Thursday, January 24, 2019 – Edition: #6379
Sheet Happens!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Jimmy Kimmel has revealed that Barbra Streisand cancelled an appearance on his TV show because she wasn’t going to be filmed from her best side. Kimmel says the Hollywood icon scrapped a planned appearance on his show at late notice because bosses wouldn’t accommodate her peculiar request to swap around the entire set in order for Babs to be seen from her left, which she famously considers to be her “best side”. Kimmel recalled on “Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohen” that what really made producers say no was another demand from Streisand: “The condition was we couldn’t talk about the fact that we’d switched (the set) around. And I was like, ‘I just don’t see how this will work.’ ”
(If they only showed Kimmy K. from her best side, we’d never see her face!)
-ContactMusic
★ Tom Arnold and his wife of nearly 10 years are going their separate ways. Arnold confirmed the split with Ashley Groussman in an interview on Monday, saying “It’s a long time coming and we have been together for almost 11 years. And very grateful…I have my children because my wife.” The couple was married in November 2009. They have a son, Jax, and a daughter, Quinn.
-TheBlast
★ When you talk about the upcoming prequel of “The Sopranos”, you immediately wonder who will fill the shoes of the late James Gandolfini aka Tony Soprano. Well, James Gandolfini’s son Michael is going to follow in his father’s on-screen footsteps and play the boss for “The Many Saints of Newark”. Michael will play young Tony Soprano in the prequel movie.
(Makes sense, considering he is literally a younger version of him…)
-LADBible
★ Kerry Washington’s Broadway play “American Son” is coming to Netflix. The streaming television service is planning on adapting Christopher Demos-Brown’s critically acclaimed stage production with the original director and cast, and a few changes to fit the platform. The story follows interracial parents, who reunite in a Florida police station to search for answers about their missing teenage son. Washington says she is ”so happy” that she can bring the story to a wider audience.
-DailyMail
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Chris Pine, Lena Headey, Kellen Erskine
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Jada Pinkett Smith, Steve Coogan, Backstreet Boys
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Michael Moore, Ken Marino, Dermot Kennedy
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Ellie Kemper, Young the Giant, Venzella Joy
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Neil Patrick Harris
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Anne Hathaway, Matthew McConaughey
• “Conan” (TBS): Bill Hader
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Chris Cuomo
• “The Talk” (CBS): Sonequa Martin-Green, guest co-host Brooke Shields
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Matt LeBlanc, Ilana Glazer
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Debra Messing, Future
• “The Other Two” (COMEDY): Series premiere — about an aspiring actor who struggles to land anything other than a bit role—and his adult sister, who struggles to find any meaningful career path—as their 13-year-old brother achieves instant, massive internet stardom. (Molly Shannon)
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Taylor Swift — has confirmed her role in the new “Cats” movie and it’s the character we were all hoping for … Bombalurina! Bombalurina is known for her frisky behavior, often flirting with many toms. “Cats” is scheduled for release in December.
• Cardi B — just keeps on clapping back. On Tuesday morning, City Girls’ ‘Twerk’ video, which she is featured in, came under question by conservative columnist Stephanie Hamill, who tweeted: “In the era of #MeToo how exactly does this empower women?” In response, Cardi tweeted: “It says to women that I can wear and not wear whatever I want”
• Michael Bublé – Even though he’s Canadian, he is a serious NFL fan. He says he has thrown Super Bowl parties while on tour for 15 years, and he has three fantasy football teams. Quote: “This is a serious job for me!”
• The Strumbellas – Their new album, “Rattlesnake” comes out March 29. They will hit the road in the U.S. beginning in May.
• Queen – Their biopic “Bohemian Rhapsody” received five Academy Award nominations. It received nods in the Best Picture, Best Actor in A Leading Role (Rami Malek), Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing, and Best Film Editing categories.
• Billy Idol — is the latest classic rocker to be immortalized in Funko’s popular Pop! line of collectible figurines. The plastic figure of Idol shows him in his famous pose, with a clenched right fist and a sneer on his upper lip. The company has also recently issued collectible figurines for Queen and AC/DC’s Angus Young.
• Pearl Jam — Chris Cornell’s death has left them in “limbo” as they record a new album. Bassist Jeff Ament, who played in Temple of the Dog with Cornell, says he and his bandmates have struggled to come up with new material, following his 2017 suicide.
• ABBA – had planned to release two new songs by the end of last year, but are now aiming for Fall 2019. It sounds as though the songs are ready, but there are legal hurdles to overcome.
• Lauren Alaina — She and her longtime boyfriend, Alex Hopkins, are calling it quits. Both took to their respective social media pages on Monday to announce the news that they’d decided to end their relationship after getting engaged in the summer. They had been together for six years.
• Trace Adkins — has announced a massive 2019 tour that will take him to 39 different cities. The “Don’t Stop Tour 2019” will kick off Feb. 9 in San Antonio, TX, and wrap up Nov. 13 in Key West, FL.
