Tuesday, January 9, 2007        Edition: #3441
The Sheet Hits the Fans!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY hundreds of items owned by Whitney Houston are being auctioned off by a NJ storage facility (which she owes some $150,000), including designer clothing, a $290,000-plus grand piano, a concert stage set, sound equipment and – a forklift (formerly used to get Bobby Brown off his ass?) . . . TONIGHT Queen Latifah hosts the 33rd “People’s Choice Awards” from LA’s Shrine Auditorium (CBS), and once again Faith Hill and Carrie Underwood are both nominated for ‘Favorite Female Singer’ (you can bet they’ll keep a camera on Faith’s face hoping for another snit-fit) . . . TONIGHT “Little Mosque on the Prairie” debuts (CBC), a TV comedy created by former Toronto journalist Zarqa Nawaz about the Muslim community in a small town on the Canadian prairies, an idea that’s garnered worldwide media attention (sound clips here: http://www.littlemosque.ca/) . . . Obnoxious TV journalist Geraldo Rivera’s newsmagazine “Geraldo at Large” has been axed, due to low ratings in most markets other than NYC (this is shocking – Geraldo still has a TV show?) . . . A new study shows people who watch TV programs on their computers, video iPods and other electronic gizmos also watch more primetime programs on their TV sets than average viewers (that’s why we call ‘em ‘screenagers’) . . . With the exception of narrow-appeal New Age music, R&B/Rap suffered the biggest decline in 2006 of all styles of music tracked by Nielsen SoundScan . . . Aussie singer Kylie Minogue has been named ‘Best Dressed Female Celebrity’ by “Glamour” magazine for adopting a ‘Parisian chic’ style following her battle with breast cancer . . . Elton John is reportedly looking to mount a stage production of “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”, inspired by the cult 1994 movie starring Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce & Terence Stamp as drag queens . . . Jim Nowlan of Moncton NB is suing “America’s Funniest Home Videos” (ABC), claiming he lost out on the show’s grand prize because of an unfair rule barring Canadians from voting for the overall winner (his video of himself dressed as Santa waking his granddaughter won him $10,000 when it was originally shown) . . . The Walt Disney Co has announced several new rides based on movies to be added to its theme parks, including attractions named for “Monsters Inc”, “Cars”, and “Finding Nemo” (an excuse to resurrect the old “Submarine Voyage” that debuted back in 1959) . . . And the latest to jump on the Hollywood adoption fad may be 37-year-old actress Jennifer Aniston, whom friends say wants to put some roots down but has no one to do it with (alas!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• ABBA – The Swedish Tax Authority claims 61-year-old Bjorn Ulvaeus has reneged on his taxes again, this time to the tune of $2.7 million thanks to ongoing royalties from the group’s mega-hits. He’s already appealing a $9.5-million previous judgement against him.
• Ben E King – TONIGHT the oldies singer performs on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Busta Rhymes – He’s been ordered to pay $100,000 to a fan who claims the 34-year-old rapper and his bodyguard attacked him and beat him up 2 years ago in NYC.
• Dave Matthews – He’ll guest star in a MARCH episode of “House” (FOX), playing a piano prodigy who comes under the care of ‘Dr House’ (Hugh Laurie) for a rare movement disorder.
• Jay-Z – A new reflective vehicle color that’s been dubbed ‘Jay-Z Blue’ has been unveiled on a concept GMC Yukon Denali SUV at the “North American International Auto Show” in Detroit MI. He reportedly worked on developing the color with GM for 2 years. Are we picky?
• Jewel – TONIGHT she’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Kelly Clarkson – She’s picked a bizarre collaborator for her upcoming new album, punk bassist Mike Watt of the Stooges, to play fuzz bass, fills and solos, and just making things sound ‘fatter’.
• Mos Def – TONIGHT he’s a guest on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• 3 Doors Down – TODAY they rock the annual “Consumer Electronics Show” with a pair of acoustic sets at the Las Vegas Convention Center.
• On CD TODAY: “Stomp the Yard: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack”, featuring music from Ne-Yo and Chris Brown.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Bandidas” ( Western Action Comedy ): Salma Hayek & Penelope Cruz team up with a retired bank robber (Sam Shepard) and a nervous criminologist (Steve Zahn) and go outlaw to steal a fortune from the robber baron (Dwight Yoakam) who killed their fathers.
• “Broken Bridges” ( Musical Drama ): Toby Keith plays a fading country music star who returns home after a death in the family and reunites with his childhood sweetheart (Kelly Preston) and meets his 16-year-old daughter (Lindsey Haun) for the first time. Co-stars Willie Nelson & Burt Reynolds.
• “Crank” ( Action Thriller ): Jason Statham portrays a professional assassin who’s injected with a poison that will kill him if his heart rate drops, which means he has to pump adrenaline long enough to track down his killer on the streets of LA and get revenge. Basically, it’s “Speed” … without the bus. Co-stars Amy Smart & sometime country singer Dwight Yoakam (again!).
• “The Illusionist” ( Period Drama ): Edward Norton stars as a brilliant magician who takes on the arrogant Austrian Crown Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell) in a battle of wits in turn-of-the-20th-century Vienna. Jessica Biel co-stars as the countess whom both men covet. Paul Giamatti steals the show as the magic-loving inspector caught between the 2 men.
• “The Night Listener” ( Mystery ): Robin Williams plays a late-night radio show host who befriends a dying young listener with a terrifying past. Toni Collette plays the boy’s secretive adoptive mother.
• Also on DVD TODAY: “Extras – The Complete 1st Season” (Ricky Gervais’s follow-up to “The Office” is a Brit-com series about an aspiring actor); “Romantic Favorites Collection”, a box set of romantic comedies featuring Hugh Grant (“About a Boy”, “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason”, “Love Actually”; and “Notting Hill”); and “SpongeBob SquarePants: Season 4, Vol 2”.

