January 17 2020

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Friday, January 17, 2020 – Edition: #6614

Another Sheetload of Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ M. Night Shyamalan has been slapped with a lawsuit accusing him of ripping off a movie for his Apple show “Servant.” Director Francesca Gregorini claims it’s a wholesale copy of her 2013 feature film “The Truth About Emanuel”, which starred Jessica Biel. The suit states, “Mr. Shyamalan has gone so far as to appropriate not just the plot of Emanuel—but also its use of cinematic language, creating a substantially similar feeling, mood, and theme.” The director says her film, “tells the story of a troubled …18-year old girl, newly hired by a white, sophisticated, privileged yet gracious, mid-30’s, first-time mom—to help care for her new baby,” and that “Shockingly, this plot description . . .could just as easily be applied to Servant, made six years later.”
(I’m just looking forward to hearing the judge trying to say his last name in court!)
-TheBlast
★ Mark Hamill has deleted his Facebook profile and blasted founder Mark Zuckerberg after it was announced that political advertisements will not be fact checked before going live. He called out Zuckerberg on Twitter, accusing him of being more concerned with profit than facts, and noting he will “sleep better” knowing he is no longer a part of the site.
(Um, Mr. Hamill …that announcement was made “a long time ago.”
-Canoe
★ Late “Twilight Zone” host Rod Serling’s wife Carol Serling, who helped keep the legacy of the show alive, has died at 91. She served as a consultant and appeared in “Twilight Zone: The Movie” in 1983, and worked on “Twilight Zone: Rod Serling’s Lost Classics” in 1994. She also was an associate publisher and consulting editor in the 80s on a magazine dedicated to the show, and has an executive producer credit on the current “CBS All Access revival” hosted by Jordan Peele. The Twilight Zone ran on TV from 1959-64, and in syndication ever since.
-HollywoodReporter
★ Moff Gideon and the rest of the Imperial forces looking to get their evil hands on The Child will no longer have to battle the stars of “The Mandalorian” — they’ll just have to head to the Build-A-Bear Workshop. On Tuesday, the company announced they would be stocking up buildable models of the “Star Wars” fan-favorite after a successful holiday season and a growing demand for Disney merchandise in their stores.
-TheBlast

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Michael B. Jordan, January Jones, Cigarettes After Sex (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Matthew McConaughey, Hugh Grant, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley McBryde
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Sen. Elizabeth Warren, David Byrne, H.E.R., Caitlin Kalafus (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Alicia Menendez
• “The Talk” (CBS): John Cena, Katja Herbers, Aasif Mandvi
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Vanessa Hudgens, Omari Hardwick, guest co-host Katie Lowes
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Milo Ventimiglia, Sam Waterston, Martin Sheen, guest hosts Jane Fonda & Lily Tomlin
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Tyler Perry, Ben Platt
• “American Housewife” (ABC): Season 4 returns
• “Fresh Off The Boat” (ABC): Season 6 returns
• “Charmed” (CW): Season 2 returns
• “Dynasty” (CW): Season 3 returns

SATURDAY-
• “Love on Iceland” (HALLMARK): Seeking inspiration for work, Chloe gathers her college travel group back together for a trip to Iceland. When her ex shows up uninvited, sparks fly.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host Jennifer Lopez, with musical guest DaBaby
SUNDAY-
• “Kids Say the Darndest Things” (ABC): Season 1 finale
• “26th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards” (TNT/TBS): Celebrating outstanding motion picture and television performances of the past year.
• “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (HBO): Season 10 premiere
• “NFL Football” (CBS): AFC championship: Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs
• “NFL Football” (FOX): NFC championship: Green Bay Packers at San Francisco 49ers