WE HAVE TO STOP MEATING LIKE THIS:
Canada’s new food guide was unveiled this week, and it features a new, simplified approach that encourages plant-based eating with a reduction in emphasis on meat and dairy. Canadians have been told since the 1980s that a healthy diet consists of servings across the “four food groups”. But the new guide released by Health Canada not only does away with those food groups, it also eliminates portion sizes, and encourages drinking water as the beverage of choice. Another of the key messages is to eat fewer processed foods, which are high in sugar and salt. The guide recommends Canadians eat vegetables, fruits and whole grains, choose legumes, nuts and tofu more regularly and be aware of the health risks of consuming alcohol.
(I had a look at the sample picture of all these foods displayed on a plate, and I’ve got to say, it looks like they’d be delicious…on a burger!)
(If this thing has been dramatically overhauled, does that mean the old food guide I’ve been following has been slowly killing me?)
(If you haven’t seen it yet, a food-guide pamphlet will be arriving in the mail, alongside a dozen 2-for-1 burger coupons, and an ad for the new all-you-can-eat fried chicken hut!)
-CP, GlobeandMail
MISSION COMPOSTABLE:
Even if you are very diligent about recycling plastics whenever possible, you are still a big part of the plastic pollution problem, according to Marco Lambertini, the director-general of World Wildlife Fund.
He says that when you place your empty plastic container into a recycle bin, there is no guarantee that it will be recycled. In many countries, he says, “that plastic is going to end up…in the incinerators.” He says what we need to be doing is shifting our behaviours. Lambertini says the world produces 335 million tonnes of plastic per year, and only 14% of it is recycled. The WWF is urging consumers and companies to act quickly and cut their plastic production and consumption because simply recycling isn’t enough. Recently, companies including Ikea and Nestle launched programs to cut their plastic waste, but Lambertini says these are “small steps” and we need “more dramatic change.”
(Believe me, when the restaurant told my wife that she couldn’t have a straw, things got dramatic!)
(Normally, I’d take this opportunity to make fun of this organization’s initials, but I won’t because we’re WRESTLING with a very big problem here…)
(One thing you can count on us to do here at [***show name***]: reduce, reuse, and rehash!)
-YahooFinance
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER BUY:
✗ Baby Shoes: Infants don’t walk. So why spend a ton of money on unnecessary footwear? (Yes, I know those teeny-tiny tennis shoes are just so cuuuuute…)
✗ Greeting Cards: Yes, there is one for every occasion. In fact, every time you are in a store, chances there is something coming up that you should pick up a card for. But E-cards are free. And a handwritten note is a fully acceptable way to send your best as well.
(Plus, there is no slot to include money!)
✗ Ringtones: Your phone has a whole bunch of them already. For free.
✗ Keurig Cleaners: 13 bucks? Get some vinegar at the dollar store.
✗ Detoxes and Cleanses: According to the Mayo Clinic, there is little evidence that a “detox diet” will eliminate toxins. Our kidneys and livers do a pretty good job of that all by themselves.
✗ Fancy Bath Salts: Spoiler: They are usually Epsoms salt with fragrance and color added. Make your own. Pinterest is your friend.
✗ Pet Costumes: Don’t turn your pet into a lion or Luke Skywalker. Your wallet will thank you. And so will your pet.
✗ Teeth Flossers with Handles: Regular floss is sooo much cheaper. You get environmental points for using less plastic, too. (All good until my 2-foot long string of floss ends up stuck to my wife’s sock…)
✗ Electric Can Openers: Unless you have a medical condition that prevents you from using a crank-type opener, stick with the kind that they used on “Leave it to Beaver.” They store neatly in a drawer, they’re cheap, and they last forever. (They work when the power’s out, too…)
✗ Gym Membership: Studies show that the average person pays $58 per month, and actually shows up there…twice per month. (So how is it that they manage to post a gym selfie every other day?)
(This feature brought to you by our now-former advertisers who would like to encourage you to forget everything you just heard…)
-MoneyTalks
DID YOU KNOW?
The Oscar Mayer company is taking applications for its next fleet of Weinermobile “hotdoggers” – aka drivers. They are accepting resumes through Jan. 31 for an unspecified number of one-year positions beginning in June. The job listing promises a competitive salary and a “company car guaranteed to turn heads”. Requirements? To be hired, you must have either a B.A. or a B.S.(!!)
