Monday, January 13, 2014        Edition: #5136


Sheeters Always Prosper!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Kanye West wants to honeymoon … in space. An insider says ‘Ye is ‘obsessed’ with all things other-worldly and has convinced fiancée Kim Kardashian to celebrate their marriage with an intergalactic vacation. He’s said to be willing to fork out $1 million-per-night for the chance to do so aboard ‘CSS Skywalker’, an inflatable station created by Bigelow Aerospace that’s due for completion in 2015. That’s a ways off, so the snitch claims Kanye is saying the star trek will actually be their 3rd honeymoon. (Would we have to bring them back?)
– Bang Showbiz
★ A “National Lampoon’s Vacation” reunion is in the works as Chevy Chase (70) & Beverly D’Angelo (62) are onboard a potential new ABC-TV series. While they won’t be playing the ‘Griswolds’ from the “Vacation” films, they will play a married couple; this time a retired couple raising their grandchildren. The project is planned for the 2015-16 development season. Chase last appeared in “Community”; D’Angelo in a recurring role on “Entourage”. (“New York” magazine labeled Chase ‘the funniest man in America’ in 1975. Since? Not so much.)
– Deadline.com
★ After living through one of Hollywood’s most tumultuous marriages, actress Robin Wright (47) has found love again. Sean Penn’s ex-wife is engaged to actor Ben Foster (33). The mom of 2, who stars in “House of Cards” (Netflix), met her new man in 2011 on the set of the movie “Rampart”. Foster is one of Hollywood’s ‘it’ guys right now, co-starring in “Lone Survivor” which opened wide on Friday, and playing disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong in an upcoming biopic. (Ben was born the same year Robin started high school.)
– RadarOnline.com
★ And 47-year-old actress Pamela Anderson (“Baywatch” and, most recently, “Baywatch”) has confirmed that she’s remarried ex-hubby Rick Salomon. Their initial marriage in 2007 lasted just 2 months. The reunited pair made the announcement at Sean Penn’s ‘Help Haiti Gala’ in LA on Saturday, where Pam appeared flashing a new ring. (Breaking down her relationships statistically: 4 marriages, 3 husbands – including Kid Rock and Tommy Lee – and a grand total of 44 months of wedded bliss … an average of 11 months apiece.)
– E! News

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – R&B supergroup TGT (Tyrese, Ginuwine, and Tank-“Three Kings”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Jamestown Revival (“California”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Harry Connick Jr (“Every Man Should Know”); Kevin Costner & Modern West (“Famous For Killing Each Other”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – St Lucia (“When the Night”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – London Grammar (“If You Wait”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Sleigh Bells (“Bitter Rivals”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – 1960s pop singer Johnny Rivers.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Jennifer Lopez (“American Idol”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aaliyah – It looks like the posthumous album that Drake and his producer Noah ‘40’ Shebib were working on will never be released. Shebib tells “Vibe” there was so much negative feedback about the project that he decided to walk away from it.
• Bruno Mars – He’s announced that the Red Hot Chili Peppers will join him as part of his Super Bowl halftime show at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey February 2nd. RHCP was already scheduled to perform at a pre-Super Bowl event in Brooklyn NY the day before the big game.
• Ke$ha – She has some surprising company in rehab … her mom. Pebe Sebert tells “People” she’s checked herself into the Illinois clinic for post-traumatic stress disorder at her daughter’s urging.
• Miley Cyrus – She’s landed a fashion campaign with Marc Jacobs, appearing in the fashion brand’s Spring/Summer 2014 ads.
• Rihanna / Shakira – Today their new duet, “Can’t Remember to Forget”, is due for release. The track is thought to be the 1st single off Shakira’s forthcoming new album. In related news, Shakira will be back on “The Voice” as a coach when the 6th season debuts February 24th.
• U2 – We’ll get a first taste of music from their upcoming studio album during the Super Bowl on February 2nd. The Irish rockers were recently in Santa Monica, California for a video-shoot which will be used in a commercial during the game.

