Friday, January 5, 2007        Edition: #3439
Bovine Defecation That’s State-of-the-Art!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
SUNDAY Billy Bush (“Access Hollywood”) hosts the debut of the TV talent competition “Grease: You’re the One That I Want” (NBC) in which viewers will eventually choose who’ll play the lead roles of ‘Sandy’ & ‘Danny’ in an upcoming Broadway revival of “Grease” (opening in JUNE) . . . After 4 seasons “The OC” (FOX/CTV) is mercifully finished, with the series finalé scheduled for FEBRUARY 22nd (in hindsight, series deserter Mischa Barton’s timing seems pretty good) . . . Production has been shut down on daytime TV gabfest “The Megan Mullally Show” (NBC), with a combo of new and repeat episodes airing until the end of THIS MONTH when it will disappear (seems most of us had our fill of ‘Karen’ on “Will & Grace”) . . . The owner of 2 Florida nightclubs known as ‘Club Paris’ (Orlando & Jacksonville) has dumped all association with Paris Hilton after she allegedly failed to show for several scheduled appearances and he now says the name ‘Paris’ refers to the city not the party ho . . . The original video of “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin’s fatal encounter with a stingray has been turned over to his widow and all copies destroyed in an attempt to ensure it’s never made public (at least until little Bindi needs some moolah) . . . 26-year-old former TV actor Wilmer Valderrama (“That ’70s Show”) is set to launch a Latino-inspired men’s clothing line later THIS YEAR under the label ‘Calavena’ (Spanish for ‘no acting gigs’) . . . Among the ‘100 Most Influential Hispanics’ listed in the new edition of “People” magazine’s Hispanic version, “People en Espanol”, are Jennifer Lopez (on the cover), Antonio Banderas, Carlos Santana, Eva Longoria, Gloria Estefan, Shakira, Ricky Martin & Julio Iglesias . . . OJ Simpson’s assets have been temporarily frozen following a lawsuit by murder victim Ron Goldman’s family to seize any money he made from his failed “If I Did It” book & TV deal (we’d like to find someone to kick his assets) . . . And this may be the gizmo that finally makes downloading movies the norm – at NEXT WEEK’s annual “Consumer Electronics Show” in Las Vegas NV, Samsung will unveil a new HDTV that includes a built-in wi-fi receiver, thereby allowing consumers to watch videos stored on their PCs (Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price: 2 arms & 3 legs).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bowling For Soup – THIS MORNING they’re on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).
• Britney Spears – On JANUARY 31st, the largest unofficial fan website devoted to her, “World of Britney”, is closing down after 6-plus years. Among the reasons cited: her image.
• Busta Rhymes – He’s been busted in NYC on a misdemeanor assault charge after a man complained he was beaten in a dispute over money. It’s his 4th run-in with cops in the past year.
• Christina Aguilera – TOMORROW she’s the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by actor Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”).
• Paul McCartney – He’s hoping to finally complete an unreleased Beatles track titled “Now & Then” by adding his own harmonies to John Lennon’s previously recorded lead vocals.
• The Police – Rumors are flying they’ll reunite for a tour of North America and the UK later THIS YEAR. Sting’s former band split up in 1986.
• Seether – TONIGHT they guest on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Wyclef Jean – He’s just been appointed an official ‘Roving Ambassador’ for his native Haiti to promote the country’s image abroad.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Code Name: The Cleaner” ( PG-13 Action Comedy ): Cedric the Entertainer plays an amnesiac janitor who is tricked into thinking he’s an undercover agent embroiled in an international arms investigation. Co-stars Lucy Liu (“Lucky Number Slevin”) and Nicollette Sheridan (“Desperate Housewives”). Shot entirely in Vancouver.
NET: http://www.thecleanermovie.com/
• “Freedom Writers” ( PG-13 Drama ): 2-time Oscar-winner Hilary Swank plays a new teacher in a tough high school who uses creative writing to inspire a class of hardened kids to learn tolerance, apply themselves and pursue higher education. Co-stars British actress Imelda Staunton (“Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix”) and Patrick Dempsey ( ‘Dr McDreamy’ on “Grey’s Anatomy”).
NET: http://www.freedomwriters.com/
• “Happily N’Ever After” ( PG Animated Family Comedy ): An alliance of ne’er-do-wells led by the evil ‘Frieda’ (Sigourney Weaver) is looking to take over ‘Fairy Tale Land’. But when ‘Ella’ (Sarah Michelle Gellar) realizes her stepmother is out to ruin her storybook existence, she becomes the leader of a resistance effort. Other voices provided by George Carlin, Andy Dick, and Freddie Prinze Jr (aka Mr Gellar).
NET: http://www.happilyneverafterthefilm.com/
• “Home of the Brave” ( R-Rated War Drama): 3 soldiers struggle to readjust to life at home after returning from a lengthy tour of duty in Iraq. Heavyweight cast includes Samuel L Jackson, 50 Cent (billed as Curtis Jackson), Jessica Biel (“7th Heaven”), Christina Ricci (“Monster”), and Chad Michael Murray (“One Tree Hill”). Theme song “Try Not To Remember” by Sheryl Crowe. Shot in Morocco and Spokane, Washington.
NET: http://www.mgm.com/homeofthebrave/

