Monday, January 10, 2011        Edition: #4421
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

• 24-year-old “Glee” actress Lea Michele (‘Rachel Berry’) says her parents didn’t see her star potential when she was younger. In fact, she claims her father told her she was funny and a good dancer, but she couldn’t sing. That lack of encouragement was perhaps another reason she was delighted to land her role on the hit show. (She should give credit where credit is due … she owes it all to Auto-Tune.)
• 40-year-old movie star Matt Damon says one way he’s managed to keep his personal life private is by inventing a bland alter ego that he’s named ‘Mike Smiley’. Whenever he did interviews, he assumed the character of this bland & boring quiet guy that attracted little attention. That he says that’s allowed him to get on with his life, which includes raising 4 daughters with wife Luisiana … pretty much under the radar. (Because it IS boring, dude!)
•  “The Kennedys”, an 8-part TV miniseries about the American first family which recently wrapped shooting in Toronto, has been axed by the History Channel in the US although the producers still plan to air the project internationally. The project features Greg Kinnear as late president John F Kennedy & Katie Holmes as his wife Jackie. A statement from the channel says it has concluded this dramatic interpretation is not ‘a fit’ for the History brand. (BS translation: The script has no basis in reality.)
• The Kardashian sisters (Kim, Khloe, Kourtney) are facing a $75-million lawsuit over allegations they breached a contract by distancing themselves from a credit card scheme aimed at children. The ‘Kardashian Prepaid MasterCard’ was designed to allow parents to give their kids a small amount of credit, but after a series of hidden fees came to light the sisters decided to end their endorsement in November, effectively reneging on a 2-year deal. (Easy money comes, easy money goes.)
• “30 Rock” star Jane Krakowski (‘Jenna Maroney’) is pregnant with her first child. The former “Ally McBeal” regular is currently planning a wedding to the baby’s father, British clothing designer Robert Godley, after the couple became engaged last year. A rep for the 42-year-old actress has confirmed the baby news, saying Krakowski ‘could not be happier’. (BS translation: She fainted when the stick turned pink.)

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Guster (“Easy Wonderful”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Nicki Minaj (“Pink Friday”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The Wombats (“Guide to Love, Loss, and Desperation”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Fitz & The Tantrums (“Pickin’ Up The Pieces”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Okkervil River (“The Stand Ins”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – The Black Keys (“Brothers”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Plain White T’s (“The Wonders Of the Younger”).
• “The Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV) – The former host of “Cityline” (CityTV) returns to daytime TV with a new topical program before a live studio audience in Toronto.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Diane Birch (“Bible Belt”).

• Aretha Franklin – The ‘Queen of Soul’ tells “JET” magazine that her recent health problem (reportedly pancreatic cancer) has ‘been resolved’.
• Def Leppard – Texas-based tribute band Pyromania is on the hunt for a one-armed drummer so their line-up can look exactly like the real deal. Their MySpace ad for a Rick Allen look-a-like stipulates ‘no prosthetics’. (So … how committed to your ‘art’ are you?)
• Eminem – He’s reportedly in the running for a new film role in a movie called “Random Acts of Violence”, about an ex-con being recruited as an FBI informant.
• Keith Urban – His actress-wife Nicole Kidman admits in the February issue of “Harper’s Bazaar” that her country star-hubby buys her lingerie (as well as other clothes) because she has ‘no sense of what’s fashionable’.
• Lady Gaga – Her ‘Grey Label’ line of new Polaroid products was previewed at the weekend “Consumer Electronics Show” in Las Vegas. They include sunglasses that are also a digital camera; a portable printer the size of a clock radio, and a new instant camera that takes digital photos which can also be printed with new ink-less technology. Look for them later in 2011.
• Notorious BIG – His 1997 death is being investigated once again. According to CNN, a federal/local task force in LA is actively pursuing leads brought forward by new information.
• Rihanna – She tells that her first perfume, “Reb’l Fleur”, is named after the pet name her grandmother in Barbados used to call her. The scent – said to be a fruity & floral mix with hints of vanilla, patchouli, and amber – goes on sale in February.