OWN THE WORLD’S SMALLEST COUNTRY:
The world’s tiniest nation is up for sale. The Principality of Sealand, 7 miles off the coast of Britain was originally built as a WW2 fort. In 1967, Major Roy Bates settled there and proclaimed the island his own state, giving himself the title of prince. Though the Royal Navy tried to evict him, a court ruled that Sealand lay beyond the 3-mile limit of Britain’s territorial waters. Sealand comes with its own passports, currency, stamps and national football team, but accommodations are less than palatial – long, low buildings made of steel though which you can hear the constant sound of generators. The current leader, Prince Michael, is asking $126 million but says he’s open to bids.
– “Daily Telegraph”

FREE THE CHEEKS:
There’s a rapidly growing movement among NYC mothers – toilet training children from as young as just a few-weeks-old. The movement is called ‘Elimination Communication’ and argues that it is wrong for parents to force their babies to wear diapers, and inhumane to let a child sit in a wet or dirty one. Advocates of the diaper-free movement say if parents listen to children closely, they can train them from a very early age. ‘EC’ adherents say they only use diapers on rare occasions, such as a lengthy outing. (Can you say ‘diaper-free movement‘ on radio?)
– “New York Post”

D-DAY COMING THIS WEEK:
A new study says more couples will file for divorce THIS WEEK than any other time of the year. As many as 1 in 5 couples will inquire about divorce after the enforced intimacy of the holiday season has pushed many marriages to the breaking point. One divorce lawyer suggests the peak parting time coincides with the 2nd week of JANUARY because parents want to get their children settled back in school before they take active steps to end their marriages.
– Reuters

TALKING CAR:
Ford Motor Co and Microsoft have teamed up to produce a system that reads aloud text messages to motorists and selects songs from their MP3 players, using voice commands. The system, called ‘Sync’, allows drivers to plug any kind of digital music player into their dashboard and pick songs verbally or via controls on their steering wheel. It can even translate common text expressions such as ‘LOL’ (Laughing Out Loud) and smiley icons. Another function of ‘Sync’ is it can link up Bluetooth-capable smart phones and PDAs to the vehicle’s electronics, thereby allowing the car to pick up Internet feeds. All of this is sure to improve your driving, isn’t it?
– “GQ”

TOP ‘BUSHISMS’ OF 2006:
Some of these make you wonder just what language it is that US President George W Bush speaks …
5. “I want to be a war president; no president wants to be a war president.”
4. “The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.”
3. “It was not always certain that the US and America would have a close relationship.”
2. “I use the Google.”
1. “I’m the decider.”
– UPI

SPACE TV?
THIS WEEK a new technology will be unveiled at the American Astronomical Society conference in Seattle WA. Astronomers are planning to search some 1,000 stars for evidence of … alien TV. A new hi-tech telescope will scan the part of the electromagnetic spectrum used for radar, TV and radio broadcasts in an attempt to detect Earth-like signals within a distance of 30 light years. We’ve already discovered alien TV … the “Jerry Springer Show”.
– “Science”

DROIT DE SEIGNEUR:
LAST YEAR Britain’s 58-year-old Prince Charles purchased the 192-acre Llwynywormwood Estate near a small village in Wales to use as a vacation home. Now it has come to light that, according to an ancient law, he is entitled to sleep with local Welsh virgins on their wedding night if he so desires … unless their new husbands hand over 65 cents. But a spokesman for his nibs has assured the prince’s new neighbors that Charles will not be exercising this right. After all, being wed to Camilla … who could desire anything more?
– “Daily Star”

