Thursday, January 23, 2020 – Edition: #6618

Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!

★ “Monty Python” star Terry Jones has died at age 77. Jones was a member of the much-loved British comedy group and also directed a number of its most popular films, including “Life of Brian” and “The Meaning of Life.” A statement issued by his family said he passed away after a “long, extremely brave but always good humored battle with a rare form of dementia, FTD”, and that “His work with Monty Python, his books, films, television programes, poems and other work will live on forever, a fitting legacy to a true polymath.”
-CNN, Yahoo
★ Pamela Anderson has reportedly tied the knot for the fifth time, marrying film producer Jon Peters on Monday. Peters, a former hairdresser, is also famed for his long-time relationship with Barbra Streisand, and is rumored to have inspired Warren Beatty’s playboy character in the 1975 movie “Shampoo”. Anderson previously dated the 74-year-old Peters more than three decades ago. The former couple reunited in recent months, but kept their reignited romance under the radar.
(For her, “under the radar” means that no sex videos were leaked!)
★ The tradition of the acting categories at the Academy Awards being presented by last year’s winners will continue. 2019 Oscar winners Olivia Colman, Rami Malek, Mahershala Ali and Regina King have been announced by the Academy as the first round of presenters for the 2020 Oscars. Three of the four won their Oscars for playing real life roles. The Academy Awards are Feb. 9.
★ Diddy was just waiting on the Los Angeles County Courts to make it official, and now he has gotten his wish. The Hip-Hop mogul’s legal name has been officially changed from ‘Sean John Combs’ to ‘Sean LOVE Combs’. No information was given as to why he decided on the middle name “Love.” But, in 2017, Diddy expressed interest in changing his name to…”Brother Love.”
(He’ll always be “Puffy” to me!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Kumail Nanjiani, Sting
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Noah Centineo, Wendy Williams, Griselda
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Chris Cuomo, David Alan Grier
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Eric McCormack, Lewis Black, Chelsea Cutler, Adam Marcello
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach, Demetri Martin
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Yamaneika Saunders, Tim Dillon, Andrew Santino
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): The cast of “Schitt’s Creek”
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Terry Crews, Paula Faris
• “The Talk” (CBS): Nancy Travis
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Noah Centineo, Jason George
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Wanda Sykes, Duo Transcend
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Norman Lear, Fortune Feimster
• “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC):  Season 16 returns
• “A Million Little Things” (ABC): Season 2 returns
• “The Gayle King Grammy Special” (CBS): CBS News’ Gayle King interviews Grammy nominees Lizzo, Billie Eilish, The Jonas Brothers, Lil Nas X and Blake Shelton, with a special appearance by three-time Grammy winner Gwen Stefani.

• Lady Gaga — Days after reports that her new single would be coming in February, the song ‘Stupid Love’ has leaked online. Many are speculating that the upbeat, disco-influenced song is the first single from her upcoming sixth album.
• Taylor Swift – has revealed that her mother Andrea has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor while undergoing treatment for cancer. She also explained that her mother was “the reason” she wanted to spend less time on the road this year. The Swift documentary “Miss Americana” will be released Jan. 31 on Netflix.
• Aerosmith – has responded to drummer Joey Kramer’s lawsuit, in which he alleges that the band are preventing him from joining them for upcoming performances in conjunction with the Grammy Awards. In a statement, the other four members said: “Joey Kramer is our brother; his wellbeing is of paramount importance to us. However he has not been emotionally and physically able to perform with the band, by his own admission, for the last six months. We have missed him and have encouraged him to rejoin us to play many times but apparently he has not felt ready to do so.”
• Ozzy Osbourne – His wife/manager Sharon is thanking fans for their “outpouring of love” after they revealed that Ozzy has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. On “Good Morning America”, she said: “It’s PRKN 2 – which is a form of Parkinson’s…It’s not a death sentence by any stretch of the imagination…you have a good day, a good day, and then a really bad day.”
• Nickelback – will be touring this summer to salute the 15th anniversary of their “All the Right Reasons” album. They’ve announced 46 dates beginning June 19 in Raleigh NC, with Stone Temple Pilots. The lone Canadian date is July 8 in Toronto.
• Sting – says he doesn’t want his life turned into a biopic. According to him, he’d much rather tell his story in his own ”artistic way”. He’s currently working on a musical theatre production titled “The Last Ship”, which draws from his early years growing up in a ship-building town.
• CMT — has announced that “effective immediately”, they will play equal parts male and female videos. This comes less than a week after Kelsea Ballerini, Kacey Musgraves and others spoke out against a Michigan radio station, which stated that they couldn’t play two female artists back to back, nor could they play two bands with female singers, such as Lady Antebellum and Little Big Town.
• Luke Combs – will be the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” on Feb. 1. He’ll make his debut on the show on an episode hosted by JJ Watt.