Nearly half of men experience some degree of baldness by the age of 50, but now University of Pennsylvania researchers contend they’ve discovered the cause of male pattern baldness – it’s not simply a lack of hair but a problem with the new hair that is made. A ‘manufacturing defect’ means that new hair produced is so small and fine that it appears invisible to the naked eye, causing the classic bald spot or receding hairline. It’s now thought it may be possible to ‘cure’ male baldness by restoring the normal function of the stem cells that make new hair with a topical application. (Far easier than training a squirrel to crouch on your head.)
– BBC News

Researchers John Pilley & Alliston Reid at the UK’s Wofford College wanted to know how large a dog’s vocabulary could become with extensive training. After 3 years of work, they stopped teaching one border collie who developed a thousand-plus word vocabulary because no upper limit was apparent. In fact, talented pooch ‘Chaser’ had learned 1,022 words in all. The researchers only stopped training him due to their time constraints, not because he couldn’t learn any more words. (“Sit … with your legs crossed while reading the newspaper!”)

• Slow down in the bedroom; speed up in the bathroom.
• Before leaving on a trip, give her a sappy card that says how much you’ll miss her. (Extra credit if you make it yourself.)
• Do whatever it takes to make up after you’ve been a jerk.
• Cook a meal that involves more ingredients than pasta & pasta sauce … then clean up afterward.
• Toss out the blue-and-red tartan flannel bedding you got in college and replace it with something else. (Thread count over 300, no poly-blends.)
• Send her a massive bouquet of flowers at work. (Ideally on a Monday, so she can flaunt it all week.)
– Excerpted from “Glamour”

Sean Bonner of Los Angeles reasons that humans evolved without soap, and therefore it’s unnatural to strip away the dirt, oil, and grime of daily life with it. As an experiment, he stopped using all soap & shampoo … for a year. Although he still showers on a regular basis, he uses just water. He contends his skin feels better; he emits less odor; plus his hair is more manageable and now  dandruff-free. In fact, he’s so convinced of the positive results, he’s decided to give up soap permanently.

It’s now a fact: Women’s tears turn guys off. A chemical signal in women’s tears seems to reduce men’s testosterone levels and sexual urges, according to a team of scientists in Israel. They studied the effect on men of sniffing fresh tears, which were collected in vials as they rolled down the faces of women watching weepy movies. The new research suggests that tears may release an airborne signal that curbs aggression and sexual feelings in men by lowering their testosterone levels. It’s thought the process evolved as a way for women to protect themselves when feeling vulnerable. (This is why a woman crying can get just about anything she wants.)
– “Science”

The various ways music has been recorded & distributed over the years …
• Player Piano … 1876.
• Phonograph Cylinder … 1877.
• 78 RPM Record … 1889.
• Vinyl (LPs, 45s, EPs) … 1940s.
• Reel-to-Reel Tape … 1948.
• 8-Track Tape … 1964.
• Cassette Tape … 1964.
• CD … 1982.
• DVD 5.1 Audio … 1987.
• Digital Files (MP3, .wav, .aiff, .flac, etc.) … 1990s.

A new University of Pittsburgh study suggests that a useful predictor of how long older adults will live is how fast they walk. According to the report, people who walk 1 meter per second (about 2.25 mph) or faster consistently live longer than peers who walk more slowly. Unfortunately, going out and walking faster earlier in life does not necessarily mean you will live longer. You still need to address the underlying health issues. (Party poopers!)

Based on global box office generated by onscreen couples who appeared in more than 1 movie together over the past 10 years …
5. Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart (“Twilight Saga”) … $1.8 billion in total box office.
4. Leonardo DiCaprio & Kate Winslet (“Titanic” / “Revolutionary Road”) … $1.9 billion.
3. Orlando Bloom & Keira Knightley (“Pirates Of the Caribbean” franchise) … $2.7 billion.
2. Liv Tyler & Viggo Mortensen (“Lord Of the Rings” films) … $3 billion.
1. Rupert Grint & Emma Watson (“Harry Potter” movies) … $6.3 billion.

