Wednesday, January 11, 2012        Edition: #4666

Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

It’s been announced that The Black Keys, Bon Iver, Dr Dre, Florence & The Machine, Radiohead, and Snoop Dogg will be among performers at California’s 13th annual “Coachella Music Festival”, which is being expanded to 2 weekends this year (April 13-15 and April 20-22) . . . Justin Timberlake has revealed his plans to revitalize MySpace (of which he now owns a share) by turning it into an interactive TV service, suggesting we’ll be enticed to use the now out-of-fashion social network to talk to friends while simultaneously watching the same program (don’t you love it when people talk all through your favorite show?) . . . Mariah Carey’s ailing hubby Nick Cannon has been released from hospital after undergoing surgery for kidney problems and is recovering at home (plans to return to his morning show “Rollin’ With Nick Cannon” on NYC’s 92.3 NOW FM January 17th) . . . Katy Perry’s soon-to-be-ex, Russell Brand, has signed up for a new late-night TV show on FX, a half-hour news, politics, and pop culture-themed comedy that draws heavily on audience interaction (he was booted off BBC Radio in 2008 for making lewd, prank phone-calls) . . . Movie star Paul Rudd (“Our Idiot Brother”) has been lined up to play an opponent to ‘Leslie Knope’ (Amy Poehler) in the race for city council on “Parks & Recreation” (we’re guessing it’ll be a May sweeps stunt) . . . FOX-TV comedy “New Girl” is getting a new boyfriend, actor Dermot Mulroney (“My Best Friend’s Wedding”), who will play a love interest for ‘Jess’ (Zooey Deschanel) . . . 24-year-old TV actress Annalynne McCord (“90210”) is said to be embarrassed after ‘accidentally’ tweeting an over-the-shoulder nude photo she took in a bathroom mirror to fans (em-bare-assed indeed) . . . And “Mad Men” fans will be thrilled to know the 5th season will finally premiere with an episode directed by star Jon Hamm (“Don Draper’) March 25th on AMC (let’s hope it’s worth the 525-day wait!).


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Rodney Atkins (“Take a Back Road”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Airborne Toxic Event (“All at Once”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Robin Thicke (“Love After War”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Dolly Parton (“Joyful Noise”).
• “People’s Choice Awards” (CBS/Global) – Kaley Cuoco (“Big Bang Theory”) hosts the 38th annual fan-determined awards for music, TV and movies from the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles. A few highlights …
– Katy Perry leads music nominees with 7 nods, but has backed out of appearing at the last minute.
– “Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows: Part 2” tops movie nominations with 9.
– The TV category is led by “Glee”, with 7 nominations.
– Performers include Demi Lovato and Faith Hill.
• “The Rosie Show” (OWN) – 1970s-80s rock band Styx.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Jack’s Mannequin (“People & Things”).


• Black Sabbath – Guitarist Tony Iommi has been diagnosed with early stages of lymphoma cancer but the reunited group says that will not derail plans for their new album, which is still set for release this Fall. Iommi is said to be determined to make a full and successful recovery.
• Carrie Underwood – On top of all her recent charity efforts, she’s now credited with rescuing an injured dog off the side of the interstate highway between Oklahoma and Tennessee. (She could give lessons on how to become ‘America’s Sweetheart’.)
• Jay-Z – He’s already released a new song online dedicated to his new daughter, Blue Ivy. The track, titled “Glory”, features a sound sample of the newborn at the end. Meantime, a father of premature twins is complaining that Beyoncé & Jay-Z’s ‘people’ have stopped him from visiting his newborns in the same hospital where Blue was born. And a rep for said hospital is denying the superstar couple paid $1.3 million to rent the entire maternity ward. (None of this would ever happen, would it?)
• Miranda Lambert – She’s signed on for a guest role in an upcoming episode of “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (NBC), playing an actress who’s allegedly been sexually assaulted by a reality TV show producer.
• Selena Gomez & The Scene – She’s announced they’ll be taking a break in 2012 while she focuses on movies, including “Spring Breakers” and “Hot Mess”. (Get those Oscars ready!)
• Snoop Dogg – He’s been arrested at a Texas border patrol checkpoint in Sierra Blanca after a sniffer-dog uncovered a stash of marijuana on his tour bus. (In related news, bear also arrested for defecating in woodland area.)
• U2 – Like Beyoncé & Jay-Z, The Edge (David Evans) also has a daughter named ‘Blue’. 22-year-old Blue Angel Evans was named after her pop’s favorite Roy Orbison song. (Thanks goodness it wasn’t “Ooby Dooby”.)


