Thursday, January 13, 2011        Edition: #4424
Sheeters Always Prosper!

A Cirque du Soleil performer is facing a murder charge in the death of a Las Vegas burlesque dancer whose remains were found over the weekend encased in cement (call in “CSI” for a 2-episode special!) . . . Word has it 20-year-old “Twilight Saga” star Kristen Stewart has kicked 24-year-old co-star Robert Pattinson to the curb after a 2-year relationship (he’s so upset he almost showed a facial expression) . . . Actress & wannabe singer Gwyneth Paltrow can now add cookbook author to her résumé, with a new 150-recipe tome that also features pics of her at home with family & friends (are we sick of her yet?) . . . “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest says many of the new season’s contestants didn’t know who The Beatles were (we weep for the future!) . . . After a year of comparative quiet, it’s been announced that loudmouth judge Mary Murphy is returning to “So You Think You Can Dance” (HA HA HA HA! Start up the hot tamale train!) . . . Sometime actress & full-time single Jennifer Aniston is said to be giving singer Taylor Swift relationship advice (about as useful as Charlie Sheen offering sobriety tips) . . . 35-year-old “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria says she has NOT had her wedding tattoo lasered off, the wrist ink that commemorated her 7/07/07 marriage to Tony Parker in Roman numerals, it was apparently just temporarily covered (Hollywood spouses should opt for stick-on tats) . . . And stick-thin supermodel Miranda Kerr’s robust new son via actor Orlando Bloom (see Celebirthdays) weighs almost 10 lbs (coolness, soon they’ll be able to share the same clothes!).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Cheap Trick (“Playlist: The Very Best of Cheap Trick”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Rod Stewart (“The Best Of the Great American Songbook”, out February 1st); Stevie Nicks (“The Soundstage Sessions”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The Damned Things (“Ironiclast”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Delta Spirit (“Waits Room”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Neon Trees (“Habits”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Gregg Allman (“Low Country Blues”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Saving Abel (“Miss America”).

• Billy Ray Cyrus – His 61-year-old former road manager is suing him & estranged wife Tish for over a half-million dollars, claiming they fired him due to his age. (Billy Ray has a road manager?)
• Britney Spears – The Bellamy Bros are claiming the lyrics to her new single “Hold It Against Me” are a rip-off of their 1979 hit “If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me”. No legal action is threatened. (So far.)
• Chely Wright – She says her country music career has suffered and her life has been threatened since she came out publicly last year as gay. (Actually, the career was over in 1999.)
• 50 Cent – He’s made $8.7 million … by tweeting. All he had to do was talk up penny stock company H&H Imports to his 3.8 million followers. In return he received 30 million shares, which took a 240% jump thanks to his efforts. (Social network …. snort! It’s all about business now.)
• Lady Antebellum – According to new “Billboard” stats, “Need You Now” was 2010’s Top Selling Country Album and the hit tune was the the Top-Selling Country Digital Song for the year.
• Reba McEntire – She’s revealed her New Year’s resolution is learning to speak Spanish. Just like last year … and the year before …
• Sara Evans – She’s released her 2nd novel, “Softly & Tenderly”, which follows last year’s release of her debut, “Sweet By & By”. (It’s a four-hankie read.)
• Shakira – She split with longtime partner Antonio de la Rua last August but didn’t tell us until now. She says their 11 years together ‘have been the most wonderful years of our lives’. (But apparently not this one.)
• Shania Twain – It’s been announced she’ll be inducted in to the Canadian Music Hall of Fame at the annual “Juno Awards” March 27th in Toronto. Meantime, reports say ‘serious negotiations’ are underway for her to perform long-term at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• ‘Bond 23’ – Daniel Craig will get another stab at playing agent ‘007’ in a new ‘James Bond’ film to be directed by Sam Mendes. Rumor has it Michael Sheen (“Frost/Nixon”) will play the bad guy. Production is set to kick-off at the end of the year for a November 2012 opening.
• “Cosmopolis” – “Twilight Saga” actor Robert Pattinson has signed to star in filmmaker David Cronenberg’s adaptation of the Don DeLillo novel about a 28-year-old billionaire. Paul Giamatti & Marion Cotillard are also aboard the film, which shoots in Toronto beginning in mid-May.
• “The Hobbit” – “Lord Of the Rings” actor Elijah Wood is returning to ‘Middle Earth’ in what’s being called a ‘prequel’, reprising his role as ‘Frodo Baggins’. Cate Blanchett & Ian McKellen are also returning in their “LOTR” roles. The film will start shooting in New Zealand next month.
• “Knocked Up 2” – Paul Rudd has signed to return alongside Leslie Mann in a sequel to the 2007 hit comedy in which they played married couple ‘Pete & Debbie’. It’s not yet known if stars Seth Rogen & Katherine Heigl will be involved. The sequel is due to debut in June 2012.
• “Total Recall” – The upcoming remake of the 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger sci-fi adventure will star Colin Farrell. For those who aren’t fans of 3-D, you’ll be happy to know producers have decided not to use it. Shooting begins May 15th in Toronto for a planned release in 2012.

