Friday, January 13, 2017 – Edition: #5889

Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

★ Johnny Depp won’t be in court today for what could have been the final hearing in his divorce from Amber Heard. Heard has requested he appear in person because she wants a judge to accept the $7-million divorce agreement they signed back on August 15th – called a ‘Deal Points Memorandum’ – as their final divorce judgment. Depp’s camp, meanwhile, wants the court to reject the ‘DPM’ as the final judgment and instead order the parties to either accept or continue work on a more detailed version of the pact they’ve been wrangling over for months.
– “New York Daily News”
★ 55-year-old actor Woody Harrelson has officially joined the ‘Han Solo’ “Star Wars” spin-off movie. He’s taking over a part allegedly vacated by Christian Bale, the role of mentor to star Alden Ehrenreich’s young ‘Solo’. Harrelson also joins Donald Glover, who plays a young version of Billy Dee Williams’ smuggler character ‘Lando Calrissian’, and “Game of Thrones” star Emilia Clarke in the film. It’s scheduled for release in December 2018.
★ “Orange Is the New Black” star Lea Delaria (‘Big Boo’) has broken off her engagement to 4-year partner Chelsea Fairless. The 58-year-old actress had been set to wed the fashion editor last Sunday but has now revealed on Instagram the wedding’s been called off and they have parted ways amicably. She adds. Quote: “Please exclude us from the tragic and basic celebrity breakup narrative.”
– Bang Showbiz
★ And 33-year-old actor Andrew Garfield (“Hackshaw Ridge”, “The Amazing Spider-Man”, “The Social Network”) has been around show biz long enough that he’s now often recognized by fans when he’s out and about. But he says they don’t actually want to talk to him, they just want photo evidence that they’ve met. Quote: ”So, most of the time, people don’t really want to meet you. They just want proof they’ve met you.” Hmm, how insightful.
– “Shortlist Magazine”

• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Appleseed Cast (“Illumination Ritual”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Tonight Green Day (“Revolution Radio”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Tonight Tori Kelly (“Unbreakable Smile”). Rerun.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Casey Affleck (“Manchester By the Sea”), Chance the Rapper (“Coloring Book”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight saxophonist Jake Clemons (E Street Band); Sampha (“Wonder Where We Land”).

• Arcade Fire – Drummer Jeremy Gara has confirmed that a new album is on track for release sometime this year as all recording has been completed. They’re now deciding on what will end up on what will be their 5th studio album. Gara suggests the new project may be supported by up to 2 years’ of concerts, beginning as soon as this April.
• Ariana Grande / John Legend – The 23-year-old pop star and 38-year-old singer are poised to collaborate on a new version of “Beauty & The Beast” for Disney’s upcoming live-action film adaptation of the classic tale. The original 1991 version (Céline Dion & Peabo Bryson) won both a Grammy and an Oscar.
• Blake Shelton – He’s taking the Season 11 winner of “The Voice” on tour with him next month. Sundance Head helped Blake secure a 5th win on the show in December.
• David Guetta – His concert this week in Bangalore, India has been cancelled due to public safety concerns following a New Year’s Eve incident when several female revelers were assaulted by a gang of men. As a result, authorities have recommended a postponement.
• Eric Church – His “Holdin’ My Own” tour is launching tonight in Lincoln NE. The 60-date tour closes with a 2-night stand in Nashville TN beginning May 26th.
• Soulja Boy – This week his Los Angeles home was robbed of $10,000 in cash and $12,000-worth of jewelry. He was not present at the time of the burglary. The crime comes as the rapper and Chris Brown are hyping up a proposed boxing match between them.
• The XX – Their eagerly-anticipated 3rd studio album, “I See You”, comes out today. They’ve announced a massive UK and European tour by sending out letters to their fans. The tour kicks off in Stockholm, Sweden on February 8th and winds up in Cardiff, Wales on March 17th.
• U2 – The band was originally known as Feedback.
• The Weeknd – It looks like he & Selena Gomez might be a new item. The twosome were spotted on a dinner date this week in Santa Monica CA. In posted photos, Selena can be seen wrapping her arms around him before he turns to give her a kiss … on the lips.

