Thursday, January 7, 2010        Edition: #4176
Bovine Defecation That’s State-Of-the-Art!


42-year-old British movie director Sam Taylor Wood has confirmed she’s pregnant via her 19-year-old fiancé, Aaron Johnson, who played the lead in her John Lennon bio-pic “Nowhere Boy” (her 12-year-old daughter is likely really impressed) . . . More than 100 pages of what appears to be the script from the next “Twilight” sequel, “Eclipse” (due for a July release), has leaked online, sending fans of the franchise into a frenzy (it’s the same old story – boy meets girl, boy bites girl) . . . 30-year-old actress Kate Hudson is said to be glum after learning her 34-year-old ex-boyfriend, NY Yankees star Alex Rodriguez, is dating a pretty blonde he met at his Miami FL gym, Hudson apparently hoping he’d beg her to come back  (sorry hon’, you’re outta there!) . . . Former “Seinfeld” star Jason Alexander is set to become the latest spokesperson for weight-loss plan Jenny Craig, hoping to shed 30-to-40 lbs (this is the show biz work you get when you’re 50, fat, and flatulent) . . . A ‘friend’ of Charlie Sheen tells E! News the “Two & a Half Men” star, arrested Christmas Day for allegedly assaulting wife Brooke Mueller, is ‘so scared he’s (crapp)ing his pants right now; he just wants it to go away’ (here’s why – California divorce law splits all property 50/50) . . . And 63-year-old actor Sylvester Stallone tells “FHM” magazine he fractured his neck on the set of his new action film, “The Expendables”, during a fight scene with former wrestling star Stone Cold Steve Austin and he now has a metal plate in his neck (will that clash with his rubber tongue?).


• “BCS National Championship Game” (ABC) – Alabama vs Texas for the NCAA football title at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena CA.
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Barenaked Ladies (“All In Good Time”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Puddle of Mudd (“Volume 4: Songs In the Key of Love & Hate”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Nick Jonas & the Administration (“Who I Am”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Jencarlos (“Buscame”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Snoop Dogg (“Malice N Wonderland”).

• Anvil – Tonight the Canadian metal vets, who’ve experienced a bit of a comeback since the documentary “Anvil! The Story of Anvil” was released, launch “The Anvil Experience”, their first major tour in over a decade in Cleveland OH.
• Chris Cornell – He’s ticked an apparently stolen video of his 2004 wedding is for sale on Craiglist, offering ‘lost’ footage of late actress Brittany Murphy who was his bride’s maid-of-honor.
• Christina Aguilera – Her upcoming album is reportedly titled “Bionic”, according to a cover story in “Marie Claire” magazine. It’s expected out in March.
• City & Colour – Tonight the solo project of Alexisonfire singer/songwriter Dallas Green kicks off a headlining tour in Washington DC.
• Green Day – The stage musical version of “American Idiot” will open on Broadway at the St James Theatre, starting with preview performances March 24th.
• Katy Perry – Brit comedian/actor Russell Brand has revealed he proposed to her New Year’s Eve after their relationship was blessed by a love guru in India. She said ‘yes’.
• Lady Antebellum – They’re releasing songs off new album “Need You Now” to iTunes one at a time. The latest is “Love This Pain”, an uptempo tune about not being able to walk away.
• Rolling Stones – They’ve now denied rumors they’re planning to tour without troubled guitarist Ronnie Wood, insisting they have no gigs scheduled for 2010, including Glastonbury Festival.
• Taylor Swift – Gossip sites have been all a-Twitter over her supposed romance with actor Taylor Lautner, whom she was required to kiss for her role in the upcoming movie “Valentine’s Day” (out February 12th), but it seems a long-term relationship was not meant to be. The film’s soundtrack (out February 9th) includes 2 new Taylor tunes as well as material from Willie Nelson, Jewel, and new duo Steel Magnolia.

A selection of movies in the making …
• “Deadpool” – Ryan Reynolds will reprise his role as the wisecracking mercenary he played in last year’s “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”. The tone of the movie, which features an antihero as opposed to a more traditional heroic comic book protagonist, is said to be similar to “Zombieland”. Filming could get under way as soon as this Summer once Reynolds wraps production on another comic book story, the “Green Lantern”.
• “Dune” – Director David Lynch turned Frank Herbert’s sci-fi adventure novel into a hit movie with Sting among its stars in 1984. Now a remake is in the works, helmed by French director Pierre Morel (“Taken”) and scripted by Josh Zetumer (“Quantum of Solace”). Casting has not been announced even though filming is expected to start later this year.
• “Spider-Man 4” – The latest installment in this superhero franchise is being delayed as Sony honchos and director Sam Raimi argue differing ideas for the film’s villain. Raimi wants a criminal known as ‘Vulture’ as the primary antagonist while the studio is pushing for a romantic sub-plot involving a burglar named ‘Black Cat’. The impasse may bump the pic from its scheduled May 11, 2011 release.
• “The Three Stooges” – Sean Penn has backtracked on his decision to leave the Farrelly Bros production about the comedic trio that starred in comedy shorts from the 1930s-50s. It’s been confirmed he’s back aboard for the role of ‘Larry’ opposite Benicio Del Toro as ‘Moe’. Jim Carey was in talks to play ‘Curly’ at one point but that role is yet to be nailed down.


