Friday, January 11, 2013        Edition: #4902

Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

The “Les Misérables” movie soundtrack has jumped to #1 on the album sales chart this week, according to Nielsen SoundScan (everybody now: “I dreamed a dream ….”) . . .  Wilko Johnson, the 65-year-old Brit punk rocker (Dr Feelgood) and “Game of Thrones” actor (executioner ‘Ilyn Payne’) has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer, but will not to receive any chemotherapy and continue to work,  according to his manager (gutsy) . . . 46-year-old “Grey’s Anatomy” star Patrick Dempsey tells “Globe” he has given up sex with his wife in order to prepare for a 100-mile bicycle race (he also claims shaving his legs has done wonders for his riding) . . . Keenan Ivory Wayans has abandoned plans to revive his sketch comedy series “In Living Color” (1990-94) because ‘the level of talent required doesn’t exist’ (BS translation: Nobody wants to be on it) . . . Famous felon Lindsay Lohan has been accused of stealing a bracelet that once belonged to Elizabeth Taylor from the screen legend’s longtime nurse, and was apparently planning to replace it with a fake (in related news, she may be sent back to jail on Tuesday at another scheduled court appearance – if she shows up) . . . And Robert Watson’s new book “Affairs of State: The Untold History of Presidential Love, Sex and Scandal” delivers plenty of salacious stories from Washington DC’s Oval Office, detailing everything from John F Kennedy’s insatiable libido to – whoa! – Abraham Lincoln’s patronage of a prostitute (we’re guessing the script for “Lincoln 2” just took a sharp turn!).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Tonight Nas (“Life is Good”).
• Garden Of Laughs Benefit (NYC) – Sunday veteran broadcaster Bob Costas hosts an evening of comedy at Madison Square Garden to benefit the venue’s Garden of Dreams Foundation, which helps challenged children. On the bill: Darrell Hammond, Ray Romano, Steve Schirripa, Wanda Sykes, and Whoopi Goldberg among others.
• “Girls” (HBO) – Sunday the 2nd season debut of Lena Dunham’s comedy about a group of girls in their 20s, an episode entitled “It’s About Time”. Start hoarding your bathroom cupcakes!
• “Golden Globe Awards” (NBC) – Sunday Amy Poehler & Tina Fey co-host the 70th annual  entertainment awards from the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Steven Spielberg’s “Lincoln” leads movie nominations with 7 (also leads Oscar nominations with 12); HBO’s “Game Change” has the most for TV contenders, with 5 nominations.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Bruno Mars (“Unorthodox Jukebox”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Kimbra (“Vows”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Eli Young Band (“Life at Best”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Jon Spencer Blues Explosion (“Meat and Bone”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Nas again.
• “Miss America Pageant” (ABC) – Saturday this 92nd annual throwback to bathing beauty competitions airs from Las Vegas, hosted by Chris Harrison & Brooke Burke-Charvet. 53 contestants from across America vie for the tiara.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Christina Applegate (“Up All Night”); musical guest Passion Pit (“Gossamer”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Rodriquez (“Searching For Sugar Man”).

• Adele – She’s set to attend the “Golden Globes” in Beverly Hills on Sunday in what will be her first public appearance since giving birth to a boy in October. But she’ll be there as a nominee, not as a performer.
• Beyoncé – She’ll perform at Barack Obama’s 2nd inauguration on January 21st, singing the “Star Spangled Banner”. Kelly Clarkson will sing “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee”; James Taylor “America the Beautiful”.
• David Bowie – His surprise comeback track, “Where Are We Now?”, has topped Britain’s iTunes chart but will not be allowed to enter Official Charts Company listings due to a technicality … it can only be downloaded when pre-ordering his new album “The Next Day”, out in March.
• Elton John – He and partner David Furnish have become dads a 2nd time as their California surrogate has recently given birth again, reports “New York Post”. The couple is said to have turned to the same woman who delivered their first son, Zachary, on Christmas Day 2010.
• Foo Fighters – Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks, Cheap Trick’s Rick Nielsen, and former CCR frontman John Fogerty will make up Dave Grohl’s new supergroup at the launch of his film directing debut, “Sound City”, during the “Sundance Film Festival” later this month.
• Lady Gaga – Tonight her “Born This Way Ball” North American leg begins with the first of 2 consecutive shows in Vancouver BC. It continues through March 20th in Tulsa OK. The tour kicked off April 27, 2012 in South Korea.
• Three Days Grace – Frontman Adam Gontier has left the band due to a ‘non-life threatening health issue’ and will be replaced by Matt Walst of My Darkest Days (brother of TDG bassist Brad Walst) for their upcoming co-headlining tour with Shinedown, which begins February 1st in Moline IL.

