanford University researchers say we have grown to understand this not only as speakers, but as listeners. (What we’re uh … wondering is how the hell they received funding to um … study this.)
• Scientists say that … shining light on the back of your knees can help ease jet lag. Research  published in the journal “Science” finds that your body’s circadian clock can be manipulated by focusing bright light on the area behind the knees – known as the ‘popliteal’ region. The treatment supposedly also works on insomnia, winter depression (SAD), and other time-related disorders. (The problem is you’ll develop popliteal melanoma.)

NOT YOUR MOTHER’S “PLAYGIRL”:
29-year old Micole Taggart and  32-year-old Robin Adams from Brooklyn NY are the co-creators of “Sweet Action”, a racy new magazine for women featuring sex tips, cartoons and pages upon pages of – full-frontal male nudity. The models are just regular guys, albeit extremely hunky. The mag’s founders say they created the mag after being frustrated there was no female equivalent to guy mags like “Maxim”, “FHM” and “Playboy”. They say they’ll remain focused on average guys although there is a short list of stars they wouldn’t kick out of the photographer’s studio, including actor Adrien Brody, Andre Benjamin from OutKast, and Anthony Kiedis of Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Source: “NY Post”

WANT A BOUFFANT?
THIS WEEK is “Spring Haute Couture Week” in Paris. It kicks into high gear TODAY with shows from Christian Dior, Versace and Torrente. Several new looks are expected. Among them – fashions inspired by Nefertiti and Cleopatra, and a return of ‘big hair’.
Source: “The Telegraph”

DUMB DINNERS:
Food presentation has reportedly become almost as important as quality and flavor in the trendiest upscale restaurants. Among odd presentations recently spotted – mozzarella soup served from a medicine dropper, duck plopped on top of a decoy, caviar balls attached to antenna wire, swordfish on a sword, ravioli in a soap dish, and drinks served from an atomizer like perfume. Perhaps the weirdest of all is featured at a new restaurant called ‘David Burke & Donatella’ in NYC – ‘angry lobster’ served on a bed of nails, with dessert on doll-sized little stoves. Detractors say the presentations are getting silly and make the food hard to eat.
Source: “Wall Street Journal“

FOR THE RECORD:
• Shutter-happy photo-radar cop Stephen Thomas has busted 329 speeders in Sheffield UK in just 5 hours – that’s 1 speeding ticket every 58 seconds on average. His total haul – about $35,000.
• A giant omelette has been prepared in Uzes, France for the annual fair celebrating the truffle, an extremely rare black mushroom that’s rooted out by specially trained pigs and dogs. A giant frying pan measuring 3.7 meters (12 ft) in diameter was used to cook up some 3,200 eggs and 3.5 kilos of truffles. By the way, the price of truffles (tuber melanosporum) has recently risen to 1,000 euros per kilo ($560 per lb). No wonder it’s nicknamed the ‘black diamond’.
• A 12,000-square-foot penthouse duplex in NYC’s soon-to-be-completed 80-story ‘Time Warner Center’ will be the most expensive condo ever sold in the city (and perhaps the world) at an astounding – $42.5 million!

THE BULL SHEET 01.20.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1952 [52] Paul Stanley (Eisen), Queens NY, classic rock guitarist/singer (KISS-“Rock & Roll All Night”, “Beth”) who’s released over 30 albums with KISS.  FACTOID: He was one of the last to play ‘The Phantom’ in the Toronto production of “The Phantom of the Opera”.

1954 [50] Patty Hearst, San Francisco CA, publishing heiress kidnapped by the ‘Symbionese Liberation Army’ in 1974 who’s now a sometime movie actress (plays a woman who gets off on ‘frottage’, the act of rubbing up against another person in a crowd, in the new comedy “A Dirty Shame”; co-stars in “Second Best”, screened at this year’s “Sundance Film Festival”)

1956 [48] Bill Maher, NYC, TV talk show host (“Real Time with Bill Maher”, “Politically Incorrect” 1994-2002)

1965 [39] John Michael Montgomery, Lexington KY, country singer (“Sold: Grundy County Auction Incident”, “I Swear”, “I Love The Way You Love Me”)

1969 [35] Melissa Rivers, NYC, annoying TV co-host of numerous awards ‘preshows’ with annoying mom Joan Rivers/reality show contestant (“I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!” 2003)

1979 [25] Rob Bourdon, Calabasas CA, rock drummer (Linkin Park-“Numb”, “In the End”, “One Step Closer”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Astrology] Sign of Aquarius begins (the ‘Water Carrier’)
[International] “Human Relations Day” (certainly more fun than relations with an animal)
[International] “Philately Day” (you just can’t lick it!)

