Tuesday, January 14, 2003        Edition: #2454
Can You Believe This Sheet?

‘Goodie bags’ handed out to celebs who participated in LAST NIGHT’S “American Music Awards” included, among other things, round-trip airfare to anywhere in the USA, a year’s supply of diet pills, a portable PC, an electric scooter, a river rafting trip in Chile, and VIP tickets to the “Indianapolis 500″ (this is how you get money-grubbing stars to show up for your lame TV show) . . . “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” creator and star Nia Vardalos is being sued by her ex-manager who claims he’s owed 15% of her profits from the surprise-hit movie (that’d round out to about $35 million!) . . . Theater patrons in Germany are threatening a boycott unless cinema managers reduce the number of ads shown before movies (and how about on videos?) . . . 6 years after cancellation, the cast of FOX-TV’s 1st successful sit-com, “Married With Children”, including Ed O’Neill and Christina Applegate, has reunited to shoot a reunion special scheduled to air FEBRUARY 4 (hey, it’s not like they were busy doing anything else) . . . And former Jackson 5 member Jermaine Jackson and a business partner have announced they’re planning to open a 1,400-room resort & casino in St Croix, US Virgin Islands (he’s promised Tito a gig as doorman).

Hugh Grant plays a cynical, immature young man who is taught how to act like a grown-up by a little boy in the comedy/drama “About a Boy” . . . In the surf adventure “Blue Crush”, Kate Bosworth plays a hard-core surfer girl’s whose preparations for a big competition are thrown off when she falls for a football player (Matthew Davis) . . . When ‘The Man’ tries to derail a black candidate’s presidential campaign, ‘Undercover Brother’ (Eddie Griffin) and his fellow secret agents come to the rescue in the action comedy “Undercover Brother” (a send-up of 1970s ‘Blaxploitation’ flicks).

Can you program yourself to wake up at a specific time? German scientists have found that the brains of people who wake up at a specified time without an alarm clock produce a hormone about an hour before their wake-up time. (For men, this hormone is known as testosterone.)

Speaking of hormones – scientists in Chile are studying a 5-year-old boy who shows all the signs of going through puberty. Saul Verastegui, who was discovered by physicians during a vaccination campaign in the town of San Miguel de Pallenque, reportedly has zits, his voice is breaking and he already has pubic hair. He’s been dubbed ‘Superboy’ by the local media.

Remember mom telling you not to put your tongue on a flagpole or metal fence in the winter? Well, the BBC reports a man in Stavropol, Russia got his penis stuck to a pole after relieving himself in a frigid bus shelter. Seems the guy was going home after a night of bar hopping when he accidentally leaned on the bus stop sign pole while taking a whiz. (Ouch!)

Where do you like to be kissed? According to the annual Harlequin Romance pre-Valentine’s Day poll, that may depend where you live. Women in Denmark enjoy having their feet kissed and Finland’s femmes like a peck on the tummy, while the women of Hungary & Germany say they prefer a nibble on the ear. Overall, the #1 place women like to be kissed: on the neck, the choice of 53% of women worldwide. Not surprisingly, 38% of men choose a – quote – ‘unspecified, X-rated body part’.

Want to avoid colds this winter? A study in “Shape” magazine says that people with the highest stress levels are twice as likely to catch a cold. Researchers recommend stress reducers like exercise, meditation, yoga and music. (Or quit work and move to a Caribbean island.)

• Federal flight regulations in Canada make it illegal to enter a Canadian aircraft while it is in flight. It is also illegal to exit unless making a parachute jump. However, it is illegal to make said jump without a parachute. (You’ll not only be squished, you’ll be fined!)
• It’s illegal in Britain for trucks to drive under bridges that are too low for them to drive under.
• In 1980, the Wyoming legislature banned the photographing of rabbits from January through April without written permission.
• In Singapore, you are liable for a $500 fine for leaving a public restroom without flushing the toilet. (Wouldn’t you love the job of enforcing this one?)

Ratcheting up the debate over Sport Utility Vehicles, new TV commercials suggest that people who buy them are supporting terrorists. Well, that’s probably a bit of a stretch but here are some alternatives to an SUV if you’re looking to buy an auto this year –
1. Honda Insight – 61 mpg city/68 mpg highway
2. Toyota Prius – 52/45 mpg
3. Honda Civic Hybrid – 46/51 mpg
4. Volkswagen Jetta Wagon TDI – 42/60 mpg
5. Volkswagen New Beetle TDI – 42/49 mpg


1919 [84] Andy Rooney, Albany NY, TV commentator/professional curmudgeon (“60 Minutes” since 1978)

1941 [62] Faye Dunaway, Bascom FL, aging film diva (Oscar-“Network”, “Bonnie & Clyde”)

1963 [40] Steven Soderbergh, Atlanta GA, movie director (“Oceans 11″, Oscar-“Traffic”, “Erin Brockovitch”)

1967 [36] Emily Watson, London ENG, film actress (“Gosford Park”, “Angela’s Ashes”)

1968 [35] LL Cool J (James Smith), Queens NY, movie actor (“Any Given Sunday”, “Charlie’s Angels”)/rap artist

1969 [34] Dave Grohl, Warren OH, rock musician (Foo Fighters [since 1996], Nirvana)/composer (“Next Year” [title song of TV series “Ed”], “Mission: Impossible 2″)

TODAY in Russia and many Eastern European countries is Julian Calendar “New Year’s Day” (aka ‘Orthodox Hangover Day’).

