Monday, January 21, 2008        Edition: #3693
Sheet For Brains!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Dr Phil could end up regretting getting in the middle of Britney Spears’ recent hospitalization when he visited her in Los Angeles. He is not licensed to practice in California. On TODAY’s pre-taped TV show he admits his attempted intervention was not helpful and says: “I definitely think if I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn’t make any statement at all. Period.” (Any chance we can get you to agree to that on ALL subjects?)
– “USA Today”
• Is this like ‘Bring Your Star to Work Week’ or something? Actress Lindsay Lohan is slated to spend 2 days working in a morgue as part of a court-ordered program to show DUI offenders the real-life consequences of drinking & driving. After working the stiffs, she’s assigned to spend time at a hospital emergency department. (This all seems a bit excessive … she’s already spent more than 1 hour in jail as part of her plea bargain!)
– ContactMusic.com
• THIS SUMMER, NBC-TV will air “Celebrity Circus”, a live competition series in which celebs perform stunts and otherwise fulfill their high-flying fantasies alongside professional circus troupes. (Okay, can we take up a collection now to get the writers back?)
– “E! News”
• Movie star Scarlett Johansson is headed to the Persian Gulf on a USO tour, where she’ll spend 5 days visiting several military installations, signing autographs, and chatting with fans. The details of when and exactly where she’s going aren’t being released … for security reasons. (Yeah, after “The Nanny Diaries“, a lot of people just want to slap her.)
– AccessHollywood.com
• Buzz from the set of the sequel film, “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor“, suggests that 39-year-old, newly-single star Brendan Fraser is dating his 40-year-old co-star Maria Bello. Fraser announced he & Afton Smith, his wife of 9 years, were divorcing during the holidays.  Insiders says he & Bello became tight during the film shoot in China. Fraser once dated his previous co-star in “The Mummy” series, Rachel Weisz. (Dude, have you tried Lavalife?)
– “National Enquirer”
• 63-year-old former glam rock star Gary Glitter has suffered a heart attack in the Vietnamese jail where he’s serving a 3-year sentence for having relations with 2 girls aged 11 and 12. The “Rock & Roll-Part 2“ singer, whose real name is Paul Gadd, is said to be frail and his blood pressure is dangerously high. Word is his poor health may lead to him being returned to the UK. (We say let the creep suffer.)
– “News of the World“
• Celebrity chef Mario Batali has shed a smattering of light on the reason for actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s much-discussed mysterious visit to a NYC hospital LAST WEEK. Batali says she received treatment for ‘a little gastrointestinal situation’ which has ‘now been straightened out’ and she’s ‘doing great’. (Hmm, wonder who did the cooking THAT night?)
– World Entertainment News Network
• The Alabama Supreme Court has sided with British actor/comedian Sacha Baron Cohen in a lawsuit filed by etiquette teacher Kathie Martin, who unwittingly appeared in his hit movie “Borat”. She claims she was embarrassed and humiliated by her appearance in the movie, but it doesn’t matter … she signed an agreement stating only courts in New York could hear any disputes that arose from her appearance. (Nice. High fives!)
– StarPulse News Blog
• And 81-year-old “Playboy” founder Hugh Hefner has apparently given in to his 29-year-old girlfriend Holly Madison’s wish to become a mother, something she’s regularly expressed on the reality show “The Girls Next Door” (E!). It seems she & Hef were spotted visiting a Beverly Hills gynecologist who specializes in in-vitro fertilization. If true – and the test tube takes – it would make him a father for 5th time. (Ew, creepy.)
– JanetCharltonsHollywood.com

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – She showed up at a court hearing for her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, FRIDAY looking a tad disheveled. As he was led back to jail she called out, “I love you, handsome, you gorgeous one.” Clearly, she needs her eyes examined.
• John Legend – He’ll perform an acoustic concert onboard a flight from NYC to LA as part of the prize in a “Grammy Awards” contest. Winners will also attend rehearsals for the 50th annual “Grammys” and the actual gala on FEBRUARY 10th … if there is one.
• Lily Allen – The 22-year-old “LDN” singer has suffered a miscarriage just a month after announcing her pregnancy with boyfriend Ed Simons of the Chemical Brothers.
• Mary J Blige – She’s taped another guest shot for daytime drama “One Life to Live” (ABC),  performing songs from her new album “Growing Pains”. The 2 episodes will air in mid-FEBRUARY. She last used the show as a marketing tool in 2006.
• Tim McGraw – He teams up with Def Leppard on the veteran rockers’ new single “Nine Lives”.
• Trace Adkins – The “Ladies Love Country Boys” singer has made millions since becoming a country music star but says he sometimes misses the simplicity of his former gig … working at sea on an oil rig.
• Wyclef Jean – He’s promising to reveal all about his alleged role in a steroid scandal as soon as the investigation is complete. 50 Cent, Mary J Blige, Timbaland, and movie actor Tyler Perry have also been implicated regarding sales of steroids and/or human growth hormone.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Kiefer Sutherland – The “24“ star is scheduled to be released from California’s Glendale City Jail where he’s been serving time for his DUI conviction.
• Natasha Bedingfield – She guests on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).
• Ringo Starr – He flogs his new CD, “Liverpool 8”, on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).

