Friday, January 24, 2020 – Edition: #6619

Sheet Happens!

★ Kim Kardashian says she named her first daughter ‘North’ after Jay Leno made a joke about it on his late-night show. In March 2013, a pregnant Kim laughed when he brought up rumors her husband, Kanye West, wanted to name the baby North – “so he (or she) would be North West.” Kim good-naturedly dismissed the idea, saying, “That is not one of the names on our list,” but in a new clip, she says that her appearance on the show was a ‘lightbulb moment’ for her.
★ Tom Hanks is speaking out after an image of him was used to endorse a CBD company without his approval. The ad also includes Dr. Mehmet Oz’s name, who also took to social media to warn fans that the image has been used illegally and without their consent. In the ad, the company attributes this quote to Hanks: “The advances Doctor Oz has made in the CBD industry are remarkable. I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t had the chance to try it out for myself.” Hanks posted the quote to his Instagram and wrote in the caption that it is a “false and an intentional hoax.”
★ Jason Momoa took a break from filming to hang out with patients at the UPMC Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh on Monday. He shared several photos of his visit on Instagram, writing, “the greatest part of being Aquaman is making children happy spreading aloha.” And wrote that he “Met so many brave strong babies.” While the Justice League star wasn’t in his superhero costume for his visit, Momoa did make one fan’s day when he promised to give the boy his Aquaman trident (staff).
★ “The Karate Kid” is being developed as a musical for Broadway. Additional information, including production dates and casting, will be announced later. The original 1984 movie starred Ralph Macchio, Noriyuki “Pat” Morita, and Elisabeth Shue, and was followed by four sequels, an animated television series and the current YouTube Premium series Cobra Kai.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Al Pacino, Florence Pugh, Nicky Jam featuring Daddy Yankee (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Milo Ventimiglia, Guy Raz, Carmen Lynch
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Sen. Bernie Sanders, Penn Badgley (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Larry David, Caitlin Kalafus (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Billie Eilish, Ali Wong, guest host Alicia Keys (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Tim Robbins, Susie Essman
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): “Live’s End of the Year Viewers’ Choice Show”
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Guest host Jennifer Aniston
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Garth Brooks
• “2020 NHL Skills Competition” (CBC, Sportsnet, NBCSN): Players compete in events including Fastest Skater, Hardest Shot, Accuracy Shooting, and more. Plus, Elite Women’s 3-on-3 game; from the Enterprise Center in St. Louis.
• “Figure Skating” (NBC): U.S. Championships: Senior Ladies Free Skate

• “Beyond the Headlines: The Watts Family Tragedy” (LIFETIME): A look into the circumstances surrounding the Chris Watts murder case, including never-before-seen footage and new interviews with the agent who elicited Watt’s confession.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host Adam Driver, with musical guest Halsey
• “2020 NHL All-Star Game” (CBC, NBC): Captains David Pastrnak, Nathan MacKinnon, Connor McDavid and Kris Letang lead the biggest NHL stars in a 3-on-3, three-game tournament in St. Louis.

• “62nd Annual Grammy Awards” (CBS): Performers include Aerosmith, Camila Cabello, Brandi Carlile, Billie Eilish, Ariana Grande, Lizzo, Demi Lovato; Alicia Keys hosts.
• “NFL Pro Bowl” (ABC, ESPN): AFC All-Pros host NFC All-Pros at Camping World Stadium in Orlando, FL