• “Live by Night” ( R-Rated Crime Drama ): Ben Affleck directs himself in this Prohibition-era gangster movie. Styling his film in the manner of Barry Levinson’s “Bugsy” (1991) with Warren Beatty, screenwriter Affleck populates his script with thugs, high-style mobsters, and a Cuban contingent led by a rum-running family. Co-stars Elle Fanning, Brendan Gleeson, Zoe Saldana.
• “Monster Trucks” ( PG Animated Adventure ): After an accident at an oil-drilling site displaces a strange and subterranean creature with a taste and a talent for speed, a high school senior builds a monster truck from bits and pieces of scrapped cars to help his new friend get out of town. Voice cast includes Lucas Till, Jane Levy, Thomas Lennon, Barry Pepper.
• “Sleepless” ( R-Rated Action Crime Thriller ): Jamie Foxx stars as a cop who has a connection to the criminal underworld. After his son has been kidnapped, he scours a nightclub in a search for him. Co-stars, Michelle Monaghan, Dermot Mulroney, Gabrielle Union, and TI. Shot in Atlanta GA and Las Vegas NV.
• Opening in limited release: “The Book of Love” (Drama); “The Bye Bye Man” (Horror Thriller); “The Comedian” (Comedy); and “OK Jaanu” (Bollywood Romance).
• Expanding wide: “Patriots Day” (Drama).

A new ranking of social media’s most valuable athletes by the digital sports network 120 Sports and MVPindex, a social measuring platform. The ranking is based on how effectively sports stars make use of social media to their advantage …
1. Russell Wilson (NFL)
2. Odell Beckham Jr (NFL)
3. JJ Watt (NFL)
4. Rory McIlroy (Golf)
5. Conor McGregor (UFC)
6. LeBron James (NBA)
7. Tiger Woods (Golf)
8. Richard Sherman (NFL)
9. Tom Brady (NFL)
10. Rob Gronkowski (NFL)

Brown University computer programmer Nate Parrott has come up with an algorithm that can generate new names and combine existing names to create unfamiliar combinations that sound like something out of the future. Using 7,500 popular baby names, he’s trained his ‘neural network’ to recognize similar features of names, and sort out what makes words ‘name-like’. The process has spit out a series of original names that Parrot suggests may someday be common, such as …
✓ Pruliaa
✓ Herree
✓ Chitoi
✓ Deredrd
✓ Nitnis
✓ Aloora
✓ Foro
✓ Rusert
✓ Halden
✓ P

Orchids can get jet lag.
– “1,227 Quite Interesting Facts to Blow Your Socks Off”


1961 [56] Julia Louis-Dreyfus, NYC, TV actress (‘Selina Meyer’ on “Veep” since 2011, “New Adventures of Old Christine” 2006-10, “Seinfeld” 1989-98)

1962 [55] Trace Adkins, Springhill LA, country singer (“You’re Gonna Miss This”, “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”)

1961 [56] Wayne Coyne, Pittsburgh PA, rock guitarist/vocalist (Flaming Lips-“Do You Realize”)/Miley Cyrus collaborator (“Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz”).

1966 [51] Patrick Dempsey, Lewiston ME, TV actor (“Grey’s Anatomy” 2005-15)/movie actor (“Transformers: Dark Of the Moon”)

1970 [47] Shonda Rhimes, Chicago IL, TV show runner/executive producer (“How to Get Away With Murder” since 2014, “Scandal” since 2012, “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1977 [40] Orlando Bloom, Canterbury UK, movie actor (“The Hobbit” movies, “Pirates Of the Caribbean” films)

1990 [27] Liam Hemsworth, Melbourne, Australia, movie actor (“The Hunger Games” films, “The Expendables 2”)

Filmmaker Steven Soderbergh (“Magic Mike”) is 54; TV actor LL Cool J (“NCIS: LA”) is 49; Movie actor Jason Bateman (“Office Christmas Party”) is 48; Rock musician Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) is 48; Rock singer-guitarist Caleb Followill (Kings of Leon) is 35; TV actor Grant Gustin (“The Flash”) is 27.

TV actor Chad Lowe (“Pretty Little Liars”) is 49; NFL quarterback Drew Brees (New Orleans Saints) is 38; Rapper Pitbull (“I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho]”) is 36; Movie actor Victor Rasuk (“Fifty Shades of Grey”) is 32; TV actress Jessy Schram (“Nashville”) is 31; Electronica musician Skrillex (“Bangarang”) is 29.

