Thursday, January 11, 2007        Edition: #3443
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
After 18 days, soul singer James Brown’s body is still in a ‘temperature -controlled room’ in his Beech Island SC home while lawyers & family haggle over his estate, including where he should be buried (“I Feel Ripe, dunna dunna dunna duh …”) . . . 42-year-old “Sin City” actor Clive Owen has signed to be the face of Lancome’s new men’s line of grooming products, including a fragrance and anti-aging skin care . . . 60-year-old former TV star Suzanne Somers (“Three’s Company”) says she & her Canadian ex-pat hubby Alan Hamel will rebuild their Malibu CA beach house after it burned to the ground in a raging wildfire that also consumed several other multi-million-dollar homes (the house that Thighmaster built) . . . Iran’s Minister of Culture says he’s open to allowing music from other countries to be played in Iran – as long as it isn’t vulgar (guess Pussycat Dolls won’t be playing Tehran anytime soon) . . . 55-year-old former talk show host and “Who’s the Boss?” TV actor Tony Danza is set to take over the role of ‘Max Bialystock’ in “The Producers” on Broadway (just in case you want to cancel those tickets) . . . Stick-woman Nicole Richie’s love life is apparently in high gear, with reports saying she and Good Charlotte boyfriend Joel Madden have already ‘exchanged house keys’ . . . Word has it newly single 38-year-old goth rocker Marilyn Manson is dating 19-year-old actress Evan Rachel Wood (“Running with Scissors”, “Thirteen”), perhaps explaining his recent split from wife Dita Von Teese (apparently Rachel lost her contact lenses) . . . And in the ongoing hype ramping up to NEXT WEEK’s kickoff of the new season of “American Idol”, Paula Abdul has blabbed that her often contentious relationship with fellow judge Simon Cowell is like that of, quote: ‘a big brother – or a lover’ (certainly raises a few questions about her upbringing, doesn’t it?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Beatles – Drummer Ringo Starr’s childhood home in Liverpool, England is being carefully taken apart brick-by-brick so it can be reconstructed in the new Museum Of Liverpool, set to open in 2010.
• Evanescence – 25-year-old Amy Lee has announced on MuchMusic that she’s engaged to her boyfriend of a year, a 28-year-old NYC therapist named Josh. She wrote both “Bring Me to Life” and the ballad “Good Enough” about him.
• Fall Out Boy – When a band roadie got into a brawl with a security guard over the number of fans being allowed onstage during a recent show in Albuquerque NM, Pete Wentz dropped the mic and proceeded to pummel the guard as well. Then the band left.
• 50 Cent – He’s releasing a line of condoms and will donate a portion of the proceeds to help raise HIV awareness. Funny, the logo on mine just says 50 C …
• George Michael – TODAY he’s scheduled to appear before a British court on charges of being unfit to drive. He was busted 3 times LAST YEAR for various drug and driving offences.
• Kanye West – He’ll star in an upcoming HBO reality TV series produced by Larry Charles, director of the “Borat” movie. Basically, cameras will follow him around while he does his daily thing.
• Los Lonely Boys – TONIGHT they appear on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel)    

FUTURE FLICKS:
A selection of movies in the making …
• “Avatar” – James Cameron’s long-awaited sci-fi pic about a group of humans battling the population of a distant planet is finally coming to theaters in 2009. Cameron promises the $190-million mix of live action and computer animation in 3-D will ‘blow you to the back wall of the theater’. Filming begins NEXT MONTH in Vancouver.
• “Bratz: The Movie” – “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul will portray ‘a major character’ (she’ll have at least one line) and serve as executive producer (she’ll invest big bucks) in this live-action feature based on the popular line of Bratz fashion dolls. She’ll also be involved in the pic’s music, choreography and wardrobe. The film is scheduled to open in AUGUST.
• “Carry On Cruising” – Kate Moss’ infamous boyfriend, Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty, is looking to make his acting debut in this comedy remake from the 1960s British “Carry On …” series. He’d be playing a wannabe rock star who works as a performer on a cruise ship. Actress Kelly Brook will star when filming begins at the end of the year.
• “The Last Mimzy” – Legendary Pink Floyd musician Roger Waters has  collaborated with Academy Award-winning composer Howard Shore (“The Lord of the Rings” trilogy) to record the original song “Hello (I Love You)” to be featured in the sci-fi film set to open MARCH 23rd.
• “See Me Feel Me: Keith Moon Naked for Your Pleasure” – Mike Myers will play The Who’s late drummer Keith Moon in a new film about the classic rockers. Who singer Roger Daltrey was said to be especially keen to secure Myers as ‘the creative force to pull the project together’ (in other words, provide star power). It’s due for release in 2009.

