Friday, January 9, 2004        Edition: #2699
Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

TODAY air personality ‘Ed the Sock’ is purportedly getting married live on MuchMusic (now there’ll be a pair of Socks) . . . TODAY Michael Jackson is due in court for arraignment on multiple counts of child molestation, facing up to 8 years in jail on each (dead man moon walking) . . . “Pirates of the Caribbean” star Johnny Depp will next play the rakish ‘Earl of Rochester’ in the upcoming 17th-century movie drama “The Libertine” (hopefully he’ll get the makeup right this time) . . . Word has it Brit actor Rowan Atkinson (“Mr Bean”) will play the wicked ‘Lord Voldemort’ in the next “Harry Potter” film, marking the first time ‘Potter’s’ arch enemy has actually appeared onscreen (will he drive a Mini?) . . . FOX-TV is sending Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie back to Altus, Arkansas for a “Simple Life Reunion” special (OK we’ll say it – UNCLE!!!) . . . Paris Hilton, by the way, was recently spotted making out with Backstreet Boy Nick Carter (obviously her taste is in her mouth) . . . Drew Barrymore apparently had a ‘bad face day’ during shooting on her new movie “Fifty First Dates” with Adam Sandler (opening FEBRUARY 13th) but fortunately, as co-producer, was able to order digital post-production enhancements to wipe out the zits (if only there was a mirror that did that!) . . . The NFL has turned down a proposed Super Bowl duet featuring Bono & Jennifer Lopez, the song about the AIDS crisis apparently too political for half-time show producer MTV (remember when MTV was cutting edge and actually took chances?) . . . And “Miss Match” actress Alicia Silverstone & “Friends” star Matthew Perry have been named “Cosmopolitan” magazine’s “Fun Fearless Female and Male of the Year for 2004″ (wow … is that good?).

• “Chasing Liberty” (Romantic Comedy): Mandy Moore plays the 18-year-old daughter of a US President who escapes from her Secret Service entourage while traveling in Europe. She falls in love with a handsome British stranger, who just happens to be working undercover for her old man. Said to be a modern-day homage to 1953’s “Roman Holiday”, which starred Audrey Hepburn & Gregory Peck.
• “Monster” (Crime Drama): Charlize Theron stars in this biopic about Aileen Carol Wuornos, a highway prostitute who was executed in 2002 for killing 7 men in Florida during the 1980s. The film centers on her life before the murders and her romantic relationship with Selby Wall (Christina Ricci), a woman she dated while still turning tricks and killing men.
• “My Baby’s Daddy” (Comedy): The girlfriends (Bai Ling, Joanna Bacalso, Paula Jai Parker) of 3 young guys (Eddie Griffin, Anthony Anderson, Michael Imperioli) all get pregnant at the same time, forcing the boys to grow up quickly and start acting responsible. Hijinks ensue.
• “Big Fish” (Drama): Tim Burton-directed story about a son (Billy Crudup) trying to learn more about his dying father (Albert Finney) by reliving stories & myths that his dad told him about himself. The film already has 4 “Golden Globe” nominations.

SUNDAY live on CBS-TV, it’s the fast-food version of entertainment awards, determined by a Gallup Poll of the public. There are just 3 nominees in each category, and some of them are a real mixed bag. Witness …
• ‘Favorite Male Musical Performer’: Eminem, 50 Cent, or Tim McGraw.
• ‘Favorite Female Musical Performer’: Faith Hill, Beyoncé, or Shania Twain.
• ‘Favorite Musical Group or Band’: Alabama, Brooks & Dunn, or Matchbox Twenty.
• ‘Favorite Movie’: “Finding Nemo”, “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers”, or “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl”.
• ‘Favorite Reality Show’: “Fear Factor”, “Survivor: Pearl Islands”, or “The Bachelor”.
• ‘Favorite Talk Show Host’: Jay Leno, David Letterman, or Oprah Winfrey.
• Among TV networks, NBC leads with 11 nominations, including 2 each for “Friends” and “Will & Grace”. CBS has 8 nominations, ABC 2, and FOX just 1.
• For the awards’ 30th anniversary, there’s a special ‘Favorite All-Time Entertainer’ category to be decided among Bill Cosby, Clint Eastwood, or Tom Hanks.

