Monday, January 20, 2020 – Edition: #6615

Sheet For Brains!

★ Queen Elizabeth II has bid Prince Harry and his wife, Meghan Markle, goodbye, but their new life in Canada comes with a hefty price tag. The duo must give up their “royal highness” titles and pay back 2.4 million pounds (US $3.1 million) of taxpayers’ money which was spent on renovating their home by Windsor Castle. In a statement, Buckingham Palace also revealed on Saturday that the former Duke and Duchess of Sussex will no longer be eligible to receive public funds. This comes after the royal family held talks last week, following the announcement from Harry and Meghan that they wanted to “step back” as senior royals.
★ Hank Azaria will no longer voice the character ‘Apu’ on “The Simpsons”. His departure from the role follows a swell of backlash against the perceived stereotypes portrayed on the show concerning the Indian-American convenience store owner. In a new interview, Azaria indicated that he doesn’t know if the character will be voiced by another actor, saying: “What they’re going to do with the character is their call. All we’ve agreed on is I won’t do the voice anymore.”
★ Lifetime has officially ordered the four-hour documentary series “Surviving Jeffrey Epstein.” The financier was arrested in July 2019 and accused of sexually assaulting and trafficking numerous underage girls. The case drew worldwide attention due in part to the fact that Epstein was known to associate with powerful figures in Washington DC and internationally. Epstein died in his cell in a New York detention center in August in an apparent suicide, though many have speculated that he was murdered. The series is expected to air this summer.
★ Baby Yoda may have taken the internet by storm in recent months, but Disney isn’t going to sit back and let others cash in with knockoff merchandise. Disney has ordered online retailer Etsy to purge all Baby Yoda items it has for sale on Friday. But their efforts to keep bootleg merchandise offline isn’t going exactly as planned. If you searched “Baby Yoda” on Etsy on Saturday, a number of listings still popped up, including $30 Baby Yoda sweaters and several stuffed versions of the small, green humanoid alien.
(Sell them you should not!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Meg Myers
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Ken Jeong, Kate Upton, Old Dominion
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jim Gaffigan, Tom Steyer
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Michael Moore, June Diane Raphael, Adam Marcello
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Chadwick Boseman, Sienna Miller, Stephan James (R)
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Punkie Johnson, Brad Garrett, Erik Griffin
• “Conan” (TBS): Josh Gad
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Jerry O’Connell, Ashton Pienaar
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Tyler Perry, Maya Rockeymoore Cummings, Billy Porter, choirs from the Cardinal Shehan School & Krieger Schechter Day School
• “The Talk” (CBS): George Wallace, Pam Grier, guest co-host Brigitte Nielsen
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Daniel Radcliffe, David Alan Grier, New Hope Club
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Mark Wahlberg, Black Pumas
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Michael Ealy, Manny Jacinto
• “The Bachelor” (ABC): Peter tries to put the drama behind him by focusing on his country line dancing date with Victoria P.; a stunning revelation has Peter struggling with his feelings for a controversial woman.
• “Street Outlaws” (DISCOVERY): Season 15 premiere. JJ Da Boss invites eight of the fastest street racing teams to hit the asphalt for a chance to win $100,000.
• “Amazing Winter Romance” (HALLMARK): Journalist Julia goes back home to find inspiration and discovers her childhood friend has built a giant snow maze, prompting her to find her way to true love.

