Wednesday, January 11, 2017 – Edition: #5587

Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

★ Since Meryl Streep’s now-famous speech at the Golden Globes, the Committee to Protect Journalists has seen a surge in donations that hasn’t stopped after the actress called on viewers to open their wallets. About 500 donations were posted Sunday night right after Streep’s plug, and a few hundred more poured into the nonprofit early this week. The CPJ aims mainly to protect reporters in war zones and countries where the press faces restriction.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ Showtime Network has announced its “Twin Peaks” sequel is debuting May 21st with a 2-hour episode. The series runs a total of 18 hours. The new “Twin Peaks” reunites original series creators/executive producers David Lynch and Mark Frost with cast members including Kyle MacLachlan and Sheryl Lee. The original 1990-91 ABC-TV series was set in an offbeat Northwestern town and eerily posed the question, “Who killed Laura Palmer?” It had a small but extremely devoted following.
★ A ‘grudge’ boxing match between Chris Brown (27) and Soulja Boy (26) is now reportedly going to take place in Dubai. The musicians, who agreed to step into the ring together after feuding over Chris’ ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran, had planned to fight in Las Vegas but cannot due to ‘regulatory restrictions’ (BS translation: They’d have to pass drug tests). The duo have set their sights on earning a large purse by selling the fight to viewers on pay-per-view. As a result they’ve earmarked the United Arab Emirates city as their intended destination.
★ And the first Royal Albert Hall private box to go on sale for a decade is being marketed by British realtor Harrods Estates. That’s apropos because the price for the seats at the famed London venue is more than 10 times the price of the average home in England. The box is listed for £2.5 million (about $3 million). The seats are on the same level as Queen Elizabeth’s box and the sale is described as ‘an extremely rare opportunity’.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Jimmy Eat World (“Integrity Blues”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Sohn (“Rennen”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Banks & Steelz (“Anything But Words”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Pharrell Williams (“GIRL”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Colony House (“Only the Lonely”, out Friday).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Legendary Motown singer/songwriter Stevie Wonder.

• Adele – Her full name is Adele Laurie Blue Adkins.
• Alison Krauss – She’s releasing her first solo disc in 18 years when “Windy City” drops February 17th. It features Krauss performing 10 classic songs that she selected with producer Buddy Cannon. “Losing You” is the lead song from the release.
• David Bowie – One of his final, unfinished projects has been revealed. Novelist Michael Cunningham says he had been collaborating with Bowie on an aborted musical theatre project, about everything from space aliens and mariachi bands, to a dead Bob Dylan.
• Duran Duran – The classic rockers took their name from a mad scientist in the 1968 movie “Barbarella”.
• Ed Sheeran – He tells London’s “KISS Breakfast” show his ambition is to become as big as Adele. The 25-year-old singer/songwriter is getting ready to release his third album, “÷”, and the first two singles have already been streamed over 13 million times on Spotify in just 24 hours, setting a new record for the service.
• Justin Bieber – The victim of his infamous 2014 egging attack is fighting the singer’s efforts to cap his lawsuit payout at $25,000, insisting his damage exceeds $1 million. Jeff Schwartz, who sued the Biebs for vandalizing his Calabasas CA home says 25-grand just isn’t going to suffice.
• Prince – His music could be heading to streaming services in time for the Grammys. The late singer’s estate is reportedly edging towards a deal, which involves putting his songs on Apple Music and Spotify.
• Taylor Swift – She sets drapery afire and smashes a bathroom mirror in the upcoming video for “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever”. The song is part of the soundtrack for “Fifty Shades Darker” (opening February 10th). Taylor and Zayn Malik have joined forces on the new single. The video has been shot at London’s 5-star St Pancras Renaissance hotel.
• The Weeknd – His latest release, “Starboy”, returned to #1 on yesterday’s new ‘Billboard 200’ albums chart.

