January 30, 2007

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007        Edition: #3456
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

Actors Nathan Lane & Matthew Broderick are reportedly in negotiations to reprise their roles in the Mel Brooks musical comedy “The Producers” on Broadway before the final curtain comes down on the production in JUNE (it’s already won the most Tony Awards in history) . . . Meantime, a shortened Las Vegas production of “The Producers” starring David Hasselhoff begins NEXT WEEK at Paris Las Vegas (what, they couldn’t get Michael Richards?) . . . 27-year-old former *NSYNC singer Lance Bass confirms that he & 33-year-old model-actor-”Amazing Race” winner Reichen Lehmkuhl have now split up for good, but remain ‘really good friends’ . . . Actress Gabrielle Union is set to star in the ABC-TV drama pilot “Football Wives” (adapted from the popular British prime-time soap “Footballers’ Wives”), playing a model-turned-recording artist who’s engaged to an NFL player (hmm, wouldn’t have anything to do with Kelly Rowland & her sometime fiancé Roy Williams of the Dallas Cowboys?) . . . The BBC is creating a reality TV version of ‘Harry Potter’ called “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” featuring a ‘Hogwarts’-style school that coaches real-life kids in magic and folklore, then has them perform for ‘mentors’ in an elimination competition (can’t wait to watch ‘em hop a broom for ‘a game of Quiddich’) . . . First it was thought he dumped she, now it’s the other way around as Israeli model Bar Rafaeli says she ended the 6-month relationship with Oscar-nominated actor Leonardo Dicaprio because she can’t cope with his hectic schedule and constant partying (yeah as you know, partying is always tough for models) . . . And rumors are circulating that “Grey’s Anatomy” actor TR Knight (‘Dr George O’Malley’) is considering quitting, thanks to the upset caused by his gay-bashing castmate Isaiah Washington (check your bank account, dude, and then remember everybody has to work with someone they don’t like, right [co-host]?).

• Coldplay – Highly regarded veteran producer Brian Eno (Roxy Music, Talking Heads, U2) is twiddling the knobs on their 4th studio album and promises it will be very different from what they’ve done before. Less moaning perhaps?
• Kenny Chesney – His album “The Road & the Radio” has just been certified triple-platinum by the RIAA for shipments of 3 million copies.
• Norah Jones – TODAY her 3rd studio album, “Not Too Late”, is released. Her 2002 debut album, “Come Away with Me”, sold 30 million copies worldwide and received 8 Grammys.
• The Police – They’ve reportedly booked rehearsal space at Lions Gate Studios in Vancouver where it’s expected they’ll work on material for their upcoming reunion tour.
• Vince Gill – He’s written an article for the FEBRUARY issue of “Readers Digest” entitled “Second Chance at Love: How One Woman Keeps Improving My Life”. It’s written, of course, about his wife, singer Amy Grant.

• “Flyboys” ( War Drama ): The story of a group of heroic American men who volunteered for the French Military and became fighter pilots in the Lafayette Escadrille before the US entered WWI. Stars James Franco (“Spider-Man”), Martin Henderson (“The Ring”), and Jennifer Decker as the French hottie.
• “The Marine” ( Action Thriller): WWE wrestling champ John Cena makes his screen debut as a heroic Marine who returns home from the Iraq War only to find himself immediately back in action trying to save his wife from a murderous gang. Co-stars Kelly Carlson (“Nip/Tuck”).
• “Open Season” ( Animated Family ): Martin Lawrence & Ashton Kutcher provide the voices of a grizzly bear and a fast-talking mule deer who try to survive hunting season by uniting all the woodland creatures and turning the hunters into the hunted. Other voices provided by Gary Sinise (“CSI: NY”) and Debra Messing (“Will & Grace”).
• Also on DVD TODAY: “Benny Hill: The Hill’s Angels Years, Complete & Unadulterated (1986-89)”; “The Hannibal Lecter Collection”; and “Ultimate Fighting Championship Classics” editions 7 and 8.