• “Blame Someone Else Day”, observed on the first Friday the 13th of the year. On this day you don’t have to take responsibility or blame for any faux pas on your part.
• “Friday the 13th”, a bad day for those who suffer ‘triskaidekaphobia’ (fear of number 13) or ‘paraskevidekatriaphobia’ (fear of Friday the 13th). Every year has at least 1, but never more than 3.
• “International Skeptics Day” … or so they claim.
• “Make Your Dream Come True Day”. Even if your dream seems impossible, you’ll never know if it can be accomplished unless you try … or so they claim.
• “Rubber Duckie Day”, celebrating the tub-toy that tots treasure. Observed annually on the ‘birth anniversary’ of “Sesame Street” character ‘Rubber Duckie’.
• “St Knut’s Day” (“Tjugondag Knut”), the last day of Christmas (!?!) in Finland and Sweden.
• “Sticker Day”. Historians credit European merchants in the 1880s as the first to stick labels to their products in an effort to promote their goods to passersby. Thanks to them, you now have to gouge and mutilate your fruit in order to get the stickers off.

• “Caesarean Section Day”, commemorating the 1st successful procedure of the kind, performed in 1794 by Dr Jesse Bennet in Edom VA on his wife. (To celebrate, leave your house this morning by going out through a window.)
• “Dress Up Your Pet Day”, a day to assert our dominance over the dumb creatures of the animal kingdom by humiliating them in human attire … then laughing at them. Don’t forget to Photoshop a monkey’s head on, then post it online so the entire world can mock them.
• “International Kite Day”, which originated in India, in the state of Gujarat. The annual kite festival, called “Uttarayan” in Hindi, celebrates the day that Winter ends and Summer begins.
• “Organize Your Home Day”, a day to make sure there’s a place for everything and to then put everything in its place. The first step to organizing is to unclutter.

• “Fresh-Squeezed Juice Day”. So what’s your preference … Orange? Grapefruit? Red Man Chaw?
• “Humanitarian Day”, encouraging people to work together enthusiastically to disrupt the vicious cycle of poverty, hunger, and neglect.
• “World Religion Day”. Well, there’s a good excuse for somebody to start a war somewhere.
• “World Snow Day”. 478 events in 46 countries are scheduled to give children the chance to explore, enjoy, and experience snow on this day.

2010 [07] Beyoncé & Jay Z are named the top-earning couple in show biz by “Forbes” magazine, pulling down $122 million over the previous year

2013 [04] “Argo” and “Les Misérables” are the big winners in the film categories at the 70th Golden Globe Awards; HBO’s “Girls” and Showtime’s “Homeland” dominate TV categories

2003 [14] British police arrest The Who guitarist Pete Townshend for possessing indecent computer images of children (he’s later let off after claiming he’s ‘doing research’ for an upcoming book on abuse)

2000 [17] Bill Gates resigns as CEO of Microsoft to focus on his charitable foundation

[Mon] Martin Luther King Day (USA)
[Mon] Fig Newton Day
[Mon] Appreciate a Dragon Day
[Mon] Civil Service Day
[Tues] International Mentoring Day
[Tues] Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day
This Week Is … Universal Letter Writing Week
This Month Is … Be On-Purpose Month


✗ If you break a mirror, you are doomed to 7 years of bad shaves.
✗ Throwing spilled salt over your shoulder … into the face of a Hell’s Angels biker.
✗ Receiving a surprise note from your crush … that turns out to be a restraining order.
✗ Getting a hotel room on the 14th floor … because you know it’s not really.
✗ Accidentally putting your contacts in … with Super Glue.
✗ Getting out of bed on the opposite side you got into it … where there’s a wall.
✗ Opening an umbrella in your pants.
✗ Donating your jeans to a thrift store … then realizing there was $20 in the pocket.
✗ Walking under a black cat.
✗ Texting ‘LMAO’ and your ass actually falls off.

If all the world’s a stage, I want more props!

☎ You’re a free man, and you can do whatever the hell you want. Alas, plenty of social norms still exist in 2017, but if we lived in a judgment-free world and no one blinked an eye if you publicly indulged your ‘inner woman’ … what would you try out?

Question: 1-in-5 employers have checked out employees’ honesty by doing THIS.
Answer: Driving by their homes to see if they’re really sick.

People don’t judge your generosity by the amount of advice you give away.

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