Friday, January 16, 2009        Edition: #3939
Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!



BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:

British tabloid “The Sun” has apologized to Sharon Osbourne & agreed to pay undisclosed damages for running a story back in ‘07 that accused her of overworking her ‘frail’ rock star husband Ozzy (she’s currently whipping him into shape for the new variety show, “Osbournes Reloaded”, coming to FOX-TV) . . . Ratings for the 8th-season debut of “American Idol” this week were down 10% from a year ago (maybe if failed auditions were shot?) . . . Actress Melissa George, who plays intern ‘Sadie Harris’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC), is leaving the show, purportedly because she never intended to stay beyond the initial 8-episode contract (it’s fuzzy what’s really happened but we’re betting it’s TR Knight’s fault – it always is) . . . Perky, petite 40-year-old TV actress Kristen Chenoweth, who plays ‘Olive Snook’ on “Pushing Daisies” (ABC), says a movie based on the show is definitely a possibility (the TV show’s barely hanging on, who’s gonna fund a feature film?) . . . Word has leaked that famous person Paris Hilton was dissed & dismissed after trying to crash Creative Artist Agency’s “Golden Globes” afterparty on the weekend, getting marched out red-faced by security after trying to hide in the powder room (best story of the year so far?) . . . And long-time Hollywood actor Ricardo Montalban (‘Mr Roarke’ on “Fantasy Island” 1978-84) has died of natural causes at age 88 (he’ll be buried in a coffin trimmed with ‘rich Corinthian leather’).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today All-American Rejects perform.
• Fall Out Boy – Sunday their concert film, “Fall Out Boy Live – Folie a Deux NYC to LA“, screens in approximately 80 theaters across North America.
• “Flight Of the Conchords” (HBO) – Sunday the Kiwi rockers return but their fortunes unravel after Bret buys a new tea cup. In an innovative twist, fans will now be able to purchase music from each episode the day after it airs.
• “Live At Wembley Stadium” (VH1) – Saturday the Foo Fighters’ 2008 UK concert that included a team-up with half of Led Zeppelin airs.
• Rascal Flatts – Saturday the 20-city final leg of their “Bob That Head” tour begins in Kansas City MO, with opening act Jessica Simpson.
• “Saturday Night Live (NBC/Global) – Rosario Dawson (“Seven Pounds”) hosts; Fleet Foxes (“Mykonos”) are the musical guest.
• “Screen Actors Guild Awards” (TBS/TNT) – Sunday actors self-congratulate themselves again at the 15th annual honors. Actor James Earl Jones (‘Darth Vader’) receives the ‘SAG Life Achievement Award’.
NET: http://www.sagawards.org
• “We Are One: The Obama Inaugural Celebration At the Lincoln Memorial” (HBO) – Sunday’s official event is the first of many sponsored by the Presidential Inaugural Committee. The 90-minute concert beginning at 2 pm EST features Beyoncé, Bruce Springsteen, Garth Brooks, John Mellencamp, Josh Groban, Mary J Blige, Shakira, Sheryl Crow, Stevie Wonder, Sugarland’s Jennifer Nettles, Usher, U2, and Will.I.Am. HBO airs it free for all cable and satellite subscribers at 7 pm.

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Aerosmith – 58-year-old guitarist Joe Perry injured his knee earlier this month in an accident, which has resulted in the group putting possible touring plans on hold for a few months. (What? Too proud to use a walker?)
• Duffy – She’s signed-up for a multi-million-dollar ad campaign in which she’ll appear as a ‘strong and sassy femme fatale’ in a series of Diet Coke TV ads. (She’s sure getting a lot of mileage out of a single hit.)
• Fergie – She & new hubby Josh Duhamel wasted no time selling their wedding pics to “Us Weekly”, cleaning up a tidy sum for ‘official photos’ of the estimated $1-million rock ‘n roll wedding.
• Jennifer Hudson – She’ll sing the anthem at this year’s Super Bowl on February 1st in Tampa FL, her first public appearance since the horrific murder of her mother, brother and nephew in October.
• John Mayer – He’s close to a deal with CBS-TV for a music & variety TV show. So far, the project is under development and an agreement is said to be near. (Boinking Jen Aniston AND getting his own show? Some people fall upwards, don’t they?)
• Kenny Chesney – He’s among the first round of performers announced for the “Grammy Awards” February 8th. Others include Coldplay, Jonas Bros, Katy Perry, and Lil Wayne.
• Nas – The 35-year old & his 29-year-old singer-wife Kelis are expecting their first child together. (Cool, the kid will get to have a “Milkshake”.)
• Taylor Swift – In a week bereft of any major new releases, her “Fearless” album is topping the ‘Billboard 200′ for a 6th non-consecutive week.
• Three Days Grace – They’re currently working with producer Howard Benson on a new album, which they hope to release this year.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:

• “Defiance” ( R-Rated War Drama ): Daniel Craig (“Quantum of Solace”), Liev Schreiber (“Love In the Time of Cholera“), and Jamie Bell (“Jumper”) star in this story of 3 Jewish brothers who escape from Nazi-occupied Poland to the Belarussian forest, where they help organize the largest armed rescue of Jews during WW2.
NET: http://www.defiancemovie.com/
• “Hotel for Dogs” ( PG Comedy ): Emma Roberts (Julia’s niece) & Jake T Austin (“The Perfect Game”) play orphaned teens who turn an abandoned house into a canine hostel for strays, much to the dismay of their aunt who’s allergic to dogs (former “Friends” actress Lisa Kudrow). In case “Marley & Me“ didn’t do it for ya … hurray, it’s another dog movie!
NET: http://www.hotelfordogsmovie.com/
• ”My Bloody Valentine 3-D” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): In this follow-up to 1981′s “My Bloody Valentine”, ‘Tom’ (Jensen Ackles) returns to his hometown on the 10th anniversary of the Valentine’s night massacre that claimed 22 lives. When another horrific event occurs, he finds himself the prime suspect. Co-stars Jaime King.
NET: http://www.mybloodyvalentinein3d.com/
• “Notorious” ( R-Rated Biographical Drama ): Newcomer Jamal Woolard stars in this chronicle of Christopher Wallace’s rise from the streets of Brooklyn NY to become Notorious BIG, one of biggest rappers of the 1990s under the tutelage of mentor Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs (Derek Luke).
Co-stars Angela Bassett & Anthony Mackie (as Tupac Shakur).
NET: http://www.foxsearchlight.com/notorious/
• “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” ( PG Crime Comedy ): Stand-up comedian Kevin James (TV’s long-time “King of Queens”) plays a mild-mannered shopping center security guard who’s forced to save the day when his mall is overtaken by a gang of organized crooks. Shot in the Burlington Mall in Burlington, Massachusetts.
NET: http://www.paulblartmallcop.com/

THE SCIENCE OF CELIBACY:

A new study at Australia’s University of Sydney finds that male science nerds are the least likely college students to get lucky (shock!). On the opposite end of the spectrum, female arts students are ranked as ‘most sexually active’ (so guys, if you’re enrolling in classes take a hint). One science student proved the results are accurate by explaining, “Although we may have been a little nerdier than the other students, let’s just say the gender ratio isn’t as bad as engineering”. (For guys, the best pickup program … nursing school, no?)
– “The Telegraph”

A WOMAN’S NOSE KNOWS:
A woman can not only tell a guy is happy to see her by the twinkle in his eye, his swagger, and his smile but also by … the scent of his sweat. Psychologists at Rice University in Houston TX asked guys to put small pads in their armpits as they watched adults videos and at other times when they weren’t aroused. MRIs showed the brains of female volunteers who smelled the pads responded differently, depending on which sweat they sniffed. (Funny how there was a long list of male volunteers but a really, really short list of female volunteers.)
– LiveScience.com

PROMISE RINGS COMPROMISED:

A new study of some 12,000 teenagers has found that so-called ‘abstinence programs’ do not prevent early pregnancy. In fact, only about 12% of teens in these programs actually save themselves for marriage. Although the teens who’ve pledged to remain virgins, many choosing to wear ‘purity rings’, tend to begin having sex later and have fewer partners, their rates of disease and pregnancy are actually higher because they are less likely to use condoms, less aware of sexually transmitted infections, and less likely to seek treatment. (Time to have ‘the talk’ with your kids again?)
– “The Guardian”

HOW TO GET SOME ‘FREEGAN’ FOOD:
Worried about job security? Just in case it becomes necessary, here are a few tips from ‘Freegans’ (aka ‘Dumpster Divers’) on how to forage for decent food that’s been discarded …
• Avoid meat and dairy; it spoils too easily.
• Root through dumpsters at high-end grocery stores. When food gets discarded from low-end stores, it’s pretty well spent.
• Try to find the bins with fruits and vegetables, and choose produce with thick skins that can be peeled.
• If possible, circumvent the dumpster and form agreements with employees of restaurants, bakeries, and convenience stores to have choice foodstuffs set aside rather than tossed.
– “Colorado Daily”

DID YOU KNOW?
• More people go to the Louvre each year than to the Eiffel Tower.
– “Intelligent Life Magazine”
• Melba toast is named after Australian opera singer Dame Nellie Melba (1861-1931).
– “Fast Facts”
• U2 was originally known as Feedback.
– DidYouKnow.org
• The body of the average baby is 75% water.
– GreatFacts.com