New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Bustaurant’ – A restaurant set up in a converted bus. (Why not a bustaurant with a daily route? You could eat breakfast and commute simultaneously!)
• ‘Humblebrag’ – An ostensibly humble comment that also demonstrates the person’s wealth, fame, or importance. (“I ran into Brad & Angelina in Los Angeles on the weekend, but they only gave me a quick hello when we passed at LAX.”)
• ‘Ineptocracy’ – A government or state run by people who are incompetent. (We searched the world over looking for a state that’s not ineptocratic … and struck out.)
• ‘Showrooming’ – When consumers only use a local retail store to view and research a product, then purchase it online for less money. (New rule of retail: A customer carrying an iPad is a non-customer.)


Experts say that consumers often ‘spend’ technological advancements in ways that offset the effect of a product’s improvement. For example, automakers have made great strides in improving engine efficiency in recent decades but they’re negated when consumers ignore efficiency to purchase bigger, faster, and heavier cars. Similarly if you increase fuel economy, consumers tend to drive more; if you give hikers cellphones, they go to riskier places; and if you make low-fat cookies, people eat more. (That’s why we’ve made our radio station organic, low-calorie and chemical-free!)
– “Christian Science Monitor”


Many of the following false notions are more widely believed than the truth. But scientific research reveals them all to be wrong …
✗ Body hair grows back thicker when you shave it.
✗ Reading in dim light ruins your eyes.
✗ Peeing on a jellyfish sting will soothe the pain.
✗ Calorie-counting is all that matters for weight management.
✗ Everyone needs 8 hours of sleep per day.
✗ You can catch a cold from cold and/or wet weather conditions.
✗ More heat escapes through your head than other uncovered parts of your body.
✗ It’s dangerous to wake a sleepwalker.
The science behind these truths here …


When you’re looking for comfort, face-to-face encounters win hands down over text messages. University of Wisconsin researchers have found that when female students who are stressed about a test talk in person with their moms, stress hormones drop and comfort hormones rise. But when they use IM, nothing happens. In fact, texting is barely different than not communicating at all. It seems we need to interact the way we evolved to interact in order for calming hormones to be released. And when it comes to listening to mom, it’s the tones, inflection and rhythms that trigger soothing effects, rather than what she says. (“La la lovey, how’s my widdle toojie-buttons?”)


Famous felon Lindsay Lohan has had another tattoo inked on this week, the phrase ‘Live Without Regrets’. A few of her shenanigans in the past year she might someday regret …
✗ Racking up $1.4 million in legal fees.
✗ Losing $10,000 cash at a house party.
✗ Being photographed French-kissing her own mother.
✗ Having her dad tell everyone she’s ‘either smoking crack or meth’.
✗ Being sentenced to 30 days in jail.
✗ Getting fitted with a new set of teeth to make her look less of a meth-head.
✗ Spending over $90,000 on limos.
✗ Being accused of having an affair with married man Vikram Chatwal.
✗ Threatening to sue Pitbull, Dania Ramez, and Mena Suvari.
✗ Being caught shoplifting a necklace.
✗ Getting sued for assault and battery.


The ‘crowd-funding’ website Kickstarter has become a fundraising alternative for artists, designers, filmmakers, musicians, journalists, inventors, explorers, etc. It received over 30 million visitors in 2011 … and almost $100 million in pledges.


1946 [66] Naomi Judd, Ashland KY, country singer (The Judds-“Have Mercy”)/Wynonna’s mommy

1968 [44] Tom Dumont, LA CA, rock guitarist (No Doubt-“It’s My Life”, “Don’t Speak”)

1971 [41] Mary J Blige, Bronx NY, R&B/pop singer (“I Am”, “Be Without You”)

1972 [40] Amanda Peet, NYC, movie actress (“2012”, “The Whole Nine Yards”)

• “International Thank-You Days”, a week-long opportunity to thank someone from your past who did something nice for you.

