Wednesday, January 15, 2003        Edition: #2455
Don’t Forget to Renew or You’ll Be Sheet Outta Luck!

Sean Combs’ Bad Boy Entertainment is now offering companies the chance to upgrade their ‘hip factor’ by selling corporate sponsorships for P Diddy ‘events’ including his annual Grammy and MTV Awards parties, his White Party and his New Year’s Eve gala (the guy’s an expert at spending OPM – Other People’s Money) . . . Word is “The Bachelorette”, Trista Rehn, must have made a good choice as she’s currently shacked up with the guy she picked, but we won’t find out who it is until the series finalé . . . In FRIDAY’S issue of “Rolling Stone”, readers pick Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising”, “The Eminem Show” and “Elvis: 30 #1 Hits” as the top 3 albums of 2002 . . . George Clooney, who’s rumored to have rekindled his romance with Renee Zellweger, is now said to be asking for a role in her “Bridget Jones” sequel, but only provided it’s filmed in England during Wimbledon . . . And “Chicago” star Catherine Zeta-Jones will reportedly launch a new line of designer baby-wear called ‘Zeta’ in MARCH, coinciding with the birth of her 2nd baby with ancient hubby Michael Douglas.

• ‘OT-Mail’ – Short for ‘Overtime Mail’, it’s an unnecessary, after-hours e-mail sent to a supervisor or co-workers with the sole purpose of time-stamping how late you worked. (“It’s 7:30pm so I’d like to put off checking the Schnoogle account until our morning meeting if we’re all in agreement.”)
• ‘Butterfly Activities’ – The opposite of ‘cocooning’, the previous trend to hole up at home with the family. Social observers say we’re now emerging as ‘butterflies’ to enjoy more traveling, participation sports and charitable activities.
• ‘Gait Recognition Technology’ – Security systems have been designed to recognize hand prints, retinas and faces. Now a new system is under development at Georgia Institute of Technology to identify people based on the way they walk. Why bother? To detect bad guys at a distance!
• ‘Bio Break’ – New meeting-speak for ‘bathroom break’ as in “Let’s take a short bio break before moving on to action plans.” Of course, coffee is served during such breaks at business conferences, resulting in the need for more bio breaks.

Inept parents can get help keeping their daughters in line thanks to a new service launched THIS WEEK by Mattel. The new ‘Barbie Call Time’ program offers pre-recorded phone messages called to numbers in the US and Canada that can be can be personalized with the recipient’s name. Barbie calls must be ordered in advance and start at $1.99 each. You can choose from a variety of messages from a ‘Get Along With Your Sibling’ call featuring ‘Barbie’ and her little sister ‘Kelly’, to a ‘Barbie Bedtime Call’ that includes a poem or short story, or even a ‘Happy Birthday’ or ‘Good Luck’ call for a special event. (‘Barbie’s Hot ‘N Heavy’ calls for dad start at $1.99 – per minute.)
NET: (Why not line up Barbie to call your show?)

Hollywood actresses are said to be wild about a new product from Malibu CA-based Classified Cosmetics – spray-on makeup. Yup, the new ‘ERA Face’ is an aerosol foundation that a girl can just shake, mist, blot and go. It’s touted as the world’s first and only ‘airbrush machine in-a-can’. The company says applying the makeup shouldn’t take more than 2 seconds. (Something else to do in the rearview mirror.)

• A “Ladies’ Home Journal” poll finds that  69% of men and women in a romantic relationship say they’ve phoned their partner just to say “I love you”. (Right after they did something they felt guilty about.)
• A new University of Gothenburg poll of 185 Swedish psychologists reveals that fully 75% of them admit to having sexual fantasies about their patients. (“Thanks doc, but I’ll just skip the couch and stay here in the chair for today’s session.”)
• According to a new poll of plastic surgeons in the American Academy of Facial, Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery, George Clooney is the current celeb with the ideal male face because of his ‘strong jaw and straight nose’ (nice butt, too). One the female side, Halle Berry is voted tops for her ‘delicate, yet defined facial skeleton’ (nice rack, too).

The Missouri Botanical Garden has just launched a $100-million, 10-year project to build a database that will include every tree, grass, flower, fern and moss known to humanity. Its creators hope the ‘World Plant Checklist’ will offer scientists and backyard green thumbs comprehensive info about the nature, range and conservation status of every plant. It’s believed there are approximately 400,000 plant species in the world, a quarter to a half of which are considered to be threatened by extinction. (Trouble is, you’ll need a dump truck to bring this book home.)

Looking for a family pet? How about a ‘miniature cow’? Several California ranches are raising herds of pint-sized cattle that stand only about 3-feet-tall. They’re said to be more playful and social than full-sized cattle, making them interesting pets. But that isn’t what’s fueling the growing mini-cow industry. Mini-cattle have become a niche market of farm-grown beef. They convert feed to beef more efficiently, tend to be leaner and require less land. (Sure, make us love ‘em, then butcher ‘em!)

Our Western diet may be one reason up to 95% of North American teenagers suffer from acne, according to a new study in the “Archives of Dermatology”. The study examined the skin and lifestyle of the residents of Kitava Island in Papua New Guinea and found absolutely NO acne, even among teens. Scientists say that’s because Kitava islanders are physically active, and eat a low-fat, high-carbohydrate diet of mostly roots, fruits and vegetables, which keeps their insulin levels low. It’s thought that high insulin levels stimulate oil production in the pores, thereby causing zits. (You mean greasy fries cause pimples? Who woulda thought?)