The most critical mistakes employees make when talking to the boss about a raise …
• Assuming longevity entitles you to a raise.
• Needing a raise because you bought a new house, car, or had a baby.
• Threatening to quit or refusing to do a project.
• Stating that some other employee got a raise, so you want one too.

Guess what? It seems the age-old idea that venting your anger will help to get rid of it is nothing but a load of BS. In several recent studies, researchers have found that actions such as punching a pillow may actually increase anger and stress. Why? Venting apparently reactivates the area of the brain that hosts anger, thereby causing even more aggression. (For more info, Google ‘Charlie Sheen’.)
– “Men’s Journal”

5. “Giddy On Up” … Laura Bell Bundy.
4. “Need You Now” … Lady Antebellum.
3. “Hillbilly Bone” … Blake Shelton & Trace Adkins.
2. “All About Tonight” … Blake Shelton.
1. “Stuck Like Glue”… Sugarland.
– Marco Club Connection

Identity theft has become the #1 form of consumer fraud. A few tips on protecting yours …
• Keep a separate credit card with a low limit exclusively for online transactions.
• Never leave ATM, gas pump, or credit-card receipts behind, and never toss them into a public trash container.
• Order cheques that use only your first initial with your last name. If a crook steals it, he won’t know whether you sign your cheques with the initial or your first name … but your bank does.
• Don’t store financial info on your laptop. They’re often stolen for what’s on them, not the hardware.
– “Washington Post”

In Japan less than 2% of Internet users have Facebook accounts, compared with 60% of North Americans. The Japanese prefer other social websites that allow the use of fake names.
– “New York Times”


1961 [50] Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, NYC, TV actress (“The New Adventures of Old Christine” 2006-10, “Seinfeld” 1989-98, “Saturday Night Live” 1982-85)

1962 [49] Trace Adkins, Springhill LA, country singer (“You’re Gonna Miss This”, “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”)

1966 [45] Patrick Dempsey, Lewiston ME, TV actor (‘Dr Derek Shepherd’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1970 [41] Shonda Rhimes, Chicago IL, screenwriter/TV show creator/executive producer (“Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1977 [34] Orlando Bloom, Canterbury UK, movie actor (“Pirates Of the Caribbean” trilogy, “Lord Of the Rings” trilogy)

1984 [27] Nathaniel Motte, Lincoln NE, electro-pop musician (3OH!3- f/Ke$ha-“My First Kiss”, “Don’t Trust Me”)

1986 [25] Joannie Rochette, Montréal Québec, figure skater (2010 Olympic bronze medalist, 6-time Canadian champion 2005-10)/Canadian Press 2010 ‘Female Athlete Of the Year’

• “International Skeptics Day”. We’re not sure there’s any point in setting aside a day for this …

• “Make Your Dreams Come True Day”, presumably another observance initiated by the Society of Hopeless Optimists.

• “Old New Year’s Day”, according to the now disused Julian Calendar. It’s still observed in Belarus, Ukraine, and some communities in Russia.