HEY, TAKE IT EASY:
Most women over-exercise when they’re trying to lose weight when all that’s needed is a work-out of 60-to-90 minutes, 5 days a week. Personal trainer Amy Dixon advises that the average woman should aim for no more than 6-to-7 hours of vigorous exercise weekly. Try to take 2 full days off, preferably not back-to-back, on which you do nothing more rigorous than a 15-minute stroll so your body can recover. And if you’re experiencing lots of fatigue or aches and pains, scale back your effort – for your health! (Okay, I’m gonna start my program with a day off …)
– “Women’s Health”

DAILY GUILT TRIPS:
Have you called your mom in the last week? Feeling guilty about it? You’ve got plenty of company. According to a recent study, we spend an average of 2 hours a day feeling guilty about the little things in life. Luckily, these mini guilt-trips make us more empathetic to others. (But Mom’s still PO-ed.)
– “Self”

PLEASE SIR, I WANT MORE:
Porridge might not be your idea of an exciting breakfast, but it’s now being recommended as a healthy choice after being proven to help reduce the risk of a heart attack. Nutritionists say it’s an ideal meal for dieters because it’s high in fiber yet low in sugar, salt, and fat. It also releases carbohydrates slowly into the body, an essential requirement for the ‘GI (Glycemic Index) Diet’. The toughest battle for porridge – it was considered so ‘uncool’ for a long time. (Yeah, now it’s downright chic.)
– “Daily Mail”

NEW BS GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• Scientists have developed an edible, tasteless antifreeze to be added to ice cream to prevent ice crystals forming inside the carton. (Mmm, antifreeze!)
• US Air Force labs have created underwear that can be worn for weeks without washing. The bacteria-killing, liquid-repelling undies were designed for soldiers in the field, but they also make a great excuse for putting off laundry for another day. (Or in [co-host’s] case, another month.)

FASTER DISAPPOINTMENT:
A new online dating service in Boston MA invites users to sign up for same-day service, matching them with dates in a matter of hours. Unlike most Internet dating services, ‘Crazy Blind Date’ is about immediacy, not compatibility. Users are not asked about interests and hobbies. The big questions are where and when they are available. Within a few hours, users are e-mailed the specifics of their date: a place, a time and – for dramatic effect – a blurred photo of the other person. As of now, the free service operates in only in Boston, NYC, San Francisco, and Austin TX. (Should we look in the Yellow Pages under ‘Escort Service’?)
– “Boston Globe”

HANDS-ON APPROACH:
Studies at the University of Miami’s Touch Research Institute show that kids in North America are becoming increasingly touch-deprived, rarely getting hugs or having their hands held. It may sound silly but researchers say it can become a very serious problem. For instance, when monkeys are deprived of touch long-term, they start killing each other! (In related news, R Kelly’s attorneys are looking into a new defense, just in case his trial ever actually happens.)
– “Miami Herald”

LIFE EXPECTANCY OF APPLIANCES:
The average time before death, according to the National Association of Home Builders …
• Microwave Oven … 9 Years.
• Dishwasher … 9 Years.
• Washing Machine … 10.
• Freezer … 11 years.
• Electric Water Heater … 11/Gas Water Heater … 10.
• Electric/Gas Clothes Dryer … 13 Years.
• Electric Range … 13 Years/Gas Range … 15 Years.
• Electric Furnace … 15/Gas Furnace … 18.
(In actual practice, the average appliance lasts about 2 weeks past the expiry date of the warranty.)
– nahb.org

FOR THE RECORD:
According to an international survey, Icelandic women own more vibrators per capita (52%) than women in any other country. (Could this explain Bjork’s singing?)