• “Sir John A Macdonald’s Birthday”, celebrating the anniversary of the birth of Canada’s first Prime Minister in 1815. The US gets “Martin Luther King Day” off in January, so why can’t we have this as a holiday?

1999 [13] “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” debuts on Comedy Central as Stewart takes over from previous host Craig Kilborn (goes on to win numerous Emmy Awards)

1992 [20] “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana peaks at #6 on pop singles chart

2000 [12] After serving half his 4-month sentence for possession of child porn, former pop star Gary Glitter is released from a British jail (why are the Denver Broncos playing his we-thought-NFL-banned “Rock & Roll Part 2” in the stadium again?)


1973 [39] American League baseball team owners vote to adopt the designated-hitter rule on a ‘trial basis’

1992 [20] Paul Simon becomes the 1st international recording artist to perform in Johannesburg, South Africa since the lifting of the UN boycott


1984 [28] ‘Highest-Scoring NBA Game’ as Denver Nuggets beat San Antonio Spurs 163-155 (a total of 318 total points with no overtime!)


[Thurs] Pharmacists Day
[Fri] “Beauty & The Beast 3-D”; “Contraband”; “Joyful Noise” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Sat] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Sat] “Miss America Pageant” (Las Vegas)
[Sat] Orthodox New Year
[Sun] “2012 Golden Globe Awards” (NBC)
This Week Is … Home Office Safety & Security Week
This Month Is … Bath Safety Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Being in love isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Not that you’d know.
• Taurus – Stinky feet day today. Do NOT go to a Japanese restaurant.
• Gemini – This coming weekend will change your life forever. Well, for the weekend anyway.
• Cancer – The planets are shifting. Do you know what this means? No, we don’t either. It’s probably bad news.
• Leo – By making conversation with a lonely, unattractive co-worker you make him much happier, thus ensuring a place in heaven. Oh … and your fish dies.
• Virgo – OMG!!! Your boyfriend proposes! To someone else. Sorry.
• Libra – Itchy nose day … again. Just be glad you don’t have to wear a spacesuit!
• Scorpio – Your new love affair will be short-lived when you discover that your guy is married. And actually a woman. And technically brain-dead.
• Sagittarius – Great news! That guy who turned you down at the office Christmas party will find out he has an STD today. Make sure you tell everyone.
• Capricorn – It’s your birthday this week! Unfortunately the sheer volume of candles on your cake starts a fire and burns down your house.
• Aquarius – Your girlfriend is cheating on you. Wait, not you. You don’t have a girlfriend. Your life’s quite grim really.
• Pisces – Come on, do you really think that the planets care one iota about you and your life? Wrong again!


If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.


What is an ‘orchidometer’ used to measure?
a. It’s a botanical device used to measure the diameter of orchid flowers.
b. It’s a microphone with a VU meter used to measure the volume of whale calls.
c. It’s a medical instrument used to determine the size of human testicles. [CORRECT]


We tell you the advertising slogan for a breakfast cereal, you tell us the product name …
✓ ”Snap! Crackle! Pop!” (Rice Krispies)
✓ ”They’re Gr-r-reat!” (Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes)
✓ ”Two scoops of raisins in every box!” (Kellogg’s Raisin Bran)
✓ ”Follow my nose. It always knows. The flavor of fruit! Wherever it grows!” (Froot Loops)
✓ ”The Breakfast of Champions.” (Wheaties)
✓ ”He likes it! Hey Mikey!” (Life Cereal)
✓ ”Stays crunchy, even in milk!” (Cap’n Crunch)
✓ ”It’s a honey of an O!” (Honey Nut Cheerios)
✓ ”Kid tested. Mother approved.” (Kix Cereal)
✓ ”The cereal shot from guns.” (Quaker Puffed Rice)
– Adapted from


Most of us agree that texting while driving is wrong but what about texting while walking? It’s not only a question of etiquette but perhaps safety … how does one avoid colliding with other pedestrians who wander into the massive blind spots that come along with text-walking?


Question: When it comes to maintaining a relationship, THIS is the biggest change a woman can make for her man.
Answer: Agreeing to relocate to another city. (“Women’s Health”)


When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.

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