Thursday, January 12, 2012        Edition: #4667

Can You Believe This Sheet?

Attention masochists: It’s been announced that 36-year-old former reality TV star & mother of 8, Kate Gosselin, is hosting a Caribbean cruise this August (the other way you could find yourself trapped on a boat with Kate Gosselin – going to hell) . . . It’s now been confirmed that actress Evan Rachel Wood (“The Wrestler”) is sporting a massive engagement ring from “The Adventures of Tintin” actor Jamie Bell (congrats on the massive step up from Marilyn Manson, girl!) . . . In other engagement news, actor Aaron Paul (‘Jesse Pinkman’ on “Breaking Bad”) has popped the question to his girlfriend while on vacation in Paris (the guy springs for a trip to the City of Light, how can you say no?) . . . Splitting up are actress Olivia Munn (“Iron Man 2”) and New York Rangers hockey player Brad Richards after she decided she liked him as a friend and nothing more (BS translation: They’re just puck buddies) . . . RadarOnline reports that Marc Anthony has allegedly told estranged wife Jennifer Lopez that she needs to ‘see a shrink’ (aren’t exes awesome?) . . . Former wrestler Stacy Keibler tells “Us Weekly” that movie star-boyfriend George Clooney keeps her ‘locked up’ (hey, if you don’t like it, about 3 bazillion women will happily swap places) . . . 49-year-old Demi Moore appears to have a new man for the new year, 26-year-old model Blake Corl-Baietti, whom insiders say is a constant companion since her split from 33-year-old former hubby Ashton Kutcher (seems she’s evolved from cougar to pedophile) . . . And “Desperate Housewives” creator-producer Marc Cherry says he has absolutely no plans for a movie version of his show after the TV series ends this year, insisting he’s ‘done with the characters’ (like most of us – about 5 years ago).


• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Dolly Parton (“Joyful Noise”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Snow Patrol (“Fallen Empires”).
• “The Finder” (FOX/Global) – Series premiere of this procedural drama spin-off of “Bones” (FOX) about an eccentric recluse who’s in high demand due to his ability to find just about anything. Stars Michael Clarke Duncan. John Fogerty (ex-CCR) wrote the show’s theme song, “Swamp Water”, and makes his acting debut in tonight’s debut episode.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Kina Grannis (“Stairwells”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Death Cab for Cutie (“Codes & Keys”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Common (“The Dreamer, The Believer”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Blues singer-guitarist Johnny Winter (“Roots”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Dolly Parton (“Joyful Noise”).
• “30 Rock” (NBC) – The 6th season premiere, debuting mid-season due to Tina Fey’s recent pregnancy. The show has moved to a new 8 pm timeslot, leading into “Parks & Recreation”.


• Blake Shelton – Tonight his 27-city “Well Lit & Amplified” arena tour kicks off in Toledo, Ohio. The supporting acts are Justin Moore and Dia Frampton (whom Shelton coached to the finals on NBC-TV’s “The Voice”).
• Brad Paisley – Tonight he embarks on his new “Virtual Reality World Tour 2012” in Grand Rapids, Michigan. The warm-up acts are The Band Perry and “American Idol” winner Scotty McCreery. The tour’s name was (fortunately) changed from “Camobunga!” (Huh?)
• kd lang – The 50-year-old crooner has filed legal documents to end her domestic partnership with Jamie Price, who’s been her partner for nearly 9 years. The couple originally met through their mutual Buddhist teacher, according to “New York” magazine.
• Miranda Lambert – Tonight her “On Fire” tour, featuring Chris Young and Jerrod Niemann, gets underway in Rockford, Illinois. Note that she & hubby Blake Shelton are touring at precisely the same time, likely so they have more off-time together.
• Rascal Flatts – Their Winter tour, “Thaw Out 2012”, debuts tonight in Charleston, West Virginia, featuring special guest Sara Evans (who spent much of 2011 on the road with the band as well) and opener Hunter Hayes (“Storm Warning”).
• U2 – Bono has revealed to fan club members that they’re currently writing 3 albums at the same time. They have yet to decide when they’ll be released, in which order, and whether or not they’ll tour in support of them.
• Velvet Revolver – Tonight Scott Weiland reunites with his former bandmates for a one-off performance at a tribute concert for late composer John O’Brien at the House of Blues in Hollywood, California. There’s no word on whether this could be a permanent reunion, but they haven’t managed to replace him after booting him out 4 years ago so …