A novel therapy holds real promise in changing the way dentists treat your cavities … get the cavities to fill themselves. Researchers at King’s College London have found they can stimulate stem cells within the teeth to regenerate through a relatively simple approach, by inserting a tiny drug-soaked biodegradable sponge in the cavity. The space occupied by the sponge becomes full of minerals as the dentine regenerates. Having a tooth refill itself naturally is far preferable to the usual treatment of filling the cavity with some kind of amalgam that runs the risk of developing problems down the road. One caveat: the study was on mice, so researchers can’t say for sure yet whether they’d get the same results in larger, human cavities. (Will there still be drilling? That’s the worst part, right?)
– “Scientific Reports”

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 95% of us will eat salad dressing even though it’s past its expiration date.
• 70% of people have asked for mints or gum as an excuse to meet the person next to them.
• 65% of sisters admit they have fought over clothes while growing up.
• 50% of married guys cannot tell you the shoe size of their wives.
• 40% of work email is about getting another job, according to
• 36% of us haven’t gone on vacation in over 2 years.

NO &**#$^$% WAY:
When profanity goes up, so does integrity. Wait, what? That’s what researchers report in a new study titled, “Frankly, We Do Give a Damn: The Relationship Between Profanity and Honesty”. They’ve ultimately found that swearing is used more as a means to express emotion than as an anti-social tool to harm or disparage others, and thus those who swear more tend to be allowing their true selves to shine through. The researchers analyzed the status updates of over 70,000 Facebook users, measuring both profanity and honesty based on previous research. Liars tend to write in the third person and deploy more negative words, but people who curse the most tend to be the most honest. (Does this have anything to do with women now dropping the F-bomb more than men?)
– “Medical Daily”

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Breadcrumber’ – Someone who communicates via sporadic non-committal but repeated messages (‘breadcrumbs’) that are just enough to keep you interested.
• ‘Sleep Divorce’ – A new term for an arrangement whereby a couple chooses to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms for whatever reason: snoring, better sleep, late night reading, etc.
• ‘Superager’ – An elderly person who exhibits very little cognitive decline. Unfortunately, these people sometimes get hit with physical decline instead.

A giant rooster sculpture outside a mall in Taiyuan, China has gone viral. It’s been erected to usher in the ‘Year Of the Rooster’ on the Chinese zodiac calendar, which begins 8 days after US president-elect Donald Trump is inaugurated. The ‘artwork’ features Trump’s often-used gestures and is accented with gold. Now, many sellers on China’s giant e-commerce website Taobao have started to market balloon imitations of the sculpture, advertising them as ‘inflatable Trump roosters’. (They come with pre-inflated egos.)

FlightStats’ ranking of best airlines over the past year for on-time performance. Here are the top 5 (and your chances of being delayed) …
1. KLM (11.5%)
2. Iberia (11.8%)
3. JAL (12.2%)
4. Qatar Airways (13.7%)
5. Austrian (14.3%)
– Bloomberg News

The most popular condiment eaten with chips (french fries) in Australia is ‘chicken salt’, which most often these days does not contain any chicken, chicken extracts, or concentrates.


1956 [61] Phyllis Logan, Paisley, Scotland, TV actress (“Downton Abbey” 2010-15)

1968 [49] Tom Dumont, LA CA, rock guitarist (No Doubt-“It’s My Life”, “Don’t Speak”)

1971 [46] Mary J Blige, Bronx NY, R&B-pop singer (“I Am”, “Be Without You”)

1972 [45] Amanda Peet, NYC, movie actress (“Identity Thief”, “The Whole Nine Yards”)

1985 [32] Aja Naomi King, LA CA, TV actress (‘Michaela Pratt’ on “How to Get Away With Murder” since 2014)

1997 [20] Cody Simpson, Gold Coast, Australia, pop singer (“On My Mind”, f/Flo Rida-“iYiYi”)

• “Hot Toddy Day”, saluting the traditional drink taken before retiring for the night, or in wet or cold weather. It’s typically a mixture of liquor and water with honey (or, in some recipes, sugar), herbs (such as tea) and spices, and served piping hot. Some believe the drink relieves the symptoms of cold and flu. Or at least makes you forget them.