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Demi Lovato – will make her first live appearance in almost two years at The Grammy Awards on Jan. 26. She made the announcement herself via Instagram, writing: “I told you the next time you’d hear from me I’d be singing”. She was hospitalized in 2018 following a suspected drug overdose.
• Drake – allowed NBA stars Kawhi Leonard and Paul George the use of his house in Hidden Hills, CA during the frenzied free agency period when they were taking meetings with both Los Angeles franchises as well as the Toronto Raptors. Both players ended up signing with the Clippers.
• Will Smith – says he rarely cursed in his music at the urging of his grandma. He began writing his own songs when he was 12, and says when Grandma found his ”rap book”, she wrote him a note urging him to be more ”intelligent” in his choice of words.
• Bruce Springsteen – His son is officially a Jersey City firefighter. On Tuesday, Sam Springsteen was sworn in, and his famous father was on hand to witness the event. Quote: “This is my son’s day, so I’m staying out of it.”
• Ozzy Osbourne – His wife Sharon says that she can’t listen to ‘Ordinary Man’, his duet with Elton John, without crying. The song’s lyrics reflect on Ozzy’s rise to superstardom and his struggles with life in the spotlight as he comes to terms with his inevitable demise.
• Bon Jovi – have announced a summer tour with Bryan Adams. The two acts will tour the US beginning June 10 in Tacoma, WA, and wind up July 28 in New York. The lone Canadian date, July 10 in Toronto, does not feature Adams.
• Fleetwood Mac – will be featured in a new series of children’s books which will add illustrations to some of rock’s most famous lyrics. The first four editions of “LyricPop” will also feature the lyrics of Twisted Sister, The Beach Boys and Peter Tosh.
• Allman Brothers Band – Their career will be celebrated with “Trouble No More: 50th Anniversary Collection”, which arrives on Feb. 28. The 10-LP/five-CD box set is named after the Muddy Waters song that began the band’s first-ever jam session. It will contain 61 songs representing 13 different lineups in the band’s history, and include 7 previously unreleased tunes.
• Jason Aldean – is extending his “We Back Tour” into the summer, with Brett Young, Mitchell Tenpenny and Dee Jay Silver joining him for the summer dates. 22 new stops have been added, beginning July 17 in Toronto, and running through Sept. 26 in Irvine, CA
• Lady Antebellum – have hit #1 on Billboard’s Country Airplay chart with ‘What If I Never Get Over You’. It’s their first No. 1 single on the chart since 2014’s ‘Bartender’.
• Eli Young Band – have announced the aptly-titled “Eli Young Band 2020 Tour”, which is set to begin on Valentine’s Day in Denver, CO and run through April 11 in Cleveland. High Valley will be opening select dates.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Dolittle” (PG, Action/Fantasy):  After losing his wife, the eccentric Dr. John Dolittle, famed doctor and veterinarian of Queen Victoria’s England, hermits himself away behind the high walls of Dolittle Manor with only his menagerie of exotic animals for company. (Robert Downey Jr., Antonio Banderas)
• “Bad Boys for Life” (R-Rated, Action/Comedy):  Mike Lowrey and Marcus Burnett are back together for one last ride as the old-school cops team up to take down the vicious leader of a Miami drug cartel. (Will Smith, Martin Lawrence)
• “The Wave” (R-Rated, Science Fiction/Fantasy, Limited Release):  Frank thinks he’s in for the time of his life when he goes out on the town to celebrate an upcoming promotion with his co-worker, Jeff. But their night takes a turn for the bizarre when Frank is dosed with a hallucinogen. (Justin Long, Tommy Flanagan)

SLURRING YOUR ROLLS:
The latest trend in fat loss may not be something boring like diet or exercise, but an injectable ice solution called a “slurry.” Researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital claim their new method “has the potential to become one of the most performed cosmetic procedures in plastic surgery.”  The slurry solution — containing saline and the common food ingredient glycerol — is injected into the fat tissue, where it causes fat cells to crystallize and die. Researchers say the fat’s thickness gradually shrinks following the procedure. They point out that there is “no scarring or damage to surrounding tissue,” and, lasting only one minute, the procedure is very convenient. The new, injectable method is not yet approved for human use and so far, has only been tested on pigs.
(Tested on pigs? I’ll leave it to you to add your own comment . . .)
(Did the pigs tell them it was convenient, or how did they know?)
(Wait a minute. I can’t take my dog into a hospital…and they’ve got pigs running around in the lab?)
-NYPost

NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ A Vermont state senator has proposed a bill that would prohibit anyone under the age of 21 from owning or purchasing a cellphone. Democratic Sen. John Rodgers proposed the bill, saying: “cellphones are just as dangerous as guns.” Anyone under 21 caught with an “illegal” cellphone would face up to one year in prison, a $1,000 fine, or both. He cites the fact that “mass shooters of younger ages” have used phones to “research previous shootings”. (Does this guy think the internet is only available on cellphones?)
➢ A man in Mexico sought treatment for an erection that lasted three days after he ingested a drug used to stimulate bulls for insemination. The unidentified man, who bought the drug used by farmers for cattle breeding purposes, checked himself into a hospital in Reynosa where he underwent an operation. The man told doctors he took “Viagra for bulls” because he planned to have a sexual encounter with a 30-year-old woman. No word if the surgery was a success. Or his date. (That’s no cock and bull story!)
-Brobible, Canoe

