Monday, January 11, 2016        Edition: #5606


Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Today the funeral for Grammy Award-winning singer Natalie Cole is being held in Los Angeles. A spokesperson for the family has confirmed the memorial service will be at West Angeles Church of God in Christ, where Cole was once a member. R&B star Chaka Khan is expected to sing at the funeral. Cole will be buried next to her parents, sister, and brother at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, California. She died on New Year’s Eve at age 65 of pulmonary arterial hypertension, which led to heart failure.
– AP
★ Should Quentin Tarantino direct a “Star Wars” or “James Bond” film? The rogue filmmaker has vowed that he will end his directorial career when he hits the magic mark of 10 feature films, all before he turns 60. With the current release of his epic-sized revenge Western, “The Hateful Eight”, that leaves just 2 more features to direct in the next 7 years. The 52-year-old Tarantino turns 53 on March 27th. He called his profession “a young man’s game” when he publicly defined his retirement plans at the American Film Market late in 2014.
– PostMedia Network
★ Brit pop star Cheryl Fernandez-Versini (formerly Cheryl Cole) has reportedly filed for divorce to end her 19-month whirlwind marriage to husband Jean-Bernard. The pair married on the Caribbean island of Mustique in August 2014 after dating for just 3 months. The “X Factor” judge and former Girls Aloud singer is said to have cited irreconcilable differences as the reason for the split. The pop star divorced her 1st husband, soccer player Ashley Cole, in 2010 amid allegations he’d been unfaithful.
– “The Sun on Sunday”
★ Saturday many tributes were paid as Motorhead frontman Lemmy was laid to rest at LA’s Forest Lawn Memorial Cemetery. The Brit rocker died at the age of 70 on December 28th, just 2 days after discovering he had an aggressive form of cancer. Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl gave an emotional speech at the end of the service, during which he recalled meeting the rocker for the first time more than 20 years ago. He described Lemmy as his “hero”, and “the one true rock ‘n roller”.
– WENN.com
★ And the famous Playboy Mansion in the Holmby Hills area of Los Angeles is reportedly going up for sale in the next month … with a $200 million+ asking price. 89-year-old Hugh Hefner is said to be set on selling his iconic home, but will demand the condition that he’s allowed to live out the rest of his life there. Real estate experts are saying that the hefty asking price is unrealistic and the real sales figure is likely to be less than half that amount. They say that in reality the house is a ‘tear down’ and the real value is only in the acreage. A comparable 6-acre lot sold recently in the area for $60 million.
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – City & Colour (“If I Should Go Before You”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – On An On (“And the Wave Has Two Sides”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Glenn Kotche (Wilco); X Ambassadors (“The Reason”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – El Vy (The National).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Cam sings “Burning House” (“Untamed”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – She’s joining Coldplay as part of their Super Bowl 50 halftime performance February 7th; she appears on their new album “A Head Full of Dreams”. Bey headlined the show 3 years back. “Entertainment Tonight” is reporting Bruno Mars is also appearing.
• Blake Shelton – He tells “Country Countdown USA” he hopes to have a new single out this month with a new full-length album dropping in May.
• Gloriana – Rachel Reinert has announced she’s leaving the trio and will work on a solo disc. The decision will reduce what was once a quartet down to a duet, brothers Mike & Tom Gossin.
• Justin Bieber – He’s apparently been told he can return to the ancient Mayan ruins at Tulum, Mexico … if he behaves himself. He was booted out of the archaeological site last week for drinking beer, exposing himself, and attempting to climb one of the pyramids which are fenced off to prevent damage from tourists.
• Kanye West – It appears he will return to his strategy of releasing a new tune every week in the leadup to his next album. Ye’s new album “Swish” has been in the works for over a year and is expected to finally arrive sometime in early 2016.
• Lady Antebellum – Charles Kelley is releasing his debut solo album, “The Driver”, on February 5th. The 9-track disc has already received a Grammy nomination for its lead single/title track, which features Dierks Bentley and Eric Paslay.
• Madonna – She put her differences with former husband Sean Penn behind her and helped bring in $6 million at a fundraiser for Haiti on Saturday. The event, held at the Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills CA, was organized by the movie actor.
• Meghan Trainor – She tells “E! News” she’s just wrapping up her sophomore album, titled “Thank You”, which is also the name of one of the new tunes on the record.
• Radiohead – The latest evidence they’re getting closer to releasing a new album is that they recently founded a new company (Dawn Chorus LLP), something they’ve done shortly before the release of their last two albums.

