January 8, 2009

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Thursday, January 8, 2009        Edition: #3933
More From the Sheethouse!

The “Golden Globe Awards” has snagged the Jonas Bros to present at Sunday’s ceremony, along with “Heroes” star Hayden Panettiere & “Gossip Girl’s” Blake Lively (apparently the geezer group is attempting to garner a younger audience) . . . 36-year-old actress Alyssa Milano (“My Name Is Earl”, “Charmed”) has become engaged to her BF, CAA talent agent David Bugliari, but no wedding date has been announced (after dating 3 MLB pitchers – Carl Pavano, Barry Zito & Brad Penny – she struck out!) . . . British Princes William (26) & Harry (24) have just been granted their own ‘royal household’ by their grandma, Queen Elizabeth II, meaning they’ll have offices and staff to help handle public & private duties (previously they were forced to work out of the back of the Bentley) . . . Bar brawl charges from an incident in Shreveport LA in July against movie star Josh Brolin (“No Country For Old Men”) & his “W” co-star Jeffrey Wright have now been dropped (perhaps due to embarrassment as the melee reportedly began over ‘refusal of service’ to Wright – an African-American) . . . 55-year-old actor Tim Allen & his 42-year-old actress-wife Jane Hajduk are expecting their 1st child together (they wed in ‘06), due sometime this Spring (after appearing in the box office bombs “Zoom” & “The Shaggy Dog” together, this should be their best co-production!) . . . And adult entertainment industry tycoons Larry Flynt (“Hustler”) & Joe Francis (“Girls Gone Wild”) are asking US Congress for a $5 billion-bailout (no BS!), citing the fact that adult DVD sales have gone limp, slipping a whopping 22% from a year ago (the poor guys claim they’re getting screwed!).

• “Critics Choice Awards” (VH1) – The 14th annual movie trophies from the Broadcast Film Critics Association are handed out live at the Santa Monica (CA) Civic Auditorium. The ceremony serves as an early indicator of trends in the run-up to the Academy Awards.
NET: http://www.vh1.com/shows/events/critics_choice_awards/_2009
• “Guitar Hero World Tour” – Brooks & Dunn’s “Hillbilly Deluxe”, Brad Paisley’s “Ticks”, and Rascal Flatts’ “Me & My Gang” are available for download as part of the new ‘Country Rock Track Pack’.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Aussie singer Lenka (“The Show”) is onstage.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Country act Lady Antebellum performs the new single “I Run to You”.
• “NCAA BCS National Championship Football Game” (FOX) – Florida vs Oklahoma in Miami FL. There’s a misconception that participating schools reap a $17-million payday. All bowl revenue is split by the other schools in each conference and the league office. When Florida played for the title 2 years ago, it netted just $75,000 on the game according to the “Gainesville Sun”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Lady GaGa (“Just Dance”) performs.

• AC/DC – They’re tops when it comes to greeting fans and signing autographs, according to a new poll conducted by HoundsTV.com. Coldplay was runner-up.
• Amy Winehouse – She’s dropped her appeal against a fine for possession of cannabis in Norway back in ‘07. (She needed some excuse for looking that bad.)
• Death Cab For Cutie – Guitarist/producer Chris Walla tells “Alternative Press” the next album will be a straight-up ‘radio record’. (BS translation: They’re ready to sell out.)
• Rihanna – She’ll headline the “Pepsi Smash Super Bowl Bash” January 29th at Tampa FL’s Ford Amphitheatre, to be broadcast live on VH1. Fall Out Boy & Lifehouse are also on the bill.