THE REVIEWS ARE IN:
The 8th annual “Golden Tomato Awards”, honoring the best-reviewed films of the year have been announced by movie website RottenTomatoes.com. Films are ranked by the percentage of favorable reviews. “The Queen” comes out on top with a 98% approval rating, followed by “Casino Royale” at 95%. “Borat” ranks tops for ‘Comedy’; “Cars” for ‘Animated’; “The Departed” for ‘Thriller’; and “The Descent” for ‘Horror’. The ‘Moldy Tomato’, awarded to the worst-reviewed film of the year, goes to “Basic Instinct 2”.
– “eTalk Daily”

GET WAISTED:
A new study of some 345,000 American, British, ancient Indian and Chinese texts has found that slim waists on women have remained a sign of attractiveness for at least 2,000 years. Lead researcher Dr Devendra Singh of the University of Texas has found that. in both ancient and modern texts, a narrow waist has long been viewed as the epitome of feminine beauty. That refutes the commonly held theory that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, she says, and proves that the narrow waist has a universal and timeless appeal. (We’re guessing she weighs 82 lbs and wears size -1.)
– “GQ”

BLOOD-SUCKER’S HOUSE FOR SALE:
Dracula’s Castle is on the market in central Romania but a controversy has erupted over who has the right to buy the 14th-century Transylvanian estate. The county council in Brasov has gathered together the reported $77.6 million asking price to purchase the property but Romania’s Culture Ministry claims it has right of first refusal. The value lies in the castle’s history. Although links to Prince Vlad, the inspiration for Irish author Bram Stoker’s novel ‘Dracula’ are a bit tenuous, he did probably stay there as either a guest or prisoner. LAST YEAR the castle was returned to the Hapsburg family 50 years after it was seized by the Communists.
– “The Telegraph”

WORST DRESSED IN ‘06:
According to the 47th annual list from self-appointed fashion cop Mr Blackwell …
5. Mariah Carey (“Fashion pariah, the queen of catastrophic kitsch.”)
4. Christina Aguilera (“All crass, no class.”)
3. Lindsay Lohan (“Tragically trapped in fashion’s fast lane.”)
2. Camilla Parker-Bowles (“The duchess of dowdy.”)
1. Britney Spears / Paris Hilton (“Two peas in an overexposed pod.”)
Britney Spears’ stylist Britt Bardo claims it’s not her fault saying, “I make her up and she just takes everything off and does her own thing.” Or maybe forgets to put it on in the first place?
– “E! Online” / “In Touch”

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING:
Hitachi Corp has developed a technology that can read what people think by measuring subtle changes in blood flow in their brains. The first practical application is expected to be developing a system to allow seriously ill and handicapped people to switch on TVs and change channels. Researchers at the company’s Advanced Research Laboratory hope eventually the new technology will also be applied to wheelchairs and other devices for the physically handicapped. A prototype of a mind-reading remote controller is expected within a couple of years. (Cool, soon we can lay on the sofa and flip channels without straining to pick up a remote.)
– “Mainichi International”

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 66% of men dislike it when they have to be a passenger while a woman drives.
• 60% of men say they would give up their day job if they could be a ‘Mr Mom’.
• 58% of us say we’d like to have a microwave in the car.
• 44% of women wear a full face of makeup to bed at night.
• 22% of us have murmured an ex’s name in our sleep.
• 15% of men use a hair coloring product on a weekly basis.

HOW TO MAKE A SNOWBALL:
Snow needs to be just the right temperature for snowball creation – warm enough for it to melt slightly under the pressure of the thrower’s hands, but cold enough for it to reset once the pressure is released and therefore maintain a snowball shape. In extremely cold conditions, not enough pressure can be induced by the thrower and the snow remains a powdery, crumbly mess. In conditions that are too warm, the slushy snow will melt as it is squeezed into shape. Temperatures hovering at or around freezing point, are just about ideal for snowball formation.
– “The Independent”

HEY, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO:
Remember making rude and funny words on your calculator display in school when you should have been concentrating in class? Japan-based Casio is celebrating the sale of its one-billionth calculator with a list of the top English words that can be spelled upside-down using a calculator.
Among our favorites: ‘boobies’ (5318008), ‘gobbles’ (5378806) and ‘boogie’ (316008). New words include ‘Google’ (376006) and ‘blog’ (6078). Casio’s first electronic calculator, the ‘001′, went on sale back in 1965.
– “The Sun”