Imagine if a stranger could snap a pic of you on the street and then use an app to discover your name, address and other details. A startup called Clearview AI has made it possible now. It works by comparing a photo to a database of more than 3 billion pictures gleaned from Facebook, Venmo, YouTube, etc. It then serves up matches, and links to the sites where the photos originally appeared. A name can usually easily be determined, plus other personal information. The app is currently being used by hundreds of law enforcement agencies in the US, including the FBI, and although it isn’t currently available to the public, experts say it very well could be in the future. Privacy advocates warn that the app could return false matches to police and that it could also be used by stalkers and others for nefarious purposes.
(So, basically ‘Google image search’ in reverse?)
(I’m still willing to bet that any 16-year-old could get you that info faster, plus their Snapchat name!)

A new study suggests that the traditionally-accepted “normal” body temperature is incorrect. 150 years ago, a German physician analyzed the temperatures of 25,000 patients and concluded that normal human body temperature is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit (37° C). That standard has been published in medical texts ever since, and helped generations of doctors and parents judge the severity of children’s illnesses. But at least two dozen modern studies have concluded that number is too high. Or was it? In a new study, researchers from Stanford University have determined that the 98.6 figure may have been correct at the time, but is no longer accurate because the human body has changed. They say that today, the average normal human-body temperature is closer to 97.5 degrees Fahrenheit (36.39° C).
(I’d like to invite them to check my wife’s feet and calculate again…)
(For me, it all depends on what that Sunday’s sermon is about!)

You may have heard earlier this week about the idea to bury human bodies in egg-shaped pods, which would breakdown underground and nourish the soil. This item is also about underground pods, but these ones are for the living. A developer is proposing to bring affordable housing to San Francisco (avg. one-bedroom apartment rent: $3,600 per month) by packing people into underground sleeping pods that aren’t much larger than a king-size mattress. Elsey Partners has plans to build two apartment buildings, both of which would have 200-square-foot units above ground (small enough…), and in the basement levels of the buildings, there would be “sleeping pods.” The 50-square-foot underground pods would provide just enough room for a bed and a desk. They’d open directly into a communal living space, to stay within the city’s building code. Rent? $1,000-$1,375 per month. Oh, and because of the close quarters that people would be living in, the builder proposes the following rules: No coming home drunk. And no sex.
(We’ve seen the demo video….it’s like living in a bunkbed with doors!)
(But think of the money you’d save on shopping….because you have no room to put stuff!)
(You’d want to shell out extra for a parking spot…in case you’re entertaining!)

✗ You Lose Most of Your Heat from Your Head:  Where your body loses heat is closely related to surface area, and the head has only about 9 percent of the body’s surface area. On the other hand, if the rest of you is all covered up and your head isn’t, then you DO lose most of your heat from your head…  (I can confirm that you lose most of your HAIR from your head, however…)
✗ To Warm Up, Sip Coffee or Brandy:  Caffeine and alcohol actually hinder the body’s ability to produce heat. They can also cause your core temperature to drop. Instead, drink warm water, or something with sugar.  (Can I have brandy if I put sugar in it?)
✗ If You Go Out in the Cold, You’ll Catch a Cold:  You catch cold from a virus, not from cold temperatures. (Now stop listening to old wives!)
✗ Rub Your Fingers or Toes to Warm Them:  Wiggle them instead. If exposed skin (including that of your face and ears) becomes cold, cover it with a warm hand until it feels better. Rubbing can cause tissue damage.
✗ Try to Resist Shivering:  Shivering means that your body is trying to warm up, and that’s good. In fact, shivering can triple your body’s heat production.
✗ If I’m Feeling Cold, You Must Be Feeling It Too:  Age, gender, fitness level and acclimatization all determine when you “feel” cold. And it’s been proven that women generally feel cold before men do, possibly because they have less heat-generating ability. (Just ask me about my first wife!)
(Cold, hard facts…that aren’t facts!!)
-OldFarmersAlmanac, first published in BS in 2018

A 2009 study found that cat ownership can be beneficial to our health in a number of ways. Most significantly, researchers observed a decreased risk for death due to heart attack and all cardiovascular diseases among persons with cats.
(Maybe the “crazy cat lady” isn’t so crazy!)