• The Jonas Brothers — are the latest musicians to go day drinking with “Late Night” host Seth Meyers. Their inebriated outing aired on Tuesday. The group joined Meyers, his brother Josh and his “brother in case of an emergency” Jack McBrayer for fun and games including writing a song in five minutes with a title drawn from a bucket.
• Lizzo – credits regular therapy sessions for giving her the “courage to be vulnerable as a vocalist”. She suffered an emotional breakdown while on tour in 2018, and decided afterwards to start seeing a therapist. She’ll perform on the Grammys on Sunday.
• Pearl Jam – will drop their 11th studio album, “Gigaton”, on March 27, and guitarist Mike McCready admits the process of creating it was ”emotionally dark and confusing at times”. It will be the group’s first album since 2013’s “Lightning Bolt”.
• Guns N’ Roses – Slash says that the group are still working on their next album, but they’re not sure how to eventually release it. Quote: “More than anything, it’s because of the nature of the industry right now. It’s just like, how do you want to do this?”
• Alice Cooper – has announced a summer tour with Tesla and Lita Ford. The “Ol’ Black Eyes Is Back” tour debuted last summer and has just added another 20-show leg that will run from May 30 in Paso Robles, California through June 27 in Detroit, Michigan.
• Jason Aldean, Luke Combs and Thomas Rhett – will headline the Faster Horses Festival in Brooklyn, Michigan. The event, taking place July 17-19, will also feature Jimmie Allen, Ingrid Andress, Kelsea Ballerini, Russell Dickerson, HARDY, Chris Lane, Jon Pardi, Carly Pearce, Mitchell Tenpenny and more.
• Shania Twain – will soon have her own Funko Pop figure. Vinyl figurines depicting her and Willie Nelson were unveiled at the London Toy Fair this week. Also featured in the new “Pop Rocks” music-centric collection: metal icons Slayer, rapper Lil Wayne, ZZ Top and many other legendary artists.

• “The Turning” (PG-13, Horror):  A modern take on Henry James’ novella “The Turn of the Screw”.  A young governess is hired by a man who has become responsible for his young nephew and niece after the deaths of their parents. (Mackenzie Davis, Finn Wolfhard)
• “The Gentlemen” (R-Rated, Action/Comedy):  A British drug lord tries to sell off his highly profitable empire to a dynasty of Oklahoma billionaires. (Matthew McConaughey, Charlie Hunnam)
• “The Last Full Measure” (R-Rated, Drama):  Thirty-four years after his death, Airman William H. Pitsenbarger, Jr. (“Pits”) is awarded the nation’s highest military honor for his actions on the battlefield. (Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Plummer)
• “Run” (Mystery/Suspense–Limited Release): Raised in total isolation by her mother, a teenage girl’s life begins to unravel as she discovers her mother’s sinister secret. (Sarah Paulson, Pat Healy)

If you think we’ve seen some harsh weather around here lately, just count your blessings that you aren’t in South Florida. The National Weather Service has been warning citizens there this week to take cover due to a forecast of “frozen iguanas” amid low temperatures in the 30s and 40s Fahrenheit (0-9°C). Iguanas are known to literally freeze in-state as temperatures dip to about 40. When this happens, they’re prone to dropping from tree branches, where they often reside. But don’t be too alarmed: While iguanas may become slow or completely immobilized during cold weather — they return to life as temperatures rise again.
(Assuming they didn’t shatter on the sidewalk…)
(That’s what I call a reptile dysfunction! I’ll see myself out…)

➢ A Brooklyn, NY man has registered a pint of beer as an emotional support animal. Lloyd Hayes wants to use the certification to carry his beverage of choice — like, say, a seasonal IPA — on public transit. On the application, Hayes entered “beer” as an emotional-support dog, and ticked off “no training needed” as its training status. He wrote that it was to help with his “social anxiety disorder.” Although it is unlikely his application will be approved, he did wait for the bus at his usual stop one day this week with a glass of beer in hand.
➢ Two guys with not much else to do have created what is known as an ‘Earth sandwich’. Yes, they placed slices of bread at precisely opposite points of the planet. One man was located in New Zealand, and he managed to find another to put a second slice of bread directly on the other side of the planet, which happened to be in Spain. The men used GPS coordinates to make sure they were exactly opposite each other, and took into account the 12-hour time difference to be sure that their sandwich “order” was completed at both ends. They calculated that there was about 12,724km of earth between the two slices…definitely the world’s biggest-ever sandwich. (Forget “Hold the mayo”, you can’t even hold the sandwich!)
➢ The parents of a bride and groom in India ran off and eloped before their kids’ wedding, prompting their families to call the whole thing off. The bride’s father and groom’s mother reportedly went missing about 2 weeks ago. Their families reported them missing, though they suspect that it’s more likely they rekindled a childhood romance and eloped. (And they’ve just inspired a new reality show – or a porno!)
-NYPost, LADBible

If you ever run into a situation where someone needs CPR, Alexa could help. The virtual assistant will give full instructions if you simply say, “Alexa, activate emergency CPR.”


