Monday, January 8, 2007        Edition: #3440
Sweet Sheet!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Oprah Winfrey is said to have been the target of attempted blackmail. TODAY a 36-year-old Atlanta GA man is scheduled for a preliminary hearing in Chicago IL after being arrested for an alleged $1.5-million extortion plot. It seems he was threatening to release some 12 hours of recorded phone conversations with a business associate of Oprah’s that could be potentially damaging. The accused swindler’s name is Keifer Bonvillain … the surname roughly translating to ‘Good Bad Guy’.
– “People”
• 25-year-old Justin Timberlake is said to have secretly dumped 34-year-old Cameron Diaz and is cozying up to 22-year-old actress Scarlett Johansson after she agreed to a role in his upcoming video “What Goes Around”. The duo were working together all LAST WEEK and have been reportedly spending a lot of time together off the set in LA.
– “News of the World”
• 42-year-old Courtney Love has had her lips downsized and her nose widened during a recent trip to France. A source says she flew in to see a Paris surgeon who specializes in fixing botched cosmetic surgery. Afterward, she showed up at the recent premiere of the movie “Freedom Writers” looking swollen and covered in makeup in an apparent attempt to conceal the effects of the surgery. But after years of sporting a silicone-injected pucker, she’s apparently happy to have her mouth back.
– “Us Weekly”
• Incessant rumors continue to swirl about Mrs Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, having a bun in the oven. And this little shopping trip won’t help ease them – last week an assistant placed a hefty order with trendy Hollywood baby boutique Petit Tresor that included a child’s mobile, baby slippers, and a leather Mia Bossi diaper bag priced at $420. The bundle of baby booty was then shipped to the Kidman compound.
– TMZ.com
• 20-year-old actress Lindsay Lohan is recovering well following the removal of her appendix on THURSDAY, her manager-mom Dina says. The bout of appendicitis is just the latest in a long line of medical emergencies Lindsay’s experienced over the past year. Maybe she should consider renting a room in a hospital?
– “Star Magazine”
• It seems Brat Pitt & Angelina Jolie are sick and tired of living the simple life after weeks of shooting “A Mighty Heart” in India. They’ve ditched their Third World lifestyle for an upscale vacation in the Virgin Islands where they’re renting a 5-bedroom, $8,000-a-night beachfront villa. Along with their kids, they brought along a huge entourage … and 97 pieces of luggage!
– “Page 6”
• After 7 years of courtship, 1 year of marriage, and apparently an unknown number of ‘irreconcilable differences’, it seems former “Playboy” model and current make-up cover girl Dita Von Tiese wants to dump her rocker-hubby Marilyn Manson (aka Brian Warner). The biggest problem she’s been having lately is trying to track him down so he can be served with divorce papers. We wonder, who will get custody of the eyeliner?
– “The Shallow End”
• “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher has been looking cozy on several dates with her new boyfriend, director Stephen Kay (“Friday Night Lights”). Observers say they look like they’ve been dating for years but in fact it’s been just under 2 months. Interesting that Kay used to date a friend of Teri’s … her co-star Eva Longoria. Working our way through the cast, are we?
– “The Sun”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – Reports say she’s scheduled to have a sit-down with her record label Jive within the next week to discuss her yet-to-be-finished album and her negative public image. Although Jive has publicly defended her, behind closed doors they’re said to be worried about her recent boozy binges.
• Chris Daughtry – TONIGHT the former “American Idol” finalist and current “Billboard” rock album chart-topper performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Jennifer Hudson – TODAY the “Dreamgirls” star is on both “The View” (ABC/CTV) and “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS). She’s been nominated for a Golden Globe Award for ‘Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture’.
• Little Big Town – TONIGHT the “Good as Gone” country band does “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• McGraw/Hill – The 10-year marriage of country superstars Faith Hill & Tim McGraw has reportedly hit a rough patch because of Tim’s hard-partying ways when he’s away from home.
• Michael Bolton – His “Desperate Housewives” girlfriend Nicollette Sheridan sings for the first time on his upcoming new CD. She says it was terrifying but Michael encouraged her to do it, so she did it out of love. Don’t worry, hon’. No one will ever hear it anyway.
• Shawn Colvin – TONIGHT she’s on the “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS). In 1998, she won song- and record-of-the-year Grammy Awards for “Sunny Came Home”.