HOUSEHOLD HINTS YOU LIKELY NEVER THOUGHT OF:
• APPLIANCES – To prevent spots and streaks when cleaning stainless steel appliances, wipe down with a cloth soaked in club soda.
• BETTER COFFEE – Brew it using bottled spring water. You’ll have better tasting coffee and no mineral deposits.
• BLOODSTAINS – Among the toughest stains to remove from clothing and fabrics. Soak the stain in cold saltwater, then launder in warm, soapy water.
• DEHYDRATION – You can prevent heat exhaustion using … a disposable diaper. Saturate one with water, wipe down your body, then wear it on your head to replenish skin with moisture.
• JUICIER BURGERS – Add 1 stiffly beaten egg white to each pound of hamburger. You can also make patties with 1 tablespoon of cottage cheese in the center.
• OJ – You get twice the amount of orange juice from a orange if you hold it under hot water before you squeeze.
• SMELLY FEET – To deodorize stinky feet, simply soak them for 20 minutes in … Jell-O. With 25 flavors to choose from, there’s a nice selection of fruity scents.
• STINKY SHOES – Stuff ‘em with newspapers! The paper absorbs odor and perspiration and also helps maintain shoe shape.
• SWEAT STAINS – Add 4 tablespoons of salt to 1 quart of hot water and sponge the fabric with the solution until perspiration stains disappear.
• THAWING FISH – Frozen fish can be thawed in a small amount of milk in the refrigerator. This also eliminates any fishy taste.
– “2007 Canadian Farmers’ Almanac”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 58% of people say their most valuable asset is their ‘sense of humor’.
• 39% of homeowners have at least 1 unopened box from a move that they’ve forgotten about.
• 32% of us admit that, while grocery shopping, we’ve eaten a snitched piece of fruit.
• 11% of us think it’s ‘cool’ to answer their cellphones on a first date.
• 10% of women and 4% of men consider themselves ‘underweight’.
• 5% of married women have dropped their wedding rings in spaghetti sauce.

AND WE QUOTE:
“Rosie’s on a long, planned vacation with Kelli and the kids, and not, I can promise you, with Donald Trump.”
– Barbara Walters explaining her loudmouth co-host Rosie O’Donnell’s recent absence from daytime TV talk show “The View” (ABC/CTV).

THE BULL SHEET 01.05.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [76] Robert Duvall, San Diego CA, movie actor (1984 Oscar-“Tender Mercies”)

1942 [65] Charlie Rose, Henderson NC, TV journalist (“Charlie Rose Show” since 1991, “60  Minutes II” 1999-2005)

1946 [61] Diane Keaton (Hall), LA CA, movie actress (1978 Oscar-“Annie Hall”)

1969 [38] Marilyn Manson (Brian Warner), Canton OH, rock singer (“Personal Jesus”)

SATURDAY –
Classic rocker Syd Barrett (Pink Floyd) is 61; Classic rock guitarist Malcolm Young (AC/DC) is 54; TV/movie actor Rowan Atkinson (“Mr Bean”) is 52; TV football analyst Howie Long (“FOX NFL Sunday”) is 47; Movie director John Singleton (“Four Brothers”) is 39.

SUNDAY –
“Rolling Stone”/”Us Weekly” publisher Jann Wenner is 61; Oldies singer Kenny Loggins (“Footloose”) is 59; TV actor David Caruso (“CSI: Miami”) is 51; TV anchor Katie Couric (“CBS Evening News”) is 50; Country singer David Lee Murphy (“Loco”) is 48; Movie actor Nicolas Cage (“World Trade Center”) is 43; Pop singer John Ondrasik (Five For Fighting) is 38; Country singer John Rich (Big & Rich) is 33.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bird Day”, a salute to our fine feathered friends, one of the greatest wonders of nature.
• “Guru Gobind Singh’s Birthday”, a celebration in the Sikh faith honoring the 10th ‘Nanak’ (Sikh guru), who was born at Patna, India in 1666.
• “Secondhand Wardrobe Day”, celebrating the unique finds available in vintage clothing stores and thrift shops.
• “Show & Tell Day at Work”, a chance for adults to partake in the kindergarten ritual with co-workers. Have your crew each bring in something that makes a unique sound.
• “Twelfth Night”, the “Eve of Epiphany”. TOMORROW is the “Twelfth Day of Christmas” when, according to the carol, your true love should give to you ’12 drummers drumming’.