According to vendors of traditional medicine in parts of Africa, you can gain the gift of premonition by inhaling smoked vulture’s brain. It’s a tiny organ that, the superstition goes, holds the secrets of the future. Vultures’ acute vision and ability to find prey has kindled the belief they possess clairvoyant powers. So their brains are dried and rolled into a cigarette or inhaled as vapors in hope they’ll bring a vision of the future … including lotto numbers and sports scores. (Gazing into the future, I see you getting ripped off paying to snort scorched scavengers.)

Being an ‘Actuary’, calculating stats to determine probability and risk, is the best job to have in 2010, according to a new ranking. The job has few physical demands, little stress, a good work environment, and a positive outlook for employment and income growth. The 2nd-best job Is ‘Software Engineer’, followed by ‘Computer Systems Analyst’, ‘Biologist’, and ‘Historian’. On the other hand, working on an oil rig as a ‘Roustabout’ is rated the year’s worst job, thanks to dangerous conditions, unemployment, and a negative outlook for growth. Other gigs that look dubious for 2010: Dairy Farmer, Ironworker, and Welder. (Nic Cage’s financial advisor?)


Earlier bedtimes make for happier teens, a new study in the journal “Sleep” suggests. Columbia University Medical Center research shows that adolescents whose parents enforce bedtimes of 10 pm or earlier are significantly less likely to be depressed than those whose parents allow them to hit the hay at midnight or later. Dr James Gangwisch says it’s commonly thought that older adolescents don’t need as much sleep as younger adolescents, but that’s really not true … they still need about 9 hours a night. (Average college student: 3.)
– Reuters Health


A new synthetic alcohol substitute developed from chemicals could give users the pleasant feelings of tipsiness without affecting the parts of the brain that lead to barroom brawls, crippling addiction, and hangovers. The synthetic is being developed by David Nutt, one of Britain’s top drug experts, at Imperial College London. Using diazepam, the chief ingredient in anti-anxiety drug Valium, Nutt hopes to develop a colorless, tasteless synthetic that could eventually replace alcohol content in booze. And here’s the kicker – the feelings of inebriation could be instantly turned off with a simple antidote pill that mutes the synthetic’s effects. (Wine snobs sigh.)


Some lucky contest winner is going to blow up Texas Stadium, home to the Dallas Cowboys NFL team from 1971 to 2008. Irving TX and Kraft Foods are cooperating on a sponsorship deal for the building’s implosion which will involve an essay contest in which the winner gets to flick the switch that finishes off the venue. The stunt, part of Kraft’s ‘Cheddar Explosion’ promotional campaign, will occur in March or April. (Is there anything Jerry Jones can’t sell?)
– AP


• iSlate: Apple’s much ballyhooed tablet for online reading (out January 25th) isn’t a new concept, but if they bring a popular interface to the technology as they did with iPod and iPhone, it may be the hot gadget of 2010. (Time to say so long to physical books and newspapers?)
• Microsoft Online Office: We’ve already seen the success of Google Docs, so the speculation is high for this product that will be based on the Internet instead of in individual PCs. It should reduce costs as well as avoid nagging updates. (We bet Microsoft will find a way.)
• Online TV: YouTube and other online video-sharing sites have almost killed TV. The new generation already prefers Internet tubes over TV channels so – as with the music industry – broadcast TV will have jump on the online bandwagon before it’s too late. (Watch “24” 24/7.)
• Social Profile Management: Profile searches will become a big thing as sites like LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook become increasingly used in professional hiring. It’s expected social networks will become THE place to search – not for content – but for people. (Time to take down the party pics.)
– Condensed from


