Thursday, January 8, 2004        Edition: #2698
Sweet Sheet!

TONIGHT “Survivor” producer Mark Burnett’s new reality series, “The Apprentice”, begins on NBC-TV in which 16 wannabe money grubbers compete for a top-paying job with real estate tycoon Donald Trump, who’ll ‘fire’ one contestant a week for 13 weeks (would you wanna work for this guy?) . . . If that show’s not to your liking, the pay-per-view series “Can You Be A Porn Star?”, hosted by porn actress (and California gubernatorial candidate) Mary Carey, also debuts TONIGHT with 28 women competing for a $100,000 cash prize & a 1-year contract with an adult video company (actual challenges include hot oil wrestling and eating hot fudge sundaes off one another) . . . Alt-rockers Green Day have announced they’re planning to release their first new album in 4 years . . . Mariah Carey’s theater debut in the London stage production of “The Sleeping Prince” has been postponed – until further notice (translation: she really sucked in rehearsal!) . . . Houston native Beyoncé will sing the anthem before the Super Bowl there FEBRUARY 1st . . . This might be the worst recording ever – William Shatner, best known as ‘Captain Kirk’ on the original “Star Trek”, is doing a new album of self-penned tunes for Rhino Records (click here for his excruciatingly horrible version of “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” – . . . Gwyneth Paltrow has reportedly begged Coldplay hubby Chris Martin to change his mind and NOT to take THIS YEAR off, because music means too much to him (geez, they just got married and already she’s trying to get him out of the house?) . . . And next time you’re watching “The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King”, check out star Elijah Wood’s red-rimmed, mangled fingertips – the reason his New Year’s resolution is to stop biting his nails.

Australian researchers say an Englishman who’s been living Down Under for 38 years is the rightful heir to the British throne. They claim Queen Elizabeth II’s ancestor, Edward IV, was illegitimate due to his mother’s affair with an archer. That would put Michael Hastings, a direct descendant of Edward IV’s brother, the Duke of Clarence, ahead of Elizabeth in line to the throne. (Hey, if you weed out all the bastards in the checkered history of the royal family, you’ll end up with someone like ‘Mr Bean’ as monarch.)

A compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ –
• Scientists say … refrigerators may be indirectly making us sick. French researcher Jean-Pierre Hugot thinks common bacteria that survives in chilled food may be causing an unexplained rise in the incidence of Crohn’s disease over the last 50 years – about the same amount of time we’ve been counting on refrigeration to protect foods from spoiling. (Rule of thumb: If it’s green and fuzzy – don’t eat it.)
• Scientists say … split-ups hit women harder than men. A new British study finds that women’s mental health doesn’t seem to recover from their last partnership split, no matter how long it’s been. And it becomes worse as the number of splits increases. (If this is true, the stars of “Sex & the City” should be institutionalized.)
• Scientists say … walking just 8 blocks a day can slash your risk of dying by more than a third If you have diabetes. And the new study from the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention finds that diabetics who walk 3 to 4 hours a week can slice their risk in half. (Unless you don’t see that out-of-control Mack truck behind you.)
• Scientists say … spending money is hard work. University of Texas analysis of several international surveys finds that the more money you have, the more time you need to manage it and spend it, which means you have less time for other stuff. Bottom line – the richer you are, the more stress you feel about time. (The reason everyone’s so laid back in the unemployment line.)

When today’s 40-year-olds retire, will their nest eggs be big enough? Experts warn that many of us forget to figure in inflation when financial planning for the future. At the current rate of inflation, what is today a $200,000 house will cost $1 million by the year 2030. An average, mid-sized sedan will be priced around $35,000, a ticket to a baseball game will cost around $75, you’ll pay about $130 for 2 movie tickets and a modest dinner, and a dozen doughnuts will set you back $13.
Source: “Money” magazine.