TODAY is “Penguin Awareness Day”. We’re guessing the if you’re walking down the street today and run into one – you’ll be VERY aware.

TODAY is “Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day”, as declared by the ‘National Council Against Health Fraud’, who’ll announce the annual ‘Slim Chance Awards’ for the worst weight-loss promotions of the year.
PHONER: 701-567-2646 (Frances Berg-Hettinger ND)
NET: http://www.healthyweightnetwork.com/

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1884 [120] La Marcus Thompson patents USA’s 1st ‘roller coaster’ (450-foot-long ‘Switchback Railway’ at Coney Island NY)

1892 [112] 1st officially recognized ‘basketball game’ played, devised by Canadian James Naismith (YMCA-Springfield MA)

1982 [22] 1st edition of “Late Night With David Lettermen” on NBC-TV

1982 [22] 1st ‘camcorder’ developed (leading to stacks of tapes in the closet that you never look at and numerous TV shows that feature clips of men getting hit in the crotch)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Weedless Wednesday
[Wed] Squirrel Appreciation Day
[Thurs] Chinese New Year (Year of the Monkey)
[Thurs] Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day
[Fri] Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day
[Sun] 61st Golden Globe Awards
[Mon] Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
This Week Is . . . Jaycee Week / National Thrift Week
This Month Is . . . January Diet Month / Market Ability Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS CROSSBRED DOGS:

• Pekingese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog.
• Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly.
• Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work.
• Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional holiday season pet.
• Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful noises.

BS TRIVIA:
Q: 89 years ago TODAY (1915) the ‘US Revenue Cutter Service’ and the ‘Life Saving Service’ merged. What did they form?
A: The newly established ‘US Coast Guard’.

BS ‘RADIO JEOPARDY’:
TV game show “Jeopardy!” debuted 40 years ago in 1964. The radio version is simple – you give the answers, your contestants must supply the questions. When they can’t, you fill in the zinger.
• The answer is – salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. [The correct question is – Name the four seasons.]
• The answer is – premature death. [Name a major disease associated with cigarette smoking.]
• The answer is – a small lie. [What is the fibula?]
• The answer is – she thinks someone is taking her picture. [Why does (traffic reporter) like lightning?]
• The answer is – there’s a stamp on it. [How can you tell you’ve received e-mail from your techno-challenged mother?]
• The answer is – she calls you long distance to see if you got it.  [How else can you tell you’ve received e-mail from your techno-challenged mother?]
• The answer is – the Pop Tarts come out of the toaster in one piece. [What’s the mark of a great cook?]
• The answer is – he wouldn’t let a friend borrow his toothbrush. [What's the difference between (co-host’s) wife and his toothbrush?]
• The answer is – fitting the little bottles into the printer. [What’s the toughest thing about being a pharmacist?]
• The answer is – the oven doesn’t go to 700 degrees. [Why should you never double a recipe?]

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “When you talk to your kids, what unusual expressions fall out of your mouth that your parents used to say to you?” (“If I have to stop this car!”, “You’ll catch your death of cold!”, etc)
• “What COULDN’T you forgive your partner for doing?” (In a “Redbook” magazine poll, 50% of women say they could forgive their mate for gambling away the family savings, but only 30% could forgive an affair.)
 
BS BLATANT JOKES:
• I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
• I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was $12 worth of blinker fluid.
• Today I’m working until beer o’clock.
• A new contraceptive patch that works for one week has been declared effective and safe. I’m just wondering where you put it.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, the average person believes that THIS begins at the age of 26.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Adulthood.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.


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