Monday, January 14, 2008 Edition: #3688
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

• Nicole Richie & Good Charlotte lead singer Joel Madden are the proud parents of a baby girl, Harlow Winter Kate Madden, born FRIDAY at LA’s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, weighing in at 6 lbs, 7 oz (more than mom). “According to Jim” actress Courtney Thorne-Smith & hubby Roger Fishman’s also had their 1st child at the same hospital FRIDAY, a 6 lb-13 oz son named ‘Jake’. And Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman welcomed their 1st child SATURDAY night – also at Cedars – reportedly a 6 lb-2 oz boy named ‘Max Liron Bratman’. Busy weekend at the maternity ward!
– “People Magazine”
• OJ Simpson is back in the slammer in Las Vegas and slated to appear before a judge WEDNESDAY on allegations he violated the terms of his bond by contacting one of the co-defendants in his robbery case. He was taken into custody in Florida and flown into Sin City late FRIDAY. Of course, he’s denying the allegations.
– “E! News”
• New couple alert! Actress Lindsay Lohan and “Entourage” star Adrian Grenier have been spotted together both at his NYC apartment and on a recent dinner date at the Beverly Hills Hotel in LA. Apparently he’s willing to boldly go where every man has gone before.
• Audrina from “The Hills” (MTV) has thrown up a posting on her MySpace page bashing rumors about the popular show. A few highlights: She & Lauren did NOT have plastic surgery; Audrina is not ditching Lauren for Heidi; and Whitney will NOT be leaving the show. Thank goodness life can now go on.
– Cosmo Daily
• Britney Spears’ family is said to be concerned she’ll impulsively wed paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib in a desperate bid to win back custody of her kids. Their recent sudden trip to Mexico raised fears they might elope. Word has it Spears must attend a scheduled court hearing TODAY if she wants to retrain any hope of fighting for custody of her kids. Meantime, Ghalib’s Muslim parents in Birmingham, England are said to be so ashamed of their 35-year-old son’s recent antics with 26-year-old Spears they’ve disowned him.
– “News of the World”
• Susan Wade, Public Relations Manager at the Springfield Convention & Visitors Bureau, says recent reports suggesting the Missouri town is planning a museum to honor favorite son Brad Pitt are totally bogus. She says she was misquoted after mentioning that locals joke the town could use a Pitt museum. The story was widely circulated and apparently even fooled Pitt’s acting buddies Don Cheadle & George Clooney, who both came out in support of the idea.
– “Us Magazine”

• Daughtry – Chris & his band are hard at work on the follow-up to the best-selling self-titled debut album. Word is they already have 17 songs ready and hope to complete writing this Spring. Does that mean a double album … or maybe 2-minute tunes?
• DMX – The “Party Up (Up In Here)” rapper has been ordered to pay a tad over $1.5 million to the mother of his child after failing to show up at a Maryland court FRIDAY to defend himself in a defamation suit. Monique Wayne filed a $6-million lawsuit in 2006 after DMX claimed he was raped by her during a 2003 hotel stay in Baltimore.
• Kanye West – The reason behind his mother’s death in NOVEMBER following a plastic surgery operation may remain a mystery. Doctors still have no clue what caused the mishap.
• KT Tunstall – She’s gotten engaged to her drummer boyfriend, Luke Bullen, after he popped the question Christmas Day. They’re scheduled to tie the knot later THIS YEAR.
• Neal McCoy – YESTERDAY the “Billy’s Got His Beer Goggles On” singer performed at Texas Stadium during the NFC divisional playoff game between the NY Giants & Dallas Cowboys.
• Paul McCartney – He’s a grandpa again as daughter Stella McCartney has given birth to a 3rd child, a son named Beckett Robert Lee. Meantime, McCartney had his driver deliver a carload of loot to estranged wife Heather Mills for her 40th birthday SATURDAY, including a $4,000-Cartier watch, a $10,000-Harvey Nichols gift card, and numerous goody bags loaded with beauty products. Trying to thaw the ice and settle the divorce are we, Paul?
• Paula Abdul – The “American Idol” judge is in talks to perform live at “Super Bowl 42” FEBRUARY 3rd in Phoenix, Arizona. Note the use of the word ‘perform’ … not ‘sing’.
• Trace Adkins – The country star and “Celebrity Apprentice” contestant (NBC) has previously provided voice-overs for the animated series ”King of the Hill” and KFC ads.

