Wednesday, January 12, 2000                                  Edition:  #1719

The $166-billion AOL/Time Warner deal is the largest corporate merger in history. But here’s a few other hybrids we see in the offing . . .
BS PROPOSED CORPORATE MERGERS:
• Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and WR Grace Co. (Hale Mary Fuller Grace)
• Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Nabisco. (Polly-Warner-Cracker)
• John Deere and Abitibi-Price. (Deere Abi)
• Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil. (Honey I’m Home)
• Denison Mines, Alliance and Metal Mining. (Mine, All Mine)
• Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers. (Fairwell Honeychild)
• 3M, JC Penney and the Canadian Opera Company. (3 Penney Opera)
• Crabtree & Evelyn and Apple Computer. (Crab Apple)
• Swissair and Cheseborough-Ponds. (Swiss Cheese)
• Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining. (Zip Audi Do Da)
• Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants. (Poupon Pants)

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“Nash Bridges” star Don Johnson is so excited about the impending birth of his 3rd child that he’s recorded a lullaby album which he plans to play for the unborn baby (he’s as good a singer as he is an actor) . . . A California tabloid photographer is under investigation for allegedly stalking Barbra Streisand and James Brolin . . . Actor Michael Caine says his novel-in-progress definitely needs some work as he accidentally killed off one of the characters — twice . . . Former glam rocker Gary Glitter (“Rock & Roll. Part 2), who was convicted of collecting child porn, has been smuggled to an undisclosed prison to serve out his sentence after receiving death threats . . . After playing ‘God’ in the movie “Dogma”, angst-rocker Alanis Morissette says her next goal is to direct a movie (now she’ll play God behind the camera).

A WHOLE LOT OF SHEKELS:
According to the British financial weekly “The Economist”, McDonald’s Israeli version of the Big Mac is the most expensive in the world at a whopping $3.50 US. (Interesting, but it begs the question – what the heck are highly paid economists doing studying the price of hamburgers?)

TAKE A BIG STRETCH:
The world’s longest limousine is a 65-foot white Lincoln Town Car that seats 36 people and can be hired with a staff of small waiters who serve drinks and hors d’oeuvres. It’s sooooo long that it actually bends in the middle to turn a corner. The $1.8-million limo was originally built for Sheik Hamad Bin Hamdan Al-Nahayan of the United Arab Emirates, but is now offered for lease by a Chicago limo service. (Just walk to the front of the car and you’re home.)

RETAILING 101:
Studies show that most purchasing decisions are made within 5 seconds and about 70% of them are impulsive. That’s why retailers display toys at eye level — children’s eye level. It’s also why shopping baskets are often scattered throughout a store. And the reason for today’s nearly silent cash registers? To help you forget you’re shelling out moola!

THE BULL SHEET 01.12.00

TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1944    [56] (Smokin’) Joe Frazier, Beauford SC, former world heavyweight boxing champ
1955     [45] Kirstie Alley, Wichita KS, TV actress (Veronica Chase-Veronica’s Closet)
1960    [40] Charlie Gillingham, rock musician (Counting Crows-Mr Jones)
1974    [26] Melanie Chisholm (“Sporty Spice”), Liverpool ENG, pop singer (Spice Girls-Stop)

BS REASONS TO PARTY  . . .
January is “National Soup Month”. Ask listeners for the weirdest soup they’ve ever had.
BS LEAST POPULAR SOUPS:
• Cream of Gristle
• Old-fashioned Grease & Weasel
• Mink Bisque
• Tap Water & Lawn Trimmings
• Turkish Prison Surprise
• Bryant Gumbo
• Sideburns ‘n’ Barley
• Manhattan-style Windex & Shrimp

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1995    Keanu Reeves stars in ‘Hamlet’ at Manitoba Theatre Centre in Winnipeg
1998    19 nations sign a treaty in Paris opposing ‘human cloning’
1999    Mark McGwire’s 70th home run ball is sold at auction for $3 million

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1997    [03] 1st edition of animated TV sit-com “King of the Hill”
1997    [03] 1st NFL Conference Championships to include 2 expansion teams (Carolina in NFC, Jacksonville in AFC)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] 90th Anniversary of First Radio Broadcast (play a tape of Lloyd Robertson)
[Thurs] Make Your Dream Come True Day
International Printing Week
International Quality of Life Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:

Q: Late doughnut shop namesake Tim Horton would have turned 70 today. Besides flogging ‘Tim Bits’, What did he do for living?
A: He was a hockey player, elected to the Hockey Hall of Fame in 1977.

Q: According to the World Meteorological Organization, which type of weather phenomenon kills more people worldwide than any other?
A: Heat stress, which kills even more people than hurricanes and floods.

Q: Did more Canadian or American hockey teams win the Stanley Cup during the 20th century?
A: Canadian, of course.
(Source: All Canadian Trivia Game: Millennium Edition)

THE LAST WORD:
Even the best of friends cannot attend each other’s funeral.


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