DID YOU KNOW?
• In the past decade, the number of cellphone users in Africa has grown faster than anywhere else in the world. The continent’s cellphone usage has increased about 65% annually over the past 5 years.
– Christian Science Monitor
• The orange carrot we now know is the result of Dutch cultivation in the 17th century, when patriotic growers turned a vegetable that was then purple into one of the national colors.
– BBC News
• About one-quarter of American companies now ask employees to register office relationships and pledge not to let them interfere with their professional conduct.
– “Globe & Mail”

BS CHRONOMETER 01.21.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [58] Billy Ocean, Fyzabad, Trinidad, oldies singer (“Caribbean Queen”, “Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car”)

1956 [52] (Virginia) Geena Davis, Wareham MA, 6-ft movie actress (“Thelma & Louise”, Oscar-“The Accidental Tourist”)

1973 [35] Chris Kilmore, Dillsburg PA, alt-rock keyboardist/DJ (Incubus-“Oil & Water”, “Anna-Molly”)

1976 [32] Emma Bunton, London UK, pop singer (Spice Girls-“Say You’ll Be There”, “Wannabe”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Hugging Day”, a day to hug anyone who will accept a hug and to see how many you can hug before the day is over. First, make sure you have a lawyer on retainer.

• “Martin Luther King Jr Day” in America, honoring the late civil rights leader near the anniversary of his birth date, JANUARY 15, 1929. It’s been an official federal holiday in the USA since 1986, observed annually on the 3rd MONDAY of JANUARY.

• “Squirrel Appreciation Day”. So take a moment today and think about the squirrels. Huh?

• “St Agnes’ Day”, the patron saint of virgins and Girl Scouts.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1978 [30] The Bee Gees’ “Saturday Night Fever” album hits #1, and stays there for 24 weeks!

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1915 [93] ‘Kiwanis International’ is founded in Detroit (now has over 300,000 members in more than 8,000 clubs in 79 countries)

1967 [41] 1st ‘Microwave Oven’ is marketed for the home as Amana offers a $495 counter-top unit  FACTOID: The microwave was invented by accident in 1946, when Raytheon Corp engineer Percy Spencer noticed a candy bar in his pocket melted during tests of a new vacuum tube called a ‘magnetron’.

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993 [15] World’s ‘Largest Doughnut’ measures 16 feet in diameter and weighs 3,739 lbs (Utica NY)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Academy Award nominations announced
[Tues] Answer Your Cat’s Question Day
[Tues] Speak Up & Succeed Day
[Tues] Rid the World of Fad Diets Day
[Wed] Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day
[Wed] Handwriting Day
[Wed] Measure Your Feet Day
[Wed] Compliment Day
[Thurs] Women’s Healthy Weight Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
“National Non-Smoking Week” in Canada, highlighted by “Weedless  Wednesday”, the day smokers are encouraged to butt out for 24 hours. Although smoking in Canada continues to decline, about 20% of us still smoke.
NET: http://www.nnsw.ca/index.html

“Healthy Weight Week, the 15th annual celebrating normal habits that prevent eating and weight problems, rather than intensifying them. The idea is to encourage a non-diet lifestyle and improve health in positive ways. The week is highlighted by “Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day” TUESDAY, and “Women’s Healthy Weight Day” THURSDAY.
NET: http://www.healthyweightnetwork.com/hww.htm

Activity Professional Week / Celebrity Read A Book Week / Cross Country Skiing Week / Glaucoma Week / Handwriting Analysis Week / Healthy Weight Week / Hunt For Happiness Week / International Clergy Appreciation Week / International Green Week / Meat Week / Medical Group Practice Week / Mozart Week / No Name Calling Week / Take Back Your Time Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues ….
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG:
• If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.
• Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
• Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by peeing on their shoes.
• Don’t go out without ID.
• Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
• Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is effective.
• When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you’re dragged out from under the bed).
• If it’s not wet and sloppy, it’s not a real kiss.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 45% of women say they have fallen over while doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wearing high heels.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If you love life, it will love you back.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
BS salutes Dick McDonough @ 94.7 WMAS Springfield MA, back for another 4 months of service (that’s 14 years, dude … thanks!); Chris Kuchar @ KBS [CJAT] Trail BC has re-upped for 3 months; and Richard Jones @ Easy Rock 104 [CJCJ] Woodstock NB for a full year; and we have samplers this week that include Francisco Moreno @ La Ley 98.9 [KHHL] Austin TX; Robert Israel @ Atlantis Radio, Accra, Ghana; Sharon Stewart @ WMKX/WJNG Brookville PA; and Greg Smith @ CHCM Marystown NL. Welcome all!


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