Today through Sunday the world’s largest consumer technology show, “CES ‘09”, invades Las Vegas as some 130,000 visitors are expected to take in over 2,700 exhibits unveiling the latest electronic gizmos & gadgets.This is the show where many now-common devices were first introduced (VCR in 1970, DVD in 1996, HDTV in 1998, Xbox in 2001). Among this year’s new products …
• Broadband HDTV – A new TV from LG with built-in ability to stream movies from the Internet. Sets are equipped with ethernet jacks for online connection. In the US, Netflix currently offers online streaming of thousands of movies and TV shows for a fee of $8.99 per month and up.
• High-Tech Portable Audio Recorders – Pocket-sized gadgets for making awesome live recordings. The Zoom H4n, for instance, has a shock-absorbing rubberized body, an all-metal microphone design, plus track markers, playback speed control, and studio effects. Perfect for musicians on-the-road, podcasters, and radio news reporters.
• ‘Hyperspace’ – A new software that boots up automatically when you start your laptop, instead of Windows. This so-called ’pre-boot environment’ allows you to get your PC up and on the Web within seconds, instead of the minutes it takes to power up and launch a browser with a standard operating system.
• Integrated In-Dash Automotive Devices – In-car services, such as GPS, Internet radio, satellite TV, and new digital music options all built into a single dash unit that’s operated hands-free.
• Point-and-Shoot Features – Cameras priced at a modest $150-$200 now come with an array of automatic features, ie: ‘Smile Capture’, ‘Auto Picture’, ‘Blink Detection’, ‘Shake Reduction’, and ‘Face Detection’, capable of hunting down up to 32 faces in as little as 0.03 seconds.
NET: http://www.cesweb.org

A poll for aspirin-maker Bayer Corporation finds that men are about twice as likely as women to report their spouses take care of them when they’re sick from a cold or flu. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to take care of themselves. (No surprise … any woman will tell you men are all babies.)

A “Sports Illustrated” ranking of the jocks who made the most moolah over the past year …
• Tiger Woods (Golf) $127,902,706.
• Phil Mickelson (Golf) $62,372,685.
• LeBron James (Cleveland Cavaliers) $40,455,000.
• Floyd Mayweather Jr (Boxing) $40,250,000.
• Kobe Bryant (Los Angeles Lakers) $35,490,625.
• Shaquille O’Neal (Phoenix Suns) $35,000,000.
• Alex Rodriguez (New York Yankees) $35,000,000.
• Kevin Garnett (Boston Celtics) $31,000,000.
• Peyton Manning (Indianapolis Colts) $30,500,000.
• Derek Jeter (New York Yankees) $30,000,000.
– SI.com


Men lie more than women and for sneakier reasons. Recent research shows that men lie to avoid unpleasant confrontations (“I’m working late at the office”), whereas women are more likely to fib to avoid hurting someone’s feelings (“Sorry we can’t make dinner due to a previous engagement.”).
– “Redbook”


• 99% of those accused of crime in the Japanese legal system are convicted. (Fewer shysters?)
• 77% of us only manage to keep a New Year’s resolution for 1 week. (Time’s up!)
• 75% of women believe the physical attributes of their hair say something about their personality. (Hard to manage; frizzy; fly-away; shiny; greasy; slick …)
• 42% of men say they will only go shirtless in the privacy of their own home. (42% of wives would prefer they’d eliminate that locale as well.)
• 25% of dog owners say they’re just as attached to their pooch as their spouse or kids. (It’s far tougher to get a hubby to ‘fetch’.)
• 16% of married people forget their own wedding anniversary. (A fact you might wanna memorize as a future excuse?)


Hot peppers can help keep you warm and stay healthy in Winter. It seems the antioxidants in chiles act as a natural decongestant and expectorant. They also prevent strokes, lower cholesterol and help release endorphins, the body’s natural mood elevators. (At this rate, someone will start a religion based on habaneros!)
– “First”

• For most cars, premium gasoline is a waste of money.  Less than 10% of cars need high octane fuel. Unless your auto manual specifies high octane, premium gas will not give your car more power, better mileage or prolong engine life.
• January is the month that you’re most likely to die.
– ABC News



1947 [62] David Bowie (Jones), London UK, classic rock singer (“Fame”, “Space Oddity”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1996)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1997)

1967 [42] R (Robert) Kelly, Chicago IL, R&B singer (“Step in the Name of Love”, “Ignition”)/briefly married to late singer Aaliyah until marriage annulled because she was a 15-year-old minor

1973 [36] Sean Paul (Henriques), Kingston, Jamaica, pop/dancehall/reggae singer (“Temperature”, “Baby Boy”)

1979 [30] Sarah Polley, Toronto ON, movie director (“Away From Her”)/movie actress (“The Sweet Hereafter”)/former TV star (“Road to Avonlea” 1990-94)

1983 [26] Disashi Lumumbo-Kasongo, Geneva NY, hip-hop/rock guitarist (Gym Class Heroes-“Cupid’s Chokehold”)

• “Bubble Bath Day”, so don’t forget to feed the kids beans before their nightly soak.