• A 38-year-old Catholic priest in Kostajnica, Bosnia says he’ll take on any other priest when it comes to weightlifting. The Croatian newspaper “Jutarnji List” reports that he recently jerked 280 lbs in front of his parishioners, and he’s now claiming to be the ‘world’s strongest clergyman’. (Yeah? Let’s see him arm-wrestle the pope.)
• Not to be outdone, a 44-year-old nun, Sister Rhonda Rice of the All Hallows Convent in Ditchingham UK, has just qualified as a karate black belt. She began studying martial arts in the convent cellar just 3 years ago. (She’s changing her name to Sister Butt Kicker.)

• Average annual sales at Canadian Tim Horton’s outlets hit a record $1.62 million in 2003. Unfortunately, one of the most ‘Canadian’ of icons is now owned by Wendy’s International, based in Dublin, Ohio. There are now 2,343 Tim Hortons restaurants in Canada (one for every corner) and 184 in the USA.
Source: Canoe Money
• Boticelli would be shocked! Naked men now out-number naked women by a large margin in contemporary works of art.
Source: “ArtNews”

“Britney would make a great girlfriend.” – 77-year-old Hugh Hefner on 22-year-old Britney Spears in “Us Weekly”.


1935 [D-1977] Elvis Presley, Tupelo MS, rock ‘n roll legend who would be turning 69

1947 [57] David Bowie (Jones), Brixton ENG, rock singer (“New Killer Star”, “Fame”, “Space Oddity”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1996)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1997)

1967 [37] R (Robert) Kelly, Chicago IL, R&B singer (“Step In The Name Of Love“, “Ignition”, “Bump N’ Grind”) who apparently likes ‘em young (charged with 21 counts of producing child porn in 2002)/briefly married to late singer Aaliyah until marriage was annulled because she was a 15-year-old minor

1971 [33] Jason Giambi, West Covina CA, MLB slugger/1st baseman who’s getting $120 million over 7 years to hit a ball with a bat for the NY Yankees

1973 [31] Sean Paul (Henriques), Kingston JAM, pop/reggae singer (w/Beyoncé Knowles-“Baby Boy”, “Get Busy”)

1979 [25] Sarah Polley, Toronto ON, movie actress (“eXistenZ”, “The Sweet Hereafter”)/former star of “Road to Avonlea”

TODAY Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II is scheduled to christen the Cunard Line’s new flagship, the ‘Queen Mary 2′, at a ceremony in Southampton, England. There is a strong tradition of Cunard liners being launched by members of the royal family. Some interesting facts …
• It’s the largest and most expensive passenger ship ever built, worth circa $1 billion. It also cost several lives – at the dry dock in Saint Nazaire, France where it was built, 15 people died & 30 were injured last NOVEMBER when a gangway to the ship collapsed.
• MONDAY the ship is scheduled to take 2,620 passengers on its sold-out maiden voyage from England to Fort Lauderdale FL, with stops in the Canary Islands & Barbados.
• The original ‘Queen Mary’, launched in 1934, is now permanently docked in Long Beach CA as a tourist attraction. Legend has it that when the Cunard chairman asked King George V for permission to name it after “England’s most illustrious queen” (meaning Queen Victoria), the king replied that his wife would be delighted … and thus it took the name ‘Mary’.
• Samuel Cunard, founder of the Cunard Line, was born in Halifax NS in 1787.
PHONER: 305.463.3000 (Cunard Line Limited, Miami FL)

TODAY-Sunday the “Canadian Figure Skating Championships” jump to it in Edmonton AB.
PHONER: 780.471.7210 (Rexall Place [Skyreach Centre], Northlands Park)

TODAY is “National Bubble Bath Day”. (Don’t forget to feed the kids beans before their nightly bath.)

TODAY-Sunday is the annual “Consumer Electronics Show” in Las Vegas, the world’s largest annual trade show for consumer technology. This is the show where many of the electronic gizmos we now use were introduced, including the VCR (1970), both the Camcorder and CD Player (1981), the DVD (1996), HDTV (1998), and Microsoft Xbox (2001). Among this year’s new innovations – the ‘Fingerprint Identification Door Lock’, the ‘Wurlitzer Digital Jukebox’ , the ‘Wearable Digital Camera’, and ‘Tonight’s Menu Intelligent Oven’.
PHONER: 866.233.7968/301.631.3983 (Consumer Electronics Association, Arlington VA)
TODAY is “Women’s Day” (or “Midwife’s Day”) in Greece, when women spend the day in cafes while men do housework and look after children. Traditionally, men caught outside are stripped and doused with cold water!