Florida inventor John Cunningham has patented a new ‘germicidal mailbox’ that sterilizes incoming letters through irradiation. It looks like a standard metal mailbox but is fitted inside with an ultraviolet light that zaps mail for about 15 minutes, thereby killing any cooties. The US Postal Service has performed a similar process on White House and congressional mail ever since the anthrax scare in 2001. (Can we get one for our computers?)
Source: Reuters

Actresses Mia Farrow, Joan Collins and Drew Barrymore are among the brides who, like Britney Spears, have given Las Vegas’ Little White Chapel an unlucky reputation — none of their marriages lasted. In fact, oft-divorced actor Mickey Rooney married there 4 times.
Source: “Daily Dish”

The Russian Space Agency has found a place to land astronauts if an emergency forces the crew of the International Space Station to use its Russian Soyuz escape pod – southern Saskatchewan. Transport Canada has apparently agreed to the plan that would see an area between Estevan and Yorkton used in the case of emergency. (Thereby doubling the population.)
Source: “National Post”

Sony Corp has reportedly developed a technology that boosts the audio recording capacity of its Mini-Discs from the current 80 minutes to a whopping 40 hours. The new disc is the same size as current discs, and new recorders will be able to accommodate both the new and old discs. It’s estimated that global sales of Mini-Disc players and recorders from all manufacturers have totaled about 80 million since the devices first went on sale in 1992. Sony expects to sell more than 7 million ‘Mini-Disc Walkmans’ worldwide in its current fiscal year.
Source: AP

Luxury pet care services are becoming a hot new field – things like cat & dog massages, cancer & arthritis treatments, pet acupuncture, and specialty room service. Why? It seems aging Baby Boomers are becoming more inclined to spoil pets as more and more experience ‘empty nest syndrome’. Just as their kid had to go to the best camp, the family pet now has to have the best toy or the latest gadget. For instance, a gym exclusively for dogs in Santiago, Chile is now offering personal pet trainers – starting at $145 per session.
Source: “Globe & Mail”

New casino chips with built-in ‘radio frequency identification tags’ (RFID) will enable casinos to spot counterfeits and monitor the behavior of gamblers, allowing them to check that big winners are not cheating the house. The technology may also someday be used in banknotes, so banks and stores will easily be able to check for counterfeit money. In fact, the European Central Bank was planning to use it in euro banknotes, but opponents suggested it could also be used to track consumers’ spending habits. (Soon there’ll be no such thing as privacy.)
Source: “New Scientist” magazine.

1. Metrosexual – a straight guy who’s into stylin’.
2. Flash Mob – a group that gathers at a predetermined location to perform some brief action.
3. Google (as a verb) – to search for something on the ‘Net.
4. Poo-X – any dog that’s a Poodle cross. (A Shih-Tzu crossed with a Poodle would be?)
5. Wife Acceptance Factor – features added to any gizmo to make it more appealing to women.


1935 [69] Bob Denver, New Rochelle NY, former TV actor (Gilligan-“Gilligan’s Island”) who now lives in West Virginia with his wife Dreama & still does countless fan fests dressed as ‘Gilligan’

1935 [69] Dick Enberg, Mt Clemens MI, CBS-TV sportscaster famous for exclaiming “Oh my!” (how come every sentence he utters ends up in the air?)/Sports Emmy ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’ (2001)

1944 [60] Jimmy Page, Heston UK, classic rock musician (Led Zeppelin-“Stairway to Heaven”, “Whole Lotta Love”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1992 as a member of the Yardbirds, 1995 as a member of Led Zeppelin)

1967 [37] Dave Matthews, Johannesburg SA, rock singer (Dave Matthews Band-“Gravedigger”, “Crash Into Me”, Grammy-“So Much To Say”)

1967 [37] Steve Harwell, Santa Clara CA, pop singer (Smash Mouth-“You Are My Number One”, “All Star”, “Walkin’ On the Sun”)

1978 [26] AJ (Alexander James) McLean, West Palm Beach FL, washed-up pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Shape of My Heart”, “One”)