TODAY is ”National Dress Up Your Pet Day”, a day to assert our dominance over the dumb creatures of the animal kingdom by humiliatingly getting them up in human attire and then laughing at them.

1690 [313] 1st ‘clarinet’ (Nürnberg, Germany)

1794 [209] Dr Jesse Bennet performs 1st successful ‘Cesarean section’ on his wife in Edom VA (strange – she wasn’t even pregnant!)

1914 [89] 1st ‘automobile assembly line’, opened by Henry Ford

1952 [51] “The Today Show” starring Dave Garroway [NBC]

1990 [13] “America’s Funniest Home Videos” [ABC]

1990 [13] “The Simpsons” [FOX]

1734 [269] ‘Coldest temperature’ in Northern Hemisphere recorded in Siberia at -120 F (ever since, weather lore has forecast TODAY as the “Coldest Day of the Year”)

1973 [30] Last ‘perfect NFL season’ as Miami Dolphins beat Washington Redskins 14-7 at Super Bowl VII in Los Angeles to finish with 17-0 record (that Dolphin team still gathers to celebrate when the last undefeated NFL team finally loses each season)

[Wed] Fresh Squeezed Juice Day
[Thurs] Hot & Spicy Food International Day
[Fri] Get to Know Your Customer Day
[Sat] Nationwide ‘Don’t Attack Iraq’ protest scheduled
[Sun] AFC/NFC Championship Games
[Mon] Martin Luther King Jr Day
This Week Is . . . Printing Ink Week / Fire the Boss Week
This Month Is . . . January Diet Month / National Book Blitz Month


1. Thou shalt not say “I love you” . . . unless you mean it.
2. Thou shalt not pay for everything. Let her treat once in a while.
3. Thou shalt not talk about ex-girlfriends.
4. Thou shalt not speak of income.
5. Thou shalt not treat her like your mother.
6. Thou shalt not ditch your friends.
7. Thou shalt not change who you are.
8. Thou shalt not try to change her.
9. Thou shalt not flirt with other women in front of her.
10. Thou SHALT seek sex at every possible opportunity. After all, they say men think about it every 6 seconds. Maybe then she won’t complain about your insatiable appetite later!
Source: “Ask Men”

• Since September, mysterious images of the Virgin Mary have been reported in 4 northern Saskatchewan villages. The latest appeared on 2 homes in Beauval, which has fewer than 1,000 residents. The images appear to glow at night and have been captured on video.
PHONER: 306-288-2191 (Bertha Durocher)
• Ken Sailor has written Saskatoon city hall asking permission to open an Amsterdam-style ‘cannabis café’ which would serve a variety of marijuana-laced foods, drinks, pills and smokes.  The scheme would be dependent on the federal government relaxing laws prohibiting pot use. Sailor has been lobbying for years to get the law changed as a member of National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws.
PHONER: 306-549-4606 (Hafford SK)

BS Q & A:
Q: What is the only food that does not spoil?
A: Honey.
Source: “Land O’ Useless Facts”

• The Big Mac or Alka Seltzer? (McDonald’s double decker Big Mac arrived in 1968/Alka Seltzer had already been around since 1931.)
• “Star Trek” or “Star Wars”? (“Star Trek” 1966/”Star Wars” 1977.)
• World Cup or Super Bowl? (1st World Cup soccer championship in Uruguay 1930/1st Super Bowl 1967.)
• The ‘sex symbol’ or the ‘peace symbol’? (Clara Bow, born in 1905, was the embodiment of the Roaring Twenties whom many tag as Hollywood’s first sex symbol/The Direct Action Committee, a group pushing for nuclear disarmament, invented the peace symbol in 1958.)
• Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs or Danny DeVito? (Walt Disney’s “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” was released in 1937/5′-1″ actor/director Danny DeVito was born 1944.)
• Superman or Batman? (“Superman” 1st appeared in Action Comics 1938/”Batman” 1st appeared in Detective Comics 1939.)
• Anna Nicole Smith or the world’s first globe factory? (Anna Nicole Smith 1967/1st globe factory much, much earlier in 1813.)
• The paint roller or “Trading Spaces”? (Toronto native Norman Breakey invented the paint roller in 1940/The home decorating swap show “Trading Spaces” debuted in 2000.)
• The ‘Trix Rabbit’ or ‘Tony the Tiger’? (‘Trix Rabbit’ 1959/‘Tony the Tiger’ 1953.)

Today’s Question: 51% of adults under the age of 35 admit to doing this in their cars.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Talking to their cars.

You are never too old to learn and never too young to know it all.

Tell a friend in another market about BS. Why? ‘Cause we’ll add ONE FREE MONTH to your subscription for each new subscriber you refer!

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