TODAY Microsoft ‘Windows Vista’ computer operating system finally goes on sale to the public after officially being launched by Bill Gates in NYC’s Times Square late YESTERDAY afternoon. Microsoft is promising the new product is ‘easier, safer, more entertaining & better connected’. A contest called ‘Show Us Your Wow’ is being run in conjunction with the release, in which users upload digital photos and other creations in an attempt to win prizes. It’s been a long wait for Vista after months and months of delays … is it worth it?
NET: http://www.microsoft.com

The top acts in the music biz based on total revenue generated from both recordings and tours in the past year …
10. Dave Matthews Band – $60.4 million
9. Nickelback – $74.1 million
8. Bon Jovi – $77.5 million
7. Celine Dion – $85.2 million
6. Kenny Chesney – $90.1 million
5. Barbra Streisand – $95.8 million
4. Madonna – $96.8 million
3. Rascal Flatts – $110.5 million
2. Tim McGraw & Faith Hill – $132 million
1. The Rolling Stones – $150.6 million
– “Forbes Magazine”

Ada Barak’s health & beauty spa  in northern Israel is now offering a new service for customers … snake massage. The treatment involves the placement of 6 non-venomous serpents on the client’s back and allowing them to slither about to treat aching muscles and stiff joints. A combination of corn snakes, king snakes and milk snakes are used. Barak believes the physical contact with reptiles is a soothing experience … at least until you get the bill. A single treatment costs $70. (Get this python off my neck … my eyeballs are popping!)

According to a new Pearl & Dean poll of some 3,000 moviegoers …
5. “The Bourne Supremacy” (2004)
4. “The Godfather Part II”  (1974)
3. “Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back” (1980)
2. “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” (1991)
1. “Shrek 2″ (2004)
– “The Sun”

Australia’s Macquarie Dictionary has named ‘muffin top’ the new term of the past year. Popularized by the Australian TV comedy “Kath & Kim”, it refers to the roll of fat that pops out of the top of low-cut or too-tight jeans. It beat out ‘whale tail’ (the part of thong underwear that shows over the waistband of low-cut pants); ‘affluenza’ (an addiction to spending), and ‘administravia’ (the massive amount of paper work and trivial details associated with the workplace).
– Australian Broadcasting Corp

According to a new survey for baby brand Cossato …
5. Jude Law & Sadie Frost (divorced)
4. Madonna & Guy Ritchie
3. David & Victoria Beckham
2. Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie
1. Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale
– PA News

THIS MONTH Canada’s Telus Telecommunications Corporation has begun offering ‘adult content’ to cellphone customers. Available on a ‘pay-per-download’ basis, the service allows users to access to both photos and videos at an average of $3-to-$4 per item. (And you thought talking on your cellphone while driving was dangerous!)
– “National Post”

Several companies in Britain are allowing employees to work from home or take days off in order to look after – sick pets. Some have introduced what’s being called ‘peternity leave’, giving staff paid time off to care for ill animals, while others such as Halifax Bank and the Bank of Scotland allow leave as long as employees arrange for someone to fill their position. Britain’s Royal Mail, on the other hand, only allows ‘compassionate leave’ if a pet dies. (If you have a cat, you could get up to 9 days off!)
– “The Australian”

THIS WEEK 52-year-old Slovenian long-distance swimmer Martin ‘The Fish Man’ Strel has begun his greatest challenge yet – swimming the length of South America’s Amazon River. The 3,375-mile swim has never before been attempted due to extreme dangers like flesh-eating piranha, venomous snakes, hungry crocodiles, rapids, whirlpools, and a regular 13-foot tidal wave. He has 3 boats traveling alongside carrying a support team which, among other things, pours buckets of fresh animal blood into the water to distract predators. Strel has previously swum the lengths of the river Danube (1,877 miles), the Mississippi (2,360 miles), and the Yangtze (2,487 miles).
– “Times of London”

It takes a sperm 1 hour to swim 7 inches. (But then, when’s it ever going to have to go that far?)


1930 [77] Gene Hackman, San Bernadino CA, movie actor (Oscars-“Unforgiven”, “The French Connection”)

1937 [70] Vanessa Redgrave, London UK, movie actress (Oscar-“Julia”)

1941 [66] Dick Cheney, Lincoln NE, US Vice-President since 2001/Defense Secretary in Dubya’s dad’s administration (1989-93)/White House Chief of Staff (1975-77)/marksman

1951 [56] Phil Collins, London UK, 5′-5″ classic rocker (“Another Day in Paradise”, “Genesis-“Invisible Touch”)/film composer (“Tarzan”)

1974 [33] Christian Bale, Haverfordwest, Wales, movie actor (“The Prestige”, “Batman Begins”)

1980 [27] Wilmer Valderrama, Miami FL, former TV actor (“That ’70s Show” 1998-2006)

• “Croissant Day”, the first step of which is being able to say the French-derived word ‘croissant’. It’s not ‘CROY-sent’, it’s ‘cwah-SAHN’ … ya rube.

