Friday, January 31, 2003        Edition: #2467
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY at a Lyon & Turnbull’s auction in Edinburgh, Scotland, a signed 1st edition of “Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets” is up for sale against a 1st edition of JRR Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings” and the auctioneer says there’s already been considerable interest in both books from all over the world (which do you think will get the best bid?) . . . 70-year-old actor Peter O’Toole has become the 1st person to decline an honorary Academy Award, sending a letter to the Academy admitting he was ‘enchanted’ by the offer but felt that he was ‘still in the game and might win the lovely bugger outright’ (after all, he’s still working – next starring opposite Brad Pitt in the Greek epic “Troy”) . . . Word is Prince Harry will have to repeat a year at Britain’s exclusive Eton school because he failed exams (too much partying?) . . . No Doubt singer Gwen Stefani will have her own line of fashion accessories in stores by 2004 (whips? chains?) . . . ‘Homer Simpson’ is actually answering e-mails after his address was briefly shown on a recent “Simpsons” episode – chunkylover53@aol.com (it’s amazing other shows haven’t picked up on this idea).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Colin Farrell & Al Pacino star in the spy thriller “The Recruit”, as a CIA agent and his mentor searching for a mole in the agency . . . Laurence Fishburne stars in “Biker Boyz”, described as a modern-day Western on motorcycles, the story a group of 9-to-5ers by day who become a wild bunch of leather-clad racing rebels at night . . . The sequel horror flick “Final Destination 2″ follows another bunch of teen hotties who have premonitions, cheat death, and are then stalked by the Grim Reaper.

YOU’RE SAFE, NO ONE’S LOOKING:
In a series of studies over the last 2 years, psychologists have shown that far fewer people notice our screw-ups than we think. The egocentric notion that other people are actually paying attention to every little faux pas we make is called the ‘spotlight effect’. The studies not only show that most people don’t notice our goofs, but those who do judge us far less harshly than we imagine. It’s interesting to note that this human tendency to exaggerate the impact of our mistakes seems to be universal. (No one ever died from dead air. Got fired maybe, but never died!)

THE BIG BROTHER CHIP:
The British government is exploring whether convicted pedophiles should be required to receive microchip implants that would allow them to be tracked by satellite after their release from prison. The government would know not only whether pedophiles visited schools or parks but, based on a proposal by one company whose software monitors astronauts’ bodily functions in space, whether the pedophiles are feeling nervous or excited. So far, sexual arousal cannot be tracked by computer. (Only initiated.)

LOVERS ARE LOSERS:
Forget dieting! According to a new survey published in an Italian health magazine, there’s nothing like love to help you shed those extra pounds. Fully 80% of the Italians polled say that a new love interest is the best way for both men and women to get into shape. However, there’s also a downside to losing weight through love: 33% of respondents admit the pounds only stay off until marriage and another 23% say it all comes back after a first child is born – for both parents. (That’s when you quit dreaming and settle for what you’ve got?)

NO MORE MIX-UPS:
Bar codes containing newborn babies’ fingerprints are now being used to prevent mix-ups over identification. The system has been introduced in the maternity unit of La Zarzuela Hospital in Madrid, Spain. As soon as babies are born, their fingerprints and those of their mothers are stored in electronic bar codes which both mother and baby wear on wristbands.

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• This guy annoyed everyone because they couldn’t sleep like usual. A Norwegian Member of Parliament has been caught playing games on his handheld computer during a debate in the legislature.
• These people have no balls! Ram testicles have become such a popular taste treat in Iceland, the country’s meat packers are currently suffering a shortage. Volunteers – anyone?
• “A Farewell to Arm.” A British tourist who tried to pet a caged lion at a Spanish zoo has had one of her arms bitten off.
• Police are on the lookout for a 3-ft bandit. Whoever robbed a nursery school in Offenbach, Germany took off with all the Legos – but left the cash and computers behind!
• When acupuncturists go bad! Doctors have discovered why a Taiwanese man has suffered from a severe cough for many years – he had a sewing needle impaled in his back!
• I can smell a movie plot – “Andre the Spy!” The US Navy has deployed trained California sea lions to the Gulf, to act as lookouts for enemies attempting to attack ports or ships.