The annual “Darwin Awards” have been announced, commemorating those who have improved our gene pool … by removing themselves from it. Thus, the awards are generally bestowed  posthumously. Among those receiving citations …
• A Greensboro NC woman who decided it was necessary to drive through a flash flood in order to shop at a convenience store. When she lost control of her vehicle and it fell into a swollen creek, she jumped in to rescue her drowning … moped. Sadly she perished, as did the now-rusting two-wheeler. Her mother admits her deceased daughter ‘just loved that thing’ and admits she’d ‘possibly had a beer’. (Ya think?)
• A guy on his way home from a Pompano Beach FL bar who told his friends to pull over so he could take a whiz on the side of the road, exited the vehicle and jumped over a low concrete wall … falling 65 feet to his death. Seems he was dying to go. (Always look before you leak!)
• And the overall ‘winner’ is a pair of bank robbers in Dinant, Belgium attempting to make a sizeable withdrawal from an ATM. They died after overestimating the quantity of dynamite needed for the explosion. The blast demolished them as well as … the entire bank. Fortunately, nobody else was in the building. (In hindsight, maybe a debit card would have been safer?)


1946 [64] Jann Wenner, NYC, magazine publisher (“Rolling Stone”, “Us Weekly”)

1956 [54] David Caruso, Forest Hills NY, TV actor (‘Lieutenant Horatio Caine’ on “CSI: Miami” since 2002, “NYPD Blue” 1993-94)

1957 [53] Katie Couric, Arlington VA, TV news anchor (“The CBS Evening News” since 2007, NBC’s “Today Show” 1991-2007)

1964 [46] Nicolas Cage (Coppola), Long Beach CA, movie actor (“National Treasure” films, Oscar-“Leaving Las Vegas”)/ex-husband of Patricia Arquette & Lisa Marie Presley/movie director Francis Ford Coppola’s nephew  FACTOID: He chose the name ‘Cage’ from the comic book hero “Luke Cage”.

1965 [45] John Ondrasik, LA CA, pop singer (Five For Fighting-“The Riddle”, “100 Years”)

1974 [36] John Rich, Amarillo TX, country singer (Big & Rich-“Lost In this Moment”, ex-Lonestar-“Amazed”)

1985 [25] Lewis Hamilton, Stevenage UK, racing driver (youngest-ever Formula One World Champion)/sometime boyfriend of Nicole Scherzinger (Pussycat Dolls)

• “International Programmers Day”, honoring the geeks behind many of today’s technological conveniences, pastimes, and work tools.

• “Organize Your Home Day”. Even better, have some TV show do it for you!

• “Orthodox Christmas” in many countries worldwide. Why? Both Eastern Orthodox Churches and Oriental Orthodox Churches use the old Julian calendar.


1958 [52] Gibson patents the famous ‘Flying V’ guitar

1927 [83] Basketball exhibitionists the Harlem Globetrotters play their 1st game (Hinckley IL)

1992 [18] 1st ‘video-telephone’ goes on sale at $1,499 (nowadays you can use web-based Skype … for free!)

1999 [10] Impeachment proceedings against US President Bill Clinton begin (how’d he end up being a so popular since?)

1964 [46] Pro bowler Dick Weber rolls the highest-ever bowling score … aboard an airliner


[Fri] Elvis Presley’s 75th Birth Anniversary
[Fri] Bubble Bath Day
[Fri] Learn to Ski Day
[Fri] Show & Tell Day at Work
[Fri] “Daybreakers”; “Leap Year”; “Youth in Revolt” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Fruitcake Toss Day
This Week Is … Bowling Week
This Month Is … Financial Wellness Month


• ‘Drop-a-Size Dinners’ – “Woman’s Day”
• ‘How to Use Your Mom Skills On the Job’ – “Redbook”
• ‘What His Facebook Profile Really Says About Him’ – “Glamour”
• ‘5 Party Mistakes Women Make’ – “Cosmopolitan”
• ‘Sleep Yourself Pretty’ – “Ladies’ Home Journal”

• ‘The Hangover Survival Guide’ – “Maxim”
• ‘Seduce Any Woman’ – “Men’s Health”
• ‘Save Your Skin From Winter’ – “Men’s Journal”
• ‘5 First-Conversation Mistakes’ –
• ‘Make Your Bed in Under 30 Seconds’ – “GQ”

What is the most annoying, irritating, and upsetting thing that happens to you on an average day? (A poll in “Consumer Reports” is topped by ‘negative interactions with companies’, especially when they’re taking money from you in sneaky ways. That ranks ahead of ‘not getting a human on the phone’, ‘inaccurate weather reports’, ‘noisy neighbors’, ‘traffic jams’, and ‘long checkout lines’.)

Way down deep he’s shallow.

Today’s Question: Restaurant servers who do THIS average 30% more in tips than those who don’t.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Introduce themselves by name.


There is more to life than increasing its speed.

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