‘SHROOM SCIENCE:
Researchers at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore MD are discovering the psychological benefits of so-called ‘magic mushrooms’. It seems ‘shrooms have the potential to make you very, very happy. Over 60% of test subjects who took capsules of psilocybin derived from ‘shrooms report having a ‘full mystical experience’, and a third say the experience was the ‘single most spiritually significant event’ of their lifetime. Even 2 months after the experiment, 79% of volunteers say they feel an increased sense of well-being and/or life satisfaction thanks to the miraculous little mushroom. (Unfortunately, most of them now lead a vapid existence spotting butterflies in a sunny meadow.)
– Reuters

CARE BEARERS:
A recent poll for Bayer Corporation finds that men are about twice as likely as women to report their spouses take care of them when they’re sick from a cold or flu. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to take care of themselves. (No surprise – any woman will tell you men are all babies.)
– Reuters

FAT FIDO FIX:
Dogs that weigh 20% more than their ideal weight are considered obese, a description that now fits an estimated 5% of all pet pooches. An additional 20-to-30% are considered overweight. Now the first drug for obese dogs has received approval to go on the market. Called ‘Slentrol’, the liquid drug appears to reduce the amount of fat a dog can absorb. It also seems to trigger a feeling of ‘fullness’. However, like pharmaceuticals for humans, it can also produce some unfortunate side effects, which include loose stools, diarrhea, vomiting, lethargy, and loss of appetite. (To avoid all this, how about taking ‘Porko’ and your own fat ass for a walk each day?)
– “Daily News”

TIPS ON TIPPING:
The Web’s ‘Original Tipping Page’ is now offering handy ‘Tip Rate Cards’ that fit in a wallet just like a credit card and can be used to calculate the tip on any meal from a single buck to a hundred. Yes kids, no more need to go crazy trying to figure out the tip ever again! Tip Rate Cards cost $2 apiece including shipping and handling … plus tip, of course. BTW, why is it only some professions are considered tip-worthy?
NET: http://www.tipping.org/tipcards.html

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• In Tennessee, a man who kept 114 dead cats and a dead German Shepherd named ‘Snowy’ in 3 freezers is suing police for seizing and destroying the frosty critter carcasses which, he claims, had ‘emotional value’ to him and were destined for a pet cemetery he was building. William Davis is asking for $1.5 million from the Murfreesboro Police Department and other defendants.
• In Britain, a pilot project to increase the efficiency of civil servants involves strict rules for keeping desks clear and the installation of black tape borders on desktops to show workers where to put their computer keyboards and pens. Cost of the initiative … $13.5 million. It seems the government has now found a way to blow money on both red tape AND black tape.
• In Florida, a Pensacola-area schoolteacher has been put on probation for charging students a dollar a day … to miss phys-ed class. After admitting to 6 counts of 3rd-degree bribery, Tamara Tootle (huh?) has been placed on 3 years’ probation, ordered to perform 300 hours of community service, and banned from teaching for 3 years.
• In Wales, emergency medical personnel arrived at a home in Swansea to find a man in his living room with … a nail driven through his hand into a coffee table. No foul play is suspected. It seems the victim was with a group of friends when the ‘accident’ occurred. Gee, think any booze was involved?

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• The letters in the words ‘United States of America’ can be rearranged to the anagram ‘dine out, taste a Mac, fries.’
• Naked men now out-number naked women by a large margin in contemporary works of art. Boticelli would be shocked!
– “ArtNews”

THE BULL SHEET 01.08.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [60] David Bowie (Jones), Brixton UK, classic rock singer (“Fame”, “Space Oddity”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1996)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1997)  FACTOID: A decade ago he celebrated his 50th with a massive concert at NYC’s Madison Square Garden, but TONIGHT he’s planning only a private dinner party with close friends and family.

1967 [40] R (Robert) Kelly, Chicago IL, R&B singer (“Ignition”, “Bump N’ Grind”)/briefly married to late singer Aaliyah until the marriage was annulled because she was a 15-year-old minor

1971 [36] Jason Giambi, West Covina CA, MLB slugger/1st baseman who’s getting $120 million over 7 years to hit a ball with a bat for the NY Yankees

1973 [34] Sean Paul (Henriques), Kingston, Jamaica, pop/reggae singer (“Temperature”, “:Get Busy”)