• “Gangster Squad” ( R-Rated Crime Drama ): In 1949 Los Angeles, a secret crew of police officers led by 2 determined sergeants works together in an effort to take down the ruthless mob king, ‘Mickey Cohen’, who runs the city. Stars Sean Penn, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Giovanni Ribisi.
• “A Haunted House” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Marlon Wayans’ “Paranormal Activity” spoof is about a couple who moves into their dream home only to discover it’s haunted by a demon. After the wife also becomes possessed, the husband turns to a priest, a psychic, and a team of ghost-busters in an effort to keep his sex life on track. Co-star Essence Atkins.
• “Zero Dark Thirty” ( R-Rated Historical Drama Expands Wide): Kathryn Bigelow’s chronicle of the decade-long hunt for al-Qaeda terrorist leader Osama bin Laden and his death at the hands of Navy SEAL Team 6 in 2011 is already among Academy Award favorites after a limited release in LA and NYC. Stars Jessica Chastain, Joel Edgerton, Chris Pratt, Mark Strong.
• Opening in limited release: “The Baytown Outlaws” (Action Comedy);  “Fairhaven” (Dramedy);
“Quartet” (Dramedy); “$ellebrity” (Documentary) ; “Storage 24” (Horror); and “Struck By Lightning” (Dramedy).

It’s often said that pets can resemble their owners. Now, an animatronic tail in development will make it possible for owners to return the compliment. The ‘Tailly’ is a wearable tail attached to a belt containing heart-rate sensors. When the user’s heart rate increases, the tail wags excitedly, adding an extra level of communications and ‘radiating cuteness and happiness’, according to its Japanese developer. Rather than just a toy, the novelty accessory is touted as a ‘fun extension of the body’ or a way to express true feelings on a date. (Is that your tail wagging or are you just happy to see me?)

Globally, the 10 hottest years on record have all occurred in the past 15 years. And right now Australia is caught in the grip of extreme heat. Raging bush fires have pushed thousands from their homes as Summer temperatures have hit new highs. Records have been set for national average maximum (40.3° C/104.5° F) and highest national average temp (32.2° C/90° F). And things may get hotter still. This week the Australian Bureau of Meteorology added new colors to its map to denote a range up to 54° C (129° F), as it forecasts that the temp will rise to over 52° C (126° F) next week, surpassing the previous record high of 50.7° C (123.3° F) set in 1960. (Worst job on Earth … sauna sales rep in Sydney.)

Reasons our trigeminal nerve triggers an ‘ah-choo’ other than simple irritation of nasal passages …
✳ Being cold and shivering.
✳ Moving from one temperature zone to another.
✳ Sudden exposure to bright light (called the photic response).
✳ A particularly full stomach (the satiation response).
✳ Central nervous system diseases like epilepsy.
✳ Sexual excitement and/or orgasm.
– Condensed from “New York Times”

• Spiders appear bigger when you’re afraid of them.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Goats have accents.
– BBC News


1946 [67] Naomi Judd, Ashland KY, country singer (The Judds-“Have Mercy”)/Wynonna’s mommy

1956 [57] Phyllis Logan, Paisley, Scotland, TV actress (‘Mrs Hughes’ on “Downton Abbey” since 2010)

1968 [45] Tom Dumont, LA CA, rock guitarist (No Doubt-“It’s My Life”, “Don’t Speak”)

1971 [42] Mary J Blige, Bronx NY, R&B-pop singer (“I Am”, “Be Without You”)

1972 [41] Amanda Peet, NYC, movie actress (“2012”, “The Whole Nine Yards”)

TV actress Kirstie Alley (“Dancing With the Stars”) is 62; Radio personality Rush Limbaugh is 62; Radio personality Howard Stern is 59; Alt-rock keyboardist Charlie Gillingham (Counting Crows) is 53; Internet billionaire Jeff Bezos ( is 49; Movie director/rock musician Rob Zombie (“Halloween”) is 48; Rock singer Zack de la Rocha (Rage Against the Machine) is 43; Pop singer Melanie Chisholm (Spice Girls) is 39; TV actress Naya Rivera (“Glee”) is 26; Pop singer Zayn Malik (One Direction) is 20.

Country singer Trace Adkins (“You’re Gonna Miss This”) is 51; TV actor Patrick Dempsey (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is 47; TV show-runner Shonda Rhimes (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is 43; Movie actor Orlando Bloom (“Pirates Of the Caribbean”) is 36; Electro-pop musician Nathaniel Motte (3OH!3) is 29; Movie actor Liam Hemsworth (“The Hunger Games”) is 23.

