Thursday, January 14, 2010        Edition: #4181
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!


Now that Conan O’Brien has made it clear he won’t accept NBC-TV’s scheduling change for his “Tonight Show”, what happens next? – a Conan insider says simply, “don’t know” (this fiasco is worse than NBC’s 1991-92 mess in which it offered “Tonight” to both Leno and Letterman) . . . General Motors says its agreement with Tiger Woods that allowed him to have free vehicles, like the Cadillac Escalade he crashed in November, has now ended (3 months later and he’s still getting screwed) . . . British production company Fulcrum TV is looking for a terminally ill patient to allow his/her body to be mummified as part of a documentary on the ancient Egyptian embalming process (the good news is, I finally got a show biz gig; the bad news is …) . . . TV shows “Glee”, “Mad Men”, and “Modern Family” are among nominees for the Gay & Lesbian Alliance’s 21st annual “Media Awards”, scheduled for March 13th in NYC . . . Former Spice Girls manager/”American Idol” creator Simon Fuller has lost more than $100,000 in cash & jewelry after a burglar targeted his vacation villa at a beach resort in Uruguay (too cheap to rent the room safe, are we?) . . . And 40-year-old actress Catherine Zeta-Jones tells “OK!” magazine she forgets her actor-husband Michael Douglas is 25 years older unless someone happens to bring it up, because the attraction between them has only actually grown ‘stronger’ over their 10-year marriage (the prospect of inheriting a fortune over $200 million will do that for a girl).


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Katharine McPhee (“Unbroken”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Pete Yorn (“Break Up”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Vampire Weekend (“Contra”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) –  The Hot Rats (“Turn Ons”), a side project by Gaz Coombes & Danny Goffey of UK alt-rock band Supergrass. The name comes from the 1969 Frank Zappa album “Hot Rats”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – The Low Anthem (“Oh My God Charlie Darwin”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Norah Jones (“The Fall”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Snoop Dogg (“Malice N Wonderland”).
• “Project Runway 7” (Lifetime) – Heidi Klum & Tim Gunn return for the 7th season debut.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Rosanne Cash (“The List”).

• Bon Jovi – They’ve agreed to perform at the 52nd “Grammy Awards” January 31st and are allowing fans to vote online as to which of 6 tunes they’ll perform.
• Brooks & Dunn – The Academy of Country Music will shoot the CBS-TV special, “ACM Presents: Brooks & Dunn – The Last Rodeo”, the day after its 45th awards ceremony which airs live from the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas April 18th.
• Lady Gaga – “Bad Romance” marks the first time an artist has notched five #1 singles in-a-row from a debut album.
• MIA – The “Paper Planes” hitmaker (real name Maya Arulpragasam) promises her upcoming 3rd album won’t have any ‘gimmicks’, instead she’ll attempt to prove her musicianship. (Oh no, somewhere there’s a lead cash register player out of a job!)
• Motley Crue – Vince Neil has launched Vince Neil Aviation, a charter jet service flying out of Las Vegas using 3 aircraft. That adds to his business portfolio that already includes a tattoo parlor, a clothing boutique, and a winery. (Apparently he’s smarter than he looks!)
• System Of a Down – Bassist Shavo Odadjia is hinting the rockers may soon reuniting. The band went on indefinite hiatus to pursue individual projects back in 2006.


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Arrested Development: The Movie” – A bigscreen version of the quirky TV series that was cancelled back in 2006 is back on. Star Will Arnett has confirmed that shooting is scheduled to begin later this year. Cast members Jason Bateman and Michael Cera have also confirmed they’re onboard the project. A completed script is said to be forthcoming.
• “Celeste & Jesse Forever” – Actress Rashida Jones (“Parks & Recreation”, “The Office”) has written the script and is attached to star in this comedy about a couple in the midst of a divorce attempting to maintain their friendship while pursuing new relationships. Seth Gordon (“Four Christmases”) is in negotiations to direct the pic.
• “Larry Crowne” – Actor Tom Hanks is set to step behind the camera to direct his first movie since 1996’s “That Thing You Do!”. As well as directing, he’s written the screenplay and will star in the story of a middle-aged man who is forced to find a new career. Julia Roberts is set to co-star. The two previously worked together on the 2007 drama “Charlie Wilson’s War”.
• “La Premiere Etoile” (“The First Star”) – Chris Rock is planning a big-budget remake of this hit French comedy about a black working class family who leave their home to tackle snobbery on the ski slopes. The film was one of France’s top 10 grossing films last year. Rock has bought the rights and plans to write a new English-language screenplay and produce the remake.
• “Source Code” – Jake Gyllenhaal & Michelle Monaghan are set to star in this upcoming time-travel thriller. “Golden Globe” nominee Vera Farmiga (“Up In the Air”) is in negotiations to co-star. Gyllenhaal will play a soldier in an experimental government program who is transplanted into another person’s body in order to investigate a terrorist incident.