WHO TO CLONE:
In a new poll, a thousand people were asked whether Einstein, Jesus, Mozart or Elvis Presley should be cloned for the benefit of mankind. Here’s how they voted –
• Elvis – 7%
• Mozart – 8%
• Jesus – 12%
• Albert Einstein – 22%
• NONE of them – 51%

THE BULL SHEET 01.31.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1963 [40] John Dye, Amory MS, TV actor (Andrew-“Touched By An Angel” since 1996)

1971 [32] Minnie Driver, London ENG, movie actress (“Tarzan”, “Good Will Hunting”)  UP NEXT: The crime thriller “Owning Mahowny”, based on the largest one-man bank fraud in Canadian history, which premiered at Sundance Film Festival and opens MAY 2.

1973 [30] Portia DeRossi, Melbourne AUS, TV actress (Carolyn Bessette Kennedy-“America’s Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story”, “Ally McBeal” 1998-2002) who is ‘engaged’ to singer/songwriter Francesca Gregorini, stepdaughter of Ringo Starr/movie actress who co-stars with Jeff Daniels in the upcoming action thriller “I Witness”

1981 [22] Justin Timberlake, Memphis TN, pop singer (“Cry Me a River”, ‘N Sync-“Girlfriend”, “Pop”)/Britney Spears on-again/off-again bf

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Inspire Your Heart With Art Day”. (If you’re admitted to the ER today, instead of defibrilator paddles, they’ll be strapping a Renoir on your chest.)

TODAY is “Child Labor Day”, highlighting the problem of Third World children forced into the workforce. Canadian Craig Kielburger of Thornhill ON began an organization called ‘Free The Children’, dedicated to the elimination of child labor and exploitation of children, when he was just 12-years-old. Since then he’s become an unofficial roving ambassador for the cause.
NET: http://www.freethechildren.org

TONIGHT is “Play an Old Game You Haven’t Played in Years Night”. (Maybe Yahztee, Scrabble, Monopoly, Canasta, um . . . Hungry Hippo . . . Strip Poker?)

SUNDAY is “Groundhog Day”, a celebration based on an old Scottish rhyme that says: “If Candlemas Day is bright and clear, there’ll be two winters in the year.” The Teutons (Germans) decided that if the sun was out on Candlemas Day, an animal would cast a shadow, predicting 6 more weeks of bad weather (the ‘second winter’). The animal used then was either a badger or hedgehog. But when German settlers took the tradition with them to Pennsylvania, they used the groundhog (a type of woodchuck), which was abundant in the area. The woodchuck (as in ”How much wood can a …”), is a member of the squirrel family. As you may remember, a few years back Canada’s prognosticator ‘Wiarton Willie’ kicked the bucket just before his big day. He’s been replaced by a new groundhog, who has a backup hog just in case history repeats itself. After all, having a  hog in hand generates big bucks for the town!
PHONERS: 519-534-1400/519-534-5492
NET: http://www.wiarton-willie.org/index.cfm

•  ‘Punxsutawney Phil’ is the original forecaster and most famous hog. Despite what organizers would have you believe, since 1887 this ‘Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators, and Weather Prophet Extraordinary’ has seen his shadow about 90% of the time and only made correct predictions 39% of the time. But organizers don’t really care – this whole deal isn’t about accuracy, it’s about tourism!
• The groundhog is pulled out of its electrically heated burrow at 7:25 am ET, looks for his shadow and utters his prediction to a Groundhog Club representative in ‘groundhogese’. The representative then translates the prediction for the general public.
PHONERS: 814-938-2555 (Punxsutawney Historical Society)/814-938-7700 (Chamber of Commerce)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1928 [75] ‘Scotch Tape’ 1st marketed by 3M (In 1921, a banjo playing inventor went to work for
the Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing Company. 4 years later, Richard Drew walked out of his lab carrying the first roll of ‘Scotch tape’. In 1930, he also created cellophane tape. Without this guy, we’d still be wrapping up our gifts with rope. Way to go, Dick!)