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Elizabeth & Richard: A Love Story” – Lindsay Lohan is in talks to play a young Elizabeth Taylor in this upcoming Lifetime TV movie. Producer Larry Thompson began working on a bio-film about the screen legend shortly after her death last March. The film will focus on the love affair between Taylor and actor Richard Burton, who wed and divorced each other twice.
• “Emperor” – Former “Lost” star Matthew Fox is set to star as US General Bonner Fellers in this post-World War II drama set in Japan. As General Douglas MacArthur’s advisor in occupied Japan, Fellers was given responsibility for deciding whether Emperor Hirohito should be tried as a war criminal. The pic begins filming later this month in Japan and New Zealand.
• “The Fighter 2” – Mark Wahlberg is returning to the boxing ring for a sequel to his hit movie that chronicled the ups & downs of celebrated boxer ‘Irish’ Micky Ward. The 2009 film garnered Oscars for co-stars Christian Bale and Melissa Leo. Insiders suggest the follow-up film will focus on Ward’s infamous battles with his arch-rival, Arturo Gatti.
• “Horrible Bosses 2” – Stars Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, and Jason Sudeikis are expected to return for this follow-up to the 2011 film. The workplace comedy was made for a modest $35 million but went on to make a surprising $209 million worldwide. The same writers are already in place to pen the sequel.
• “The Monuments Men” – George Clooney is set to co-write, direct, and star in this big-budget period film. Based on the book “The Monuments Men: Allied Heroes, Nazi Thieves, and the Greatest Treasure Hunt in History”, the story follows a group of American and British art experts who track down artwork pilfered by the Nazis during WWII. No other casting is yet in place.


The period between the end of an ice age and the beginning of the next is typically about 11,000 years , but a new study has found that carbon dioxide emissions will delay the arrival of the next one. Cambridge University researchers who’ve examined variations in the Earth’s orbit and global climate patterns have calculated that the next ice age should begin within the next 1,500 years but the impact of carbon dioxide emissions on the environment means that global freeze will not be able to take hold until much later. (Well that’s a good thing then!)


Predictions for the 21st century published in a 1900 edition of the “Ladies’ Home Journal”, based on input from ‘the wisest and most careful men in our greatest institutions of science and learning’. Some are bulls-eyes, others spectacularly off-target …
✓ Color photos will be sent around-the-world, with images shot in China appearing in US newspapers within an hour.
✓ Open fires and chimneys will be replaced by home heating and air conditioning systems, with hot or cold air at the turn of a spigot.
✓ Stores will buy food ingredients in bulk and prepare ready-cooked meals at cheap prices which people can reheat at home.
✓ Home screens will allow people to watch events from around-the-world in their living rooms.
✓ Rays of invisible light will allow doctors to examine internal organs.
✗ Automobile engines will weigh around 1 pound.
✗ Food will be delivered to homes via pneumatic tubes, which customers will also use to send back the crockery and cutlery when they’ve finished eating.
✗ Strawberries will grow as large as apples; cranberries as large as oranges; peas as large as beets; and roses the size of cabbage heads.
✗ A move to phonetic spelling will mean that ‘C’, ‘X’ and ‘Q’ are dropped from the alphabet.
✗ Mosquitoes, houseflies, and roaches will have been permanently exterminated.
– Adapted from


Nicotine patches are no  better than willpower at  helping smokers to quit, according to new research by the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Massachusetts. Earlier clinical trials suggested nicotine replacement therapy could double a smoker’s chances of giving up the habit. But a new study of 800 patients has found that nicotine patches make no difference to long-term quitting rates. Relapse rates seem to be similar no matter which method smokers adopt to quit. (We never had any luck with patches … couldn’t get the damn things lit.)


Common indiscretions of youth, and what the damage might be …
• Getting Drunk a Lot – One recent study finds that former heavy drinkers report more depression, heart problems, chronic bronchitis, and diabetes after age 40 than social drinkers.
• Getting Frequent Sunburns – Nearly 80% of lifetime sun damage occurs before age 18. That can cause skin discolorations later in life and a heightened risk for skin cancer in later decades.
• Having Many Sexual Partners – The more sexual partners a woman has had, the higher her odds of getting HPV (human papillomavirus), which could lead to cervical cancer.
• Living In a Heavily Polluted Area – Children’s lungs are much more prone to damage from air pollution and high levels of ozone than adults’.
• Smoking Pot or Cigarettes Frequently – Marijuana contains 50-to-70% more carcinogenic hydrocarbons than tobacco, and the list of diseases that smokers are at risk for is very long.
The good news is, by leading a healthier lifestyle now (avoiding dirty air, exercising, eating right, and not smoking) you can significantly reduce the impact of most of the above.
– Condensed from “Best Health Magazine”


Psychologists studying the phenomenon of human optimism have learned that we generally overestimate the likelihood of experiencing positive events, such as winning the lottery, and underestimate the likelihood of experiencing negative events, such as being involved in an accident or suffering from cancer. Interestingly, informing people about the statistical likelihood of experiencing events is surprisingly ineffective in altering their expectations. (One study finds you’re about 10 times more likely to die from a poisonous snakebite than win a lottery jackpot.)