DID YOU KNOW?
“Cheetos” makers Frito Lay have announced that they’ve given a name to that cheesy residue left on your fingers after enjoying the snack. The dusty-cheese byproduct of eating Cheetos that consumers have sometimes described as “Cheetos fingers” now has an official term: ‘Cheetle’.
-NYPost

BS CHRONOMETER 01.17.20

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1922 [98] Betty White, Oak Park IL, TV actress (“Betty White’s Off Their Rockers”, “Hot in Cleveland” 2010-15, “The Golden Girls” 1985-92)/movie actress (“The Proposal”)

1931 [89] James Earl Jones, Arkabutla MI, movie actor (voice of ‘Darth Vader’ in the “Star Wars” franchise, also known for “This is CNN” and as the voice of ‘Mufasa’ in both the 1994 and 2019 “The Lion King” films)

1939 [81] Maury Povich, Washington DC, TV show host (“Maury” since 1991)

1955 [65] Steve Earle, Ft. Monroe VA, rock/country/folk singer-guitarist (Copperhead Road’, ‘Guitar Town’)

1957 [63] Steve Harvey, Atlanta GA, TV personality (“Steve Harvey” 2012-17, “Family Feud” since 2010)/movie actor (“Johnson Family Vacation”, “Madea Goes to Jail”)/standup comedian/host of Miss Universe 2015 when he mistakenly named the first runner-up as the winner.

1962 [58] Jim Carrey, Newmarket ON, movie actor (“Dumb & Dumber”, “Ace Ventura”) COMING UP…”Sonic the Hedgehog”, 2020

1964 [56] Michelle Obama, Chicago IL, US First Lady 2009-17/wife of 44th US president Barack Obama/fashion icon/poverty awareness and healthy eating advocate/author/keynote speaker

1971 [49] Kid Rock (Robert James Ritchie), Romeo MI, country-rock singer (‘All Summer Long’, ‘Picture’ w/ Sheryl Crow)

1980 [40] Zooey Deschanel, LA CA, TV actress (‘Jessica Day’ on “New Girl” 2011-18)/movie actress (“Elf”)/pop singer (She & Him-‘In the Sun’/‘I Can Hear Music’)

1980 [40] Maksim Chmerkovskiy, dancer, Odessa Ukraine (“Dancing with the Stars” 2006-2017)

1984 [36] Calvin Harris, Dumfries, Scotland, DJ/singer-songwriter/producer (f/Rihanna-‘This Is What You Came For’, f/Ne-Yo-‘Let’s Go’)

SATURDAY- Kevin Costner (“Dances With Wolves”) is 65; Alison Arngrim (“Little House on the Prairie”) is 58; Dave Bautista (“Guardians of the Galaxy”) is 51; Jesse L. Martin (“The Flash”) is 51; Jason Segal (“How I Met Your Mother”) is 40

SUNDAY- Dolly Parton (‘9 to 5’) is 74; Chef Paula Deen is 73; Katy Sagal (“Sons of Anarchy”) is 66; Drea Matteo (“Shades of Blue”) is 48; Jodie Sweetin (“Full House”) is 38

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Customer Service Day”, an annual reminder of just how important it is for any business.

• “Hot-Buttered Rum Day”, celebrating the warm alcoholic beverage flavored with butter, salt, cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, and cloves. These ingredients form a batter that is then mixed with rich, dark rum.

• “Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day”.  Face it, some have already been broken and the rest you were never going to keep anyway, right?  (My “Ditch New Year’s Resolution Day” started before the end of ‘Auld Lang Syne’!)

• “Kid Inventors Day”, to acknowledge past & present accomplishments of kid inventors and encourage the creativity of future kid inventors. It’s estimated a half-million children and teens invent things each year.  Among them – water skis, earmuffs, and the Popsicle.
NET: http://www.kidinventorsday.com

• “Bootleggers Day”, honoring the makers of ‘hooch’ throughout history. Why today? January 17 is the birthday of famed bootlegger Al Capone (also because Templeton Rye Whiskey came up with this excuse for free promotion).