SNACKING LATE CAN AFFECT MEMORY:
Your late-night munchies already make you fat … and now it seems they’ll also make you forgetful. A new study from the University of California says that eating late reduces the brain’s ability to recall information and learn new things. A study using mice suggests that the timing of meal consumption can disrupt the hippocampus, the part of the brain where memory and emotional experiences are controlled. Researchers say testing on humans is needed to confirm the findings. But if true, at least there’s one side benefit … if you eat right before you go to sleep, you won’t remember all the bad food you ate. (“What’s this empty pizza box all about?”)
– HuffingtonPost.com

WHY WE SNEEZE:
Reasons our trigeminal nerve triggers an ‘ah-choo’ other than simple irritation of nasal passages …
✳ Being cold and shivering.
✳ Moving from one temperature zone to another.
✳ Sudden exposure to bright light (called the photic response).
✳ A particularly full stomach (the satiation response).
✳ Central nervous system diseases like epilepsy.
✳ Sexual excitement and/or orgasm.
(“I left him because he could never make me sneeze …”)
– Condensed from “New York Times”

WAYS TO  FIGHT INSOMNIA:
Want some shuteye? Stop having a nightcap. Booze may seem relaxing, but it’s one of many things that can ruin your sleep. Sugar, fatty foods and, of course, coffee, are also likely to keep you up all night. And here are a few things that will help you get to sleep …
✓ Cherry Juice – It contains melatonin, the hormone that controls sleep.
✓ Milk – The old remedy of warm milk before bed has merit. It’s tryptophan is a great sleep aid.
✓ Whole Grains –  Quinoa, barley, buckwheat all contain magnesium, which helps muscles relax.
✓ Bananas – A great bedtime snack as they’re loaded with magnesium and potassium.
✓ Sweet Potatoes – Also contain potassium which helps relax muscles.
✓ Valerian Tea – This herbal tea has a potent aroma but it helps some people fall asleep faster.
(And what’s your secret?)
– NYDailyNews.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
People from Glasgow, Scotland have the sexiest accent in the UK, according to Americans. (But you canna ken what they’re sayin’.)
– “The Independent”

BS CHRONOMETER 01.11.16


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [70] Naomi Judd, Ashland KY, country singer (The Judds-”Have Mercy”)/Las Vegas entertainer/Wynonna’s mommy

1956 [60] Phyllis Logan, Paisley, Scotland, TV actress (‘Mrs Hughes’ on “Downton Abbey” since 2010)

1968 [48] Tom Dumont, LA CA, rock guitarist (No Doubt-”It’s My Life”, “Don’t Speak”)

1971 [45] Mary J Blige, Bronx NY, R&B-pop singer (“I Am”, “Be Without You”)

1972 [44] Amanda Peet, NYC, movie actress (“Identity Thief”, “The Whole Nine Yards”)

1985 [31] Aja Naomi King, LA CA, TV actress (‘Michaela Pratt’ on “How to Get Away With Murder” since 2014)

1997 [19] Cody Simpson, Gold Coast, Australia, pop singer (“On My Mind”, f/Flo Rida-”iYiYi”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cigarettes are Hazardous to Your Health Day”. Well no sheet, Sherlock.

• “Clean Off Your Desk Day”, an unofficial annual observance on the 2nd Monday of January encouraging you to organize your office desk or cubicle. Why bother? It’s said that a clean and organized workspace can ‘inspire a sense of serenity’.

• “Human Trafficking Awareness Day”, drawing attention to efforts to eradicate modern-day slavery around-the-world.

• “International Thank-You Days”, a week-long opportunity to thank someone from your past who did something nice for you.

• “Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day”, in case you want to embrace a technology that has pretty much disappeared. Dash-dot-dot-dot … dot-dot-dash … dot-dash-dot-dot …

• “Tattoo Pride Day”. Hey, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!

• “Use More of Your Mind Day”, encouraging us to train our minds to increase our brain power.