• “Rubber Duckie Day”, celebrating the tub-toy tots treasure. Observed on the anniversary of
“Sesame Street” character ‘Rubber Duckie’s birthday. Every possible angle on rubber ducks (including “Sesame Street’s” ‘Ernie’ singing about his) can be found here …

• “St Knut’s Day” or “Tjugondag Knut” (20th Day of Christmas) in Sweden & Norway, where they just can’t seem to let the holiday season go. Part of the celebration involves throwing out the Christmas tree (by now an armful of naked twigs with an impaled angel on top).

1910 [101] In what’s been called the ‘Birth of Radio Broadcasting’, electron tube inventor Lee De Forrest arranges for a handful of people at receiving locations around NYC to hear the voice of Enrico Caruso and other Metropolitan Opera stars through individual earphones

1968 [43] Johnny Cash performs his landmark concert at California’s Folsom Prison

1969 [42] The soundtrack of The Beatles’ “Yellow Submarine” is released and reaches #2 on  British & North American charts (The Beatles’ “White Album” is #1)  BS FACTOID: The movie is being remade by filmmaker Robert Zemeckis for release in 2012.

1863 [148] 1st ‘one-piece pedestal flushing toilet’ (Thomas Crapper, London UK)

1957 [54] Wham-O Co introduces the 1st ‘Frisbee’

1985 [26] Likely the ‘Oldest to Score a Golf Ace’, as 99-year-old German duffer Otto Bucher sinks a hole-in-one on a course in Spain

2002 [09] The off-Broadway musical “The Fantasticks” closes in NYC after almost 42 years and 17,162 performances

[Fri] “The Dilemma”; “The Green Hornet” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Sat] Humanitarian Day
[Sat] “90th Miss America Pageant” (ABC)
[Sun] “68th Golden Globe Awards” (NBC)
This Week Is … Universal Letter Writing Week
This Month Is … Mentoring Month


• Never take an open beer to a job interview.
• At a 4-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right-of-way.
• A centerpiece for the dinner table should not involve anything prepared by a taxidermist.
• Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle … especially while driving.
• Don’t lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
• Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
• Always use your own truck keys when cleaning your ears.
• It’s not advised that a groom bring a date to a wedding.
• If your dog falls in love with a guest’s leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.

Whatever women do, they must do it twice as well as men to be considered half as good. Fortunately, this is not difficult.

What would you most like to be? Top answers from an online survey at …
• Rich … 37%
• Brilliant … 23%
• Anonymous … 12%
• Powerful … 9%
• Beautiful … 9%
• Famous … 6%

• What are the 4 prominent flavors in Juicy Fruit gum? [Lemon, orange, pineapple, banana.]
• Why is that piece of tissue paper included in wedding invitations? [It’s simply a tradition left over from olden days, when it was needed to keep the ink from smearing.]
• Planning a Winter vacation in the Caribbean? Why won’t you need sunscreen on the palms of your hands? [The outermost layer of dead skin filters out the harmful rays from the Sun. That layer is especially thick on the palms, thereby preventing sunburn.]
• What kind of hens lay extra-large eggs? [Old ones. The older the chicken, the bigger the egg.]
• Why do dogs walk around in circles before lying down? [They’re reverting back to their days in the wild when circling was a way to smooth ground cover to make a comfortable bed.]
– “Imponderables” by Dave Feldman

One of each of the following pairs is a real invention (though not necessarily ever marketed), the other totally made-up BS. Your contestant gets a total of 60 seconds to decide which is which …
• ‘Women-Only Jockstrap’ [BS] or ‘Women-Only Cell Phone’ [Samsung released one that resembles a makeup compact and featured an electronic calorie-counter]
• ‘Computer Games For the Blind’ [developed in the Netherlands with no images, just sounds] or ‘The Braille Speedometer’ [BS]
• ‘An Umbrella That Sings In the Rain’ [unveiled at a Swiss invention fair] or ‘Laser Toenail Clippers’ [BS]
• ‘Automatic Crotch Scratcher’ [BS] or ‘Automatic Pet Scratcher’ [an actual wall-mounted device with artificial hand & electric eye that starts a scratching motion whenever the pet comes close]
• ‘Glow-In-the-Dark Slippers’ [a great idea that never caught on] or ‘Leather Underwear Made from Genuine NFL Footballs’ [BS]

Today’s Question: Today women have half as many of THESE as men. 50 years ago, it was the other way around.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hats.

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us someone may be looking.

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