• Adele – will release new music this year, according to both her agent and her manager. Her last album, “25” was released in 2015.
• Billie Eilish – won the newcomer of the year award at the 2019 European Festival Awards in the Netherlands. The European Festival Awards honors festivals and individuals in areas such as health and safety, social awareness, forward thinking and sustainability.
• Maroon 5 – Adam Levine took to Twitter to point out the similarities in cover art from The 1975’s new single, ‘Me & You Together Song’, writing “you guys big ‘Kara’s Flowers’ fans?”, referencing the name the band went by before switching to Maroon 5. Matt Healy of The 1975 responded: “I don’t know what the “F” that is but I love that song about being in a phone box or whatever it is.” The original tweet has been deleted, but now another act has chimed in:
• Sum 41 – canceled their Saturday night show in Paris after an “explosive device” was detonated outside the theatre in which they were scheduled to perform. No one was injured, but the band posted: “Due to the intimate nature of our ‘Personal Space’ performances, we are unable to guarantee the safety of the fans in attendance.”
• Poison – singer Bret Michaels will undergo skin cancer surgery. He’s also having shoulder surgery prior to the group’s summer tour with Mötley Crüe, Def Leppard and Joan Jett. He wrote: “if God willing, I promise this year will be awesome. Just a few less solo shows & special events until I get this all squared up.”
• The Doors — drummer John Densmore and guitarist Robby Krieger will play a 30-minute, semi-acoustic set at a Los Angeles charity event focusing on homelessness. “Homeward Bound”, on Thursday, will see the duo perform with Nirvana alum Krist Novoselic on bass. Vocal duties will be handled by a rotating group from the evening’s lineup, including Dave Stewart, Willie Nelson’s son Micah and former American Idol contestant Haley Reinheart.
• Eminem – is no stranger to controversy, so it may be no surprise that in his new song, he makes light of the horrific bombing of Ariana Grande’s Manchester concert nearly three years ago which killed 22 people. In ‘Unaccomodating’, he also compares himself to Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and John Wayne Gacy, and references the murder of JonBenet Ramsay.
• Lady Antebellum – is the latest recipient of the “Randy Owen Angels Among Us Award”. They’ve devoted much of their charitable giving to St. Jude, through their LadyAID foundation, benefit concerts, participating in the “This Shirt Saves Lives” campaign and more.
• Maren Morris – tweeted that her pregnancy hormones have been making her emotional in the most unexpected ways. She wrote: “Third Trimester Hormone Update: My nail lady said ‘your face doesn’t even look that fat’ and I genuinely teared up I was so touched.” She and her husband Ryan Hurd are expecting a boy in March or April.

Colgate has launched what is being called the first toothpaste available in a fully recyclable tube. The “Smile For Good” brand, which is only available in Europe at this point, is not only recyclable, it has been certified ‘Vegan’ as well, because the container is not manufactured with animal fat. Most toothpaste manufacturers make tubes out of plastic and aluminum so they’re difficult to recycle. Colgate’s new Smile for Good toothpaste comes in a tube made from high-density polyethylene, the same plastic used in milk jugs. The problem is the cost. A single tube is selling for the equivalent of $5.56 US.
(You’re telling me that up ‘til now, toothpaste tubes haven’t been recyclable? Uh-oh…)
(About time!)
(I’d buy some, but my extra-sensitive toothpaste would cry!)

Elon Musk says that he will put a million people on Mars by 2050. In a series of tweets late last week, the SpaceX CEO revealed new details about his plans to colonize the Red Planet. When a Twitter user asked him if his plans would equate to one million people on Mars by 2050, Musk responded with a simple “yes”. He also pointed out that there will be “a lot of jobs on Mars!”
(But the commute is a killer!)
(Newsflash: Elon Musk will NOT put a million people on Mars by 2050!)
(I’d go…just to be able to say I’m one of the million-richest people in the world!)

(***CAUTION: “DAMN”***) Many patrons of Tim Hortons restaurants reacted negatively when the coffee chain switched up their coffee cup lids. In August, the Canadian coffee giant swapped out their classic “peel” lids for a brand new, environmentally-friendly lid stamped with a maple leaf. Even Justin Bieber weighed in, calling the new lids a “damn outrage”. It turns out the drama isn’t over yet. Used goods retailer “Value Village” in Winnipeg is now selling old Tim Hortons’ lids for $4.99 a bag. The shop has categorized them as “Décor/Housewares” and each bag appears to contain about 50 lids.
(You DID catch that, right? The operative word here is “Used” goods retailer…)
(A literal case of “while supplies last”.)
(Are they selling old “Roll Up the Rim” cups too?)