1950 [70] Richard Dean Anderson, Minneapolis MN, TV actor (“MacGyver” 1985-1992, “Stargate” 1997-2007)

1951 [69] Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, Denison TX, retired pilot (U.S. Airways Captain lauded as a hero for safely landing a passenger jet on the Hudson River after both engines were disabled by a bird strike, inspiring the 2016 movie “Sully” starring Tom Hanks)

1953 [67] Robin Zander, Beloit WI, rock singer (Cheap Trick-‘I Want You to Want Me’, ‘Dream Police’)

1964 [56] Mariska Hargitay, Santa Monica CA, TV actress/producer (“Chicago PD” 2014-16, “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” since 1999)

1974 [46] Tiffani Thiessen, Long Beach CA, TV actress (“Saved by the Bell” 1989-1994, “Beverly Hills 90210” 1994-2000)

1975 [45] Nick Harmer, Landstuhl Germany, rock bassist (Death Cab For Cutie-‘I Will Possess Your Heart’, ‘You are a Tourist’)

• “Handwriting Day”, a day to recognize ‘graphology’ (handwriting analysis) and to encourage more legible handwriting. (I don’t have bad handwriting…I prefer to refer to it as “my own font”)

• “Measure Your Feet Day”, to draw attention to the importance of wearing correctly fitted shoes.  (***a day to find the listener with the largest, and smallest feet***)

• “Pie Day”, celebrating the pie as an ‘art form’. There are said to be 231 varieties of apple pie alone.  (Not to be confused with ‘Pi Day’, celebrated March 14)

• “Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day”, when snowplow drivers are encouraged to take out as many mailboxes as possible. High score wins! Hey, any excuse to have fewer bills delivered. (In my neighborhood, they don’t need any extra encouragement!)

• “Clashing Clothes Day”, observed on the 4th Thursday of January. Some people seem to celebrate this holiday every day, right [sports reporter]?

[Fri] Beer Can Appreciation Day
[Fri] Belly Laugh Day
[Sat] Chinese New Year
[Sat] Macintosh Computer Day

1998 [22] The Spice Girls’ movie “Spice World” hits theaters in North America.

2000 [20] Heart’s Nancy Wilson & her writer/filmmaker husband Cameron Crowe become parents of their first and only children, twins named William & Curtis

2005 [15] Former “The Tonight Show” host Johnny Carson dies at age 79

1986 [34] The first inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame include Elvis Presley, Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly, Little Richard, Ray Charles, James Brown, Jerry Lee Lewis, and The Everly Brothers

2010 [10] Powered by the single “TiK ToK”, Kesha’s debut album “Animal” hits #1

2014 [06] 19-year-old Justin Bieber is arrested for street-racing his yellow Lamborghini in Miami Beach FL, and is also charged with resisting arrest and having an expired driver’s licence

1957 [63] Wham-O Company produces the first Frisbee disc (originally called the “Pluto Platter” until 1958)

2019 [01] Hedge fund billionaire Ken Griffin closes a deal to buy the most expensive home ever sold in the U.S., paying $238 million for a New York penthouse overlooking Central Park


✓ Your brain uses about 20% of your oxygen and caloric intake.
✓ The muscles that control your eyes contract about 100,000 times a day.
✓ You’re more likely to have weirder, scarier and sexier dreams when sleeping on your stomach.
✓ A snail has about 2,500 teeth.
✓ According to astronauts, space smells like a combination of diesel fuel and barbecue.
✓ Together, Wayne and Brent Gretzky hold the NHL record for most combined points by two brothers: 2,857 points for Wayne – 4 for Brent.
-Nova, UberFacts

• Ohhhh…so my appointment time is actually the start of my wait time…
• I’ve been studying for this urine test for two weeks.
• Why did that contagious-looking guy have to sit next to me?
• Why do they call it a “practice” anyway?
• I can tell by the way they’re all standing around whispering that they’re going to diagnose me with paranoia.
• It’s great to see what magazines everyone was reading in 2006.
• I won’t lie about how much I drink. I won’t lie about how much I drink…I won’t…
• What’s that smell?
• I wonder what he’s here for. I wonder what she’s here for…
• I hope it’s OK that I’ve already taken my pants off…

Best of BS . . .
• Hi. Can I buy you a car?
• Say, didn’t we go to different schools together?
• That dress would look great on my bedroom floor.
• What do you like for breakfast?
• I’m new in town. Can you give me directions to your apartment?
• Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway!
• Pez?
• Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
• I’m not the type of person to have sex without mutual consent. By the way, you have my consent.
• NOW will you dance with me, or should I go screw myself again?

Funny fails:

It’s award season.  If you were to find yourself onstage accepting an award, what would it be for?

All my passwords are protected — by amnesia.

Question:  15% of cheaters own one of THESE. What is it?
Answer:  A snake or reptile

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.


Printer Friendly Version