Wednesday, January 5, 2000                                       Edition:  #1714

YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN WHEN . . .
• The local phone book has only one yellow page.
• 3rd Street is on the edge of town.
• You don’t signal turns because everyone knows where you’re going anyway.
• No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished.
• A “Night on the Town” takes only 11 minutes.
• Last year’s New Year’s baby was born in October.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Drew Carey is looking at opening his own chain of fast food restaurants that specializes in the ‘perfect burger’ . . . Whoopi Goldberg tells a tab, “I’m no classic American beauty, but I could teach Sharon Stone a thing or two about attracting and pleasing a man (damn, how to choose?) . . . Not surprisingly, the Canadian Recording Industry Association has named Celine Dion the best-selling Canadian recording artist of the 20th century . . . And because you need to know – married actors Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke give each other 20-minute foot massages every night before bed (then brush their teeth and wash their thumbs).

COULD IT BE THE LACK OF DANCING?
New research by Barna Research Group finds that Baptists have the HIGHEST divorce rate of any Christian denomination — 29%. Atheists and agnostics share the LOWEST divorce rate with Catholics and Lutherans — 21%.

CHILLING OUT:
The hot way to relieve stress in Germany is sitting near-naked in a ‘cold chamber’ with the  temp set as low as -110 C for up to 3 minutes. Seems extreme cold triggers the release of endorphins in the brain, producing a feeling of well-being. There are now about 40 cold chambers across Germany which are popular with businessmen and — bridegrooms before their wedding night. (If you ask most guys, extreme cold and hot honeymoons don’t mix.)
POKEMON LAMPOON:
Parody Card Ink will soon release its first set of “Jokemon” cards. The 45 “Jokemon” monsters include “Pokemon” put-ons like ‘Turdling’, ‘Flatulentia’, ‘Shietmiester’ and ‘Beltch-a-lot’.

IT WAS THE WASHROOM LINE-UP:
Some superstitious types in Latin America believe that if you wore ‘yellow underwear’ New Year’s Eve, you’ll have good fortune for all of 2000. (But you’ll also need new underwear.)

50 YEARS OF FAVORITES:
“The American Music Awards” is looking for the favorite musical artist of each of the last 5 decades. Winners will be announced at the January 23rd ceremonies. Candidates are . . .
• ’50s — Chuck Berry, Everly Brothers, Bill Haley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Little Richard, Elvis.
• ’60s — Beach Boys, Beatles, James Brown, Jimi Hendrix, Rolling Stones, Supremes.
• ‘70s — Bee Gees, Earth, Wind & Fire, Grateful Dead, Billy Joel, Elton John, Stevie Wonder.
• ’80s — Gloria Estefan, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Madonna, Prince, Bruce Springsteen.
• ’90s — Celine Dion, Shania Twain, Boyz II Men, Garth Brooks, Mariah Carey, Will Smith.
VOTING: http://www.abc.com

THE BULL SHEET 01.05.00

TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1931    [69] Robert Duvall, San Diego CA, film actor (A Civil Action, Oscar-Tender Mercies)/movie producer/director (The Apostle)
1942    [58] Charlie Rose, Henderson NC, TV journalist (60  Minutes II)
1946    [54] Diane Keaton (Hall), LA CA, movie actress (First Wives Club, Oscar-Annie Hall)
1968    [32] Joe Juneau, Pont-Rouge PQ, NHL LW (Ottawa Senators)
1969    [31] Marilyn Manson (Brian Warner), Canton OH, rock singer (Marilyn Manson-Beautiful People)
1975    [25] Warrick Dunn, Baton Rouge LA, NFL RB (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

BS REASONS TO PARTY  . . .
This is “Twelfth Night”, the evening before “Epiphany”. Rome celebrates big time with its annual “Epiphany Fair”. “Twelfth Night” marked the end of medieval Christmas festivities.

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1998    62-year-old singer-turned-politician Sonny Bono dies when he slams into a tree while skiing at  Lake Tahoe CA
1998    Giant ice storm knocks out power and causes massive damage in Quebec and eastern Ontario.
1999    3 first-time candidates are elected to Baseball Hall of Fame – Nolan Ryan, George Brett and Robin Yount

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1835    [165] 1st Worcestershire (wuss-ta-sure) sauce (Lea & Perrins)
1839    [161] 1st hanging in Canada (London ON)
1940    [60] 1st demonstration of ‘FM radio’

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] National Smith Day
[Feb 23] Grammy Awards
Diet Resolution Week
National Eye Care Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTER:

• “There’s still no universal agreement on what to call our new decade. Is it the “aughts”, the “zeros”, the “ohs”, or the “uh-ohs”?
• “Should Jennifer Lopez stay with Sean “Puffy” Combs or dump him?”

BRITISH OR DEAD?
Yes kids, it’s that all new game show where you decide whether the celebs are native Brits or stone cold (they can’t be both).
• Actress Liz Taylor (Brit, born in London)
• Actor WC Fields (Dead as a doornail)
• Comedian Bob Hope (Brit, born in Eltham and still kicking at last check)
• Actor Phil Hartman (Dead)
• Singer Julie Andrews (Brit, born in Walton-on-Thames)
• Actor Victor Mature (Dead)
• Critic Gene Siskel (Dead)

THE LAST WORD:
Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid. Open it and you remove all doubt.


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