According to the US News annual evaluation of 73 countries drawn from a survey of more than 20,000 global citizens, here are the countries with the best quality of life in the world . . .
1. Canada (#1 last year)
2. Denmark (3)
3. Sweden (2)
4. Norway (4)
5. Australia (7)
6. Netherlands (8)
7. Switzerland (5)
8. New Zealand (9)
9. Finland (6)
10. Germany (10)
Other “BS” countries: United Kingdom (12), United States (15), UAE (25), Malaysia (27), South Africa (56)

Spotify is now offering to generate “Pet Playlists”. The streaming service is offering to customize mixtapes to a critters’ species and personality traits. The “Pet Playlists” tool allows users to choose between dog, cat, iguana, hamster and bird, then tell the platform how energetic or friendly their animal is to help Spotify “pick the playlist vibe.” According to Spotify, 70% of pet owners play music for their pets and 46% feel that music is a stress-reliever for them. (Here’s MY dog’s ‘playlist’: tennis ball, stuffed bunny, chewy bone, dead squirrel…)


1930 [90] Buzz Aldrin (Edwin Eugene Aldrin Jr.), Glen Ridge NJ, astronaut (The second person to ever walk on the moon, he was the pilot of NASA’s Apollo 11 mission)

1946 [74] David Lynch, Missoula MT, filmmaker (“Blue Velvet”)/TV director (“Twin Peaks”)

1952 [68] Paul Stanley (Stanley Bert Eisen), New York City NY, rock singer/guitarist (Kiss-‘Rock & Roll All Nite’, ‘I Was Made For Lovin’ You’)

1956 [64] Bill Maher, NYC, TV talk show host (“Real Time With Bill Maher” since 2003, “Politically Incorrect” 1994-2002)

1966 [54] Rainn Wilson, Seattle WA, TV actor (“The Office” 2005-13)/movie actor (“Juno”)

1970 [50] Skeet Ulrich (Bryan Ray Trout), Lynchburg VA, movie actor (“Scream”, “The Craft”)/TV actor “Riverdale” since 2017

1971 [49] Questlove (Ahmir Khalib Thompson), Philadelphia PA, alt hip-hop drummer/DJ (The Roots w/Duffy-‘Well, Well, Well’, house band on “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon”

1985 [35] Brantley Gilbert, Jefferson GA, country singer (‘Bottoms Up’, w/Lindsay Ell-‘What Happens in a Small Town’)

1987 [33] Evan Peters, St Louis MO, TV actor (“American Horror Story” since 2011)/movie actor (“X-Men” franchise, “Kick-Ass”)

• “Martin Luther King Day” in America, a federal holiday observed annually on the 3rd Monday of January celebrating the life and achievements of late civil rights leader Dr Martin Luther King Jr (1929-68). King’s equal rights campaign is documented in the movie “Selma”.

• “Blue Monday”, the third Monday of January has been awarded this gloomy title due to a combination of post-Christmas blues, cold dark nights and the arrival of unpaid credit card bills. Though we may say we hate Mondays, an Australian study found that the day that scores lowest for most employees’ morale is actually Wednesday. (If you can imagine hating “Hump Day”!)

• “Cheese Lovers Day”, celebrating the more than 900 known cheeses of the world. Which is best? Mmm, 18-month old Comté from France. NET:
➢ Cheese was created over 4,000 years ago-by accident.
➢ It takes ten pounds of milk to make just one pound of cheese.
➢ There are more than 2,000 varieties of cheese available worldwide, mozzarella is the favorite.
➢ If a cheese is named after a city, it’s capitalized. Examples include Asiago, Brie, Camembert, Gouda, and Parmesan.
➢ Mice don’t like cheese. They prefer sweets and carbs.

• “Penguin Awareness Day”, a day to increase awareness of the interrelationship between humans and marine animals. Here’s something that you might not be aware of: 37 million years ago, a species of penguin grew to a height of 6 foot 8 inches tall (2.03m).

• “Camcorder Day”, a tribute to videography of all varieties. Perhaps you’re a professional and enjoy shooting wildlife (with a lens, not a gun), or an extreme sports fan who attaches a GoPro to your helmet before jumping out of a plane.