• Finger Eleven – They guest on “Live With Regis & Kelly (syndicated/CTV).
• Maroon 5 – They perform on “Late Night With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Plain White T’s – This afternoon they’re on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).

• According to a new US government report, about 3.1 million people between the ages of 12-and-25 have used cough & cold medicine to get high.
• Chewing too much sugar-free gum can have an unwelcome laxative effect, say gastro-enterologists at the University of Berlin. The sweetener sorbitol has been identified as the culprit, causing at least 2 compulsive gum-chewers to be hospitalized with chronic diarrhea.
• American scientists are developing a screening test for breast cancer that checks a woman’s saliva for evidence of the disease to help find tumors early, when they are most treatable.
• Scientists at the UK’s Liverpool John Moores University have found that men’s hearts lose up to a quarter of their pumping power between the ages of 18 and 70. On the other hand, the study shows there’s little change in women’s hearts during the same time-frame. Researchers say the difference may help to explain why women live up to 5 years longer than men on average.

A bar in Chicago has plans to begin selling the world’s hottest chicken wings, a dish so hot they will require customers to sign a waiver agreeing not to sue for injuries before they dig in. The creation is the brainchild of chef Robin Rosenberg, who has spend years perfecting the recipe based on the world’s hottest chili peppers. The wings will be served with an alarm bell on the side, for the use of foolish foodies who realize they’ve made a massive mistake.
– Reuters

• A 33-year-old woman has duped Norwegian police, child care workers, teachers, and school classmates into believing that she was … a 13-year-old boy. Amazingly, Barbora Skrlova successfully kept up the deception for 4 months. She’s wanted by police in connection with a sect suspected of child abuse.
• A Hayden, Idaho man has chopped off his own hand and … nuked it in the microwave. Cops say it had been somewhat cooked by the time a deputy arrived. Apparently the guy had been reading the biblical book of Matthew which advises “if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away”. He’s now under observation in a local mental health unit.
• Chinese police in Shanghai have arrested a thieving taxi driver after uncovering a scam in which he’d hide an accomplice in the trunk of his cab to steal all the valuables in passengers’ luggage during their trip. Talk about taking you for a ride!
• A brazen conman has walked into a branch of Britain’s Barclays Bank posing as the financial institution’s chairman and walked out with £10,000 (circa $20,000). He’s believed to have found CEO Marcus Agius’ personal info online and persuaded call center staff to issue him a bank card in the name. Barclay’s says it has learned a lesson and stepped up security. And just like any other customer who’s a victim of fraud, Agius had been fully refunded for his lost loot.

If you think you are ordering ice cream from a foreign menu, you don’t want to end up asking for a plate of sheep’s eyes by mistake. A new camera phone Nokia plans to launch THIS YEAR will set you straight. Snap a picture of, say, a dessert menu and the phone will recognize the characters and translate the words within a few seconds. The prototype can translate 9,000 Chinese and 600 Japanese food-related words into English, with more language versions to follow.
– “New Scientist“

• According to a Pilot Pen poll, green-ink users are the most bored on the job, and females who favor red pens get the most raises.
• According to a recent Canada-wide survey, our #1 pet peeve is traffic jams, followed by ‘someone reading over your shoulder’.
• According to a survey by, 78% of us have had the idea of staying while on vacation go through our minds; 15% of us give it serious thought; and about 4% actually do it!

Users will soon be able to control their computer simply by waving their hands. The new ‘Zcam’ device, reminiscent of the one used by Tom Cruise in the sci-fi film “Minority Report”, recognizes hand gestures and even the movement of individual digits. A rep for 3DV, the company that developed the technology, says the Wii game platform paved the way to take things further.
– “The Guardian”

• By age 30, the average person has had 7.5 jobs.
• Burger King’s original name was Insta Burger King.