In the age of free agency, professional athletes are commodities that are bought, sold and traded like any other investment. The payoff is thought to be a better shot at the title and the riches that come with it. But a new study of top professional soccer teams in Europe is challenging the wisdom of that approach to winning. According to Oxford University psychology professor Mark Van Vugt, teams fare better when their player rosters remain stable. The conclusion: team stability is an important predictor of success in sports. (BS translation: Colts win the Super Bowl.)
– “Globe & Mail”

A newly-released ranking based on annual joint earnings from all sources …
5. David & Victoria Beckham … $46 million.
4. Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith … $48 million.
3. Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie … $55 million.
2. Harrison Ford & Calista Flockhart … $69 million.
1. Beyoncé & Jay-Z … $122 million.

A new study of tattooed and/or pierced college students by Texas Tech University sociologist Jerry Koch suggests there’s a correlation between body art and deviant behavior. The findings show that those with 4 or more tattoos, 7 or more body piercings, or ‘intimate piercings’ are more likely to report drug usage, binge drinking, cheating on tests, and a history of being arrested for a crime. The level of ‘deviance’ among those with low levels of body art is closer to those with none at all. (And you thought having a 4th rose inked on you ankle was harmless!)


Carrying extra weight on your hips, butt, and thighs is good for your health, according to a team of British scientists. Why? It seems that hip fat mops up harmful fatty acids and contains an anti-inflammatory agent that stops arteries from clogging. The researchers suggest that doctors prescribe ways to redistribute body fat to the hips to protect against cardiovascular and metabolic diseases such as diabetes. The ‘bottom’ line: Big behinds are preferable to extra fat around the waistline, which gives no such protection. (Now pear-shaped means healthy?)
– BBC News


• As an ongoing exhibit at his Museum of Old & New Art (MONA), Australian millionaire David Walsh is having the life of French artist Christian Boltanski video-recorded … 24-hours-a-day. In return, the 65-year-old photographer/sculptor will receive an ongoing fee until he dies. His payment will increase with each passing year. (That should cover the retirement home.)
• Miami FL-based Carnival Cruise Lines has turned down a request from a singles travel group to book another cruise with a ‘cougar’ theme. The first cruise on Carnival’s ‘Elation’ cruise ship in December drew about 300 mature women (‘cougars’) and younger men (‘cubs’). Carnival says there were no problems on that trip, it’s just a ‘business decision’. (BS translation: Helping fetish couples hook up is bad for the company’s family image.)
– AP
• ‘Oxygen Therapy’ is variously a medical or spa treatment in which people breath air with higher-than-normal oxygen content. In Japan, dogs can now experience it as well as humans. Tokyo-based company Air Press is offering the service at the Wag Style salon, where pampered pooches can lounge in a glassed-in room with juiced-up oxygen. (Dumb! When dogs need air … they pant.)


Libraries lose about 1% of their books per year.


1919 [91] Andy Rooney, Albany NY, TV curmudgeon/commentator (“60 Minutes” since 1978)

1963 [47] Steven Soderbergh, Atlanta GA, movie director (“Oceans 11-13”, Oscar-“Traffic”)

1968 [42] LL Cool J (James Todd Smith), Bay Shore NY, rap artist (“Luv U Better”, “All I Have”)/movie actor (“Last Holiday”, “Charlie’s Angels”)

1969 [41] Dave Grohl, Warren OH, rock singer/guitarist (Them Crooked Vultures-“New Fang”, Foo Fighters-“The Pretender”, Nirvana-“Smells Like Teen Spirit”)

1969 [41] Jason Bateman, Rye NY, movie actor (“Up In the Air”, Juno”)/TV actor (“Arrested Development” 2003-06, “Silver Spoons” 1982-84, “Little House On the Prairie” 1981-82)

1982 [28] Caleb Followill, Mount Juliet TN, rock singer/guitarist (Kings of Leon-“Use Somebody”, “Sex on Fire”)

• “Assembly Line Workers Day” observed on the anniversary of the 1st ‘Automobile Assembly Line’, created by Henry Ford 96 years ago (1914).