• “International Day of Acceptance”, a day dedicated to the social acceptance of disability and to honor the late Annie Hopkins, founder of 3E Love and creator of the International Symbol of Acceptance.

• “National Disc Jockey Day”, initiated long ago by some unknown radio personality somewhere.
• Whenever you’re talking to someone, hold a hand over one ear.
• Throw a party where everyone mingles about telling the time & temp.
• Give away stuff that’s not yours.
• Get laughs by using cheap sound effects instead of telling actual jokes. (***SFX***)
• Do play-by-play of the traffic on your way to work.
• Talk DEEP!

[Tues] Sweatpants Day
[Tues] Granola Bar Day
[Wed] Celebration of Life Day
[Wed] Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day
This Week Is…No Name-Calling Week
This Month Is..Sunday Supper Month

2006 [14] The TV movie “High School Musical” is released, starring Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. It becomes Disney Channel’s most successful TV movie

2008 [12] “Breaking Bad”, created by Vince Gilligan and starring Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul, premieres on AMC

1982 [38] Ozzy Osbourne is forced to undergo rabies shots after biting the head off a dead bat thrown at him during a concert in Des Moines IA (he apparently thought it was plastic)

1988 [32] The Beach Boys, The Beatles, The Drifters, Bob Dylan, and The Supremes are inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in its third round of inductions

2009 [11] Barack Obama is inaugurated the 44th president of the United States (4 years later he’s inaugurated on this day for a 2nd term)

2017 [03] Donald Trump is inaugurated as the 45th President of the United States

2007 [13] a 3-man team, using only skis and kites, completes a 1,093-mile (1,759 km) trek to reach the Southern Pole of Inaccessibility for the first time ever without mechanical assistance


✓ 92% of all engagement happens within one hour of a tweet being posted.
✓ On average, members of a flight crew have higher exposure to radiation than nuclear power plant workers.
✓ There was no punctuation until the 15th century.
✓ Single men have stronger body odour than partnered men.
✓ Snails will sleep for up to three years if the weather isn’t good enough.
✓ To help speed up the solving-time for Rubik’s Cubes, lubricants can be used to grease the joints. These include “Cubicle Lubicle”, “Cosmic Lube” and “Lubix Cube”.

• “I hope you have a ride home.”
• “Here’s your participation trophy.”
• “14 more minutes and I could have saved 15% with Geico.”
• “Next!”
• “Mom! Can you bring us something to eat?”
• “You got change for a 20?”
• “So, what are we?”
• The wrong name.
• “I’ve had better.”
• “Guard!”

Best of BS . . .

• If you lick the air, does it get wet?
• Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
• How come, no matter what color the liquid is, the froth is always white?
• Can a hearse drive a corpse in the HOV lane?
• Why is an electrical outlet called an ‘outlet’ when you plug things into it? Shouldn’t it be called an ‘inlet’?
• Is the opposite of ‘out of whack’ … ‘in whack’?
• Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
• How can you chop ‘down’ a tree and then chop it ‘up’?
• Do one-legged ducks swim in circles?
• If a ‘bus station’ is where a bus stops and a ‘train station’ is where a train stops, what happens at a ‘work station’?
-First published in BS in 2017

This weather blows:

She thought I was rude for yawning while she was talking. I wasn’t yawning . . . I was trying to say something!

• Who wrote “David Copperfield”?
a. Charles Dickens [CORRECT]
b. Ernest Hemingway
c. Agatha Christie
d. David Copperfield

• Who wrote “The Firm”?
a. Ray Bradbury
b. John Grisham [CORRECT]
c. George Orwell
d. Jimmy Page

• Who wrote “Jurassic Park”?
a. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
b. Michael Crichton [CORRECT]
c. Arthur C. Clarke
d. D. W. Saur
– TriviaCrackAnswers

What’s the one thing in your life you look back at and laugh at yourself about?

Question:  According to a survey of adults, only 19% of us would be willing to buy a used one of THESE. What is it?
Answer:  A hat

It’s not the answer that enlightens, but the question.


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