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2015 [01] Over 3.5 million people in Paris and across France stage unity rallies to protest the recent Islamist terrorist attack on the offices of French satire magazine “Charlie Hebdo” (the rallies carry the theme ‘Je Suis Charlie’)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999 [17] “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” debuts on Comedy Central as Stewart takes over from previous host Craig Kilborn (goes on to win numerous Emmy Awards)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1992 [24] “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana peaks at #6 on pop singles chart

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1973 [43] American League baseball team owners vote to adopt the designated-hitter rule on a ‘trial basis’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1984 [32] ‘Highest-Scoring NBA Game’ as Denver Nuggets beat San Antonio Spurs 163-155 (a total of 318 total points with no overtime!)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Kiss a Ginger Day
[Wed] “Second Chance” season debut (FOX)
[Wed] Make Your Dream Come True Day
[Thurs] Caesarean Section Day
[Thurs] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Thurs] Organize Your Home Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Bald Eagle Appreciation Days / Soccer Coaches Week / Universal Letter Writing Week / Vocation Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
IF MEN WERE IN CHARGE OF PLANNING WEDDINGS . . .
● There would be a ‘Rehearsal Kegger Party’.
● Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and crop tops.
● Tuxes would have team logos on the back.
● Wedding vows would specifically mention cooking and sex.
● Big slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of ‘Best Man’.
● There would be ‘Tailgate Receptions’.
– First published in “BS” 1999.

BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Your worst fears come to fruition today when you are shoved into a very small hole filled with sharks, insects, moths, spiders, snakes … and Gordon Ramsay.
• Taurus – The way forward can sometimes be the way backward. This becomes a particularly pressing problem this afternoon while you’re commuting on a busy freeway.
• Gemini – Chin up! Even in the darkest places you can find your way … although you may bust your nose on a door.
• Cancer – Beware of old adages. For instance, if you pick yourself up by your boot-straps you are likely to fall flat on your ass.
• Leo – Your car is possessed … again … so you should swing by the exorcist on the way to work. Don’t you always hate it when your car is repossessed?
• Virgo – If people keep telling you that you don’t know your ass from your elbow, it might be time to lose some weight.
• Libra – Due to your supreme skill at an obscure videogame, you will be abducted by aliens and asked to save them from annihilation. And you thought you were just killing time.
• Scorpio – Your marital status may change this week, either due to online dating or possibly just a typo on a car insurance quote. Either way, love is in the cards!
• Sagittarius – Bad day to call someone a ‘whiny Millennial cyber-cowboy’. Tomorrow’s better for that one.
• Capricorn – You will meet a tough challenge in a very resourceful way today, using only a Swiss Army Knife, an iPad, and oven cleaner. How to go, MacGyver!
• Aquarius – “I breed germs” is not a good way to answer the company phone. Even if your company is called I Breed Germs.
• Pisces – Complete this sentence: “My day will be really crappy today because my boss will find out that I surf the Internet for [blank] hours daily.”
– First published in “BS” 2013.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
You drop a raisin into a glass of freshly-popped champagne. What happens?
a. It disintegrates.
b. It jumps back out.
c. It bounces up & down. [CORRECT. Continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.]
– “2201 Fascinating Facts”

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What would you like to spend less time doing this year? TV? Social media? Working?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: It’s estimated that THIS will happen to 15% of us this month.
Answer: Injury during a workout.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A diplomat is someone who thinks twice before saying nothing.

BS FRESH MEAT:
Ben Greeson @ Classic Country 92.9 [WZLA] Abbeville SC; Matt McLeod @ Hot 105.5 [CKQK] Charlottetown PE; Myles Galloway @ Virgin Radio Dubai, Dubai UAE; John Pantaleo @ 3Two3One, Ocala FL; John Thomas Lanier @ Classic Hits 100.7 [WZJS] Banner Elk NC; Riyaz Shah Jahan @ E! 88.3 Colombo, Sri Lanka; Bud Martinez @ The Jackal 103.3 [XMNP] Laredo TX; Sandi Conner @ Oldies 103.9 [WZZI] Lynchburg VA; Ima Udeh @ Hit 95.5 FM Calabar, Nigeria; and Daniel Cramer @ Stillwater Community Radio, Columbus MT.


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