• “Human Trafficking Awareness Day”, drawing attention to efforts to eradicate modern-day slavery around-the-world.
• “International Thank-You Days”, a week-long opportunity to thank someone from your past who did something nice for you.
• “Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day”, in case you want to embrace a technology that has pretty much disappeared. Dash-dot-dot-dot … dot-dot-dash … dot-dash-dot-dot … dot-dash-dot-dot. Yeah, we did it … B-U-L-L!
• “Tattoo Pride Day”. Hey, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!
• “Use More of Your Mind Day”, encouraging us to train our minds to increase our brain power.

• “Eat Crackers & Try to Whistle Day”, just to see if it’s still as much fun as it was when you were a kid. (This calls for an on-air experiment!)
• “Pharmacists Day”, honoring drug dealers everywhere.
• “Roller Skating Day”, celebrating the pastime that previously employed 4 wheels for what we now do with 2 wheels.
• “Work Harder Day”, some maniacal boss’s idea of a holiday? On a Saturday?

• “Global No Pants Subway Ride”, the 12th annual public participation event that began in NYC, then spread to subway systems worldwide. This year pranksters are expected to drop trou in at least 45 cities, including Calgary, Chicago, London, Sydney, Toronto, Washington, and Vancouver. What’s the point? Fun!
• “Make Your Dreams Come True Day”, a day to do something – anything – to move in the direction of achieving your dreams.
• “Rubber Duckie Day”, celebrating the tub-toy tots treasure. Observed on the anniversary of “Sesame Street” character ‘Rubber Duckie’s birthday.

1999 [14] “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” debuts on Comedy Central as Stewart takes over from previous host Craig Kilborn (goes on to win numerous Emmy Awards)

1992 [21] “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana peaks at #6 on pop singles chart

1973 [40] American League baseball team owners vote to adopt the designated-hitter rule on a ‘trial basis’

1984 [29] ‘Highest-Scoring NBA Game’ as Denver Nuggets beat San Antonio Spurs 163-155 (a total of 318 total points with no overtime!)

[Mon] Caesarean Section Day
[Mon] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Mon] Clean Off Your Desk Day
[Mon] Organize Your Home Day
[Tues] Humanitarian Day
[Wed] “American Idol” 12th season debut (FOX)
This Week Is … Home Office Safety & Security Week
This Month Is … Bath Safety Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Your worst fears come to fruition today when you are shoved into a very small hole filled with sharks, insects, moths, spiders, snakes … and Gordon Ramsay.
• Taurus – The way forward can sometimes be the way backward. This becomes a particularly pressing problem this afternoon while you’re commuting on a busy freeway.
• Gemini – Chin up! Even in the darkest places you can find your way … although you may bust your nose on a door.
• Cancer – Beware of old adages. For instance, if you pick yourself up by your boot-straps you are likely to fall flat on your ass.
• Leo – Your car is possessed – again – so you should swing by the exorcist on the way to work. Don’t you always hate it when your car is repossessed?
• Virgo – If people keep telling you that you don’t know your ass from your elbow, it might be time to lose some weight.
• Libra – Due to your supreme skill at an obscure videogame, you will be abducted by aliens and asked to save them from annihilation. And you thought you were just killing time.
• Scorpio – Your marital status may change this week, either due to online dating or possibly just a typo on a car insurance quote. Either way, love is in the cards!
• Sagittarius – Bad day to call someone a ‘whiny Gen-X cyber-cowboy’. Tomorrow’s better for that one.
• Capricorn – You will meet a tough challenge in a very resourceful way today, using only a Swiss Army Knife, an iPad, and oven cleaner. How to go, MacGyver!
• Aquarius – “I breed germs” is not a good way to answer the company telephone. Even if your company is called I Breed Germs.
• Pisces – Complete this sentence: “My day will be really crappy today because my boss will find out that I surf the Internet for [blank] hours daily.”

Of course I don’t look busy. I did it right the first time.

In ancient Rome, what did mourners customarily munch on during eulogies at funerals?
a. Grapes.
b. Parsley [CORRECT]
c. Popcorn.

☎ “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” was shot in ‘High Frame Rate’, which many theater-goers are finding disturbing because 48 frames per second is just above the threshold at which the human eye can detect changes, meaning the projected picture seems too startlingly smooth. So ‘HFR’ … is it the next big thing in movies or just another techno-fad?

Question: On average, you’ll do THIS 4-to-6 times in the next 24 hours; and each time you do it, you’ll do it for about 14-to-16 minutes.
Answer: Dream.

No one is ever too old to learn, but some people put if off anyway.

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