1941 [79] Neil Diamond, NYC, oldies singer (‘Sweet Caroline’, ‘Song Sung Blue’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2011)

1963 [57] Keech Rainwater, Plano TX, country drummer (Lonestar-‘Mr. Mom’, ‘Amazed’)

1968 [52] Mary Lou Retton, Fairmont WV, gymnast (first American woman to win gold in the individual all-around competition, at the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles)

1970 [50] Matthew Lillard, Lansing MI, movie actor (“Scooby Doo”, “The Descendants”)/TV actor (“Good Girls”, since 2018)

1974 [46] Ed Helms, Atlanta GA, movie actor (“The Hangover” movies, “Vacation”)/TV actor (“The Office” 2006-13, “The Daily Show” 2002-09) COMING UP…”Togetherish”, 2020

1978 [42] Kristen Schaal, Longmont CO, TV actress (“Last Man on Earth” 2015-18, “Bob’s Burgers” since 2011)

1984 [36] Justin Baldoni, LA CA, TV actor (‘Rafael Solano’ on “Jane the Virgin” 2014-19)

1986 [32] Mischa Barton, London UK, movie actress (“St Trinian’s”, “The Sixth Sense”)/TV actress (“The OC” 2003-06)

SATURDAY- wrestler “The Honky Tonk Man” is 67; hockey player Chris Chelios is 58; Alicia Keys (‘Fallin’) is 39; Michael Trevino (“The Vampire Diaries”) is 35; Calum Hood (5 Seconds of Summer) is 24

SUNDAY- David Strathairn (“Bourne” films) is 71; Eddie Van Halen (Van Halen) is 65; Ellen Degeneres (“Ellen”) is 62; hockey player Wayne Gretzky is 59; Andrew Ridgeley (Wham!) is 57

• “Beer Can Appreciation Day”, observed on the anniversary of the first canned beer, marketed by Krueger Brewing of Richmond, Virginia on this day 85 years ago in 1935. (Gee, what should we do to celebrate?)

• “Compliment Day”, when we’re encouraged to say something nice to at least 5 people. (Who will in turn ask, “OK, what is it that you want?”)

• “Global Belly Laugh Day”, a day to experience the health & happiness benefits of taking a moment to laugh out loud. To that end, we’re all encouraged to throw our arms in the air and laugh heartily at precisely 1:24 pm local time.

• “Peanut Butter Day”, originally called ‘nutmeal’, peanut butter has only been around for about 125 years but it’s a staple in 85% of homes and we eat about 3 lbs per person per year. (What’ll it be? Chunky, smooth or creamy? Or cookies?)

• “Talk Like a Grizzled Prospector Day”, a tongue-in-cheek salute to the beginning of the 1848 gold rush in California. (“Well, consarn it! A whole ’nuther year’s done skedaddled right past an’ we’re celerbating this agin!”)