KIDS MAKE YOU FAT:
Does this explain why mommy and daddy are tubby? Adults living with children younger than 17-years-old consume an additional 4.9 grams of fat daily on average. Why? A new study finds that people who live with kids have a significantly higher likelihood of frequently eating pizza, cheese, beef, salty snacks, cakes and cookies, ice cream, bacon, sausage, processed meats, and peanuts. So there, it’s all the kids’ fault!
– “Los Angeles Times”

DID YOU KNOW?
• 4 countries in Europe have more cellphones than people: Luxembourg (120 phones per 100 people), Sweden (108), Italy (107) and the Czech Republic (103).
• “The Holiday” actress Kate Winslet’s nickname in school was … ‘Blubber’.

AND WE QUOTE:
“At the airport I’ll ask the taxi driver to take me to the nearest charity [thrift] shop where I’ll buy what I need for the trip. When it’s time to go home, I take them back to the shop.”
– 61-year-old movie actress Helen Mirren (“The Queen”) on how she travels the world with little luggage.

THE BULL SHEET 01.11.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1934 [73] Jean Chrétien, Shawinigan QC, Canada’s beloved 20th Prime Minister (1993-2003)

1942 [65] Clarence Clemons, Norfolk VA, classic rock musician (Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)

1946 [61] Naomi Judd, Ashland KY, retired country singer (The Judds-“Have Mercy”)/Wynonna’s mommy

1968 [39] Tom Dumont, LA CA, rock guitarist (No Doubt-“It’s My Life”, “Don’t Speak”)

1971 [36] Mary J Blige, Bronx NY, hip-hop singer (“Be Without You”, “Family Affair”)

1972 [35] Amanda Peet, NYC, TV actress (‘Jordan McDeere’ on “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip”)/movie actress (“Syriana”, “The Whole Nine Yards”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “International Thank-Yous Days”, a week-long opportunity to thank someone from your past who did something nice for you. Or maybe when you force your kids to write thank-you notes for holiday season gifts?

• “Pharmacists Day”, celebrated annually on the 2nd Thursday of January to honor all those drug dealers who for some reason think they need to be a foot-and-half higher up than the rest of us.

• “Sir John A Macdonald’s Birthday”, celebrating the anniversary of the birth of Canada’s first Prime Minister in 1815. The US gets “Martin Luther King Day” MONDAY, so why can’t we have this as a holiday?

• “Tattoo Pride Day”. Hey, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999 [08] “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” debuts on Comedy Central (5 Emmy Awards since)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2000 [07] “Baby One More Time” album by Britney Spears certified for sales of 11 million copies

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1569 [438] The 1st-ever ‘Lottery’ is staged, in England

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1911 [96] Temp plunges to -61.1 C in Fort Vermilion, the coldest ever recorded in Alberta

1984 [23] ‘Highest-Scoring NBA Game’ as Denver Nuggets beat San Antonio Spurs 163-155 (a total of 318 total points!)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] 12th Critics Choice Awards
[Sun] Season premiere of “24” (FOX)
[Sun] Assembly Line Worker’s Day
[Sun] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Mon] Martin Luther King Day (USA)
[Mon] 64th Golden Globe Awards
[Tues] “American Idol 6” season premiere (FOX)
This Week Is … Home Office Safety & Security Week
This Month Is … Jump Out of Bed Month

BULL’S BITS

HEY, CHEER UP!
• Just 5 co-workers have the flu, so you’re only doing the job of 6 people.
• The parachute company says you’ll get a full refund.
• The insects hardly touched your other eyebrow.
• The police detective says he only has a few more questions.
• At least the passenger side air bag inflated.
• Tech support says your hard-drive completely erasing itself just isn’t possible.
• YouTube just ranked that video you shot starkers while drunk as ‘Most Watched’.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Should restaurants be allowed to penalize people who don’t show up for reservations? (In Britain, world renowned Berkshire restaurant The Fat Duck is now charging no-shows $200 per person for failing to cancel with 5 days’ notice.)
• Is the much-hyped ‘feud’ between Rosie O’Donnell & Donald Trump for real or just a well-orchestrated publicity stunt for “The View” and the floundering new season of “The Apprentice”?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS is the white-collar job that’s been found to generate the most bacteria on clothing.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Teacher.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Real joy comes from doing something worthwhile.

GET A FREE LOAD!
We’ve put you on commission! We’ll bonus you ONE FREE MONTH of service for each and every new “Bull Sheet” subscriber you refer!


Printer Friendly Version