1935 [69] Ronnie Hawkins, Huntsville AR, Canadian rock icon who assembled The Band

1938 [66] Frank Mahovlich (“The Big M”), Timmins ON, Canadian senator since 1998/former NHL star (Leafs, Red Wings, Canadiens 1956-74)/Hockey Hall of Fame (1981)

1945 [59] Rod Stewart, London UK, classic rock singer (“Maggie May”, “Do You Think I’m Sexy”)

1948 [56] Donald Fagen, Passaic NJ, classic rock singer/keyboardist (Steely Dan-“Reeling in the Years”, 3 Grammy Awards-“Two Against Nature”)

1953 [50] Pat Benatar (Andrzejewski), Brooklyn NY, classic rock singer (“Hit Me with Your Best Shot”, “Love Is A Battlefield”)

1964 [40] Brad Roberts, Winnipeg MB, has-been pop singer (Crash Test Dummies-“Ghosts That Haunt Me”, “Mmm Mmm Mmm”)

1978 [26] Matt Roberts, Escatawpa MS, rock guitarist (3 Doors Down-“Here Without You”, “When I’m Gone”)  FACTOID: The trio came up with their name when they saw the partial phrase ‘Doors Down’ on a building  in Alabama.

TODAY is the anniversary of the ancient observance “Virgin Sacrifice Day” (discontinued when qualified subjects could no longer be found).

TODAY is “National Static Electricity Day” (always a bad hair day).

TODAY is ”Step-Father’s Day”, a day to honor ‘all step-fathers everywhere who come into our lives and hold a special place in our hearts’.

TODAY is “Play God Day”. So what would you do if you were the Big Guy (Girl?) for a day? (You know … like Jim Carrey.)

1941 [63] 1st demonstration of ‘color TV’ (CBS-TV)

1951 [53] 1st ‘X-rated film’ premieres, in London ENG (“La Vie Commence Demain”)

2000 [04] Sitcom “Malcolm in the Middle” debuts on FOX-TV

1799 [205] 1st-ever ‘income tax’ imposed (England)

1932 [72] 1st recorded ‘pink snow’ falls as dust storm mixes with snow (Durango CO)

[Sat] Peculiar People Day
[Sun] International Thank-Yous Days begin
[Sun] Volunteer Fireman’s Day
[Mon] Clean-Off-Your-Desk Day
[Mon] Thank God It’s Monday Day
[Wed] Dress Up Your Pet Day
This Week Is . . . Intimate Apparel Week (aka ‘Wear Your Boyfriend’s Boxers Week’)
This Month Is . . . Fiber Focus Month (you REALLY focus about 18 hours after eating it)


One thing the computer age has brought us is a whole new language of acronyms. What do the following computer terms and short-text abbreviations mean?
• ‘LOL’
a. Limping Off Linux
b. Laughing Out Loud [CORRECT]
c. Little Old Lexicon
• ‘BSOD’
a. Bring Some Old Disks
b. Berth Screened On Dimly
c. Blue Screen Of Death [CORRECT]
• ’IMHO’
a. In My Humble Opinion [CORRECT]
b. Indoors, My Hard-Drive Opens
c. In My Hard-Drive’s Opinion
a. Right Off The Freakin’ Ledger
b. Rolling On The Floor Laughing [CORRECT]
c. Real Opportunity To Find Life
• ‘DSL’
a. Digital Service Line  [CORRECT]
b. Double Subscriber Line
c. Dark Systems Lingo
• ‘CD-ROM’
a. Compact Disc, Run-On Memory
b. Compact Disc, Read-Only Memory [CORRECT]
c. Compact Disc, Remote-Object Memory
• ‘HTML’
a. Hotlist Tracking Monitor Language
b. Homepage Transfer Master Language
c. HyperText Markup Language [CORRECT]
• ‘RAM’
a. Random Access Memory [CORRECT]
b. Rapid Application Memory
c. Real Analog Memory

“If you named your children after where they where conceived, what would they be called?”

Today’s Question: In a recent survey, 40% of respondents say THIS is the ad slogan that they’re most sick of.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: “Can you hear me now?”

It’s difficult to fly with eagles if you work with turkeys.

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