• “Human Trafficking Awareness Day”, drawing attention to efforts to eradicate modern-day slavery around-the-world.

• “International Thank-You Days”, a week-long opportunity to thank someone from your past who did something nice for you.

• “Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day”, in case you want to embrace a technology that has pretty much disappeared. Dash-dot-dot-dot … dot-dot-dash … dot-dash-dot-dot …

• “Tattoo Pride Day”, a day to show off what you’ve got. What’s the oddest tat you’ve seen?

2013 [04] Re/Create, a charity event to aid victims of 2012’s Hurricane Sandy, holds a celebrity clothing auction that includes an autographed pair of Yeezy II sunglasses from Kanye West, a WeSC jacket Skrillex wore to the 2012 Grammys, and a Mugler bag donated by Lady Gaga

2015 [02] Over 3.5 million people in Paris and across France stage unity rallies to protest the recent Islamist terrorist attack on the offices of French satire magazine “Charlie Hebdo” (the rallies carry the theme ‘Je Suis Charlie’ or ‘I am Charlie’)

2013 [04] Destiny’s Child announce their official reunion to happen at the 2013 Super Bowl, 7 years after their split

2016 [01] Funeral for Grammy-winning singer Natalie Cole is held in Los Angeles after she dies New Year’s Eve of heart failure at age 65

2013 [04] Artist Paul Emsley unveils the 1st official portrait of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge

[Thurs] Full ‘Wolf’ Moon
[Thurs] Kiss a Ginger Day
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] “Monster Trucks”; “Sleepless” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Caesarean Section Day
[Sat] Dress Up Your Pet Day
This Week Is … Bald Eagle Appreciation Days
This Month Is … Personal Self-Defense Awareness Month


Use ’em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – You might be nervous and intimidated and even a little scared, but take heart: those women are just as frightened of you as you are of them.
• Taurus – The little voices inside your head will continue to disagree over what to set fire to first.
• Gemini – There truly is more than one way to skin a cat, but the limited market for cat pelts makes learning more than 3 methods impractical.
• Cancer – Admitting to past mistakes is never easy, so it’s a good thing you happen to be an unrepentant bastard.
• Leo – The universe has a funny way of balancing things out. Prepare to lose your other eye by the end of the week.
• Virgo – After exhausting every other conceivable option, you’ll finally give in this week and take a shower.
• Libra – Alcohol, a case of mistaken identity, and 2 screaming ends of a pantomime horse will figure heavily in your life this coming Friday.
• Scorpio – This week you will once again bring out the very best in your local Police, Fire, and Sanitation Control departments.
• Sagittarius – Animal rights activists will accuse you of cruel and inhumane conduct, even though the chicken is already dead, and that’s just the way you eat wings.
• Capricorn – Strong eye contact and a firm handshake will help you to make significant strides in alleviating your reputation of being a humongous prick this week.
• Aquarius – You’ll balloon up to triple your weight after following a diet-book typo that advises you to eat 16,000 calories a day.
• Pisces – The stars would love nothing more than to reveal your future this week but, unfortunately, they’re just large luminous balls of plasma held together by gravity in space.

I bought some batteries but they weren’t included … so I had to buy them again.

• What’s the official currency of Denmark?
a. Krone [CORRECT. The word means ‘crown’.]
b. Dollar
c. Denson

• How many people play on a water polo team?
a. 7 [CORRECT, 6 field players and 1 goalkeeper.]
b. 9
c. Only the ones that can swim.

☎ Which fashion trend do you hope will fade away this year?

Question: In a survey of hiring managers, about 1-in-3 say they think THIS is a red flag when interviewing prospective employees.
Answer: Bad breath.

Innuendo … an Italian suppository.

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