1956 [47] 1st ‘twist-off bottle top’ (and 1st bleeding hand caused by ‘twist-off bottle top’)

1990 [13] 1st McDonalds in Russia opens in Moscow (world’s largest with 900 seats, operated by McDonald’s of Canada)

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Feb 1] Chinese New Year (Year of the Ram)
[Feb 2] Groundhog Day (http://www.groundhog.org) / NHL All-Star Game (Sunrise FL) / NFL Pro Bowl (Honolulu HI) / Diabetes Sunday
[Feb 3] Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day / Men’s Grooming Day
[Feb 5] Weatherman’s Day
[Feb 6] Dump Your Significant Jerk Day / Pay a Compliment Day
[Feb 7] Charles Dickens Day / Girls & Women in Sports Day / Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
[Feb 8] Boy Scout & Girl Scout Day
[Feb 9] National Develop Alternative Vices Day
[Feb 10] Umbrella Day / Clean Out Your Computer Day
[Feb 11] 75th Academy Awards nominations announced (http://www.oscars.com) / National Inventors Day / Satisfied Staying Single Day
[Feb 13] 23rd Genie Awards / National Condom Week / Get A Different Name Day /”Survivor: The Amazon” debuts
[Feb 14] St Valentine’s Day
[Feb 16] Daytona 500 (http://www.daytonaintlspeedway.com) / Do A Grouch A Favor Day / 2003 East Coast Music Awards (Halifax NS)
[Feb 17] Family Day (Alberta) / Presidents’ Day (USA) / Dateline: NBC airs “Michael Jackson Unmasked”
[Feb 20] Hoodie Hoo Day / National Student Volunteer Day / 2003 Brit Awards
[Feb 21] Card Reading Day
[Feb 21] Second Honeymoon Weekend
[Feb 23] 45th Grammy Awards (http://www.grammy.com) / International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
[Feb 24] Tortilla Chip Day
[Feb 26] Canadian Music Week begins (http://www.cmw.net/) / National For Pete’s Sake Day
[Feb 27] Spay Day USA / International Polar Bear Day
[Feb 28] International Floral Design Day / Public Sleeping Day
[Mar 1] 55th DGA Awards
[Mar 4] Mardi Gras / Pancake Day / Shrovetide Pancake Race (Olney UK & Liberal KS)
[Mar 5] Ash Wednesday
[Mar 9] 9th SAG Awards

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHAT A MAN’S BED SHEETS TELL ABOUT HIM:

• WHITE SHEETS – He may have a hang up about getting down and dirty. His stilted and uptight ways may mean he will scrutinize everything you do in and out of bed. He is a neat freak and no matter how neat you are, you will never be as neat as him.
• STRIPES – This is a get-it-right guy. He is reliable but he’s better at taking orders than taking the initiative. Spell out exactly what you want and he will carry out your orders to the letter. But don’t expect any romantic surprises.
• SOLID, INTENSE COLORS – He’s a sucker for sensuality and not afraid to make a bold move – like calling in sick to work and camping out under the covers for the day. He needs a woman who shares his amorous appetite.
• WILD PRINTS: His libido is a bit too hot. He needs a lot of stimulation and may not be content with just one woman. If you are looking for a commitment, this may not be the guy.
• PLAID – This can be good and bad. He is a bit square so if you have a wild side he will not be interested. Then again, he is probably really good at doing the laundry.
• PASTELS – Bring him coffee in bed, cook him special meals and be like a mother to him and he is yours. If you expect him to wait on you, move along, there’s nothing for you in this relationship.

BS BLATANT JOKE:
The US has a new weapon. It destroys people but leaves buildings still standing. It’s called the stock market.

BS Q & A:
Q: This cocktail was invented at Harry’s New York Bar in Paris and originally called a ‘Red Snapper’. What do we now call it?
A: A ‘Bloody Mary’.
Source: “Useless Digest”

Q: What’s the only other animal besides humans that can stand on its head?
A: The Asian elephant.  
Source: “Sudden Facts”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Only 5% of us say we NEVER do this.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Tip.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s only losing that makes winning worthwhile.

BS BOUNTY HUNTERS!
Tell your friends about “The Bull Sheet” and you’ll get ONE FREE MONTH of service for each new subscriber you refer.

 


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