• “Robbie Burns Day”, party time for Scots everywhere! Honoring Scotland’s national poet who was born January 25, 1759 and whose most famous composition was ‘Auld Lang Syne’.  A traditional “Burns Supper” includes cock-a-leekie soup (fowl, leeks, and herbs), haggis (minced sheep’s heart, lungs, and liver mixed with oatmeal), neeps and tatties (mashed turnip and potatoes). The meal is then washed down with Scotch whisky toasts.
• “Irish Coffee Day”, because the Irish can’t let the Scots have all the fun today. Irish coffee is a delicious cocktail made with black coffee, sugar, Irish whiskey, and whipped cream. Joe Sheridan, a bartender at Foynes Airbase in Ireland, invented the concoction in 1942 as replenishment after a miserably cold 18-hour journey across the Atlantic.
• “Intravenous Nurse Day”, saluting nurses whose main ambition in life is finding a good vein in patients’ forearms in which to insert a needle. Medical insiders will tell you nurses often ogle and discuss the veins of unsuspecting people in public places. This is known as “nurse porn”.
• “Opposite Day”, a day to do everything backwards (ie: eat wrong-handed, say the opposite of what you mean) as a fun way to get out of your tedious, day-in, day-out, lackluster, humdrum, milquetoast, run-of-the-mill rut.  (I’m wearing my socks on the wrong feet!)
• Fun At Work Day”, because experts say when we enjoy our work, we are more productive. Here are a few suggestions . . .
✓ Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (Especially effective if your boss is a different gender.)
✓ Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
✓ Include a piece of your kid’s artwork as a cover page for all reports you write.
✓ When answering your phone, talk in a fake British accent.
✓ Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. (“That’s a good point, Sparky.”)
✓ Take a picture of your boss, have it framed and display it prominently on your desk.
✓ Leave the photocopy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.
✓ Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them EXACTLY what you’re doing. (“If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”)
✓ Pretend your computer mouse is a CB radio mike. Talk to it.

• “Australia Day”, the national day for our mates Down Under, commemorating the 1788 landing of Captain Arthur Phillip at Sydney to establish a penal colony. Records of an annual celebration date back to 1808.
• “Peanut Brittle Day”, celebrating the yummy treat that sticks to your fillings. A little sugar, a little corn syrup, a little more sugar, some peanuts, a little butter, a little more sugar …
• “Spouse’s Day”, a time to enjoy and appreciate your better half. (Just before you deposit this month’s alimony.)

2006 [14] Walt Disney Co announces the $7.4-billion purchase of Pixar Studios (making the late Steve Jobs one extremely wealthy guy)

1998 [22] The “Titanic” soundtrack goes to #1 in America, replacing Celine Dion’s “Let’s Talk About Love”.  Both albums contain the hit song from the movie, ‘My Heart Will Go On’.

2015 [05] INXS guitarist Tim Farriss severs the ring finger on his left hand while operating a winch on his boat. Doctors manage to reattach the digit after 2 surgeries

2018 [02] Elton John announces his three-year “Farewell Yellow Brick Road” final tour.

1984 [36] Apple Computer Inc unveils its revolutionary Macintosh personal computer. It boasts a 9-inch black-and-white display, two serial ports, 128KB RAM, and a slot for one 3.5-inch floppy disc. List price: US $2495.00

2013 [07] European Bioinformatics Institute announces its scientists have successfully stored audio and text on fragments of DNA and retrieved them with 99.99% accuracy, the first time DNA has been used for data storage (can they implant a new language in your brain?)


✓ It takes about 0.004 gallons (0.015 litres) of gas to start your car.
✓ A violin contains about 70 separate pieces of wood.
✓ The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched”.
✓ Carnivores dream more than herbivores.
✓ Houseflies hum in the key of F.
✓ Billy goats try to attract a mate by urinating on their own heads.

• The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio-pastor.
• No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.
• Ushers ask, “Smoking or Non-smoking?”
• Karaoke hymns.
• The Bible they use is the “Dr. Seuss Version.”
• There’s an ATM in the lobby.
• The choir wears leather robes.
• Worship services are B.Y.O.S. — “Bring Your Own Snake.”
• The church bus has gun racks.
• The only song the organist knows is ‘In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida’.

Best of BS . . .
• Accessing your profile would require you to “enter your password and pull my finger.”
• There would be a “Yes, Dear” emoji.
• The internet would still be dial-up because “It works just fine, there’s no need to spend more money”.
• Instagram would have a cover-up filter for daughter’s Instagram posts.
• He’d yell at the computer just like he yells at the TV.
• Even more dad jokes.
• “Throw some dirt on it and get back out there” would be the universal reaction to typos.
• “Catfishing” would once again involve a rod, reel, and water.
• It would shut down once a week for Monday Night Football.
• Mom would actually be boss.
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

Expectation vs. reality:

I always read my wife’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.

What sound do you find most relaxing?

Question:  65% of managers say they wouldn’t hire someone if they fail to do THIS in a job interview. What is it?
Answer:  Make eye contact

Don’t go through life, grow through life.


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