Monday, January 25, 2010        Edition: #4188
You Really Know Your Sheet!


WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:

• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have reportedly visited attorneys to help them separate after a 6-year relationship. They aren’t married but have been a couple since 2004 and have been raising 6 children together. A legal document, allegedly signed in early January, would see their $330-million fortune halved. It’s also said to stipulate joint custody of the kids though they’d live with Angelina. While it makes a good story, it’s important to note that an official separation has not yet been confirmed. (If true, who would get the first ‘a’ in ‘Brangelina’?)
– “News Of the World”
• “Avatar’s” worldwide box office is now over the $1.7 billion mark and a slew of show biz investors are thrilled they forked out financing for the film. Among them: “Live Aid” founder Bob Geldof, soccer star David Beckham, director Guy Ritchie, and musician Peter Gabriel. (Even if the rumored production cost of $300 million-plus is true, the payoff is still 566% … so far.)
– Timesonline.co.uk
• Saturday night Jeff Bridges (“Crazy Heart”), Sandra Bullock (“The Blind Side”) and the cast of “Inglourious Basterds” took the top prizes at the 2010 “Screen Actors Guild Awards” in a virtual repeat of the previous weekend’s “Golden Globe Awards”. There was also a ‘Life Achievement Award’ for perky actress Betty White, just a week after she celebrated her 88th birthday. (Difference between a real pro and a wannabe: White’s crisp and funny acceptance speech and
Drew Barrymore’s aimless rambling.)
– HuffingtonPost.com
• After a judge relaxed a court order keeping actor Charlie Sheen (“Two & a Half Men”) away from estranged wife Brooke Mueller, he’s been spending ‘all of his time tending to her needs’, according to Mueller’s mother. Mueller was admitted to an LA hospital Wednesday with pneumonia, thought to stem from the recent removal of wisdom teeth. Sheen skipped the “SAG Awards” in order to watch over her in hospital. (Winning a trophy … nice. Saving 50% of your fortune by avoiding a messy divorce … priceless.)
– People.com
• Troubled comedian Andy Dick has been released on $60,000 bail following his arrest on sexual assault charges Saturday in Huntington, West Virginia. He was booked to perform 3 shows at the Funny Bone Comedy Club but ended up at Rum Runners bar where he allegedly grabbed a security guard’s crotch and kissed a male bar patron without invitation. (Boozing got him on  “Celebrity Rehab With Dr Drew”; could these antics qualify him for the new series “Sex Rehab With Dr Drew”?)
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Katharine McPhee (“Unbroken”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Franz Ferdinand (“Tonight: Franz Ferdinand”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Shwayze (“Let It Beat”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Nick Jonas & The Administration (“Who I Am”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Train (“Save Me, San Francisco”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Black Eyed Peas – Saturday night at the “NRJ Awards” in Cannes, France they were stunned after their award for ‘Best International Group’ was withdrawn. After Ke$ha and French choreographer Kamel Ouali handed them the trophy, Ouali returned to the microphone to admit he’d read the wrong name. The hardware was taken back and re-awarded to Tokio Hotel.
• Cher – The 63-year-old Vegas entertainer who’s now working on the movie “Burlesque” spends $2,500-a-week on a ‘wellness crew’. That includes a clinical aesthetician, a homeopath, a naturopath, and a spiritual adviser; and treatments such as facials, LED light therapy, and oxygen infusion. (Not to mention plastic infusion.)
• Norah Jones – She’s joined the ever-growing roster for the “Lilith Fair” tour this Summer, as well as Cat Power, Heart, Gossip, and country great Loretta Lynn. Still no dates announced.
• Tim McGraw – As a follow-up to his debut children’s book, “My Little Girl”, he’s again teamed up with Tom Douglas to write “Love Your Heart”. The release date is not yet set.