(“I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner…mobile driver…)
-FOX
BS CHRONOMETER 01.24.19
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941 [78] Neil Diamond, NYC, oldies singer (‘Sweet Caroline’, ‘Song Sung Blue’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2011)
1963 [56] Keech Rainwater, Plano TX, country musician (Lonestar-‘Mr. Mom’, ‘Amazed’)
1968 [51] Mary Lou Retton, Fairmont WV, gymnast (the first American woman to win gold in the individual all-around competition, at the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles)
1970 [49] Matthew Lillard, Lansing MI, movie actor (“Scooby Doo”, “The Descendants”)
1974 [45] Ed Helms, Atlanta GA, movie actor (“The Hangover” movies, “Vacation”)/TV actor (“The Office” 2006-13, “The Daily Show” 2002-09) COMING UP…”Corporate Animals” 2019
1978 [41] Kristen Schaal, Longmont CO, TV actress (“Last Man on Earth” 2015-18, “Bob’s Burgers” since 2011)
1984 [35] Justin Baldoni, LA CA, TV actor (‘Rafael Solano’ on “Jane the Virgin” since 2014)
1986 [31] Mischa Barton, London UK, movie actress (“St Trinian’s”, “The Sixth Sense”)/TV actress (“The OC” 2003-06)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Beer Can Appreciation Day”, observed on the anniversary of the 1st canned beer, marketed by Krueger Brewing of Richmond, Virginia on this day 84 years ago in 1935. (Gee, what should we do to celebrate?)
• “Compliment Day”, when we’re encouraged to say something nice to at least 5 people. (Who will in turn ask, “OK, what is it that you want?”)
• “Global Belly Laugh Day”, a day to experience the health & happiness benefits of taking a moment to laugh out loud. To that end, we’re all encouraged to throw our arms in the air and laugh heartily at precisely 1:24 pm local time.
• “Peanut Butter Day”, originally called ‘nutmeal’, peanut butter has only been around for about 120 years but it’s a staple in 85% of homes and we eat about 3 lbs per person per year.
• “Talk Like a Grizzled Prospector Day”, a tongue-in-cheek salute to the beginning of the 1848 gold rush in California. (“Well, consarn it! A whole ‘nuther year’s done skedaddled right past an’ we’re celerbating this agin!”)
• “Clashing Clothes Day”, observed on the 4th Thursday of January. Some people seem to celebrate this holiday every day, right [sports reporter]?
COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Irish Coffee Day
[Fri] Robbie Burns Day
[Sat] Spouse’s Day
[Sat] Green Juice Day
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006 [13] Walt Disney Co announces the $7.4-billion purchase of Pixar Studios (making the late Steve Jobs one extremely wealthy guy)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1998 [21] The “Titanic” soundtrack goes to #1 in America, replacing Celine Dion’s “Let’s Talk About Love”. Both albums contain the hit song from the movie, ‘My Heart Will Go On’.
2015 [04] INXS guitarist Tim Farriss severs the ring finger on his left hand while operating a winch on his boat, but doctors manage to reattach the digit after 2 surgeries
2018 [01] Elton John announces his three-year “Farewell Yellow Brick Road” final tour.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1984 [35] Apple Computer Inc unveils its revolutionary Macintosh personal computer. It boasts a 9-inch black-and-white display, two serial ports, 128KB RAM, and a slot for one 3.5-inch floppy disc. List price: US $2495.00
2013 [06] European Bioinformatics Institute announces its scientists have successfully stored audio and text on fragments of DNA and retrieved them with 99.99% accuracy, the 1st time DNA has been used for data storage (can they implant a new language in your brain?)
BULL’S BITS
BS WACK FACTS:
✓ A new word in English is created every 98 minutes.
✓ Until the 19th century, the English word for actors was “hypocrites.”
✓ “Time” is the commonly used noun in the English language.
✓ The word “queue” is pronounced the same way when the last 4 letters are removed.
✓ The shortest complete sentence in the English language is “Go”.
✓ Viking names included “desirous of beer”, “lust-hostage’, “able to fill a bay with fish by magic”, “the man who mixes his drinks” and “the man without trousers.”
-FactSlides
BS IF DADS RAN SOCIAL MEDIA:
• Accessing your profile would require you to “enter your password and pull my finger.”
• There would be a “Yes, Dear” emoji.
• The internet would still be dial-up because “It works just fine, there’s no need to spend more money”.
• Instagram would have a cover-up filter for daughter’s Instagram posts
• He’d yell at the computer just like he yells at the TV.
• Even more dad jokes.
• “Throw some dirt on it and get back out there” would be the universal reaction to typos.
• “Catfishing” would once again involve a rod, reel, and water.
• It would shut down once a week for Monday Night Football.
• Mom would actually be boss.
-Twitter
Best of BS . . .
BS NETFLIX AND CHILL FOR MARRIED PEOPLE:
• Apple and text each other from different rooms
• Google and diagnose each other
• MasterCard and vacation
• Dollar Store and post-vacation
• Bed Bath & Beyond and argue
• Home Depot and argue
• IKEA and nuclear-level argue
• Soul Cycle and jointly experience what death might be like
• Dodge Charger and midlife crisis
• Walmart and wonder how this became your life
• Disney and birth control
• Netflix and literally chill
-McSweeneys, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018
BS RANDOM JOKE:
If I had 50 cents for every math exam I failed, I’d have $6.30 by now.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s your weirdest and/or worst border-crossing experience anywhere?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Almost 7 in 10 women say they have no confidence in their husband doing THIS. What?
Answer: Repairing the Car
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Being unique is better than being perfect.