WHAT A FEET:
Some cheeses are known for being smelly and their odor is often compared to stinky feet. Now an exhibit at Ireland’s Science Gallery Dublin has made that comparison literal, by creating cheese from human toe, armpit, belly button, and mouth bacteria. Seriously. The exhibit is cleverly called “Selfmade”, and it includes several cheeses made with bacteria samples from various donors. Each is said to be a ‘microbial sketch’ of its donor, and apparently they smell a lot like the donor’s body odor. (No worries, you can’t eat this ‘human cheese’.)
– @iVillageCanada

BEST IN TRAVEL 2014:
The year’s hottest destinations as chosen by “Lonely Planet” editors and contributors, based on a variety of factors including interest level and cost …
✓ Top City: Paris, France.
✓ Top Countries: Brazil, Antarctica, Scotland, Sweden, Malawi.
✓ Top Value Destinations: Greek islands, Italy’s ‘heel’, Nicaragua, Bulgaria, Portugal.
– AFP

GAS TO GO:
The 1st-ever automated burrito dispenser has opened at a 24-hour gas station in West Hollywood, California. The so-called ‘Burritobox’ is a bright orange vending machine that delivers warm burritos in 60 seconds. It dispenses 5 varieties, including shredded beef & cheese, roast potato, egg & cheese, or chorizo, egg & cheese. Each costs $3; a side of sour cream costs 50¢, Tabasco is 65¢, and guacamole is 75¢. A 2nd ‘Burritobox’ is set to open this Saturday. (Fine dining at a gas station … who woulda thought?)
– CNET.com

BS THINGS FAST-FOOD RESTAURANTS DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW:
• Those grill marks on your burger aren’t real. They were put there by the food factory.
• If you want fresh fries, order them without salt. It will necessitate the cooking of a new batch; then you can add your own salt.
• Chili is normally just made using meat from old burgers.
• Employees are supposed to wear gloves when preparing food, but many don’t bother.
• Soft drinks are marked up about 1200%. The syrup in your Coke only costs a couple cents.
• Milkshakes can easily contain over 50 different kinds of chemicals.
• Those scrambled eggs are made out of powder.
• A single hamburger may be made of meat from as many as 100 different cows.
– List25.com

RISQUÉ RESTROOMS:
Active rock station 103 GBF [WGBF Evansville IN] has posted a listing on its website entitled “Which Bathrooms in Evansville Are the Best to Have Sex In?” The Indiana radio station says the satirical piece was all in good fun, but the owners of the restaurants & bars included in the article are not happy with the rankings. For the record, Penny Lane Coffeehouse has been named best place for bathroom sex based on a variety of factors, including tidiness, breathing room, security, and – ahem – discretion. (Odds are they aren’t buying radio time anymore.)
NET: http://103gbfrocks.com/where-are-the-best-bathrooms-in-evansville-to-have-sex-in/
– NYDailyNews.com

FOR THE RECORD:
A 120-pound Nebraska woman has set a new record for devouring a massive steak at Sayler’s Old Country Kitchen in Portland, Oregon. Competitive eater Molly Schuyler had a cow – all 72 ounces of it – in under 3 minutes, demolishing the previous record of 6 minutes, 48 seconds. And further endearing herself to potential future dinner dates, she accomplished the feat using … only her hands.
NET: http://www.saylers.com/steak-challenge.html
– KPTV.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Researchers at the University of Michigan have been looking for the existence of time travelers on the Internet.
– “The Register”
• 6-out-of-10 Korean families use professionals to find a name for their newborns.
– Magazine Monitor

BS CHRONOMETER 01.13.14


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1962 [52] Trace Adkins, Springhill LA, country singer (“You’re Gonna Miss This”, “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”)

1966 [48] Patrick Dempsey, Lewiston ME, TV actor (‘Dr Derek Shepherd’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)/movie actor (“Transformers: Dark Of the Moon”)

1970 [44] Shonda Rhimes, Chicago IL, screenwriter/TV show creator/executive producer (“Scandal” since 2012, “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005, “Private Practice” 2007-13)

1977 [37] Orlando Bloom, Canterbury UK, movie actor (“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug”, “Pirates Of the Caribbean” films)

1984 [30] Nathaniel Motte, Lincoln NE, electro-pop musician (3OH!3- f/Ke$ha-“Blah Blah Blah”, “Don’t Trust Me”)

1990 [24] Liam Hemsworth, Melbourne, Australia, movie actor (“The Hunger Games” films, “The Expendables 2”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Clean Off Your Desk Day”, an unofficial annual observance on the 2nd Monday of January encouraging you to organize your office desk or cubicle. Why bother? It’s said that a clean and organized workspace can ‘inspire a sense of serenity’.

