Monday, January 31, 2000                                             Edition:  #1732

• “Look! Wimpy Dick Vermeil’s already crying and the game hasn’t started yet!”
• “I can’t believe they’re selling Super Bowl souvenir ice from the parking lot.”
• “I win the pool for first ‘bum pat’ in the second half!”
• “Is Phil Collins wearing pinstripes or are those varicose veins?”
• “We’re going to eat dinner and clean up the dishes during the next commercial break.”
• “There was a 15-yard penalty for ‘bad half-time show’.”
• “I really like the Rams outfits, don’t you, honey?”
• Look! Dennis Rodman’s taking a leak in the parking lot!

• “E! Online” reports that Britain’s recording industry association has voted to give the Spice Girls a ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’. (Seems a ‘lifetime’ in the UK entails 4 years.)
• What was the problem with Ted Turner & Jane Fonda’s marriage? If you believe “National Enquirer”, she suspected he was seeing an old girlfriend and was also tired of him being drunk. One time he reportedly gave a toast at a dinner party, then collapsed face first into his soup.
• “Extra, Extra!” reports that Puffy Combs gave Jennifer Lopez a $100-thousand engagement ring just days before that shoot-out in a NYC club. (Now he needs it back – to pay lawyers.)
• “Globe” says trick photography was used in Monica Lewdinsky’s Jenny Craig commercial to make her look thinner than she actually is. One eyewitness who saw her on the street says, “Her rear looks just as large as ever.”
• “Star” reports that “ER” star Noah Wylie is jealous of co-star Goran Visnjic. Seems the new hunk is getting more and more lines and Noah fears he’s is being turned into an extra.
• Even though “Beverly Hills 90210″ is wrapping up we still can’t get rid of her! “Star” says Tori Spelling’s mega-producer pop, Aaron Spelling, is already developing a new show for her, family drama set in Las Vegas.

• People with pornography filters on their PCs couldn’t access Super Bowl sites because the three Xs in the Roman numerals of ‘Super Bowl XXXIV were mistaken for the triple-x indicating adult material.
• In a new poll, 60% of respondents say they’re planning to continue working at least 20 hours per week AFTER they retire! (It’s the Visa bill.)
• Internet access will be available in most cars by the 2003 model year. (So you can search for the nearest hospital quickly after you cause an accident by surfing and driving.)

• In Dubai, Arab leaders have just placed an order for 31 Rolls Royces which are to be given away in a lottery. (2nd prize – you get to criticize the leader AND keep your hands!)
• Even though Tsingtao beer is sold throughout the world, it’s CEO, Peng Zuo Yi, receives an annual compensation of just $7,320. (About the average Australian’s bar tab – weekly.)
• Talk about going bananas! In Madrid, 1,000 Spaniards stampeded and trampled a 100-ft tower of bananas after getting impatient with organizers who promised free fruit. (The area looked like a Salvador Dali painting.)


1963    [37] Réal Andrews, North Vancouver BC, TV soap actor (Marcus Taggert-General Hospital)
1963    [37] John Dye, Amory MS, TV actor (Andrew-Touched By An Angel)
1970    [30] Minnie (Amelia) Driver, London ENG, movie actress (Tarzan, Good Will Hunting)
1973    [27] Portia DeRossi, Melbourne AUS, TV actress (Nelle Porter-Ally McBeal)
1981    [19] Justin Timberlake, Memphis TN, pop singer (‘N Sync-I Want You Back, Tearing Up My Heart)

[World] Child Labor Day (hey, isn’t that illegal?)

Wednesday is “Groundhog Day”, a tradition since 1887. If the little rodent sees his shadow, we’ll have 6 more weeks of winter. As you may remember, Canada’s prognosticator “Wiarton Willie” kicked the bucket just before his big day last year. He’s been replaced by a new groundhog named ‘Wee Willie’, who has a backup hog named ‘Wee Willie 2′ — just in case history repeats itself. So how do you train a new rodent for the job?
PHONERS: 519-534-1400 (Francesca Dobbyn-Nadjiwon)

1996    American CFL franchises decide to fold
1996    Ken Griffey Jr becomes baseball’s then-highest-paid player at $34 million for 4 more years with Seattle
1997    Original 1977 “Star Wars” re-released (record January opening weekend take of $35 million)
1999    Denver Broncos win 2nd consecutive Super Bowl, vs Atlanta Falcons (Who sang the anthem? [Cher])

1893    [107] TW Helm patents the ever-so-useful ‘clothes brush/flask/drinking cup’
1928    [72] “Scotch Tape” is 1st marketed by 3M (no one knows why they call it ‘Scotch’, but apparently the name ‘stuck’)
1949    [51] 1st daytime soap on TV (These Are My Children)
1990    [10] 1st McDonalds in Russia opens in Moscow (world’s largest with 900 seats, operated by McDonald’s of Canada)

[Wed] Groundhog Day
[Sun] 50th NHL All-Star Game (Toronto)
International Life Balance Month


Q:  If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get ?
A:  Nothing. A steer has been castrated.

Q: Where is the precise geographic center of North America – Rugby, North Dakota; Brandon, Manitoba; or Effingham, Illinois?
A: Rugby, North Dakota.

THE LAST WORD: Don’t be redundant, don’t more use words than necessary, it’s highly superfluous.

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