Thursday, January 25, 2001                                                  Edition:  #1977

• Your ceiling mirrors fog up.
• You’ve met Charlie Sheen.
• You and your cat have the same tongue consistency.
• You change your sheets more than once a day.
• You become a spokesperson for Vaseline.
• When you walk by people say “Ho, Ho, Ho” and it’s January.
• Your baby looks familiar, but . . . like who?
• You get hemorrhoids on you shoulders.

Dr Dre was asked to help work on the upcoming Michael Jackson album, but he flatly turned it down (my esteem for him just shot up) . . . A Brit newspaper says Prince Edward recently gave mom Queen Elizabeth one of those dumb ‘Big Mouth Billy Bass’ mechanical fish and her nibs enjoys singing along to “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” (now there’s TWO cold fish in the palace) . . . Word is 63-year-old Warren Beatty is not pleased wife Annette Bening has demanded he give up riding his Harley (she got sick of having to pick the bugs out of his dentures) . . . Robert Downey Jr’s long estranged wife has filed for divorce and is asking for alimony (one pack of Marlboros for each week he’s in prison) . . . “Saturday Night Live” cast member Molly Shannon, who’s appeared as ‘Goth Girl’, a ‘Spice Girl’, and a Catholic schoolgirl, is leaving the show to pursue a career in movies (so she can become another household name like Julia Sweeney).

Sigourney Weaver will co-star with Jennifer Love Hewitt in “Breakers” as a mother-daughter team who scam wealthy Palm Beach men — mom marries them, daughter seduces them, and then they split the hefty divorce settlements . . . Jennifer Aniston will star in the low-budget indie film “The Good Girl”, as a married woman who has a passionate affair with a discount-store stock boy . . .  Reese Witherspoon is set to co-produce and star in “The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing”, based on Melissa Banks’ best-selling short story collection.

What celebs demand . . . and get!
• John Travolta gets $1 million for jet fuel for his private airplane, which he then leases to the movie production.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger’s tailor-made gym has to be installed in a room next to his hotel suite, along with his personal trainer.
• Jim Carrey once demanded producers hire his personal chef, plus another one — for his pet iguana!
• Robert De Niro, known as the ‘King of Entourage’, managed to charge up $36,000 worth of champagne for his buddies during a junket to the French Riviera.
• Leann Rimes’ concert contract demands her dressing room be stocked with herbal tea bags, exactly 4 fresh lemons, and a gallon of spring water ‘at room temperature’.
• Samuel L Jackson must have no less than 3 hairstylists at his beckoned call. Seems a tad excessive seeing as he’s bald!
(Source: “James Ulmer ‘s Hollywood Hot List”, “Star” magazine)

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1931    [70] Dean Jones, Morgan City AL, movie actor (“Clear & Present Danger”, “Beethoven”, “Love Bug”)
1944    [57] Leigh Taylor-Young, Washington DC, film actress (“Addams Family Reunion”, “Jagged Edge”)
1962    [39] Chris Chelios, Chicago IL, NHL defenceman (Detroit Red Wings)

TODAY is “Robbie Burns Day”, party time for Scots everywhere. It honors Scotland’s national poet who was born January 25, 1759 and whose most famous composition was “Auld Lang Syne”. A traditional ‘Burns Supper’ includes cock-a-leekie soup (fowl, leeks and herbs), haggis (minced sheep’s heart, lungs and liver mixed with oatmeal), neeps and tatties (mashed turnip and potatoes). (As they say in Glasgow, “Make me hurl!”)

TODAY is “Opposite Day”, a day to do everything backwards (ie: eat left-handed) as a fun way to get out of your tedious, day-in, day-out, lackluster, humdrum, milquetoast, run-of-the-mill rut. (Oh sorry. Got carried away.)

1924    [77] 1st ‘Winter Olympic Games’ open, in Chamonix FRA
1945    [56] 1st city to add fluoride to its drinking water (Grand Rapids MI) NOTE: New studies show it may not be that beneficial and can cause ‘flourosis’, white streaks and pitting on teeth
1949    [52] 1st ‘Emmy Awards’ (there were like 4 programs to choose from)
1999    [02] Wacked out Ottawa comic Tom Green makes it bigtime as his show premieres on MTV

[Sun] National Kazoo Day
[Sun] Super Bowl XXXV (Baltimore vs NYG @ Tampa)
[Mon] 21st Annual Genie Awards
Canadian Skiing & Snowboarding Week
Healthy Weight Week
Crime Stoppers Month

(A mirthful way to celebrate “Robbie Burns Day”)
Are the following celebs born Scottish or nottish?
• Actor Sean Connery (Scottish, born in Edinburgh 1930)
• Telephone inventor Alexander Graham Bell (Scottish, born in Edinburgh 1847)
• ‘Dolly’ the sheep (Scottish, cloned in Edinburgh 1996)
• Politician Bernard Landry (Duh no! He thinks a kilt is ‘a piece of plaid rag’. The likely next PQ premier is from Quebec’s Lanaudière region)
• Actor Ewan McGregor (Aye, born in Crieff, Scotland 1971)
• The Queen Mother (Likes to hang out there, but born in London in 1900)
• Canada’s 1st PM Sir John A McDonald (Scottish, born in Glasgow 1815)
• Wrinkle rocker Rod Stewart (Coulda sworn he was, but he was born in the Highgate area  of London)

Roll up your sleeves — and you won’t lose your shirt!

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