• “International Skeptics Day” … or so they claim.

• “Korean-American Day”, saluting the circa 1.6 million Americans of Korean descent, mostly from South Korea, with a small minority from North Korea.

• “Make Your Dream Come True Day”. Even if your dream seems impossible, you’ll never know if it can be accomplished unless you try … or so they claim.

• “Rubber Duckie Day”, celebrating the tub-toy tots treasure. Observed on the birth anniversary of “Sesame Street” character ‘Rubber Duckie’. Every possible angle on rubber ducks (including “Sesame Street’s” ‘Ernie’ singing about his) can be found here …
NET: http://www.squidoo.com/rubber-ducky

• “St Knut’s Day” (“Tjugondag Knut”), the last day of Christmas (!?!) in Finland and Sweden.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999 [15] NBA superstar Michael Jordan (Chicago Bulls) announces his retirement from professional basketball, for the 2nd time

2008 [06] Golden Globe Awards are cancelled, due to Writers Guild of America strike that began the previous Fall

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2003 [11] British police arrest The Who guitarist Pete Townshend for possessing indecent computer images of children (he’s later let off after claiming he was ‘doing research’ for an upcoming book on his own experiences with abuse)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1957 [57] Wham-O Company introduces the 1st ‘Frisbee’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1985 [29] Likely the ‘Oldest to Score a Golf Ace’, as 99-year-old German duffer Otto Bucher sinks a hole-in-one on a course in Spain

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Caesarean Section Day
[Tues] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Tues] Poetry at Work Day
[Wed] “American Idol” season debut
[Wed] Full ‘Wolf’ Moon
[Wed] Humanitarian Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Cuckoo Dancing Week / Soccer Coaches Week / Vocation Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS EUPHEMISMS FOR ‘BREAKING WIND’:
• Testing in the Levi wind tunnel.
• Answering the call of the wild burrito.
• A ridge of high pressure ushering in a warm front.
• Entering the sphincter chat room.
• Singin’ like Celine.
• Having a methane moment.
• Steam-pressing the Calvins.
• Reading the sports.
– First published in “BS” 2004.

BS THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR AT THE DENTIST’S:
• “Are we out of Novocain again? Well, just get me the hammer.”
• “A little laughing gas for you … a little for me … a little more for me.”
• “Just give me a moment while I lick these tools clean.”
• “They’re all so bad, I’m not sure which one to start drilling first.”
• “I’d tell you, ‘This won’t hurt a bit,’ but I’d be lying through my teeth.”
• “Call my wife and tell her the kids are going to college after all.”
• “I swear to you, your pants were on backwards BEFORE you went under the gas!”
– First published in “BS” 2000.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?

TRUTH OR URBAN LEGEND?
Are the following oft-repeated statements true or just an urban myth?
• Women have one more rib than men. [Myth]
• Cedar chests deter insects. [True]
• Fright can turn a person’s hair white overnight. [Myth]
• Milk is good for an ulcer. [Myth]
• Lightning never strikes in the same place twice. [Myth]
• The first frisbees were empty pie tins from the Frisbie Pie Co. [True]
• The Ku Klux Klan owns Snapple. [Myth]
• Adidas is an acronym for ‘All Day I Dream About Sex’. [Myth]
• Cooties are in fact a kind of body lice. [True]
• The letters on the standard keyboard were originally placed to slow typists down. [True]
– “Urban Myth”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: A recent poll finds that THIS is the #1 thing that puts a person in a bad mood in the morning.
Answer: Spilling something on clothes.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
James Watt @ Kinnaird Radio 96.7, Aberdeen, Scotland; Reenita Malhotra Hora @ RTHK Radio 3, Hong Kong; Heidi Stanton-Cook @ 94.7FM [4BCR] Bundaberg, Australia; Brad Linnard @ UCB Canada [CKJJ] Belleville ON; Lore Summers/Todd Summers @ Buffalo Country on Athena365.com, Prosser WA; Phil Morgan @ The Voice, North Tawton UK; Christin Jerome @ The Beat [CKBE] Montréal QC; Mo Singleton @ BeatBreakRadioFM.com, Atlanta GA; Angus Bush @ 99.3 The River [CFAN] Miramichi NB; and Cindy Crawford @ Pirate 95.3 [WOBR] Nags Head NC.


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