CAT’S EYE:
The US Forest Service is conducting a new study of the Canada lynx this Winter but this time it’s humans who are wearing the collars – or GPS units, at least. The wildlife study is intended to determine how lynx-use patterns and human Winter-recreation use patterns overlap in Colorado’s Vail Pass Winter Recreation Area, and how lynx respond to that activity. To that end the Forest Service is encouraging visitors to wear tracking units. (First they put you down with a tranquilizer dart, then strap the GPS collar around your neck.)
– “Summit Daily News”

LAG TIME:
Think guys are willing to wait to ‘get lucky’? A recent survey asks men “How long would you be willing to wait before having sex with a woman you’ve been seeing?”  A saintly 31% say as long as it takes to know and understand one another. At the other end of the scale, 20% say they’d wait 1-to-3 dates … max. (Be wary of any guy that shows up with a stopwatch.)
– “Glamour”

THE TEMPS OF 2010:

A while back the UK government funded the launch of online marketplaces in which British workers can sell their spare hours to local employers. The sites, specializing in ‘slivers-of-time work’, set each worker’s hourly rate, hours of availability, and personal rules for booking. The system ensures payment the following week. Sound odd? Actually it harkens back to the way things used to be. The concept of a regular ‘job’ only dates to the Industrial Revolution in the 19th century. ([Co-host] works on ‘slivers-of-time’ jobs but not on purpose … he keeps getting fired in between.)
– “Sunday Times of London”

FEMALE INTUITION:
Researchers at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore MD asked expectant moms to predict the gender of their unborn babies and record whether they were basing their predictions on folklore, a feeling, a dream, or the way they were carrying the baby. 71% of those who based their predictions on a feeling or a dream were correct. Astoundingly, those who based the prediction solely on a dream were 100% accurate! (What odd prognosticator worked for you?)
– UPI

MAKES SHAQ SEEM SHRIMPY:
Elephants at the Island Safari Center on Koh Samui, Thailand are being trained to play … basketball. It takes 2-or-3 months of intensive training to teach them basics, the animal keepers beginning by instructing how to hold a ball in their trunks and basic ball control skills. The pachyderms are then taught to stand on their hind legs, walk with the ball, and finally to shoot it through a hoop. (“Our new center is not only 10-ft-tall, he weighs … 3 tons.”)
– Telegraph.co.uk

BS CLASSIFIEDS:
• USED FORMAL WEAR, TAINTED WITH FLOP SWEAT: Today an eBay auction of outfits worn at the “Golden Globe Awards” January 17th begins, raising money for the Haitian relief fund. Among the stars dealing their duds: Amy Poehler (“Parks & Recreation”); Gerard Butler (“Law Abiding Citizen”); Josh Brolin (“Milk”); Meryl Streep (“Julie & Julia”); and Olivia Wilde (“House”), who was involved in building a school in Haiti last December that has totally been destroyed in the 7.0-magnitude quake.
– ContactMusic.com
• 1999 AIRBUS, SOME WATER DAMAGE: The US Airways Airbus 320 that landed in the Hudson River a year ago is for sale. In the story known as “Miracle On the Hudson”, Captain Sully Sullenberger brought the plane down with no loss of life only 23 minutes into a flight when a flock of geese jammed the engines. Now Chartis Insurance Group is selling what’s left of the plane ‘as is/where is’ (New Jersey). Be forewarned – this auction lot is somewhat in pieces. Bidding ends March 27th.
– Wired.com

FOR THE RECORD:
• With donations continuing to come in from around-the-world, organizers of “Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief” have announced that the event has already raised more than $57 million, a new record for donations made by the general public through a disaster relief telethon.
– HopeforHaitinow.org
• Saturday 16-year-old Abby Sunderland of Thousand Oaks, California set out to become the ‘Youngest Person to Sail Around the World Alone’. Her boat-builder father, Laurence, along with other family & friends cheered at the Del Rey Yacht Club as they watched her 40-foot craft ‘Wild Eyes’ depart. She’ll be alone at sea for 5-or-6 months but able to communicate via sat phone and a blog. The current record holder is 17-year-old Mike Perham of the UK, who took the mark last year from Abby’s then-17-year-old brother, Zac.
NET: http://abbysunderland.com
– FOX News

DID YOU KNOW?
Food can only be tasted if it is mixed with saliva. (But you don’t have to do it beforehand.)
– GreatFacts.com

BS CHRONOMETER 01.25.10


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1971 [39] Ana Ortiz, NYC, TV actress (‘Hilda Suarez’ on “Ugly Betty” since 2006)

1974 [36] Matt Odmark, NYC, CCM musician (Jars of Clay-“Flood”, “Crazy Times”)

1981 [29] Alicia Keys (Augello-Cook), NYC, pop/R&B singer (w/Jay-Z-“Empire State of Mind”, “No One”)/sometime movie actress (“The Secret Life of Bees”, “The Nanny Diaries”)

2001 [09] Rene Charles Angelil, West Palm Beach FL, rich boy who’ll never work a day in his life/test-tube-created son of singer Celine Dion & husband-manager Rene Angelil

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Better Business Communication Day”, encouraging all employers to interact with staff in other ways besides pink slips.