• “Benjamin Franklin Day”, Born on this date in 1706.  Ben Franklin was a polymath – an expert on a variety of different subjects. In addition to being one of America’s founding fathers, he was a prolific inventor, author, printer, politician, diplomat, musician, and postmaster. He also stopped attending school at the age of 10. (***See “BS Deep Thought”, below***)

SATURDAY-
• “National Use Your Gift Card Day”, A new shopping holiday to encourage people to use their holiday gift cards before they become part of the estimated $3 billion in gift cards that go unused each year. Some retailers and restaurants are promoting special offers to encourage people to use theirs.
• “Gourmet Coffee Day”, honoring the “good stuff” that costs you an arm and a leg. And then the barista spells your name wrong on the cup. (Wandy?)
• “Maintenance Day”, honoring all janitors and building maintenance personnel.
• “Thesaurus Day”, celebrating the birthday of the author of “Roget’s Thesaurus”. Peter Roget was born on this day in 1779.  (Quick! What’s another word for thesaurus?)
• “Winnie the Pooh Day”, honoring the birthday of “Winnie-the-Pooh” author AA Milne (1882-1956) in London UK. (Disney says thanks for the profits, dude.)

SUNDAY-
• “Popcorn Day”, a day to celebrate the healthy (until you load it with salt & butter) and addictive treat
• “Tin Can Day”, marking the U.S. patent of a process for storing food in tin cans issued to Ezra Daggett & Thomas Kensett in 1825.  (***See “Whack Facts”, below***)
• “Brew a Potion Day”, time for you to brew a potion for all your near and dear ones to make their day bewitched with fun.”

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2008 [12] KISS’ Gene Simmons is the third contestant fired by Donald Trump on Season 7 of “The Celebrity Apprentice”

2007 [13] Humorist, journalist, and author Art Buchwald dies at age 74, and has his video obituary posted in which he declares, “Hi. I’m Art Buchwald, and I just died.”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2006 [14] Kristen Hall announces she is leaving country band Sugarland so she can “stay home and write songs” (the band continues with only Jennifer Nettles and Kristian Bush)

2015 [05] Police are called to the Cromwell Hotel in Las Vegas where a fight involving The Weeknd is raging (he’s arrested after allegedly punching a cop who tries to intervene)

2016 [04] David Bowie reaches #1 on North American album charts for the first time with “Blackstar”, released 2 days before his January 10th death

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1995 [25] NFL’s Los Angeles Rams announce their move to St Louis (the USA’s #2 market goes without a pro football team for 20 years, but in the 2017-18 season there were two – the returned Rams and the former San Diego Chargers)

TODAY’S LAST . . .
1910 [110] The man believed to be the main developer of the flush toilet mechanism dies at age 72. His name? Thomas Crapper.

BULL’S BITS

BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ The can opener was invented 48 years after the can.
✓ No matter how cold it gets, gasoline will not freeze.
✓ Unlike dogs, pigs, and some other mammals, humans cannot taste water. We taste only the chemicals and impurities in the water.
✓ Goat’s milk is used more widely throughout the world than cow’s milk.
✓ The inventor of the light bulb, Thomas Edison, was afraid of the dark.
✓ In 2013, “Wheel of Fortune” star Vanna White was estimated to have clapped at least 3,480,864 times across the show’s 30 seasons. (…still clapping…)
-RandomFactGenerator, Guinness

BS GREAT NAMES FOR CANNABIS DISPENSARIES:
• Pot’s Landing
• Fine Young Cannabis
• That’s How We Roll
• I Was Going to Name This Place, But Then I Got High
• The Coughy Shop
• We Be Weed
• Herb, Your Enthusiasm
• Gone to Pot
• Doobie Tuesday’s
• The Joint Joint
• Yes We Cannabis
-Twitter

BS WAYS TO SAVE TIME:
• Get ready for work the night before and sleep in the car.
• Pour the chocolate syrup in your mouth, take a swig of milk, and swish. No need to waste time with a glass and tedious stirring.
• Put a watch in a time capsule.
• Shower together.
• Just put a straw in the wine bottle.
• Celebrate No-shave November all year.
• Have an affair with someone who lives close to your job.
• Eat all of those cupcakes now so they won’t distract you later.
• Procrastinate. Because if you put everything off, you got nothing but time!
• Don’t bother even finishing this sent . . .
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

BS WEB GOODIE:
Outsmarted by a soap dispenser:  https://tinyurl.com/w9h5kn4

BS PHONE STARTER:
What is absolutely the best smell that you can think of? (Among those topping a poll on the topic: fresh bread, bacon frying, coffee, clothes being ironed, freshly mowed grass, babies, the ocean, and Christmas trees.)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A weekend wasted isn’t a wasted weekend.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  23% of men have forgotten to do THIS before a date.
Answer:  Trim their nose hair.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
-Benjamin Franklin

 

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