1979 [28] Sarah Polley, Toronto ON, movie actress (“Dawn of the Dead”, “The Sweet Hereafter”)/former TV star (“Road to Avonlea” 1990-94)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “BCS [Bowl Championship Series] National Title Game”, the US college football final, this year pitting the #1 Ohio State Buckeyes vs the #2 University of Florida Gators at Phoenix Stadium in Glendale AZ (FOX).
• “Bubble Bath Day”, so don’t forget to feed the kids beans before their nightly bath.
• “Eat Something Raw Day”, designed to stimulate our interest in consuming fruits and vegetables. Steak, anyone?
• “Clean-Off-Your-Desk Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Monday in January to encourage us to get off to a fresh start in the New Year.
• “Consumer Electronics Show” through Thursday in Las Vegas, the world’s largest annual trade show for consumer technology. This is the show where many now-familiar electronic gizmos were introduced, including the VCR (1970), both the Camcorder and CD Player (1981), the DVD (1996), HDTV (1998), Microsoft Xbox (2001), and HD-DVD players (2005). Among this year’s new products and technologies from more than 2,700 exhibitors: living room lamps that double as wireless audio speakers; a new technology that lets emergency vehicles automatically change traffic lights; a DVD player that supports both Blu-ray and HD-DVD; and Hitachi will show off the first 1-terabyte personal computer hard-drive (1 terabyte = 1,024 gigabytes).
NET: http://www.cesweb.org/
PHONER: 866.233.7968 (Consumer Electronics Association, Arlington VA)
• “Elvis Presley’s Birthday” (1935-77), the 72nd anniversary of ‘The King’ being hatched in Tupelo MS. Another excuse to roll out more Presley souvenirs, ensuring Lisa Marie never has to get legit work during her lifetime.
• “Thank God It’s Monday Day”, initiated by some long forgotten keener somewhere, likely after reading a book on positive thinking.
• “Women’s Day” (or “Midwife’s Day”) in Greece, when women spend the day in cafés while men do housework and look after children. Traditionally, men caught outside are stripped and doused with cold water!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2002 [05] Wendy’s fast-food chain founder Dave Thomas dies in Fort Lauderdale FL at age 69 (should have had one less burger, perhaps?)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1993 [14] US Postal Service issues Elvis Presley commemorative stamp on what would have been his 58th birthday

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1926 [81] 1st ‘Pontiac’ car introduced

1926 [81] Abdul-Aziz ibn Sa’ud, the new king of Hejaz, renames his country ‘Saudi Arabia’

1976 [31] 6 countries agree to 1st ‘Canada Cup’ hockey tournament (last held in 1991)

2001 [06] 10-digit telephone dialing begins in Toronto, then later spreads to metropolitan areas across Canada

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1944 [63] 1st NHL rookie to score 5 goals in a game (Howie Meeker-Toronto Maple Leafs)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] “Little Mosque on the Prairie” debuts (CBC)
[Tues] 33rd People’s Choice Awards
[Tues] Play God Day
[Wed] Peculiar People Day
[Thurs] International Thank-Yous Days
[Thurs] Tattoo Pride Day
[Thurs] Pharmacists Day
[Fri] 12th Critics Choice Awards

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Bowling Week / Celebrate the Circus Week / Home Office Safety & Security Week / Thank Your Customers Week / No Tillage Week

BULL’S BITS

EGG-CITING NEWS:
WEDNESDAY is “The Bull Sheet’s” annual “Egg Balancing Day”, the day eggs stand up for themselves. Simply take your average egg, place it on it’s fat end and presto – it stands! So bring an egg or two in and have listeners join in the eggs-periment. This stunt’s guaranteed to make your phones flash!

ACTUAL BS NEWSPAPER STORIES:
• “Doctors say the longer the babies live, the better chance they’ll have at surviving.”
• “Woodpeckers attacking stupid folks!”
• “The glamorous 17-year-old wants to be a policewoman some day like her dad.”
• “The driver involved in the accident asked that her gender not be revealed.”
• “56-year-old man declared ‘World Hopscotch Champion’!”
• “Seasonal weather for this time of year.”

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• How many hairs are there in an average human eyebrow?
a. 50.
b. 550. [CORRECT ... unless you pluck.]
c. 5,500.

• You are a ‘gyno-tiko-lobo-masso-phile’. What is your quirky habit?
a. You like to nibble on a woman’s earlobe. [CORRECT. You like the taste of fresh lobe.]
b. You like to sniff a woman’s shoes.
c. You collect women’s underwear.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I’ve only been jogging once and I feel 10 years older already.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: On average, THIS will cost you $12,000 a year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Having an affair. (Much more if you get caught!)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Be like the flower that perfumes the very hand that crushes it.


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