‘Ambergris’ (ahm-bear-gree) is a common ingredient in some of the world’s most expensive perfumes. What is it? Undigested squid beaks mixed with detached stomach lining that’s regurgitated by sperm whales. (Ah, the scent of seafood!)


1947 [56] Andrea Martin, Portland ME, movie actress (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”, “Wag the Dog”)/former TV comedian (Emmy Award-“SCTV”)  NOTE: she’ll reprise her “Greek Wedding” role as ‘Aunt Voula’ in the CBS-TV series “My Big Fat Greek Life”, debuting FEBRUARY 24

1975 [28] Mary Pierce, Montréal QC, pro tennis player now based in France

TODAY is “National Fresh Squeezed Juice Day”. Tomato anyone?

TODAY is “Hat Day”, a day to relieve the mid-winter blues by wearing the goofiest hat you can find. (This always works so well on radio.)

TODAY is “Hug Your Cat Day”, a day to disclaim the common belief that cats don’t like affection. So ignore the hisses and pet your puss! But be sure to have lots of band-aids handy.

1892 [111] James Naismith’s ‘Rules of Basketball’ 1st published in “Y Triangle” magazine

1967 [36] 1st ‘Super Bowl’ (although it isn’t called that until 2 years later) as 61,946 fans pay 10 bucks a ticket to watch legendary coach Vince Lombardi‘s Green Bay Packers beat the KC Chiefs 35-10 in LA (MVP is Packer QB Bart Starr)

1987 [16] 1st advertising on a home video release appears on “Top Gun”, a 30-second Diet Pepsi ad

1943 [60] World’s ‘largest office building’ completed (the Pentagon in Arlington VA, with a floor area of 6.5 million sq ft covering 34 acres, and including 17 miles of corridors!)

1983 [20] Tom Syles of Van Nuys CA sets world record by keeping a single Life Saver in tact in his mouth for 7 hrs, 10 mins

[Thurs] 2003 Sundance Film Festival opens
[Fri] Get to Know Your Customer Day
[Sat] Winnie the Pooh Day
[Sun] 60th Annual Golden Globe Awards
[Mon] World Religion Day
[Jan 22] Weedless Wednesday (1 week today)
This Week Is . . . Let Men Be Our Heroes Week / Special Education Week
This Month Is . . . National Candy Month /National Egg Month


Why is it in movies that –
• During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
• It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.
• The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red read-outs so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
• Medieval peasants have perfect teeth.
• It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

• Aries – What you are about to do is wrong. Of course, you will only find that out much later. So for now, enjoy yourself!
• Taurus – You’re in luck! What you thought was projectile vomiting disease is really only a mild case of salmonella poisoning. Don’t you feel better now?
• Gemini – Time to throw down the gauntlet. Or if you can’t find a gauntlet, a ski mitten will do. Just make sure you throw it down.
• Cancer – Pinch your pennies this week. Next week, fondle your nickels.
• Leo – A friend will tell you that he’s been born again. You should probably avoid asking if he’s
breast-feeding or on formula. People can be touchy about that.
• Virgo – Soon your cup will runneth over. Then you’ll have to moppeth it up.
• Libra – Bad news. Your dog signs up for driving lessons, forging your signature on the ‘legal guardian if under 18′ line.
• Scorpio – Be careful if you try to be funny. Although you are normally renowned for your dry wit, you may be a bit soggy today.
• Sagittarius – Today you will find yourself boldly charging through life. That can actually get you in trouble though, so you should really attempt to pay with cash.
• Capricorn – Today you will find a really big piece of lint in your pocket. That’s it for today’s excitement.
• Aquarius – You will wrestle with your conscience today but will be disqualified for using an illegal hold.
• Pisces – Don’t go out without a spatula today. I can’t say more.

BS Q: & A:
Q: What were the ‘Mashed Potato’, the ‘Frug’ (froog) and the ‘Funky Chicken’?
A: They were popular dances in 1962.

• The ‘Capital City Biker’s Church’ in Ottawa is one of a few across the country that caters to motorcycle riders only. It’s described as a cross between a pool hall and a diner and the atmosphere is more like a clubhouse than a sanctuary. Do gang members show up? And can you ride a hog to heaven?
PHONER: 613-247-1981
• When a Portsmouth, New Hampshire car dealer published a newspaper coupon worth $200 off any vehicle, Chris Shields decided to make the best of the offer – by collecting 200 of them! But the dealer is refusing to swap them for a $40,000 Toyota Sequoia claiming no reasonable person could possibly expect to piggyback the coupons and has challenged him to go ahead and get a lawyer. So will he? And how the heck did he collect that many coupons?
PHONER: 603-427-5545
• In an attempt to attract tourism, the small city of Soap Lake, Washington is considering building a blast from the past – a giant lava lamp. The towering 60-foot-high lava lamp would be built in the center of downtown, complete with a viewing platform.
PHONER: 509-246-1772 (Mayor Ken Lee)/509-246-1211 (City Hall)

What we say and (what Americans call the same thing) –
• elastic (rubber band)
• back bacon (Canadian bacon)
• tap (faucet)
• Molson muscle (beer gut)
• eavestrough (rain gutter)
• serviette (napkin)
• housecoat (bathrobe)
• twenty-sixer (a fifth of booze)
• two-four (case of beer)

Today’s Question: A third of women just hate doing this on a date, but guys say they usually quite enjoy it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Eating.

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.


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