1919 [89] Andy Rooney, Albany NY, TV curmudgeon/commentator (“60 Minutes” since 1978)

1941 [67] Faye Dunaway, Bascom FL, movie actress (Oscar-“Network”, “Bonnie & Clyde”)

1943 [65] Holland Taylor, Philadelphia PA, TV actress (‘Evelyn Harper‘ on “Two & a Half Men” since 2003)

1963 [45] Steven Soderbergh, Atlanta GA, movie director (“Oceans 11-13”, Oscar-“Traffic”)

1968 [40] LL Cool J (James Todd Smith), Bay Shore NY, rap artist (“Luv U Better”, “Ain’t Nobody”)/movie actor (“Last Holiday”, “Charlie’s Angels”)

1969 [39] Dave Grohl, Warren OH, rock singer/guitarist (Foo Fighters-“The Pretender”, “Best of You”, Nirvana-“Smells Like Teen Spirit”)

1969 [39] Jason Bateman, Rye NY, movie actor (“Juno”, “The Kingdom”)/TV actor (“Arrested Development” 2003-06, “Silver Spoons” 1982-84, “Little House on the Prairie” 1981-82)

• “Assembly Line Workers Day” observed on the anniversary of the 1st ‘automobile assembly line’, created by Henry Ford 94 years ago (1914).

• “Coming -of-Age Day”, celebrated annually in Japan on the 2nd MONDAY of JANUARY.

• “Dress Up Your Pet Day”, a day to assert our dominance over the dumb creatures of the animal kingdom by humiliating them in human attire … then laughing at them.

• “Makar Sankranti”, the mid-Winter festival of India and Nepal that marks the transition of the Sun beginning it’s northward journey, what’s called the ‘Uttarayan’. Hey, if it means Spring is getting a bit closer … we’re all for it!

• “Orthodox New Year’s Day” in Russia and many Eastern European countries, based on the old Julian Calendar (aka ‘Orthodox Hangover Day’).

1990 [18] “The Simpsons” debuts as a series on FOX-TV after being a regular feature on the “Tracy Ullman Show” since 1987

2000 [08] “Late Show” host David Letterman undergoes emergency quintuple bypass surgery after a test determines one of his arteries is seriously constricted

1794 [214] Dr Jesse Bennet of Edom VA performs 1st successful ‘Cesarean section’ on his wife

1950 [57] 1st non-stop trans-Canada flight

1734 [274] ‘Coldest Temperature’ in Northern Hemisphere recorded in Siberia at -120 F (ever since, weather lore has labelled TODAY the “Coldest Day of the Year”)

1943 [65] ‘World’s Largest Office Building’ is completed, the Pentagon, headquarters for the US Department of Defense

1973 [35] Last ‘Perfect NFL Season’ as Miami Dolphins beat Washington Redskins 14-7 at Super Bowl VII in Los Angeles to finish with a 17-0 record (members of that Dolphin team still gather to celebrate when the last undefeated NFL team finally loses each season but – thanks to this season’s New England Patriots – they may have to cancel that ritual)

[Tues] “American Idol 7” season premiere (FOX)
[Tues] Fresh Squeezed Juice Day
[Tues] Hat Day
[Tues] World Religion Day
[Wed] Hot & Spicy Food International Day
[Wed] Elementary School Teachers Day
[Thurs] Get to Know Your Customer Day
[Thurs-Jan 27] 2008 Sundance Film Festival

Healthy Weight Week / Home Office Safety & Security Week / International Printing Week / Jaycee Week / Thrift Week / Worldwide Kiwanis Week


A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues ….
• Cats are smarter … you can’t get 8 cats to pull a sled through snow.
• Dogs have owners; cats have staff.
• Cats don’t insist on playing tug-o-war with dad’s undies while he’s on the ‘throne’.
• Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
• Cats don’t go wacky when they hear a doorbell … on TV.
• Dogs believe they are human; cats believe they are God.
• Cats don’t suddenly stand up straight when lying under the coffee table.
• As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.

What is nikhedonia?
a. The scientific name for an ‘ice cream headache’.
b. The feeling of pleasure one gets from anticipating victory. [CORRECT]
c. An irrational addiction to lap-dancing.

• If you love getting wasted and have over $9,000 to blow on a month-long party, sign up for the “World’s Biggest Pub Crawl” for a bingefest that will start in London UK MARCH 24th and travel through 12 countries on a round-the-world tour of 60 of the greatest pubs.
• The “What’s That Song?” site allows you to play name-the-tune with the recording artist or music style of your choice. You can create your own game in seconds. Just type in your fave artist and let the fun begin!

Who has the most slap-able face in show biz?

Today’s Question: It’s estimated that 25 people have already touched THIS before you buy it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A greeting card.

Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.

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