• The toilet handle in a public restroom can have up to 40,000 germs per square inch. (Shouldn’t there be a rubber glove dispenser?)
– “Aftermath”
• The price of orange juice has already jumped 25% on global markets this year, due to cold weather in Florida and safety concerns about juice from Brazil, where a fungicide is being used to kill a type of mold that grows on orange trees. (The price of a screwdriver is now like $9.95.)
– BBC News


“Kim Kardashian Replaced By Dog in Skechers Super Bowl Ad” (All-time best headline?)
– “USA Today”


1951 [61] Rush Limbaugh, Cape Girardeau MO, syndicated right-wing radio host/sometime prescription drug abuser

1954 [58] Howard Stern, Queens NY, radio ‘shock jock’ who promised to personally make ‘pay radio’ viable (Sirius Satellite Radio)

1964 [48] Jeff Bezos, Albuquerque NM, Internet billionaire ( founder & CEO)

1965 [47] Rob Zombie (Cummings), Haverhill MA, metal rocker (“Hellbilly Deluxe 2”, “Educated Horses”)/horror movie director (“Halloween” films, “The Devil’s Rejects”)

1968 [44] Heather Mills, Aldershot UK, $50-million ex-wife of Paul McCartney

1970 [42] Zack de la Rocha. Long Beach CA, rock singer (Rage Against the Machine-“Killing In the Name”, “Guerrilla Radio”)

1974 [38] Melanie Chisholm (‘Sporty Spice’), Whiston UK, former pop singer (Spice Girls-“Wannabe”)

1987 [25] Naya Rivera, Valencia CA, TV actress (‘Santana Lopez’ on “Glee” since 2009)


• “Eat Crackers & Try To Whistle Day”, just to see if it’s still as much fun as it was when you were a kid. (This calls for an on-air experiment!)

• “Pharmacists Day”, honoring drug dealers everywhere.

• “Roller Skating Day”, celebrating the pastime that previously employed 4 wheels for what we now do with 2 wheels.

• “Work Harder Day”, some maniacal boss’s idea of a holiday?


2002 [10] Late-night TV host Conan O’Brien weds Liza Powell, a Seattle ad executive he met when she made an appearance on his show

2004 [08] Satirical TV newsmagazine “Rick Mercer Report” debuts on CBC-TV


2000 [12] Sharon Osbourne (Ozzy Osbourne’s wife) announces she’s quitting as manager of Smashing Pumpkins due to medical reasons, quote: “Billy Corgan is making me sick!”


1980 [32] 1st-ever rap recording, “Rapper’s Delight” by Sugarhill Gang, peaks at #36 on pop singles chart


2010 [02] The Haiti earthquake occurs, killing an estimated 316,000 and destroying the majority of the capital city Port-au-Prince


[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] Blame Someone Else Day
[Sat] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Sat] Organize Your Home Day
[Sun] “2012 Golden Globe Awards” (NBC)
[Sun] “Napoleon Dynamite” series premiere (FOX)
[Mon] Martin Luther King Day (USA)
This Week Is … Graves’ Disease Awareness Week
This Month Is … Bird Feeding Month


• “Oh cute! Look at the fuzzy little cubs!”
• “Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”
• “This seems easy enough.”
• “Oh don’t worry. The poisonous ones have orange stripes.”
• “Aha, I’ve got you now!”
• “Oh don’t worry. I never get lost.”
• “I’ll just explain to the ogre that it was an honest mistake.”
• “Here, hold this rope while I go down.”
• “You and what army?”
• “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”


Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Those retractable dog leashes that reel out to allow a pooch to wander off 50 feet or so from its owner may offer the critter a bit more freedom but other pedestrians have to become hurdlers to get by. Should they be banned?


Question: Moscow now has 79 of THESE, while New York City only has 59.
Answer: Billionaires.


When all is said and done more will be said then done.

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