• “Dress Up Your Pet Day”, a day to assert our dominance over the dumb creatures of the animal kingdom by humiliating them in human attire … then laughing at them.

• “Makar Sankranti”, the mid-Winter festival of India and Nepal that marks the transition of the Sun beginning it’s northward journey, what’s called the ‘Uttarayan’. The event is marked by flying kites. (Hey, if it means Spring is getting a bit closer … we’re all for it!)

• “Orthodox New Year’s Day” in Russia and many Eastern European countries, based on the old Julian Calendar (aka ‘Orthodox Hangover Day’).

1990 [20] “The Simpsons” debuts as a series on FOX-TV after being a regular feature on the “Tracy Ullman Show” since 1987

2000 [10] “Late Show” host David Letterman undergoes emergency quintuple bypass surgery after a test determines one of his arteries is seriously constricted


1734 [276] ‘Coldest Temperature’ in Northern Hemisphere recorded in Siberia at -120 F (ever since, weather lore has labelled today the ‘Coldest Day Of the Year’)

1943 [67] ‘World’s Largest Office Building’ is completed, the Pentagon, headquarters for the US Department of Defense

1973 [37] Last ‘Perfect NFL Season’ as Miami Dolphins beat Washington Redskins 14-7 at Super Bowl VII in Los Angeles to finish with a 17-0 record (members of that Dolphin team still gather to celebrate when the last undefeated NFL team finally loses each season)


[Fri] International Fetish Day
[Fri] “The Book of Eli”; “The Spy Next Door” open in movie theaters
[Sun] 67th Golden Globes (Los Angeles)
[Sun]  World Religion Day
[Mon] Winnie the Pooh Day
[Mon] Martin Luther King Day (USA)
This Week Is … Cuckoo Dancing Week
This Month Is … Mail-Order Gardening Month


• “It’s a guy thing.” (There is no rational thought pattern connected with it.)
• “Sure, honey.” (Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response like Pavlov’s dog drooling.)
• “Have you lost weight?” (I’ve just spent our last $90 on a cordless drill.)
• “My wife doesn’t understand me.” (She’s heard all my stories before, and is tired of them.)
• “Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.” (I can’t hear the game over the vacuum.)
• “That’s women’s work.” (It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.)
• “I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.” (The girl selling them was a real babe.)

Save your breath, buddy … you’ll need it to blow up your date tonight.

Which is said to be the only food that does not spoil?
a. Peanut Butter.
b. Honey. [CORRECT]
c. Twinkies.
– “Land O’ Useless Facts”

• The ‘Public Apology’ website offers a place for the guilty to go and post regrets. Some of them go back years to when users wronged someone unnecessarily or made a poor decision. Many only run a sentence or two and make interesting reading that’s almost poetic (click on ‘Read’) …
• The tech blog ‘Make Use Of’ offers an article on “8 Steps to Regain Control Of Your Facebook Privacy”. Facebook updated its privacy settings and philosophy in December. Do you know who’s now able to see your personal info? Might be a good idea to check.


Are the following oft-repeated statements true or just an urban myth?
• Women have one more rib than men. [Myth]
• Cedar chests deter insects. [True]
• Fright can turn a person’s hair white overnight. [Myth]
• Milk is good for an ulcer. [Myth]
• Lightning never strikes in the same place twice. [Myth]
• The first frisbees were empty pie tins from the Frisbie Pie Co. [True]
• The Ku Klux Klan owns Snapple. [Myth]
• Adidas is an acronym for ‘All Day I Dream About Sex’. [Myth]
• Cooties are in fact a kind of body lice. [True]
• The letters on the standard keyboard were originally placed to slow typists down. [True]
– “Urban Myth”


Today’s Question: About 50 of THESE are found each day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: New species. (“TIME”)

No one wants advice … only corroboration.

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