BS CHRONOMETER 01.16.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [62] Laura Schlessinger, Brooklyn NY, syndicated radio talk show host (“Dr Laura”)/author (“The Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives”)

1974 [35] Kate Moss, Addiscomb UK, fashion model who’s appeared on over 300 magazine covers/former girlfriend of Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty

1981 [28] Nick Valensi, NYC, rock guitarist (The Strokes-“Last Nite”, “Juicebox”)

SATURDAY –
Talk-show host Maury Povich (“The Maury Povich Show”) is 70; Former heavyweight boxing champ Muhammad Ali is 67; Movie actor Jim Carrey (“Yes Man”) is 47; TV actor Naveen Andrews (“Lost”) is 40; Country/rock singer Kid Rock (“All Summer Long”) is 38; Movie actress Zooey Deschanel (“Yes Man”) is 29; Country singer Amanda Wilkinson (The Wilkinsons) is 27.

SUNDAY –
Movie actor Kevin Costner (“Swing Vote”) is 54; TV actor Jesse L Martin (“Law & Order”) is 40; Rock musician Jonathan Davis (Korn) is 38.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Elementary School Teachers Day”, honoring those who spend all day with our kids … because we certainly couldn’t. (How many ‘special days’ do these people get a year?
• “Get to Know Your Customer Day”, a reminder about how important good customer service is for any business. (Including broadcasting.)
• “Hot & Spicy Food International Day”, encouraging us to spice up our lives in order to add some zest to a winter’s day. What’s the absolute hottest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?
• “Human Relations Day”, a day set aside for the boss to interact with another species.
• “Religious Freedom Day”, when you all have the right to believe the same stuff I do.
• “Work at Home With Your Spouse Day”, to encourage couples to make the most of their relationship & skills by starting a business together. What would be the biggest problem of working with your spouse?

SATURDAY –
• “Judgment Day”, a day to look at yourself in the mirror and see how you’re doing on your New Year’s resolutions. Some dissenting folk somewhere have named this “Ditch New Years Resolutions Day”, a day to be honest with yourself and admit that you’re never gonna do it … whatever it was.
• “St Anthony Day”, honoring the patron saint of domestic animals. That’s why today is also the annual “Blessing of the Animals” at the Cathedral in Mexico City, when chickens, cows and house pets decorated with flowers are on parade.

SUNDAY –
• “Cut Yourself Some Slack Day”, a day to ‘do unto ourselves what we would have others do unto us’. Hey, give yourself a break!
• “Thesaurus Day”, celebrating the birthday of the author of “Roget’s Thesaurus”. Peter Roget was born on this day in 1779. Say, what’s another word for thesaurus anyway?
• “Winnie the Pooh Day”, honoring the birthday of “Winnie-the-Pooh” author AA Milne (1882-1956) in London UK. Disney says thanks for the profits, bud.
• “World Religion Day”, a Baha’i-sponsored day dedicated to the unity and oneness of all world religions. Now there’s some fodder that could start a war.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1939 [70] 1st appearance of “Superman” comics

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1996 [13] Jamaican anti-drug police mistakenly fire on a seaplane carrying Jimmy Buffett & U2′s Bono

TODAY’S FIRST . . .

1957 [52] 1st non-stop, around-the-world commercial airplane flight (how did anyone ever get off?)

AND REMEMBER . . .

[Mon] Martin Luther King Day (USA)
[Mon] International Sing-Out Day
[Mon] Penguin Awareness Day
[Tues] Obama Inauguration (Washington DC)
[Tues] Philately Day
[Tues] Rid the World of Fad Diets Day
[Wed] Squirrel Appreciation Day
This Week Is … Skating Week
This Month Is … Coffee Gourmet Month

BULL’S BITS


BS SIGNS YOU’RE ON A BAD CRUISE:
• As you board, a personal injury attorney hands you his business card.
• The Carnival Cruise crew turns out to be actual carnival workers.
• Puerto Vallarta looks a lot more like Newark NJ than in the brochure.
• During a light breeze, the captain issues the order to abandon ship.
• Every time you see the crew, they’re wearing life preservers.
• The navigation chart seems to be a placemat from Red Lobster.
• It’s day 3 and you’re still docked.
• You keep finding barnacles in your pants.

BS PHONE STARTER:

Who’s the best all-time movie president? (Harrison Ford tops an AOL-Moviefone poll for “Air Force One” [1997]; followed by Morgan Freeman in “Deep Impact” [1998]; and Michael Douglas in “The American President” [1995].)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
My car is NOT a junker, it’s a BMW in the Witness Protection Program.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, 1-in-4 of THESE is overweight or obese.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pets.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The more you say, the less people remember.


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