TODAY is “Pharmacists Day”, honoring all those drug dealers who for some reason think they need to be a foot-and-half higher up than all the rest of us.

TODAY is “Show & Tell Day at Work”, when we’re encouraged to bring in something of interest to share with others. ([Co-host] thoughtfully brought in the flu.)

TOMORROW-January 19th the “2004 North American International Auto Show”, one of the world’s largest, opens to the public in the ‘Motor City’, Detroit MI. TOMORROW night’s ‘Charity Preview’ is expected to attract 17,000-plus – at $400 a pop. Ask about new car gadgets.
PHONER: 888.838.7500/248.643.0250 (general info)/248.362.4200 (John Bailey, PR)
TOMORROW-April 4th the “Ice Hotel Québec” (Hôtel de Glace Québec) opens for a 4th season on a lake 40 km west of Québec City. Its attractions include an indoor skating rink, snow golf, an indoor spa, cross-country skiing and an ice chapel for weddings. Only about 5% of the hotel’s patrons are Canadian. Hey, why would we pay 500 bucks to spend a night in a hotel made of ice when we can stay home and freeze our butts off?
PHONER: 877.505.0423/418.875.4522 (Québec City QC)

2003 [01]  ABC-TV’s “The Bachelorette” premieres, in which Trista Rehn (runner-up in the first edition of “The Bachelor”) eventually selects Ryan Sutter, whom she later marries on yet another TV special (this woman will sell her own funeral)

1993 [11] US Postal Service issues Elvis Presley commemorative stamp on what would have been his 58th birthday

1926 [78] 1st ‘Pontiac’ car introduced

1926 [78] Abdul-Aziz ibn Sa’ud, the new king of Hejaz, renames his country ‘Saudi Arabia’

1976 [28] 6 countries agree to 1st ‘Canada Cup’ hockey tournament (will there ever be another?)

1944 [60] 1st NHL rookie to score 5 goals in a game (Howie Meeker-Toronto Maple Leafs)

[Fri] Step-Father’s Day
[Fri] Michael Jackson due in court
[Sat] Peculiar People Day
[Sun] 30th People’s Choice Awards
[Mon] Clean-Off-Your-Desk Day
This Week Is . . . Universal Letter-Writing Week
This Month Is . . . National Glaucoma Awareness Month


• When they make ‘extra virgin olive oil’, do they use the really ugly olives?
• If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made of meat?
• Why do people who know the least always seem to know it the loudest?
• How come they don’t make mouse-flavored cat food?
• Why is it that anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening?
• How does a woman eat a 2-lb box of candy and gain 5 lbs?

• “The glamorous 17-year-old wants to be a policewoman some day, like her dad.”
• “Meet Sandra, the world’s first human kangaroo!”
• “The driver involved in the accident asked that her gender not be revealed.”
• “56-year-old man declared world’s hopscotch champion!”
• “Seasonal weather for this time of year.”
• “Doctors say the longer the babies live, the better chance they’ll have at surviving.”
• “Woodpeckers attacking stupid folks!”
(No wonder George Bernard Shaw once said, “Newspapers are unable, seemingly to discriminate between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilization.”)

Q: Which country consumes the most Kellogg’s Corn Flakes per capita — Ireland, Canada or the USA?
A: The Irish, who apparently love the stuff! Canada ranks 7th, the US 8th.
Source: “Top 10 of Everything”

The most-searched items on Google in 2003 …
1. Britney Spears
2. “Harry Potter”
3. “The Matrix”
Source: “Globe & Mail”

1. Jim Carrey
2. Nicole Kidman
3. Jack Nicholson
4. Tom Cruise
5. Julia Roberts
Source: Exhibitor Relations Co

Today’s Question: In a recent survey, 7% of women said they think about THIS at least 50 times a day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their body.

There are 3 kinds of people in this world – those who want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened.

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