• By age 65, we’ve spent 9 full years watching TV on average.
– AC Nielsen
• Cockpits in commercial airliners are equipped with coffee cup holders.
• In pre-industrial times, ‘waker-uppers’ would go from house-to-house tapping on windows with poles to get people out of bed.
– “BBC NewsMagazine”


1945 [66] Rod Stewart, London UK, wrinkle-rocker (“Tonight’s the Night”, “Maggie May”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1994)  BS FACTOID: Before going solo, he was lead singer of Five Dimensions, Hoochie Coochie Men, Steampacket, Shotgun Express, the Jeff Beck Group, and the Faces.

1948 [63] Donald Fagen, Passaic NJ, classic rock singer (Steely Dan-“Reeling In the Years”, “Hey Nineteen”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)

1953 [58] Pat Benatar (Andrzejewski), Brooklyn NY, classic rocker (“Hit Me With Your Best Shot”)/4 consecutive Grammy Awards for ‘Best Female Rock Vocal Performance’ 1980-83

1978 [33] Matt Roberts, Escatawpa MS, rock guitarist (3 Doors Down-“It’s Not My Time”, “Here Without You”)

1978 [33] Brent Smith, Knoxville TN, rock singer/songwriter (Shinedown-“The Crow & The Butterfly”, “Second Chance”)

• “BS Egg Balancing Day”, the 18th annual celebration of the day when you can take your average egg, place it on it’s fat end, and – voila! – it will stand on its own (the key is removing your supporting fingers very, very gently). Ask listeners to try it out and call in results.

• “Clean Off Your Desk Day”, a once-a-year attempt to get some organization into your office life. For a list of tips on how to get that job done, go here …

• “Coming-of-Age Day” in Japan, a national holiday observed on the 2nd Monday of January to encourage those who have newly entered adulthood to become ‘self-reliant members of society’. Municipal governments host special coming-of-age ceremonies for 20-year-olds, who gain the legal right to vote, smoke & drink, and also accept adult responsibilities.

• “Peculiar People Day”, a good day to have listeners call in stories about the extraordinary, unusual, strange, odd, uncommon, intriguing, different, abnormal, and quirky people they know.

1956 [55] At his first recording session for RCA in Nashville TN, Elvis Presley records “I Got A Woman” and “Heartbreak Hotel”

2000 [11] Rocker Melissa Etheridge & partner Julie Cypher reveal that dinosaur rocker David Crosby (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young) is the biological father of their 2 children

1863 [148] World’s 1st ‘subway’ opens (the ‘Metropolitan’ in London UK, aka ‘the tube’)

1946 [65] 1st General Assembly of the United Nations convenes in London

2002 [09] Barber Jaynarayan Bhati of Bhopal, India sets record for ‘Continuous Hair Cutting’ by clipping 899 men & 552 women over a period 108 hours  (how’d you like to be #1451?)

[Tues] International Thank-You Day
[Tues] Step In A Puddle & Splash a Friend Day
[Tues] Use More of Your Mind Day
[Wed] “American Idol” season debut (FOX)
[Wed] Pharmacist Day
[Wed] Work Harder Day

Home Office Safety & Security Week / International Snowmobile Safety & Awareness Week / Universal Letter Writing Week


A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• You don’t need as much water to fill your bathtub.
• You’re easy to spot in a crowd.
• You don’t have to buy your clothes in the department with loud rock music.
• No one expects you to win the local marathon … or even enter.
• You don’t get many wrinkles.
• No one challenges you to play leap frog.
• You float better.
• Your ring has more gold in it.
• Your toboggan goes faster … once you get it started.

There’s an entire line of cleaning products called … ‘Barf’. Now you can be clean and chunky!

It was so cold this morning I had to scrape the ice off my windshield with my Value Village discount card. It wasn’t much help though … I only got 10% off.

Today’s Question: A typical person forgets about 90% of THIS experience.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A dream. (

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

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