YET ANOTHER ‘WORD-OF-THE-YEAR’:
‘Plutoed’ has been chosen 2006′s ‘Word of the Year’ by the American Dialect Society at its annual meeting. To ‘pluto’ has come to mean ‘to demote or devalue someone or something’, thanks to LAST YEAR’s decision by the General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union that Pluto didn’t meet its definition of a planet.
– Associated Press

MORE NO-NOS FROM THE LANGUAGE POLICE:
An intellectual group that bills itself as the ‘Global Language Police’ has put out an all-points bulletin on politically insensitive words. Among the common faux pas it claims are being uttered in the English language: Replacing the term ‘Oriental’ with ‘Asian’; replacing the word ‘women’ with ‘womyn’ in order to distance the genders; and the overuse of the word ‘metrosexual’, which the group says can better be described with the terms ‘menaissance’ or ‘male renaissance’.
– PTI

WACKIEST WARNING LABELS:
The winners of the annual ‘Wacky Warning Label Contest’ run by the anti-lawsuit group Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch have been announced. The 5 finalists were chosen from about 150 nominations. Here are the top vote-getters ….
5. On a phone directory cover: “Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle.”
3. [TIE] On a Super Lotto ticket: “Do not iron.”/On a cellphone: “Don’t try to dry your phone in a microwave oven.”
2. On a personal watercraft: “Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level.”
1. On  a front-load washing machine: “DO NOT put any person in this washer.”
– “Daily News”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Each of us generates about 5 pounds of garbage per day.
• Women are 10 times less likely than men to suffer from color blindness.
• Disney World is bigger than the world’s 5 smallest countries.
– AskMen.com

THE BULL SHEET 01.09.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [72] Dick Enberg, Mt Clemens MI, TV sportscaster famous for exclaiming “Oh my!” (CBS/ESPN2/Westwood One)/13 Emmy Awards, including Sports Emmy ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’ (2001)

1944 [63] Jimmy Page, Heston UK, classic rock musician (Led Zeppelin-“Stairway to Heaven”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1992-Yardbirds, 1995-Led Zeppelin)

1967 [40] Dave Matthews, Johannesburg, South Africa, pop/rock singer (Dave Matthews Band-“American Baby”, “Where Are You Going”)

1967 [40] Steve Harwell, Santa Clara CA, pop singer (Smash Mouth-“All Star”, “Walkin’ On the Sun”)

1978 [29] AJ (Alexander James) McLean, West Palm Beach FL, former pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Just Want You To Know”, “Shape of My Heart”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Play God Day”. So what would you do if you were the Big Guy (Girl?) for a day?

• “Static Electricity Day”. Guess you can count on this being a bad hair day.

• “Step-Father’s Day”, a day to honor ‘all step-fathers everywhere who come into our lives and hold a special place in our hearts’. You know … the boyfriend Mommy left Daddy for.

• “Virgin Sacrifice Day”, an ancient ritual that was seemingly discontinued when qualified subjects could no longer be found.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1941 [66] 1st demonstration of ‘Color TV’ (CBS)

1951 [56] 1st ‘Adult Film’ premieres, in London UK (“La Vie Commence Demain”)

1997 [10] Wildman Nova Scotia fiddler Ashley MacIsaac shows what a Scotsman doesn’t wear beneath his kilt on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” (the evidence is blurred out by censors)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1799 [208] 1st-ever ‘Income Tax’ is imposed (England)

1932 [75] 1st recorded ‘Pink Snow’ falls as dust storm mixes with snow (Durango CO)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1985 [22] Calgary Flames complete NHL-record 264 games without being shut out

1996 [11] Toronto Raptors set dubious NBA record of not making a single free throw in 92-91 loss to Charlotte Hornets

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] BS Egg Balancing Day
[Wed] Peculiar People Day
[Thurs] Pharmacists Day
[Thurs] Tattoo Pride Day
[Fri] 12th Critics Choice Awards
[Sun] Season premiere of “24” (FOX)
[Sun] Assembly Line Worker’s Day
This Week Is … Intimate Apparel Week
This Month Is … Clean Up Your Computer Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?
• Isn’t the most difficult thing in the world knowing how to do something but watching someone else do it wrong without commenting?
• Do women like silent men because they think they’re listening?
• Isn’t a desk just a trash can with drawers?
• When they make ‘Extra Virgin Olive Oil’ do they use the really ugly olives?

BS RADIO GAMES:
• ‘Twisted Tale’ – Randomly record a slew of sound effects to play intermittently while a morning crew member (studio guest/phone contestant) tells a story on a topic you suggest. Each time SFX are played, the storyteller must work them into the tale, taking it in a completely new direction.
• ‘Name That Gargle’ – Phone contestant must identify tunes gargled by a morning crew member (or vice versa).

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Studies show if you do THIS at night it will help ward off a cold.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sleep on your right side.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If you want your dreams to come true, don’t oversleep.


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