• “Eat Something Raw Day”, designed to stimulate our interest in consuming fruits and vegetables. Raw steak, anyone?

• “Elvis Presley’s Birthday” (1935-77), the 74th anniversary of ‘The King’ being hatched in Tupelo MS. Another excuse to roll out more Presley souvenirs, ensuring Lisa Marie never has to get legit work during her lifetime.

• “Pharmacists Day”, celebrated annually on the 2nd Thursday of January to honor all those drug dealers who for some reason think they need to be a foot-and-half higher up than the rest of us.

• “Volunteer Firefighters’ Day”, a salute to those part-time heroes who take time out of their busy lives to pose for calendar photos.

• “Women’s Day” (or “Midwife’s Day”) in Greece, when women spend the day in cafés while men do housework and look after children. Traditionally, men caught outside are stripped and doused with cold water!

1993 [16] NBC-TV offers David Letterman the “Tonight Show” after repeatedly assuring Jay Leno he has the job (Letterman turns it down)


1993 [16] US Postal Service issues Elvis Presley commemorative stamp on what would have been his 58th birthday (the all-time ‘thinnest Elvis’)

1997 [12] David Bowie celebrates his 50th birthday with a massive concert at NYC’s Madison Square Garden

1926 [83] 1st ‘Pontiac’ car introduced ([co-host] is still driving it)

1926 [83] Abdul-Aziz ibn Sa’ud, the new king of Hejaz, renames his country ‘Saudi Arabia’ (and the troubles begin)

1998 [11] Ice Storm of ‘98 cuts power to more than a million homes in eastern Ontario and in Québec (with damage estimated at $650 million, it’s listed in the “Guinness Book of Records” as ‘Most Damaging Ice Storm’)

2001 [08] 10-digit telephone dialing begins in Toronto, then later spreads to metropolitan areas across Canada

2004 [05] Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II christens the largest & most expensive passenger ship ever built, the billion-dollar “Queen Mary 2“ (Southampton, England)


1944 [65] 1st NHL rookie to score 5 goals in a game (Howie Meeker-Toronto Maple Leafs)


[Fri] Play God Day
[Fri] “Bride Wars”; “Not Easily Broken”; “The Unborn” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Peculiar People Day
[Sat] Full ‘Wolf’ Moon
[Sun] 66th Golden Globe Awards (NBC)
[Sun] “24“ season premiere (FOX)
[Sun] Tattoo Pride Day
[Sun] International Thank-Yous Days
This Week Is … Home Office Safety & Security Week
This Month Is … Volunteer Blood Donor Month


Things that shouldn’t show up on any “Cosmo” girl’s to-do list for ‘09 …

• Quit your job and wait for a dream career opportunity. Why? One word: Recession.

• Buy into all the latest trends. It’s okay to be a slave to fashion … just be a slave to cheap fashion.

• Triple the number of friends you have on Facebook. Spend less time stalking your friends’ friends’ friends and more time catching up with buddies you actually care about.

• Don’t eat any junk food. Cutting out all unhealthy food from your diet will most likely lead to binge eating, followed by intense guilt, by mid-January.

• Watch less trashy TV. Zoning out and de-stressing for a bit every night with the help of good ol’ bad TV is harmless.

• Lose 10 lbs. Why? Toned and curvy is the new skinny.

• Keep your number down. Nothin’ wrong with notches on your bedpost, as long as you’re being safe.

– Condensed from “Cosmopolitan” magazine.

We got rid of our kids. The cats are allergic.

• How many hairs are there in an average eyebrow?
a. 50.
b. 550. [CORRECT … unless you pluck.]
c. 5,550.
– “Trivia Quest Magazine”

• In Britain you would stand for it, while in North America you would run for it. What is it?
a. Public office. [CORRECT, as in Prime Minister, etc.]
b. A taxi cab.
c. Your life!

What successful method have you found for protecting your snacks and/or lunch from theft at work?


Today’s Question: People who have more than 100 of THESE live 6-to-7 years longer on average than those with none or just a few.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Moles.


One of the privileges of getting older is telling stories nobody believes and giving advice nobody follows.

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