SATURDAY –
• “Armenian Christmas”. Historically, all Christian churches celebrated Christmas on JANUARY 6th until the 4th century AD. The country of Armenia has carried on that tradition.
• “Bean Day” and “Cuddle Up Day” … are these two a smart combination?
• “Epiphany”, the Christian celebration aka “Three Kings Day”. In Italy, the “Epiphany Festival” is when the kindly witch ‘La Befana’ slides down chimneys on her broom to bring toys and goodies for kids. In Mexico, it’s known as “Dia de los Santos Reyes”, when kids put straw out & leave shoes on balconies to be filled with toys by ‘Los Tres Reyes’ (The Three Kings) who bring gifts via camel-back. “Epiphany” ushers in the annual “Carnival” season worldwide, which this year runs through FEBRUARY 20th.
• “Great Fruitcake Toss”, the 12th annual celebrated in Manitou Springs, Colorado where prizes are awarded in 4 categories in the 1-lb and 2-lb fruitcake weight classes: ‘Toss’, ‘Hurl’, ‘Launch’ (using a mechanical device), and ‘Pneumatic Device’ (using a ‘spud gun’). By the way, this event is BYOF (bring your own fruitcake).
PHONER: 800.642.2567 (Manitou Springs Chamber of Commerce & Visitors Bureau)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/c4bzm
• “Maroon Festival”, a big mash-up in Jamaica since 1738 that celebrates Maroons (fugitive slaves) on the birthday of Captain Cudjoe who defeated the English army. The festival features traditional singing, dancing, feasting, and the playing of Maroon war drums.
• “Smith Day”, celebrating the most-common surname in the English-speaking world.

SUNDAY –
• “I’m Not Going to Take It Anymore Day”. You mean, from now on you’re paying?
• “Old Rock Day” … so don’t take it for granite!
• “Organize Your Home Day”. Even better, have some TV reno show do it for you!
• “Orthodox Christmas” or “Julian Calendar Christmas” in many countries worldwide.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1998 [09] 1960′s pop star-turned-politician Sonny Bono (Sonny & Cher) is killed at age 62 when he skis into a tree at South Lake Tahoe, California

2004 [03] Britney Spears’ marriage to childhood friend Jason Alexander is annulled after just 55 hours of wedded bliss

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1835 [172] ‘Worcestershire Sauce’ (pronounced ‘WUSS-ta-sure’) is introduced by Lea & Perrins

1889 [118] According to the “Oxford English Dictionary”, the word ‘Hamburger’ first appears on a restaurant menu, quoted in the “Walla Walla Union” newspaper (Walla Walla WA)

1940 [67] Edwin Armstrong demonstrates his new invention – ‘FM Radio’

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1958 [49] 424 coins and 5 lbs of wire are removed from a man’s stomach in Sedgefield UK

1987 [20] Tony Ferko sets world record by juggling 7 ping pong balls – with his mouth

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] BCS National Title Game (Phoenix AZ)
[Mon] Thank God It’s Monday Day
[Mon] Elvis Presley’s Birthday
[Mon] Bubble Bath Day
[Mon] Eat Something Raw Day
[Mon] Volunteer Fireman’s Day
[Mon] Clean-Off-Your-Desk Day
[Tues] 33rd People’s Choice Awards
[Wed] BS Egg Balancing Day
[Wed] Peculiar People Day
This Week Is … Universal Letter-Writing Week
This Month Is … Careers in Cosmetology Month

BULL’S BITS

ACTUAL TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Squirrel Fishing – The Hottest New Sports Craze!”
• “Animal-Rights Activists Win Bid to Outlaw Snake Throwing Contest!”
• “Man Divorces Psychic Wife – Because He Can’t Get Away with Anything!”
• “Nation’s Luckiest Stricken With ‘Post-Euphoric Bliss Disorder’!”
• “People of the Future Won’t Have Necks!”
– “Weekly World News”

BS INTERVIEWS:
• TODAY through April 1st the “Ice Hotel Québec-Canada” opens for a 6th season on a lake 40 km west of Québec City. The hotel made completely of ice features an indoor skating rink, snow golf, an indoor spa, cross-country skiing and an ice chapel for weddings. And yes, you sleep on beds made of ice. Only about 5% of the hotel’s patrons are Canadian – after all, why would we pay big bucks ($299-$575) to freeze our assets?.
PHONER: 877.505.0423 (Sainte-Catherine-de-la-Jacques-Cartier QC)
NET: http://www.icehotel-canada.com
• SATURDAY is the 20th annual “Sunrise Festival” in Inuvik NT, celebrating the  reappearance of the Sun after 6 weeks of total darkness. Bonfires and fireworks are the order of the day. So how do you survive winter in total darkness?
PHONER: 867.777.8611 (Fire Department)/867.777.8632 (Kelli Turpin)
NET: http://www.inuvik.ca/townhall/tourism.html
• SUNDAY-January 21 is the “2007 North American International Auto Show”, one of the world’s largest, in the ‘Motor City’, Detroit MI. Sunday-Tuesday are ‘Press Preview Days’. Wednesday-Thursday are ‘Industry Preview Days’ and the annual ‘Charity Preview’ fundraiser runs next Friday. The public finally gets to see the flashy new cars JANUARY 13-21.
PHONER: 248.643.0250 (NAIAS)
NET: http://www.naias.com/

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
5. Ciara – “Promise”
4. DJ Unk – “Walk It Out”
3. Jim Jones – “We Fly High”
2. Akon – “Smack That”
1. Justin Timberlake – “My Love”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: More than half of single women say THIS is enough to make them lose interest in a guy on a date.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A dirty car.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
90% of being smart is knowing what you’re dumb at.


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