• “Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day”, an annual event on the last Monday of January celebrating the padding we all like to pop. You can pop some virtual bubbles here …
NET: http://www.bubblewrapfun.com

• “International Internet-Free Day”, the 10th annual recognition of our need for contact with the ‘real world’. The idea is, for one day, to set aside time for a ‘real’ chat, write some ‘real’ mail, look things up in a ‘real’ book, etc. What would you miss most about not going online for a day?

• “Opposite Day”, a day to do everything backwards (ie: eat wrong-handed) as a fun way to get out of your tedious, day-in, day-out, lackluster, humdrum, milquetoast, run-of-the-mill rut.

• “Punch the Clock Day”, a day to calmly do your job stress-free, then go home and enjoy your real life. (A warm-up for next week’s ‘Punch the Boss Day’.)

• “Robbie Burns Day”, party time for Scots everywhere! It honors Scotland’s national poet who was born January 25, 1759 and whose most famous composition was “Auld Lang Syne”. A traditional ‘Burns Supper’ includes cock-a-leekie soup (fowl, leeks and herbs), haggis (minced sheep’s heart, lungs and liver mixed with oatmeal), neeps and tatties (mashed turnip and potatoes). The meal is then washed down with Scotch whisky toasts.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .

1994 [16] Michael Jackson settles child abuse civil suit for a reported $10 million (the first one)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .

1858 [152] Mendelssohn’s “Wedding March” debuts at the wedding of Queen Victoria’s daughter (“Here comes the bride, short, fat and wide …”)

1970 [40] John Lennon & Yoko Ono shave their heads to sell their hair in a charity auction

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1924 [86] 1st “Winter Olympic Games” open in Chamonix, France

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1978 [32] 4 women are dealt perfect Bridge hands in the same card game in Dubuque IA (odds of this happening are … 2 octillion-to-1)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Michael Jackson’s “This Is It” DVD Release
[Tues] Peanut Brittle Day
[Tues] Speak Up & Succeed Day
[Wed] Thomas Crapper Day
[Wed] Vietnam Peace Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .

Medical Group Practice Week / Nurse Anesthetists Week / Take Back Your Time Week / World Leprosy Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
A company called “Manhood Greeting Cards” makes cards with simple, concise messages because, they say, ‘men don’t do paragraphs’. A few suggested . . .
BS GUY GREETINGS:
• “You’re getting married. Sorry.”
• “Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be. But don’t fret about her, she’s movin’ in with me.”
• “It’s your birthday … so?”
• “I heard you had herpes and I feel terrible. I’d say get well soon but I know it’s incurable.”
• “Congrats on the new baby. It wasn’t me.”
• “Happy vasectomy, I hope you feel zippy, ‘Cause when I got mine it was painfully snippy.”
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
You’re in an overcrowded lifeboat with the cast of “The Office”. Which one would you toss overboard?

SCOTS OR NOT?

To celebrate “Robbie Burns Day” try to determine which of the following were born Scottish and which were not-ish …
• Telephone inventor Alexander Graham Bell … Scot, born in Edinburgh 1847.
• Queen Elizabeth II … Not. Likes to hang out there, but born in London in 1926.
• Fergie of Black Eyed Peas … Not. Born 1975 in Hacienda Heights, California.
• Canada’s 1st Prime Minister Sir John A McDonald … Scot, born in Glasgow 1815.
• Wrinkle rocker Rod Stewart … Not. Born in the Highgate area of London 1945.
• “Late Late Show” TV host Craig Ferguson … Scot. Born in Glasgow 1962.
• ‘Harry Potter’ author JK Rowling … Not. Lives in Edinburgh but born in Gloucestershire, England.
• Movie actor Ewan McGregor … Aye Scot, born in Crieff, Scotland 1971.
• Singer Sarah McLachlan … Not. Born Halifax NS 1968.
• Aging actor Sean Connery … Scot, born in Edinburgh in 1930.

BS RANDOM JOKE:

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

BS WEB GOODIE:
Find your inner puckhead with this male/female ‘Hockey Name Generator’ (broken teeth not included) …
NET: http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/namegen/153/

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A recent study suggest men who buy THIS are on the prowl looking for a new relationship. But if they let you buy it for them, it’s a signal you’re the one.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Underwear. (MSNBC)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

Wisdom is running after mankind … but mankind is quicker.


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