• “Inane Answering Message Day”, a time to change, shorten, replace, or delete that annoying voice-mail message … which you likely recorded on day one and then never altered.

• “World Law Day”, established in 1922 to celebrate the rules society lives by. Some of them are a tad strange, as proven by these …
– Canada: It is illegal to kill a sick person by frightening them.
– Denmark: You may not be charged for food at an inn unless you are full.
– Hawaii: It’s forbidden to laugh after 10 pm.
– Kentucky: It is illegal to carry ice cream in your pocket.
– Minnesota: It is illegal to hang male and female underwear on the same washing line.
– Morrisville PA: A woman needs a permit to wear cosmetics.
– Nebraska: It’s against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church.
– Melbourne, Australia: It is illegal for men to parade in strapless dresses.
– Montréal QC: If you rent a room, the hotel must feed your horse freely.
– Nova Scotia: You are not allowed to water your lawn when it’s raining.
– Ottawa ON: It’s illegal to eat ice cream on Bank Street on a Sunday.
– Russia: A police officer may beat a ‘Peeping Tom’ soundly.
– San Francisco CA: It is illegal to wipe your car with used underwear.
– South Africa: Young people in bathing suits are prohibited from sitting less than 1 foot apart.
– Spain: Given names which could expose a person to ridicule or do not clearly indicate gender are prohibited.
– Wawa ON: You cannot show public affection on a Sunday.

• “Yodel for Your Neighbors Day”, a day to add some frivolity to your neighborhood by warming up the ol’ vocal chords outdoors. (Followed immediately by ‘Getting Tomato-ed by Your Neighbors Day’.)

1969 [38] The Beatles make their last public appearance, performing “Get Back” atop Apple Records in London for the movie “Let It Be”

1894 [113] 1st ‘Jackhammer’ patented (CB King, Detroit MI)

1958 [49] 1st ‘Moving Sidewalk’ (1,435-ft-long walkway at Love Field, Dallas TX)

1920 [87] Québec Bulldogs’ Joe Malone sets NHL record of 7 goals in a single game

1994 [13] 1st teams to play each other in 2 consecutive Super Bowls as Dallas beats Buffalo again, this time 30-13 (also a record 4th consecutive Super Bowl loss for the Bills)

[Wed] Backwards Day
[Wed] Gorilla Suit Day
[Thurs] Bubble Gum Day
[Fri] Groundhog Day
[Fri] Wear Red Day (Women’s Heart Health Day)
[Sat] 59th Directors Guild of America Awards
[Sun] Midpoint of Winter
[Sun] Super Bowl XLI (Miami FL)
This Week Is … Catholic Schools Week
This Month Is … Jump Out of Bed Month


• Cheese Curls – You’re highly principled, trustworthy and conscientious; spirituality plays a big role in your life. You’re more concerned with good sportsmanship than with winning.
• Pretzels – You’re the neighborhood happenin’ mom; lively, upbeat, and interested in all the latest fashions and trends. You’re always ready for spontaneous fun or a last-minute invite.
• Potato Chips – You’re ambitious and competitive. Only the best is good enough for you and your family, and you’re determined to get it for them.
• Tortilla Chips – You’re a perfectionist and you plan ahead, so you tend to take charge and micro-manage every project, from household finances to your kids’ homework.
– “Ladies’ Home Journal”

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full. I say, “Are you going to drink that?”

• When they’re alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
• When in love, it is customary to break into song.
• Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds … unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
• 1 man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing all of them than 20 men have of shooting 1 man.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but he will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
– “Globe & Mail”

Today’s Question: 38% of bachelors consider THIS to be a bigger commitment than ‘meeting the parents’.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Buying furniture.    

A nut that is easy to crack is often empty.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s Edition of “BS”!

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